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26 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Boy Trouble?

21st September 2017:
"I wanted to show you something, come on,"

Lysander is such a strange young man but I suppose it runs in his blood. I really do think he likes Lily but maybe he doesn't like anyone. I don't know I feel like you're dropping little hints here and there especially since he has been confiding in her and not Celine.

Uh, all the teenage angst makes me head hurt. I feel like an old lady. So I'm officially right. Lysander does like Lily. They're both oddballs I could see the two of them together. Celine only like him because he's cute? That's what I think anyway. It doesn't look like they have more interaction so it's not like she really knows him, you know? But I guess that's how all crushes start out anyway, you like a person for their physical appearance or whatever.

I like how she figured they weren't snogging and he wasn't impregnating Lily but it was still something to question in her head. Like that's a big leap!!

Something that bothers me is all the cursing. I think you overuse the 'f' word so it doesn't have too much of an impact in the story. It just shows truly how childish Lily and her friends are. You know what I mean? It has lost all value and maybe that's what you're going for because she shouldn't be so vulgar to begin with but it's just my opinion.

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Review #2, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Halloween

21st September 2017:
"...I suppose?"

UH. That's a painful response. He supposes? Poor Celine. I miss I gather he probably likes Lily but I could be wrong. You could throw me for a curveball here and I could be reading the signs wrong but 'I suppose' is pretty damn brutal. I'm not surprised she didn't push the subject because Lily doesn't seem like the type to really pester someone about their feelings. It could be because she's so wrapped up in her own feelings and her own thoughts but she also seems like more of a girls-guy, so I think she understands not to push it.

I mean, he freaked out while I was wearing ripped jeans because people could see my knees.

It's a good thing I have my own office because I genuinely giggled out loud over this part.

Because talking about the copulation of birds isn't the most awkward thing ever.


You're really good at coming up with one-liners.

You really surprised me towards the end because I thought we were going to have a cliche snagging scene where he would have revealed his true feelings to Lily but instead he talked about an owl...which was odd to say the least but a nice twist.

I think my biggest critique with the chapter is again, to slow down. I felt like you had a good pace in the beginning and in the end but the middle when they were at the party it felt like you got a little lost. Just take a deep breath and slow down, try to incorporate more description into the story because it can feel a bit like whip lash when you go from scene to scene so quickly.

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Review #3, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Quidditch, Birthdays and Hogsmeade

21st September 2017:
I'm back for your second review!

No guy’s worth doing something you don’t want to do.”

Excellent! Talk about girl power and some good solid advice. I like characters who are levelheaded and have respect for themselves.

of course she had one- her Dad probably wouldn't let her leave the house without a broomstick and a spare

I'm not sure why but this made me laugh...a lot. Maybe it's because I can actually see Oliver doing this.

This chapter had a lot of yelling in it. My head hurts. Ha-ha. I thought this chapter was decent compared to your last one. It kind of was all over the place. I think you need to pause and take in the scenery some more. It would have been nice to have a more detailed Quidditch try out. I think Lily is great but it's easy to get lost in all of her random thoughts. She needs to be reigned in at times in order to get a more roundabout story. Sometimes it helps to take a step back and read out loud what you have just written because the dialogue might lag and you'll only notice if you say it back to yourself. You'll also notice if you're missing something like description or the key part of a scene when you take a moment to collect yourself and your thoughts.

It's just a suggestion!

Onward to the next chapter!

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Review #4, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Why me?

21st September 2017:
Hello! I am an awful person and have taken forever to leave my challenge winner reviews. I'm here today with at least one. Work has been crazy. My apologies!

I knew it would never happen, so I simply thought of it as star gazing: you can admire their beauty, but you can't date stars, can you?

I really like this comparison! This is actually a very unique way to look at a crush.

I'm speed reading because I don't want to get caught at work (the nerves) but this chapter made me laugh a lot. I liked the bet that they had going there in the end. I could NEVER eat that much food. It's kind of funny because I work on a food TV show right so and we do food challenges so I found this chapter oddly relatable.

