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The Marauders Kiss by sweetprofanities
Chapter 71 : Many different admissions.
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 15

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Chapter dedicated to: Ladyrae. I am actually sorry this chapter is so long. I was going to split it into two parts but I feel like you'll all appreciate that I didn't. Happy reading! 

Ali sat alone in her shared office, staring up at the ceiling, lost in thought. When she threw her head forwards to look down at her reply letter to Peter, she sighed. Peter had been so accommodating over the past two weeks. Since Sirius had yelled at her and left, she’d felt a weight form in the pit of her stomach and her appetite became non-existent. Peter had alleviated the pain a little. On New Year’s Eve, he had even told the others he was sick to keep her company with Tucker, because Christian was out on an Order mission. He really was a good friend. But writing to him wasn’t filling the void Sirius’s absence had created.

She was just stuck in a vortex of remorse fuelled desire to somehow apologise for whatever it was she had said that upset Sirius. But she couldn’t pinpoint what it was she had done. And the silence was just causing her to become anxious and uneasy. She didn’t want to lose another loved one while on bad terms. It was a horrible thought process, but she was stuck going over and over it in her mind that not apologising to Sirius was somehow going to get him killed.

The first couple of days into the fight she had shed tears. She was desperate to speak to Sirius, but she had no way to do so. She couldn’t yet apparate, he wouldn’t reply to her letters and now that she was back at Hogwarts she was back to being overloaded by NEWTs study and Head duties.

She lent forwards and picked her quill back up to finish her reply to Peter. She pressed a finger to her temple due to the slight throb that was niggling at her from a stress induced headache. She looked down at the last part of Peter’s letter.

- I haven’t seen him. He’s just locked himself away the last week. Won’t even respond to Pro... James, so something is definitely wrong. Pads is a ‘suffer in silence’ kind of guy. I wouldn’t bother with the letters anymore. If he’s not responding, it’s probably just annoying him. Just give him time. He always softens up and gets over it. It will be okay.

Don’t study so hard you break something!


“I wouldn’t bother with the letters anymore.” The sentence was glaring at her. She had sent out a letter once a day to Sirius, in the hopes he would explain to her what she had done and how she could fix it. She was going out of her mind. She had written more than one letter a day, but only allowed herself to send the most appropriate of them. Even she was getting sick of looking at the words “please tell me what I did” and “I really am sorry”. Perhaps Peter was right and maybe they weren’t helping.

She scrawled out the end of her reply, thanking him and telling him to keep her updated with all the Order happenings before she discarded her quill again and rolled the letter up once the ink had dried.

If the situation with Sirius wasn’t enough, Regulus was playing hot and cold with her again. Mainly cold. She thought she was getting somewhere with the boy before the holidays. She thought, perhaps, they might even consider one another friends. But once she returned to Hogwarts, he was back to casual indifference and possibly even less accommodating than before. She couldn’t understand it. She looked around the office. Her empty, solemn office. A few years ago she would have been ecstatic for a quiet place of her own to study. Now the peace was just leaving too much room to dwell on everything that had gone wrong in her life over the past few weeks.

Just as she had tensed her body thinking of Sirius again and tried to blink her dry, sleep deprived eyes back to some semblance of normality, there was a knock at her office door.

‘Come in.’ She spoke loud enough to reach the other side of the door, but there was so little force and emotion to her words she wouldn’t have been surprised if they had knocked again. Luckily the knocker had good hearing and pushed the door open to reveal themselves.

‘I’m aware that I’m probably the last person you want invading your fancy office, but I have some very real and informative gossip that I’m pretty sure you’re going to want to hear.’ Anna stood in the door way, still clinging to the handle as if she wasn’t sure she was permitted to be where she was.

‘Uh,’ Ali blinked, ‘I never thought I’d be speaking these words, but your presences is actually welcome. You can come in.’ Ali pushed back from her desk, getting up from her chair, as it was seated facing the window up against Regulus’s desk and her back was to the doorway where Anna was standing. She walked away from the two desks and took a seat on the couch while Anna shut the office door behind her and sauntered over to take up a seat beside her.

‘This place is fancy. I think it’s a bit wrong that you two get a couch, whereas we’ve usually got to fight for a spot on the floor in the common room.’ Anna took in the room, scanning over the desks and the bookshelves and plaques on the wall with all the previous Heads of Hogwarts names.

