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The Marauders Kiss by sweetprofanities
Chapter 42 : Full moon moods.
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 11


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‘I am very disappointed in you. All of you. Especially you Potter! Head Boy! I expect the representative for our school to be on his best behaviour at all times!’ McGonagall yelled across her desk at the four boys before her. She was standing in front of her chair, too livid to be seated. Remus could feel his eyes stinging. He was so tired. And irritated by their professor’s loud voice. He could never explain why the moon cycles always made him so moody. But he couldn’t really help it. He tried to control it the best he could, and it was getting easier with age, but this close to the full moon, control was at a loss.

The full moon was a night off, so he had certainly felt worse. But as McGonagall chastised them for getting caught bewitching the equipment of Professor Ogden, their new defence against the dark arts teacher, to attack him during their class- Remus felt less compliant than usual. Any other week he would have been apologising profusely and trying to make amends. But currently he looked less apologetic than any of them.

‘A prefect and the Head Boy. Honestly! In all my years here, never have our positions of authority ever had such a blatant disrespect for the rules.’

‘Well at least it made his class a little more tolerable.’ Sirius spoke beside Remus under his breath. Remus had to fight the urge not to laugh. He snorted a little and tried to cover it with a cough.

‘I beg your pardon Black?’  McGonagall directed her sharp penetrating look at Sirius behind her square spectacles.

Sirius barely contemplated the consequences before he spoke again, ‘I said, at least it made his class a little more tolerable.’ He replied clearly. McGonagall’s lips became so thin, it almost seemed as if they had vanished from her face entirely.

‘He is a rather rubbish teacher, all he does is read us excerpts from the text. We could do that ourselves.’ Everyone in the office turned to Remus as if he had sprouted a second head. Even McGonagall seemed to be at a loss for words.

‘You should employ Moony, Professor. I reckon he’d be a better teacher than Ogden. He’s top of the class after all.’ James piped in, ‘no idea how he knows so much about subduing dark creatures? Maybe it’s just a natural flare?’

‘Could be a gift?’ Sirius joined in with a smirk, pushing his chair onto its back legs lazily.

‘Definitely a gift.’ James nodded along while Peter snickered to the other side of him.

McGonagall sighed, ‘Be that as it may, he is still a teacher boys, and nothing gives a student the right to use magic against their superiors. All four of you will be serving detention when I figure out a suitable time and place for you to do so.’ As she said this her eyes lingered on Remus. She finally sat back in her chair and waved her arms out towards the four of them.

‘Go. Potter, go down to the kitchens and fetch Lupin something to eat. He looks like he could use a sandwich.’ McGonagall had long ago figured out the boys knew of the entrance to the kitchens. She shook her head as the boys all stood and gathered around Remus. As they walked from the room, James strode off ahead of them, while Sirius and Peter fell back into step to either side of Remus. Although he couldn’t quite control the depressive and dark feelings that seemed to consume him on the nights leading up to the full moon, he found them to wane severely thanks to the three boys he called friends.

‘Hey, toss the kitchens, you guys take him up to the dorm, I’m going to fetch him some stuff from honeydukes.’ James nodded to them before racing off ahead to the staircase where he would be climbing up to the third floor and using the one-eyed witch passage to secure Remus’s favourite mood-lifting remedy.

Remus was almost about to argue against it, but James was as quick on his feet as he was on a broom. Although he was definitely more graceful in the air. Remus knew that chocolate wasn’t a cure to his lycanthropy. But when he was a young boy learning to deal with his monthly transitions, he had gone to his mother once in tears on the eve of a full moon. He had been terrified of changing. It was the most painful thing he’d ever experienced. And the thought that a beast burst forth and took control of his body once a month was far too much for a seven year old to accept willingly. He didn’t like knowing that he had a dark beast inside of him, lying in wait.

His mother had knelt down before him and touched her forehead to his with a calm smile. ‘In my world baby boy, dogs and things alike are allergic to chocolate. If you eat this chocolate, it will poison him. He will be weak, and you will have power over him when he comes out.’ After Hope’s words, Remus had taken the bar of chocolate his mother had for him and ate the entire thing before even getting to the kitchen table to sit down. To a seven year old this explanation made perfect sense. It had calmed him. His mother’s quiet and caring nature was what led him to grow into the man he was today.

And as he grew up, and learnt that chocolate really had no true effect on those suffering from lycanthropy, he found eating it still comforted him. His mother always had a stash for him when he was home for the holidays and his friends made a point of bestowing him with extraordinary amounts while they were at school. As they made their way up the stairs to the Gryffindor tower, Sirius reached an arm up around Remus’s neck.

