Reading Reviews for Transition
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ImaRavenclaw Transition

1st August 2017:
Hey there, Lily here with your requested review (finally, after a million years!) Just to let you know I'm reading as I review! Okay, let's get started.

First of all I have to say that I love the description your story has. I love love love it. It makes what you are saying so much more concise, and I can actually feel the wind on my skin as Mafalda rides her bicycle.

I was a little confused about the crash though. Did she not get hurt because of magic, or did she miss the boy? It's a little bit unclear.

I like how her dad's memories of childhood are detailed enough to be clear, but vague enough to keep us interested. In the summary you gave me it seemed like both of her parents were squibs, but I guess not.

Twelve definitely seems like a late age to be showing magical signs, so I would be as watchful as Mr. Prewett too.

I'm starting to think that this weird man in weird clothes is a wizard. Just a heads up, you said bought instead of brought in that sentence.

Oh so she is a squib too. Okay, I get it. But does her husband know? Because you make it seem like he doesn't in the beginning.

Oh so they didn't tell each other. It's funny how secrets like that can be shared in just a glance though.

When Draco says "let go of me" you said 'off' not 'of'. You also wrote 'Mubloof' instead of 'Mudblood' and 'wandered' instead of 'wondered' in another.

Besides that your writing is really phenomenal, and I really enjoyed reading this story. Especially Mafalda's Hogwarts years and all of her scheming ideas.

Thanks for asking me to review, and come back to request another story any time!

Yours sincerely,

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Review #2, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Transition

19th June 2017:
Hey hey! Here to review your challenge entry.

Im sorry I called you useless, said Mafalda finally.

You didnt, replied Flora surprised.

I didnt say that out loud, no.

The above made me snort.

I have to be honest I was a bit confused while reading the story. I thought the characterization of Malfada was done really well. You made her quite the well rounded character. She's a bit annoying though. A bit of a know it all. I don't think I'd get along with her if I knew her. There's just something about her that makes you dislike her, which I think you were going for that in your authors note so job well done.

The transitions could have been handled better I think that's why I was confused. It was a lot of new information to take in and you went from the bike, to the sorting, to the forest, etc. etc etc.

Concerning the section about the car--because this is my main focus here with the challenge--I felt like you could have offered me more. It just felt like the story ended and that was that. Like something was missing. I would have liked to read more about her trying to drive the car or a deeper look into her trying to teach them how to drive the car.

Thank you for entering my challenge! The winners will be announced in a few days!

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Review #3, by Felpata Lupin Transition

18th June 2017:
Hi, Vilja. I'm here with your requested review. Sorry it took so long...

This was interesting, I find Mafalda's origins very intriguing, I really like the idea of the daughter of two Squibs being magical and ending up in Slytherin. I really enjoyed the first scene in the playground, when her father realizes she's a witch. I also really liked the descriptions in that first scene.

I was a little bit confused about dates and ages, but I think I figured it out, maybe? Did Mafalda for some reason start Hogwarts when she was older than eleven? Like, she should've started in Harry's fourth year and started in his sixth instead? Why would that happen? I'm curious. (And if I misunderstood it all, I'm sorry).

Mafalda is kind of annoying, actually, but I love that she actually has some Ravenclaw in her, you can clearly see the traits of both houses. She also seems the kind of person who would let their curiosity get them into trouble... I wonder if that did happen to her...

I read the review Abbi left you, and I have to agree that the story feels a bit incomplete, like we get a lot of information about Mafalda and everything going on around her, but we don't really know what to do with that information... if that makes sense? I think I told you something similar about another of your stories... obviously, this is only my feeling and you are totally free to disagree with me.

One thing I really liked (in this story as well as in other of your works) is your attention to details and making everything fit in canon. It really shows how much effort you put in your plotting and I really admire that.

So sorry again for the long wait, it really was a crazy period for me...

Much love,

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Review #4, by crimson quill Transition

4th June 2017:
Transferred from hpft

Hello Vilja,

So I'm here to review your entry for my strong female challenge. This challenge is all about the characterisation of your leading lady and how the events that led her to be 'strong'.

I thought it was a brave choice to choose (nearly) an OC for the challenge as you have to create her back story and everything from scrap but it really does open up lots of different opportunities for characterisation which is quite exciting!

So I enjoyed some of what you've done with Mafalda had some really good aspects of her personality which is going to work really well for 'not my house' challenge. I liked the fact that she was adventurous and pretty arrogant. She's a Slytherin for sure! I'm a bit confused as early in the story you've written that the book doesn't allow Mafalda's name written so how does she end up at Hogwarts? How would they know to send her a letter? I'm just wondering the significance of this? you don't really explain what it is about her that means the book wouldn't allow her to be entered. it's a bit confusing I guess?

I loved the bit about the car, it's a very neat idea! Mafalda certainly has a thirst for knowledge! she's very clever. I thought it was interesting that she found out about Bellatrix's pregnancy but the ending felt a bit blunt like there needs to be more. What is Mafalda going to do with this information? it doesn't feel like an ending if you understand me? I would love to know more about that (same for the draco secret)! they're both juicy secrets!

you've shown Mafalda as having some strong female traits like her willingness to stand up to classmates when she's called mudblood by them, she's not afraid to be herself which is nice. So good work!

Thank you for entering my challenge, I should have the results up soon.

- Abbi xo

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