Ali rolled her eyes, which progressed into a yawn, ‘I’m not really in the mood for gossip, Cox. If this is about boys, then I don’t want to hear it.’ Her words came out a little shorter than she anticipated, but it didn’t seem to deter her dorm mate.

‘Okay. Well, it is about boys. But I’m, like, almost positive you want to hear about it. You and your bloody obsession with authority and the Black brothers. I’m just saying, this really seems like your area of expertise.’ Anna shrugged. She was playing it cool but Ali was already captivated, she really had no need to bait her with anything more than the words “Black brothers”.

‘Spit it out, Cox.’ Ali sat forward, her hand delving into her robes to retrieve her wand.

‘It’s numero duo.’ Anna explained, expression lighting up from the eagerness portrayed by Ali.


‘Number two? The second one? Isn’t that, like, a widespread saying?’ Anna shook her head and inched forwards, ‘Whatever. Anyway, so I was just on my way down to, uh, see some- yeah anyway. I was walking, right?’

‘I get the concept.’ Ali supplied, with a limp regard.

‘Yeah, well, so I’m down near the dungeons and I manage to slip back behind the wall I was coming around, when I hear these voices.’ Anna was in her element. Gossip was her most valued skill set and she could not have hidden the joy she was gaining from spilling a secret. She flipped her long hair out of her face and it made a ripple of blonde before whipping back into place behind her shoulder.

‘So, I mean, how was I supposed to know they were having some deep conversation. It was out in the corridors anyway so I don’t feel bad about overhearing it. But Crouch and Lestrange were really giving it to Black. Like really hounding him.’

Ali didn’t know why she was washed over with disappointment. It was obviously going to be Regulus that Anna was coming to her about. Sirius wasn’t at Hogwarts. Sirius wasn’t even on the grid. For all she knew, he could have fled the country without her knowing. Why did she even excite herself with the possibility that Anna was going to spill a secret that Sirius Black was in their dorm, awaiting her with open arms? Was she really losing it?

‘Adams? Are you even listening to me?’ Anna’s voice filtered back to her and Ali drew in a breath, realising that she had slipped into a daze like sleep momentarily. She really was losing it.

‘Sorry, sorry. What?’ Ali smacked both of her flat palms to her cheeks to try and ward away her sleepy behaviour. She hadn’t slept properly since the fight and it was really starting to affect her vigilance.

‘I overheard them talking about those cursed objects. It’s them, Adams. They’re the ones leaving the hexed objects around for people to find. Well, at least I’m pretty sure Lestrange and Crouch are. They were being so cruel to Black. Shoving him and he was just sort of standing there, taking it. I almost felt bad for the guy. But…’ Anna stopped and puckered her lips in an unimpressed manner, ‘he can be totally rude, so whatever.’

‘He’s not rude. You just have to get to know him.’ Ali corrected out of habit.

‘Yeah, because that’s the most important thing to take away from what I just said.’ Anna was staring back at Ali like she had just told her that school work took precedence over boys or something else completely outrageous.

‘I know. I mean, I had a feeling it was them. But if I don’t catch them at it, there’s not really much I can do.’ Ali explained, realising she probably should have lead with that.

‘What, so we just wait for them to get the really bad curses perfected and actually hurt someone? They’re targeting muggleborns.’

‘Well, what does that matter to you? You’re not muggleborn.’ Ali felt her head lolling to the side from exhaustion.

‘So? Doesn’t mean I want to sit back and wait for someone else to get hurt. Punish them or something!’ Anna’s words were short and lacked her usual lax conjunctions and it took Ali by surprise. This was the first time she was aware of that Anna Cox seemed concerned about someone that was not herself. It was a side Ali had never really seen before.

Ali’s shock morphed seamlessly into a smile, ‘I’ve been monitoring them. Don’t worry, I’m not just sitting back and letting them free reign.’

‘Oh.’ Anna pulled up short after that and looked down at her hands, ‘I guess, I should have known. You’re always on top of school related stuff.’ Anna sighed. Although she knew she would probably never be able to see eye to eye with the girl, due to the excess years of torment, she felt like she was growing into a better person. It just went to show Ali that everyone was capable of change.

‘How’re you monitoring them? Do you have, like, first year spies? Or have you enchanted suits of armour? Or, oh my god! Are you and Regulus Black! Are you?’

‘What?’ Ali shuffled back a little as Anna advanced on her, greedy for information, ‘are we what?’