I really enjoyed Lily's inner voice. I felt like she shined really well in this chapter and we got more insight into who she is. This story really seems like it's going to be a coming of age fic. I'm sure there's going to be a lot of drama and over the top parts but that's okay because she's young and it's to be expected. I would be worried if she was acting really serious and studious all the time because she's a kid and she needs to have fun and embarrass herself and have intense crushes on boys. I appreciate it when writers are able to keep a character in their age group. Not to stay there aren't teenagers out there who are broody and serious but not all of them are and there should be no shame in having a character who acts...well...normal. Though I'm not sure normal is the perfect word but anyway wonderful job!

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Review #5, by Amelie Scamander Christmas: Part II

27th May 2017:
Hey, congrats on being one of the promoted authors! I'm so proud... its kinda weird, I never really feel like this. Your story is super amazing, you totally deserve it! Many vending machine snacks and tiny little brow truckles go to you...

Author's Response: Haha hey Amelie :)

Thank you *hugs* and yay I actually made you proud XD which could be my biggest achievement ever. Yup. YAS OVER PRICED SNACKS AND MINI BOWTRUCKLES!!! THEY'RE ALL MINE...

Anyway *coughs awkwardly* thanks for stopping by :D

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Review #6, by Ashleigh Christmas: Part II

25th May 2017:

I'm currently obsessed with the story, and I'm hooked! Can't wait for more, and I'm really really loving lysander. 😏😏 scorp... Not so much, not as much. But anyway, I'm hoping you update fast cause I'm dying to know what happened next. You're a genius, love your writing!!❤️❤️❤️

Author's Response: Hello :)

It's good that you like Lysander better than Scorp if you're planning on sticking around for the long run (I hope you do :D) and life's been so so hectic lately with exam season and stuff...but please bear with me- I have so much more planned for the overall plot! Over the summer, hopefully chapters will be out more frequently :P

Thanks for your review!

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Review #7, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap A Great Start to the School Year (Not)

17th May 2017:
I have mixed feelings about this chapter. On the one hand I think Lily can be funny but on the other hand she can be annoying with her side comments and penchant to say what she is thinking out loud. I have to remind myself she's still extremely young so the flair for dramatics is completely normal and suits her character. She sounds screechy in my head. But then like I said for the most part I do like her and I do find her funny.

I think my biggest critique for this chapter though is that you jump around a lot. Try fleshing out the story a bit more or the scene before jumping into the next one. The transitions just need to be cleaner because sometimes it's like whiplash going from one scene to the next. There's a lot of dialogue so maybe working on fleshing out some more description might help. It's just my opinion. Of course this is your story so whatever works for you!

I really do wish we could have seen more of Lorcan and Lysander. I'm surprised she hasn't gotten over her crush on Scorpius and hasn't moved on to Lysander. I guess she wants to stick with what works because Lysander is more of a possibility. I guess Lorcan likes Lily and that's why he's glaring at his brother. She's very observant and yet not at the same time. When I was her age I was the same way.

Author's Response: Less jumping around, cleaner transitions, more description- got it! I'm working on giving the twins more space in the spotlight in my more recent chapters, but I really appreciate your critique :)

Thanks for reviewing, and I'll definitely work on improving things for the future!

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Review #8, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Prologue: The Dare

17th May 2017:
Rose jumped up, excusing herself, saying she wanted to go to bed. Probably to mourn the death of her favourite cousin.

I probably should have read this first before reading your one-shot because it helps get me settled into your world and acquainted with your characters. The first scene is perfect. I think at first it was a little difficult to follow who is yelling at her and one thing I found kind of strange is referring to Fred as Fred II. We know he's Fred II so it was kind of like, huh, what? When I read that. But I think you're doing a good job fleshing out the scene of them playing truth or dare and giving us some decent insight into the character of Lily. I love that Lily is awkward and confident at the same time. Too many fanfics make the girl awkward and she lacks all sense of confidence about her. I miss most of us lack confidence but still.

You lost me when she went into the forest. First, I'm disappointed in her family. Why wouldn't they go with her to see if she completes the dare at least? Give a time frame for how long she had to be in the forest and how far she had to go in, etc, etc. Boys are dumb. Seriously.

But then once the whole spider action scene started I was a little lost. It could have been fleshed out a bit more because it was very jumpy or maybe because it was so long. This could have been split into two chapters to make it an easier read.

I was pleasantly surprised that her rescuer (that she also rescued) was not Scorpius but someone else. Life is kind of funny like that. She might think she likes Scorpius but there are so many other guys out there that I'm sure she hasn't given a second thought of. She's only 14 so I can understand why her heart swelled over Lysander, who I thought was very funny!

