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2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Penelope Inkwell chapter one

10th August 2017:
Hi there! So I sort of stumbled across your story--I was looking at the completed banners over at TDA, just scanning through because it's fun to see the things the artists come up with, and I saw your story title. It piqued my interest, and so I wound up here!

This was a fun read. The idea of any magical person running into dealing with basic things like vacuum cleaners is funny on its own, and when you add in James it enters a whole new level. I liked that, despite the fact that James was a bit childish and Lily is a new mother and no doubt quite busy, she takes it all in pretty good humor. I mean, she may harrangue James a little (deservedly), but she seems as amused as she is exasperated, which I think captures a big part of their (probable) relationship.

I also feel like you capture the silliness and the youth of their relationship well. They're only 20 or 21, and I think that comes through quite well here. To be fair to the wizarding community, I know some college juniors who I also doubt can properly use a vacuum.

I do wonder what James has been doing with his time while stuck in the house, if he hasn't been helping clean up till now. I do hope they haven't been there long. If I were Lily, I'd have probably trapped him inside the vacuum cleaner by now. Good on her for insisting that he give it a try.

I was actually quite appreciative and pleasantly surprised that James made it all the way to 20 seconds without a disaster. And then, when he tried to fight fire with fire! Oh gosh! That was a good touch.

Another thing I really enjoyed was the sections of untagged dialogue--the parts without any "she said" or "he replied" but where it's obvious who is saying what. I'm always somehow worried about that when I'm writing, even with just two characters, because I worry that people might get lost. But I didn't got lost and I really think it added to the...the zippiness and banter-y quality of the dialogue, so you've inspired me to try doing a bit more of this,

Thanks for a fun read! :)

--Penny

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Review #2, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap chapter one

19th June 2017:
"Your Muggle contraption is cursed!" he exclaimed, pointing a dramatic finger at the said contraption. "I can't move it!"

Haha! That's hilarious. I honestly can't see James helping out around the house. It never occurred to me until now but I just don't see him as the domestic type. I guess I don't see Sirius as a domestic either but he had to take care of himself so I'm sure he could cook and clean a bit but James has always sounded like he was spoiled and plus when he was growing up men didn't exactly help out around the house.

Why don't you just do us both a favour and properly show me how to use this damned thing?"

Come on James, put in the effort!

He thinks he's sly. She's going to keep 'teaching' him and then the room will be clean before she knows it.

"Can I still have the shepherd's pie?"

Oh to be married.

I loved this story! I think you really did a good job during the instruction part but you turned the story around because a vacumn, come on, not the most interesting piece of machinery out there, am I right? You managed to create a bit of chaos, teach us something new and give us a bit of insight into what it's like to be married and the little squabbles that come about from time to time (not wanting to clean, spouse not being helpful, etc). This was a wonderful story. Very cute, fluffy and funny. Great job!

Thanks for joining my challenge. The winners will be announced soon. I believe I am waiting for one more entry.

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