‘I mean, I’ve heard around the school that you’ve been forcing him to spend long nights in here with you. But I thought that was just Adams being Adams. Are you two, you know?’ Anna’s eyebrows rose up, threatening to disappear right off her face as Ali watched them. Ali was taking longer than usual to pick up on cues. Which was saying something. Her body was so run down from stress and lack of sleep she was starting to feel mentally challenged.

Then it clicked, ‘No! Merlin, no! Why does everyone keep jumping to that conclusion?’ Ali was about ready to smack the next person that assumed she would so readily jump into the arms of another man, let alone her boyfriend’s brother.

‘Well,’ Anna sat back looking slightly disappointed, ‘that is how you and Sirius got together, right? We all saw you two together. In the common room, studying and practicing transfiguration. Then, next thing we all know, he’s snogging you on the train.’ Anna shrugged, ‘it’s not like it’s a crazy assumption.’

As Anna finished her sentence, for what Ali recorded was definitely the first time, she realised how much sense the blonde’s conclusion made. It actually made a lot of sense. That was what led her and Sirius into a relationship. She hadn’t thought anything of their study sessions, but once Lily had alerted her to the fact that Sirius had feelings for her, it all just sort of happened.

The studying led to kissing, which led to feelings and then exclusivity. It was almost as if something simultaneously imploded in her brain and she pulled her index and middle fingers up to her head to rub her temples as she groaned.

‘Oh, you’re right.’ Ali admitted as finally the reason for Sirius’s temper tantrum started to settle in her mind. 

‘Uh, well, I won’t argue with that. But, are you all right?’ Anna asked with a hint of concern to her tone.

‘Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.’ Ali felt her exhaustion taking over as she nodded and opened her eyes to look back at Anna.

‘It’s just, you’re really flushed.’ Anna’s nose was pinched with disapproval.

‘I’ll be okay. I just need to finish off these letters and go over a few things for next week. I think I just need some sleep.’ Ali got to her feet determine to finish the last of her tasks for the night so she could get back to Gryffindor tower and try to relax.

‘Okay, well, I’ve done my part. Just, don’t get sick and like, cough on all of us or anything.’ Anna had gotten to her feet also and was hovering behind Ali.

‘Yes, thank you for your concern.’ Ali rolled her eyes, facing towards her desk now.

‘I’ll just see you back at the dorm then.’ Anna’s voice sounded distant and Ali waved a hand as a reply. When she took a seat back at her desk, she heard the door click shut behind her and she looked down at the letter she had been writing to Sirius that she no longer intended to send, thanks to Peter’s advice.

Now that she thought about it, Sirius’s mood had been odd, but it seemed like every time he acted up or started to brood, was when she was mentioning school. And more importantly, what she was doing at school. Which almost always involved Regulus Black. He must have had some difficulty with the fact that she was spending so much time alone with Regulus.

She felt a flare of anger at that. Like he couldn’t trust her? But it melted away as her head began to spin. She lifted a hand up to her cheek and realised she was almost radiating heat. Anna mustn’t have been joking when she said she looked off. Strangely enough though, despite the warmth coming off her skin, she began to shiver. It was mid-winter outside the castle walls and so the fire in her office was raging away. She pushed off from her desk and manoeuvred her way off the chair and onto the floor below.

She pulled herself over to the rug before the fire and pulled her legs into her body, sitting before it. The heat it gave off put a stop to her shivers for the most part and she felt her eyes droop. Then without much thought on the matter, she curled up in what would usually be quite an uncomfortable position and shut her eyes.


‘Adams? Hey?’ The words were niggling at her, but she tried to ignore them and allow her sleep to continue.

‘Far out, you’re burning up. Hey, can you walk?’ Again the voice made her stir, ‘Adams? Hey, come on?’ Ali groaned in pain as aches coursed through her body at the disembodied voices touch.

‘We should get you to the hospital wing, but, I don’t think I could carry you that far.’ Ali felt hands settling on her forehead and then trying to move her again. The pain that surged through her made her eyes flitter open.

Regulus Black was hovering over her. Ali began to shiver as her consciousness came back to her. Shots of pain pulsated from where her shoulder and hips were digging into the stone underneath the rug. She was on the floor still.

‘One of your dorm mates told me you never came up to bed,’ Regulus still stood over her, ‘looks like the house elves tried to help.’ A warm smile glided over his features as he looked down at her body. Ali looked around herself and realised she had a blanket covering her and a pillow under her head.

‘What time is it?’ Her voice sounded so foreign to her.

