Chapter 4 : Feelings Are Non-Existent
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Ginny ushered me into the dining room and magically heated up some lunch leftovers, after I
protested, explaining I’d already had lunch, she relented, and cooled it again. She sat across
from me and I felt my heart warm.
Ginny’s been my mother-figure since my first year, but only since third-year has it been
absolutely concrete. Now, I couldn’t help the heat in my heart, the love for Ginny Potter as she
questioned me about my first semester relentlessly, putting in sly remarks every once and a
Lily burst in a half hour later, followed by James. He shot me a pointed look, I could easily read:
You should have packed earlier like we said. We were right, you were wrong. I shrugged in
‘Mum, can we have Grace back now?’ Lily said, grinning. Ginny sighed dramatically at her
daughter, who shot her a hopeful grin. Miss Potter melted under her daughter’s smile,
‘Fine. Run along then.’ She said grudgingly, pecking me on the cheek before striding out of the
‘Yay!’ James and Lily said together. I laughed, following them upstairs and wondering where
Albus had gone. I shoved the thought away. I could not be thinking about Albus like I’d been
earlier. Lily would hate me.
We played exploding snap as it grew dark. Eventually, Lily and I retreated to her room. Of
course, I had my own room. But it was a tradition to sleep in her room the first night of
‘You know, Albus was being oddly pleasant earlier. You know how he doesn’t like you…’ Lily
said. I laughed breezily, shrugging.
‘I dunno.’ I said, feeling guilty. With that, we said ‘goodnight’ and went to bed.
I dreamt of a ravenette, moving in a crowd of figures, I wanted to move to him, but someone
was holding me, a weasel, that was squeaking angrily at me. I looked back at the figure, who
was nearing me. I could see his profile, but couldn’t remember who he was, but he was so
familiar. His emerald eyes stared at me. I reached out, and suddenly Lily was standing before
me, her brown eyes blazing with fury.
‘How could you! Imagine how I would feel if I started dating your brother!’
Did I have a brother? I didn’t think so…
‘I hate you!’ She yelled, and suddenly I was tumbling backwards. I woke with a start, looking
around in the dark. Slowly, I slipped out of Lily’s bedroom, quietly going downstairs, thinking of
emerald green eyes and long dark lashes.
I desperately wanted to stop. I needed to stop.
I was just Lily’s friend, not his. Not a backstabbing girl who went for her best friend’s brother.
I chugged down a glass of water thirstily and sat, head in my hands, breathing shallowly. The
clock on the wall said it was two in the morning.
Why couldn’t I stop seeing the exact emerald of his iris’, even when I squeezed my eyes shut? I
heard a shuffling from behind me, turning quickly, my heart pounding, I looked straight into
those emerald eyes, feeling butterflies attack my stomach: evil, razor-winged butterflies.
His normally messy hair was one of the many things that most girls swooned over. I knew that
no girl would swoon over the bird’s nest it resembled now, but I couldn’t help feeling
breathless. His eyes were bleary and wide, he stifled a yawn, shuddering.
I looked back, unsure what to do with myself. I turned away casually.
He rushed past, as if our brief moment of eye-contact had been holding him still. I didn’t look
at him as he filled up a glass of water, then chugged it quickly. I felt my heart whine painfully in
my chest, but shoved it away.
No. Never. Ever, ever…
He glanced at me, quickly looking away.
‘What’re you doing up?’ He asked harshly. My heart sank like a stone in my chest. Why should I
be surprised? I knew he disliked me. Why get my hopes up that it was possible that he more
than liked me? I mentally hit myself, frowning. I shrugged feebly, feeling as if the air and energy
had been drained out of me by his words. I felt like a wilted flower.
I pestered myself; I couldn’t rely so much on someone’s words!
‘Just thirsty.’ I said quietly, nearly a whisper. He paid no attention, which for some reason, was
even more painful than his angry words. I felt as if I couldn’t breathe, I turned sharply, blinking
‘Well, you still owe me a favor.’ He said gruffly. I nodded silently, still not looking at him.
‘Why are you being so quiet?’ He asked, but he sounded as if he didn’t care. Why did I care so
‘I’m – I’m tired.’ I said, my voice was oddly quiet and even to me, sounded off.
‘Uh, sure… So, about that favor…’ I still stared resolutely at the wall, inspecting a photo of
James as a baby, covered in odd green slime. His eyes were like his grandfather James’; hazel.
‘I need you to… I need you to never talk to me again. Only if necessary.’ He said quickly. Now it
felt as if I’d been punched in the stomach. I involuntarily let out a breath, blinking rapidly. He
hated me that much? I must be terrible, arrogant, a horrible person for him to dislike me
enough to ask that of me.
I didn’t answer, instead, I bolted upstairs, feeling overwhelmingly close to tears.
I couldn’t honestly care this much. It was too stupid. I couldn’t really like Albus, could I?
It didn’t matter, I ran into my own bedroom, shutting the door behind me, before collapsing into
my bed, panting as I pushed away tears, even though I was alone.
Love all you readers! I've got the next 20 or so chapters ready, so... Yeah! Can't wait to
tweak them and get them out to you!
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