Author's Response: Ah Fred II...I felt I had to get that 'II' in partially because this is from Lily's POV, and partially for the sake of the readers- can't have you thinking that Fred I has somehow been reincarnated and is going to school with his nieces/ nephews in this fic!

I do regret not splitting this chapter into two - I candle how that could be confusing :/ *hides behind excuse if it being the first chapter of first fanfic*

Thanks for the lovely review :)

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Review #9, by Op tree Christmas: Part II

20th April 2017:
This was amazing! And funny! And it made my day😂 But in all seriousness I still wish that she had joined in with 10 green bottles... and drunk Lily was kinda interesting!
Looking forward to the next chapter, keep it coming Hedwig1751!

Author's Response: Hello! Aww thank you :). Lily was about to join in, but hey. Guess Imogen didn't want one of her friends looking like a fool. Drunk Lily was weird/ fun/ interesting/ quite a challenge to write, so I'm glad you find her interesting!

To be honest, with school exams coming up soon (Procrastination, yay!) I might not have as much time to write, but I'll do my best! Thanks so much for the review :D

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Review #10, by Alexa Christmas: Part I

2nd April 2017:
So funny! I wish we could have seen more conversations between Lily, Lysander and Scorpius. Also really liked the Les Mis references throughout. Can't wait till part 2...

Author's Response: Hello :) I'll keep Lily, Lysander and Scorpius interaction in mind for the next chapter! Yay, you got the Les Mis references :D and in case you haven't figured it out already, I'm a HUGE fan...but Harry Potter goes first, as always.

Thanks for stopping by :)

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Review #11, by Amelie Scamander Boy Trouble?

19th March 2017:
Hey, in case you have not noticed from my profile name it is I Voldemort. Just kidding it's Amelie. Yes I know that was weird intro, but whatever at least I don't introduce myself like Mr Salambeli. I know that I have been nagging you to update this story for like, a thousand years. But I decided to do it by review instead because I'm that annoying (and I wanted to post my Harry Potter stories) but any-ho. I love this story so much and it makes me choke (with laughter, not waffles. I wish that our school served waffles. Pear and Chocolate crumble would be mutinied) I love it so much I have actually read it five times, cause I'm that... I got nothing. SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MATH CL- (IT THOUGHT I WAS SAYING A**?)

Author's Response: 'Ello Voldemort/ Amelie *waves* glad you decided to stop by XD and thank you! It's a big shame that they don't serve waffles...but they did profiteroles today yay (as you know) and I'm so glad you like the story :D!!! See you in maths class *salutes* and don't worry, if you type a word containing a** (e.g. assume, class) they'll let it go because it's just part of a word.

Thanks for stopping by :)

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Review #12, by AbraxanUnicorn Quidditch, Birthdays and Hogsmeade

16th March 2017:
Hello! Here to squeeze in another Nargles review :)

Well, this is another completely crazy chapter!! I'm completely with Lily on the whole "waking up early on Saturday" thing - I do that too, and it is so very annoying! I liked Rose's little bit of science in there to explain what triggers the waking mechanism.

That was a very long debate over what to wear for a quidditch trial. I'm confused as to why Lily doesn't have her own broom, though? If she's good enough to play Chaser for Gryffindor (and her parents both played at school), why on earth hasn't she got her own broom?!

Haha! The "Harry" sketch really made me laugh!

Albus, oh dear! He has issues, doesn't he? Punching someone because they asked your younger sister to Hogsmeade isn't acceptable behaviour in a Head Boy (or any boy). I did laugh quite hard at the "knees leading to impregnation" bit!

Ooh, ear-piercing with a needle when you could probably do it much less painfully with magic?

This was another mad fun chapter to read!!