‘You’ve missed an entire day of classes.’ Regulus explained.

No.’ Ali whimpered, struggling to pull herself up into a sitting position. She heard Regulus chuckle. So his bad mood had subsided a little. Ali wondered if Regulus and Sirius knew how incredibly alike they could be?

‘Come on, let’s get you to the hospital wing. You’ve got a really bad fever.’

No.’ Ali whimpered again, ‘I need to talk to Sirius.’ Her words were so soft and desperate. When she looked up at Regulus he was frozen. ‘He thinks I’m going to run off with you. I don’t want to run off with you.’ Ali shook her head as her fever induced delirium started speaking for her.

‘Why- why would he think that?’ Regulus was still frozen.

‘Because,’ Ali pulled the blanket closer around her as her teeth chattered, ‘because I talk about you. All the time. And he yelled at me. And now he won’t speak to me. And I just- I really love him. And I want Sirius. I just- I want Sirius.’ Tears started to form in her dry and stinging eyes.

‘All right. So he’s yelled at you. About me?’ Regulus prompted as he scooped under her body and lurched her up, exhaling as he lifted her up onto her feet. Ali cried out in pain, but Regulus just pulled one of her arms over his head and secured her in a position up against him.

‘Everything hurts.’

‘Yeah, that usually happens when you’ve got a fever. Does he think we’re involved?’ Regulus asked while he helped Ali towards the door. There were tears falling from Ali’s eyes from a mixture of missing Sirius, being in a considerable amount of pain, and just generally not having a lot of control due to being quite sick.

‘I don’t know. He’d be bloody stupid if he did.’ Ali spat, feeling her contempt rising and mixing in with her multitude of other overwhelming emotions.

‘Well, not really.’ Regulus mused, ‘We have been spending a heap of time together. I guess I could see where he was coming from.’ He helped Ali along down the long empty corridor from their office towards a barely used staircase that would take them out near the fourth floor landing.  

‘Shut up. I’ve barely seen you since we got back from the holidays.’ Ali tried to pull away from him but only succeeded in making them sway for a moment, before she rested most of her weight back onto him.

‘That’s because,’ Regulus started, shuffling to get a better hold on her, ‘That’s because I’m not supposed to be seen with you.’

‘What do you mean? We’re the Heads of the school. Of course you’re going to be seen with me.’ Ali winced at getting so many words out and started to breathe shallow breaths as her pain escalated and her vision blurred.

‘Doesn’t matter if we’re heads of the ministry. You’re the enemy.’ Regulus was looking ahead, allowing himself to be candid with the sickly girl as he marched them to the infirmary.

‘I’m not the enemy, you crass idiot.’ Ali tried to fight against him once more, failing even faster than the last instance, ‘I’m trying to help you. I know.’

Regulus stopped them at the first flight of stairs and looked across at her, disbelief in his eyes.

‘What?’ Neither of them moved after that as Regulus waited with baited breath.

‘I know,’ Ali’s breaths were still shallow as she attempted to keep her eyes open and brows pinched together from pain, ‘about your parents. How they treated you both. I know. Your friends. They’re-’ she paused trying to get her breath. Regulus looked tense, ‘they’re a bad influence. I just- I just want to help.’ She admitted as if her fever was laced with veritaserum.

Regulus’s tension eased and a foreign smile replaced it, ‘you really like me, don’t you?’ They began down the steps now and Ali winced with every step they took.

‘Well- we’re really alike. So, I guess it’s nice- that you just- get me.’

Regulus snorted softly, ‘we are pretty alike, aren’t we. Like two sides of a coin.’ They had a little trouble, but when they finally made it to the bottom of the stairs Ali looked around and realised it was dark outside.

‘You also think I’m sexy though, admit it.’ Regulus played as they started off towards the grand staircase.

Ali groaned from pain, ‘well it’s kind of hard not to. You’re a pint-sized version of my boyfriend.’ Ali’s lip curled up with dejection at her own words, ‘if he’s even my boyfriend anymore.’

‘He’s still your boyfriend.’ Regulus assured her. But Ali was too upset and overcome with feverish emotions to listen to him.

‘He won’t talk to me. And he yelled at me. And I miss him. And I love him. And he won’t talk to me.’ The tears welled up again as they made it to the staircase and started travelling down together. Regulus was chuckling.

‘You said that one twice.’

‘Well it’s a predominant one!’ She rationalised, ‘how are you supposed to have a long distance relationship when they won’t bloody talk to you?’

