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Reading Reviews for Strictly Quidditch
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by greenbirds The Platform

17th June 2017:
hey!

so i love- like /looove/ a good quidditch rivalry romance, and was instantly attracted to this story. i wasn't disappointed! it's very impressive for your first attempt & a pleasure to read- no noticeable grammar slips, interesting dynamics, and you've managed to introduce all the main players of the fic within the opening scenes, which is very well done.

i also LOVED the slight anti-muggleborn bias of james. sooo interesting. easily the most exciting part of the story so far for me.

a few pointers, though, just because it /is/ your first fic and feel free to disregard them! i just remember how much i appreciated pointers given to me when i was starting out haha-

1. your chapter summary should be related to your chapter, ideally! what you have right now is more appropriate for an author's note, inside the chapter, either at the beginning or the end of the writing. your chapter summary should be a summary of the chapter itself.

2. your pacing is very good- quick, light but not too fast- but maybe take a second to pause and describe things? you described violet's smile as infectious but maybe dedicate a sentence to what colour her eyes were, or what colour her hair, or even what her voice sounded like. give us something to distinguish her from the other characters, and likewise with all characters, especially james!

3. albus calls james 'brother' twice in the scene. is that a natural dynamic between brothers? i have two and i can't imagine them using such formal, archaic terms: is that, perhaps, reflective of their relationship? if so, tell us!

an average chapter should be about 4000-6000 words long. find luxury in descriptions and giving bella's narrative a distinctive voice! but most of all- this is JUST my opinion on what is already such a good chapter (especially as its your first): and i was only so critical because it is so good & has so much potential!

please update soon, i'm totally hooked! xoxox

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this! I appreciate the tips so much and I'm definitely working on improving my writing!



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Review #2, by blackzero The Platform

15th June 2017:
Well stsrt is promising... Keeping fingers crossed for next one

Author's Response: Thank you!

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