‘How about we all haul up in the dorm for the night?’ He suggested and for a moment the idea very much appealed to Remus. Then he remembered the promise he had made earlier that day.

He sighed, ‘I told Marlene I’d spend the night with her actually. She’s getting rather difficult about why I won’t tell her when I’m “sick”.’ Remus used his index and middle fingers to punctuate the word ‘sick’ as if it caused him great pain to refer to such a disgusting part of his life so glibly.

‘Understood mate. Guy’s got to do what a guy’s got to do.’ Sirius let him loose and winked at him. ‘But, do you think maybe you should tell her?’

Remus almost rounded on Sirius, but stopped himself just as he drew in a breath to yell. As angry and dark as his mood was, he couldn’t argue with Sirius on this. He was right. There was only so many times he could get sick around the full moon and expect Marlene not to start coming up with reasons why. Lily was even aware, and Remus had fully expected her to relay the information she learnt to her best friend. But Lily was far too kind to do such a thing. Only very sour and lowly human beings would be so cruel as to out someone for something they themselves couldn’t help.

As they reached the seventh floor, Sirius touched a hand to his shoulder, ‘Hey? We’ll be up in the dorm waiting for you. Don’t take too long with her, alright?’ Sirius winked at him and stepped through the portrait hole first. Peter gave him a weak smile before clambering through and following off along behind Sirius. Remus stood quietly on his own for a moment before the Fat Lady protested to being left open, and he eventually ducked through to the other end.

He was instantly greeted with the low chatting of the other Gryffindor students. Everyone was around, paired off into groups. Some doing homework, others just relaxing. He noticed Lily, Mary and Marlene at a table going over their books and winced. Marlene was becoming harder and harder to keep in the dark. And it was becoming harder and harder for Remus to continue denying her his complete and undivided affections. They had been dating for close to six months now and hadn’t progressed much further than kissing. Marlene would make a complaint about it at least once a week.

But Remus just couldn’t do that to her. He believed she deserved more. More than he himself could offer. Although he felt a most warm and filling emotion while around her, he didn’t think that was anything to praise himself for. He was lying to her. And she made him feel so good inside. She was so gentle with him when he was in his moods. She would play with his hair and lay sweet kisses on the end of his nose. She was a loud character and the loudness always had a comforting effect on him. It drew his attention outward instead of festering on inside himself over his afflictions and causing him even more grief.

He couldn’t tell Marlene what he was. He couldn’t handle the rejection. And most of all, he didn’t want to see the look on her face when she found out she had put her trust in him only to be told he had been lying to her for the better half of a year just to satisfy his own selfish needs. His eyes began to sting again as he reached her chair and he stood tall behind her. Lily looked up to him with a kind smile while Mary scribbled something onto a spare piece of parchment.

‘Hi Remus.’ Lily’s words made Marlene nearly knock her chair over she turned around so fast.

‘Hey you!’ She jumped up and seized his lips before he could even contemplate what she was doing. She wound her arms up around him as he stood at least a head, if not more, taller than her now. It did seem as if he would never stop growing.

He closed his arms around her waist and allowed the kiss, as it instantly calmed him.

‘Get a room! Gee!’ Mary’s voice caused them to break apart and Marlene turned and threw something at her.

‘Who’s your love letter to Mary? Huh?’ Marlene snapped but Remus saw her face turn to a smile as she spun back and took his hand in her own. ‘Come on, let’s find a couch.’ As Marlene dragged him off, Remus watched as Mary’s face went bright red when Lily craned her neck to try and get a glimpse at the letter. Mary then threw her arms over it and began fumbling over her words.

‘Are you alright? You don’t look so good.’ Marlene asked as she found an empty armchair by the window. Looking down at the one seater, Remus knew it would be futile to argue that there wasn’t enough room for the both of them. He sighed and took a seat, waiting for Marlene to perch herself on top of him.

‘I’m-‘ he started but lost his words as Marlene plonked herself in his lap, hard as she could. He almost felt winded as she grinned at him. She lay a kiss on his cheek and brushed the hair to the left side of his face. ‘-alright.’ He finished shaking his head lightly at her.

She just smiled and curled into his body with her legs dangling over the armrest. Remus shifted her slightly so he, too, was comfortable and they sat in silence for a long while, just listening to each other’s breath. Remus felt his damp mood trickling away as she dragged her fingernails lightly over his chest next to where her head was rested. He didn’t think he deserved someone as compliant as Marlene.