‘Give him hell.’ Regulus continued to chuckle, ‘he’s just being dramatic.’

‘You know him, don’t you?’ Ali asked as they made it to the corridor leading to the hospital wing.

‘Uh,’ Regulus sighed, ‘I used to.’

‘Why don’t you two talk? I mean, I feel like I’m not supposed to ask. But I want to know. And I just, why don’t you two talk?’ Regulus used his foot to push open one of the double doors of the infirmary and helped Ali in through the small opening.

He seemed to hesitate as they made it into the dark hospital wing, lit only by small flicking fires in the corners. All the beds were empty and Regulus looked sideways at Ali and swallowed.

‘Because I’m not supposed to. Talk to him.’ He looked away for a moment and then turned back to whisper, ‘so I befriended you to fill in the gaps.’ He supplied her with a wink after that and heaved her further into the darkened room.

‘Oh! What’s this!?’ Madam Pomfrey squawked as she dawdled out of her office with some paperwork, unaware she had any visitors to the wing.

‘She’s got a flu, I think. Collapsed in our office and I’m quite sure she’s been up there for almost twenty four hours.’ Regulus spoke to the matron while Ali tried to decipher his previous words.

‘Oh goodness!  Get her into a bed right away, please. I’ll start whipping up a potion.’ The matron scurried off and Regulus sat Ali down on the nearest cot, peeling her arm off from around his neck and holding onto either side of her to keep her stable.

‘What does that mean?’

‘It doesn’t matter. Lay down.’ Regulus commanded, helping her up further on the bed and watching as she curled up on top of the covers.

‘I like you.’ Ali smiled up at him, delirium completely taking over now.

Regulus chuckled, ‘I like you, too.’

‘Why do you keep snubbing me then? I just want- you-’ she started shivering so much that she couldn’t continue her sentence until she was under the covers, which Regulus helped her with, ‘I don’t know why you don’t like me one minute, then you like me the next.’

Regulus looked down at her, eyes flicking from her left eye to her right, ‘I’m not supposed to talk to you, either.’

‘Says- who?’ Ali asked, breaths still shallow and laboured.

‘Good question.’ Regulus looked like he had been asking the same question himself recently.

‘Why were Crouch and Lestrange hounding you the other night? Out in the corridors?’

‘They don’t think I’m taking my duties seriously enough.’ Regulus sneered and rolled his eyes.

‘Head duties? Well, they’re right.’ Ali pulled the blankets up to her neck and continued to shiver.

‘Yeah. Something like that.’ Regulus nodded, looking down at her with a serene expression, ‘you better not remember any of this tomorrow.’

‘Will you get Sirius for me?’ Ali’s eyes started to slip shut and roll back in her head.

‘Sure. He’ll come see you in the morning. Just get some rest.’ Regulus voice met her ears and she smiled.

‘Okay.’ She felt herself drifting as fingers brushed over her forehead.

‘Adams?’ Regulus asked. Ali hummed a reply between her short breaths, ‘can you promise me- just one thing?’

‘I- can try.’ She opened her eyes and Regulus looked hesitant.

‘Look after Sirius?’ He looked down at her, with shadows from the distant fires dancing over his face. He was the depiction of innocence in that moment, ‘he can be a terror. But- he needs someone to look after him.’

Ali smiled up at him and nodded as her eyes slipped shut again, ‘I will. I love him.’

‘Yeah,’ Regulus voice was fading as Ali drifted back into a fever induced sleep, ‘me, too.’ Ali barely heard his words before her fever consumed her once again.


It took Ali three days in a hospital cot before Madam Pomfrey allowed her to leave. In that time, she had no visitors. But the stint away from classes, along with the pepper-up-potions, made sure she got a lot of study done and felt on top of her game again. Her only problem was that she wanted to write to Sirius, regardless of Peter’s advice. But Madam Pomfrey ordered her bed-rest and bed-rest didn’t allow trips to the owlery.

She had taken the three days to catch up on all the things weighing her down, and stressing her out, but also she had enough alone time in the empty wing to really deliberate about Sirius’s mood. She was almost sure of it now, that Sirius had acted out due to an insecurity. When she had spent the boys last two weeks of school, holed up in their dorm with them, she had learnt that Sirius could be incredibly snappy and fairly dramatic in his own way.

But she had come to the conclusion that Sirius just needed to be told that she wasn’t interested in his brother. As ridiculous as it seemed. She gathered that maybe Sirius was just a little vulnerable in that way. And if that was truly the problem, it was something they could work on. It was better to think of it this way than the alternative, which was that he just no longer wanted to be with her. That hurt too much for her to bear.

As she held a letter in her hand, written to Sirius, detailing exactly how she felt about him and why he shouldn’t question it, she remembered her letter to Peter from the night she got sick. She realised he was probably worried, having not heard back from her in days now. So she changed her course and made off towards her office, first.

There were two main things plaguing her thoughts on her way there. One was that maybe she was wrong and Sirius wasn’t insecure, he really just didn’t care for her anymore. The second was how bad she smelt. Neither thought was very comforting. The idea of a bath in the prefect’s bathroom was calling to her as she tried to dull the pain of her unsure relationship status.

She made it into her office and when she looked up to see if Regulus was inside, something forced her to stop dead in her tracks.

Sirius was there, holding onto some of the papers from her desk, staring at her with his mouth slightly agape.

‘H-hey. Hi, uh.’ He dropped the papers and straightened up, ‘I snuck in here. I- uh, I mean.’ He scratched the back of his head, looking down at the floor, ‘It’s just, you hadn’t written to me for four days. I- I got worried. I couldn’t sleep at all last night. And then I started to panic this morning. And then I was at Hogsmeade. And then I was here. And- you- you hadn’t written.’

He seemed abashed as he looked back up towards her and Ali had to force herself to blink. She was scared she was hallucinating this scene. When her eyes were reopened and Sirius was still before her, she dropped her letter and crossed the room in a matter of seconds, throwing her arms around his neck.

His arms closed around her, lifting her into his body and swinging her around from the force she had propelled herself at him. Once they were stationary again Ali forgot about every bad thought hovering over her and just consumed the moment for everything that it was. It was like, instantly, her cares had just disappeared from one stuttered, messy speech and the sight of him. He was there. She was hugging him and he was there. Dumbledore was not informing her he was gone. He was really there.

She didn’t let him go, or speak. They just stayed tightly embraced for a long while. She clamped her eyes shut and breathed in his scent. He smelt the same as he always did and that reassured her that this wasn’t some kind of illusion.

‘You’re here.’ Her voice cracked with her emotions as she squeezed her arms tighter around him. Sirius’s arms pressed up against her back and travelled up under her matted curls to rest his index finger at the base of her head while the rest of his hand curled around the back of her neck, holding her close.

For a while they stayed like that, until Ali suddenly pushed herself off of him and held him at arm’s length, ‘You’re here!’ her temporary elation snapped away and she glared at him.

‘Yeah, this was more what I was expecting.’ Sirius winced, readying himself for a scolding.

‘You, jerk! Do you know what I have been doing? I stressed myself into a fever! You literally made me sick.’ She grabbed two handful of his jumper and dragged him down to her eyelevel, so her glare could very much be seen.

‘You were sick?’ Sirius had dark circles under his eyes and her words seemed to induce more panic over him then was already evident by his jerky movements and stiff posture. He pulled his hand up to cover her forehead and locked his eyes onto hers.

They were only centimetres from one another and Sirius’s lips parted from the awe he looked to be in just from gazing at her. His hand still rested on her forehead. Ali’s fists still gripping the neck of his jumper. It took mere moments for them to both pull together and dissolve into a heated kiss. It wasn’t sweet, or careful. It was messy and fervent and it led them to smashing back into the desk behind them and knocking the chair over in the process.

Teeth were knocking against teeth and Ali tasted blood when Sirius’s smacked a little too hard into her mouth. But the pain in her lip wasn’t worth agonising over because what was progressing was making her blood course all over her body with so much intensity she could feel it pulsating in all the telling spots. Her stomach was trembling with elation and her hands were yanking at the bottom of Sirius’s jumper. In one swift movement they divided for long enough to pull both the shirt he was wearing, along with his jumper, over his head to discard it on the floor. It took them less than a second to reengage in the heated exchange.

Ali felt the hot skin of Sirius’s taunt abdomen and whimpered from how much she had wanted to touch any part of him ever since he had disapparated from James’s that day. She needed to touch him. The room was filled with the sound of their hands running up and down the length of each other’s bodies as well as the almost violent sound of their mouths attacking one another and their tongues delving in and out of the other’s mouths.  