She asked him time and time again why he continuously got sick, but he lied as much as he could. He knew Marlene as the kind of person that didn’t really take no for an answer, and so the fact that she seemed to give up on her battle meant she was ignoring her own personality traits to fit in with Remus. And he couldn’t even tell her the truth. He was a coward. He didn’t deserve to be in the common room of the house of brave.

‘You’re warm.’ Marlene whispered reaching her hand up and playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

‘You’re beautiful.’ He said, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she looked up to him. She smiled as she pulled him down to capture his lips once more. She repositioned herself to press her chest against his own and he felt his body go rigid. Remus was a guy, and no matter how polite and sweet he could be at the best of times, he was still a guy. And having his girlfriend push her breast into his chest definitely made her position on his lap less comfortable.

‘Marlene.’ He pushed her back, breaking the kiss.

‘What?’

‘You know perfectly well what.’ He gave her a cold look that wouldn’t have dared come out had it been any other night of the month.

‘Remus, if you don’t start being honest with me, I’m going to shove veritaserum down your throat.’ Her face turned cross and it was an expression that looked completely foreign on her.

‘What do you mean, honest?’ For a fleeting second his heart rate picked up. Did she know? Did Lily give in and tell her?

‘Why are you so scared of getting close to me? It’s not like you don’t enjoy it. I can feel that you enjoy it.’ She finished and Remus relaxed. Once again, it was only about sex.

‘I just- you don’t understand.’ He frowned looking away from her.

‘Then help me to.’ She snapped pulling his face back to look at her. Remus felt suddenly guilty. Usually he would have apologised and tried to make up some kind of excuse, but in his current mood, it bypassed apologetic and took a turn straight towards rage.

‘No. You don’t understand, and you never will Marlene. I’m not good for you.’ He stood up taking her with him and let her down easily turning away towards the window.

‘I think it’s up to me to decide what’s good for me and what isn’t, thanks.’ Marlene bit out standing behind him.

‘Well clearly you’re not very good at choosing then because you’ve picked the wrong guy.’

‘Shut up Remus. I’m sick of this pathetic pity party shit. Don’t you get it?’

‘Pity party?’ He turned to her, ‘Pity party? I’m not having a pity party! I’m trying to do what’s right by you!’

‘By not allowing me to make decisions for myself!?’ She shouted back and Remus felt the eyes of the common room turning on them. It only served to increase his anger.

‘You can make your own decisions, that’s fine, but I’m making my own, too. And I think it’s about time we give up on trying to make this work.’ His reply was low, and as the words left his mouth he came to the realization of what he had said.

‘What?’ Marlene pulled up short. Her arms dropping from where she had crossed them over her chest to hang by her sides.

‘You heard me. It isn’t working. I don’t know why I even allowed it to get this far. It’s a joke.’ In his rage, he continued on with his train of thought.

‘I- what?’ The colour looked to be draining from her cheeks. Remus frowned looking away from her. ‘A- a joke? What do you mean it’s a joke?’

‘I mean the two of us together. We don’t fit at all. It’s ridiculous.’ He could feel his whole body shaking slightly in the pain it took to force the words out of his mouth.

‘Are-‘ Marlene stopped as her breathing hastened as if tears were about it interrupt her question. ‘Are you serious?’

Remus didn’t speak. They stood silent for a moment. This wasn’t what he had planned at all. It wasn’t what he wanted at all. Far from it. But he was so furious with himself for leading her on. He was so furious that he allowed himself to become so attached to a girl that didn’t deserve the plague that was his life. He couldn’t drag her any further down. He just couldn’t do it. So, he allowed his moon induced rage to take control and put a stop to it.

‘Yes.’ He spoke finally. But his word was weak and shaky. He wasn’t serious at all, but he hoped she had missed that.

‘I- Remus I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you into anything. Tell- tell me what I’ve done wrong. I’m sorry.’ She stepped closer to him and placed her hands on his chest. Remus immediately pushed her off, not wanting her to see the resolve on his face faltering.

‘No. Just- just go away. I don’t want this anymore. I- I didn’t want it in the first place. Just- just leave it. It can’t work anyway.’

‘Why? Why can’t it work? I don’t get this at all Remus.’ He could hear the heightened pitch to her voice and knew there would be tears forming in her eyes. He could not view that. He would surely shatter if he saw that.