Ali pushed up against Sirius to the point that he fell back against her desk, half laying on Regulus’s in the process. Ali just climbed atop and straddled him, continuing the kiss from a new angle. Sirius’s hands travelled downwards and slid up under her skirt, gripping the tops of her thighs and digging his fingers in to her skin. Ali had never felt so close to anyone in her life. After being apart almost three weeks, with no contact and on bad terms, she needed to rectify the hollow memories that were still loitering. She needed to be up against him. Pressed into his body, feeling like that kind of distance would never plague them the same way.

‘Stop.’ His word was betrayed by how little force there was to his request. But Sirius pushed Ali up, holding her above him, trying desperately to catch his breath.

Ali looked down at him. His lips were bright red and his cheeks were flushed and he was breathing so heavily. Ali was sure she had never been more attracted to anyone in her life. She was beyond sure. No one would ever be more beautiful than Sirius was right then in that moment, looking up at her like she was the focal point of the universe.

‘You’re so beautiful.’ He almost looked pained by his words, ‘I have to apologise.’  He shifted them, so that he was sitting up and able to move back off the desk. He left her side for a moment, grabbed the knocked over chair and then her hand and marched over to where the couch was.

He sat her down first, on the couch, then placed the chair before her and took a seat.


‘No. No, let me apologise.’ He pleaded, leaning forward and placing a light kiss to her cheek, lingering for a moment before drawing back and pausing.

‘I’m sorry.’ He began and Ali tried to remember that she wanted this apology as much as she wanted to continue kissing him. Her heartrate was still racing as she tried to catch her breath.

‘I was never angry that you were talking about school.’ He admitted scratching the back of his neck and looking at the floor. He went still, avoiding eye contact as he continued, ‘and this does not permit my behaviour but- I was so ashamed of the way I took out my anger on you, I couldn’t even get over myself to come and see you.’ Ali felt herself calm down considerably as she watched Sirius’s nostrils flare and lip twitch as he kept his face fixated towards an uninteresting part of the rug.

‘I don’t deserve this.’ He picked his hand up to motion between them, ‘I certainly don’t fucking deserve you wanting to kiss me after I’ve ignored you for so long.’

Ali froze. She knew he was right. He was in the wrong. He had screwed up. Now that he was here and kissing her, she knew her assumptions about his insecurity had to have been right. And because of his insecurity, he chose to lash out at her and then torment her by ignoring her and leaving her wading through limbo, trying to decipher what she had done wrong. She knew he was unfathomably and irrevocably right. And she chose her reply carefully.

‘I,’ but then she paused when Sirius pulled his head up to reveal the makings of tears in his eyes. She was silenced by the gravity of that sentiment. She had never seen Sirius cry. Even now, tears were not spilling over his lids. His eyes were glazed over and she had the infallible urge to reach out hug him, ‘I love you.’

It wasn’t what she had planned on saying. It just fell out of her mouth. And it was the only thing she felt right saying in that moment. And it threw Sirius, completely. There was remorse and guilt written clear as day, filling every space of his face.

‘Fuck, Ali! Don’t you get what I’m saying to you?’

‘Not really.’ She shrugged, ‘I’m never that great at picking up on shit. But, I know one thing for certain, and that is; I love you. I’m in love with you. And while it’s not an excuse for you being a fucking arse. I just do. I love you.’

‘Stop it!’ Sirius covered his face with his hands and stayed like that for a while. When he pulled his hands away there were tears in his eyes and Ali shifted from her seat on the couch to kneeling before him, ‘I don’t deserve you.’ He tried to reason with her, ‘you’re too good. I’m- I don’t-’

‘Yeah, you do.’ Ali interrupted shaking her head at him. Sirius’s breath caught and Ali smiled, being able to reach up and brush the tear that was falling down towards her, ‘you do deserve it. And I will actually slap you if you keep saying you don’t.’

‘You’re better off without-’

‘Shh~’ Ali pulled a finger up to covering his lips in a shushing motion, ‘Shut up.’ She was on the verge of laughing from the revelation that this situation brought about for her. She was happy. ‘I love you. And I want to be with you. I don’t want it to be perfect. You have problems, so do I. But I want to sort those problems out together. I just want to be with you, and I feel like whatever we do, as long as it’s together, we can work it out.

               ‘And I know you have trouble saying the words, Sirius. But… you love me, too. I know. Because, of the things you do. You spend all your time with me. You make me feel like I’m the most important person in your life. You play with my little brother, even when I’m away at school. You never pressure me into anything. You’re kind, and patient, and you love me. You just struggle saying it, because you think you’re tainted by your families hate.’