‘Just leave it alone.’ He spoke once more, his voice cracking as he pushed by her.

‘Moony?’ It was James. He had just returned and his robe pockets looked to be bursting. He looked quickly over to where Marlene was stood, frozen to the spot and placed a hand on his shoulder, ‘you alright mate?’

‘Just leave me alone!’ Remus shouted and flicked James’ hand off of him and charged off towards the stairs. His long legs easily took the stairs two at a time, and in no time at all he was before his dorm door, flinging it open and storming inside. Peter and Sirius jumped at the sudden noise from where they were hovering around Remus’s bed. Remus noticed they had been tidying up. They looked behind him as James came into the door way and shut the door behind him.

Without saying a word, Remus strode over to his bed, pulled off his robes and jumper and fell face first into his freshly made sheets. He heard the boys around him whispering. He refused to allow himself to surface for air as he could feel tears forming between his lids.

Suddenly he felt three dead weights settle on the bed around him.

‘Hey, so get this, I heard Lucinda Talkalot, the Slytherin quidditch captain, has a huge thing for you Prongs.’ Peter spoke casually.

‘Ha, so now the girls start forming a line when the stupid fat head is taken? I told them all years ago to get in there.’ Sirius now.

‘Yeah, I mean, she’s okay. Great quidditch player and all. But she’s in sixth year. And you guys know I’m into older women.’

‘Evan’s is like, two months older than you Prongs.’ Peter again.

‘Exactly. I like the older, sophisticated sort. You know how it is? I’ll leave the youngins to Padfoot.’ A shift in the weight of the bed and a yelp from James said that Sirius had certainly laid hands on him. Remus could feel a dark force suffocating him from the pain currently in his chest. But as the boys chatted and laughed around him, he allowed himself to flop over and breathe fresh air again. He didn’t attempt to wipe his eyes.

‘Hey, I got you some stuff Moony.’ James smiled at him pulling out chocolates from his pockets and splaying them out around the bed.

‘Shove over Wormtail, let the man get under his own blankets.’ Sirius kicked Peter off the bed and with a thud and a groan, Peter appeared again rubbing his backside. Remus couldn’t smile, he was much too angry with himself, but he let a very small cough like laugh forth. Sirius pulled back his blankets and Remus moved forwards to get under them. Once he was comfortable, Peter got back atop the bed again and Sirius, Peter and James all made themselves at home.

James flicked his wand out and levitated the blankets to them from their surrounding beds and the boys all wrapped themselves up still chatting casually. Sirius pulled the drapes around one side, while Peter imitated him with the other and the boys made their usual coming-up-to-the-full-moon-fort. It was a thing they did for Remus when he was having trouble controlling his emotions. When he would become depressed or angry for no reason and yell at the boys, they would ignore him and push him into bed and gather around. They would continue to ignore him if he protested and just shoved a bar of chocolate in his mouth.

Remus lay his right cheek down on his pillows and watched his friends push each other around. Sirius jumped up, ducking out behind the drapes and collected some magazines from his bedside. When he returned he chucked them onto the mound in the middle of the bed that was Remus’s body. They all collected one each and started talking about the motorbikes and the half-naked muggle women on them.

‘You should stick them up around your place now that you’ve got it.’ Peter laughed.

‘Nah, I mean, the main reason I put them up was to piss off my mum.’ Sirius grinned.

‘Plus, I reckon Adams wouldn’t approve when he has her over.’ James joked waggling his eyebrows behind his glasses.

‘Get over it Prongs. Not everyone is girl fixated like you.’ As the words left his mouth, he seemed to freeze up however, and all eyes suddenly turned on Remus. There was a cool silence as they watched for his reaction at the mention of girls in the current situation.

‘You seem pretty fixated on one to me.’ Remus shrugged and pulled the blankets over his head. He felt the boys on the bed all shifting in their positions.

‘Oh is that right Moody-Moony?’ He heard Sirius say before the blankets were retched from him. Suddenly James had descended on him and was messing up his hair, laughing all the while. Once he was free, and could feel the tears on his face drying, he didn’t have much time to register the chocolate bar being shoved into his mouth.

‘Eat.’ Sirius demanded as Peter laughed and clapped to his other side. Remus bit into the chocolate as the boys started to converse among themselves again and he tried to focus less on what had happened downstairs. It was easier to do with the racket the boys were making. Since as young as twelve years old the boys had figured out how to best deal with Remus. To this day, there was no one on the earth that understood him better. 


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