Sirius didn’t break eye contact with Ali as she spoke the most confident words she had ever spoken. She smiled at him and he reached up and cupped his hands around her face and swallowed.

‘How can I deserve you?’

‘Because,’ Ali stood up and settled herself back down on Sirius’s lap, pressing a kiss to his lips and watching as he savoured it before opening his eyes again to continue watching her, ‘I know you told me you don’t know how to love. And I think you’ve just poisoned yourself with that notion. Because, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone that loves as much as you. You taught me how to love.

               ‘And I don’t really care if you say it, because I can feel it and that’s what ma-’

‘I love you.’ Sirius interrupted her. His eyes bore back into hers with so much intensity she felt momentarily silenced. Sirius swallowed, ‘I do. I know I- I know. I just sort of figured it out a week ago. I realised I was jealous cause I saw you hugging Regulus. And-’ the next part he seemed to struggle with.

Ali allowed him to think for a moment, still taken aback with the fact that Sirius had worked up the courage to say what he was feeling. She knew Sirius loved her, because she had seen love all her life. She knew what it looked like. And while she loved her parents and little brother. It was a completely new feeling when she was taken over with the way she felt for Sirius.

‘I realised I was so scared of the idea of losing you to him, that I pushed you away to avoid dealing with what I was feeling. But- I was so scared of losing you. I just- I figured it out. You just… you make everything so easy. It’s so easy. To love you. I thought it was supposed to hurt. Because-’ he stopped and shut his eyes.

Ali swallowed, ‘Sirius. Just so you know. My love for you isn’t conditional. There are no conditions. And it won’t just stop one day. So, you don’t have to worry. …you have me.’ She made it clear because as she lay in her hospital cot, she was bombarded with a landslide of thoughts. And one of them was that Sirius’s insecurity stemmed from the fact that his mother and father tossed him aside, voiding their parental love and teaching him that love was conditional, when in reality love was so unconditional it bordered on the absurd.

Without realising what he was doing, Sirius closed his arms up around her waist and settled his forehead on her clavicle and allowed a silence to grace them both. Minutes passed by and Ali just lifted her hands up and ran them rhythmically through Sirius’s hair. She shut her eyes and smiled, listening to his breathing, completely consumed with happiness.

She knew she should have been angry with him. He had hurt her and caused her pain and rightfully she should have been angry. But she couldn’t explain it. The minute she saw him, it was as if everything bad just faded into the background. She was so happy. She was so in love with him. She knew he had flaws and just chose to accept him anyway. She could have yelled and brought more attention to the repercussions his temper tantrum had on her, but she was quite sure he already knew. And she just wanted to be up against him. She couldn’t fight.

Sirius pulled back and looked up at her, like a whimpering puppy dog, scared of being scolded. Ali raised one brow at him.

‘And I don’t fancy your brother, you git.’ She reiterated and Sirius bit his lip. He continued to look up at her with the most annoyingly adorable look that Ali had to shake her head before leaning down and pressing a short kiss to his lips.

‘I love you.’ He spoke the words so softly Ali had to make them out from the way his lips moved. She smiled down at him, euphoria taking over her body.

‘I know.’ She nodded. She leant down and kissed him again. And again. She dragged her hands over his bare flesh and he reacted with groans of pleasure into her mouth, gripping his arms around her so tightly it felt like the blood supply was being cut to her lower extremities.

‘The feeling I have when I’m around you. It’s like I can’t grab enough of you with my hands to fulfil my need for you. I just- I need you.’ Sirius whispered into her ear between pressing kisses around her jaw and neck. Ali grabbed fistfuls of his hair, eyes rolling back in her head from the electricity coursing through them.

‘Sirius.’ Ali looked down at him, hands reaching down to his pants. Sirius stopped what he was doing and looked at her questioningly. Ali just nodded to him, fumbling with his belt.

‘Oh.’ Sirius’s eyes went wide, ‘right.’ He scooped her up, putting a stop to her intention of ridding him of his pants and dropped her down onto the couch, lowering himself down on to her, where the passionate kissing recommenced.

They were lucky enough that no one came knocking on the office door that day. After a while they did remember to lock it. But the letter she had written to Peter wasn’t sent until the subsequent night.

A/N; I'm so tempted to write a extension to this chapter... but I wouldn't be able to post it. So we can all just imagine. 

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