Best of luck in The Nargles :)

Brax X

Author's Response: Hello again :)

Yeah, just thought I'd put some good ol' science in there to counterpoint the humour :3

Well, Lily hasn't gotten her own broom because:
(This is a whole backstory so be prepared)

When James and Al were little, they would fly around the garden and taunt Lily (who was too young to fly) about not being able to fly. Lily, being the determined lil' thing we all know and love, decided to sneak their brooms out from then on to prove them wrong (remind you of anyone? ;)) and so became an excellent flyer without anyone confronting her outright about it (but not saying people didn't have suspiscions- her parents only left subtle hints and otherwise made no indication that she knew Lily was as good as a flyer as she is...or so she thought, since they never talked to her about it). When Lily was finally old enough to fly (by her family's standards) she was offered flying lessons and her own broom, but refused because she didn't want her family to get suspiscious of her 'natural' flying ability (a bit strange and stupid, I know...but this is a young Lily we're talking about). She then on pretended that she was clueless and didn't know/ want to know how to fly, and that's why Al over reacted during the Quidditch trials. She was motivated to actually try out for Quiddtitch because of her crush on Scorpius.


Satisfied? :/

As for the ear piercing, good ol' Celine wanted it done the Muggle way XD.

Thanks for everything again!

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Review #13, by AbraxanUnicorn Why me?

12th March 2017:
Haha! 103 waffles is pretty impressive. I hope they were small waffles, for Lily's sake!

I love how she's ended up with Lorcan in one class and Lysander in the other. My money's on Lysander in the end, but who knows?

Scorpius's abs were visible at lunch when he was discussing quidditch with Lily?! Or was this a figment of her imagination? Or have quidditch uniforms changed radically during the 21st century?

I'll hopefully get around to reviewing the next couple of chapters soon. This fic is great fun! Best of Nargles luck :)

Brax X

Author's Response: Yup, eating 103 waffles (which were unfortunately not mini waffles :/) are definitely a big achievement...

The Scamander twins are going to play a part in all of this, but no spoilers :) *taps nose*

To be honest, I think that it's a bit of both. Lily's imagination goes more than a bit wild around him, and Quidditch uniforms, I suspect, have been altered just a smidge, being the 21st century ;)

Thank you for everything, especially reviewing!! :D

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Review #14, by AbraxanUnicorn A Great Start to the School Year (Not)

12th March 2017:
Hello! Just rocking up to review this as one of the nominees for the HPFT Nargles :)

This chapter has had me in stitches! From James the Cruciatused bacon, to Albus and his Head Boy badge issues, and then Lily getting into a tangle with the Floo, a fall, and a mountain of mint humbugs. Just hilarious!

Lily's internal (and sometimes accidentally external) monologue is, if possible, even funnier than in the first chapter. I've really giggled throughout this!

Ooh and the Celine - Lysander bit at the end was an unexpected bombshell; that is going to stir it up a bit!

Brilliant stuff :)

Author's Response: Hey :)

I'm so glad you've enjoyed this chapter- I know I've loved writing it :D
There's sure to be SO MUCH MORE drama coming up in future chapters, and Celine and Lysander will definitely play a huge part in it!

Thanks for the amazing review!

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Review #15, by SilverMoonFairy Quidditch, Birthdays and Hogsmeade

10th March 2017:

I read too slow anymore. I think this will have to be my last chapter so that I can read and review some other stories for the Nargles. It has been completely interesting and hilarious, though, I must say. Many a time I had to cope and paste a passage to a friend so that she could snort with me. Boys will see your knees and IMPREGNANTE you. THAT it some... Specialness right there, Albus... Special...


I don't quite think Céline is entirely sane, but most people in this story don't appear to be, so that's okay. In fact, Lily and Rose may be the most Sane. It's like watching a goofy anime and only one character is aware that the ongoings are ridiculous. Does that make sense? I'll bet it does now. (No... No, probably not...)

Sorry this is not very long, but I decided to read this when I was tired and bored...

The piercing scene makes me understand why parents get it done when their kids are little. That crap hurts. I remember going with my mom when my baby sister got hers done. I was so glad I didn't remember that pain. Bet Céline doesn't get hers done after she hears Lily screaming... XD


Author's Response: Hello :)

First of all, I just wanted to say that I love reviews in all shapes and sizes (like, you could only write me a sentence and I'd be SO HAPPY) so don't be sorry about the length of yours- it's amazing :)

Anyway, impregnation through sight of knees is apparently a thing in Al Potter's mind (Potter protectiveness mixed with general Potter boy stupidity) :P

No, Celine isn't completely sane...which is why she made Lily do her ears the muggle way...and I getcha with the goofy anime thing ;)

Thanks so much for reviewing!! :D

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Review #16, by forbiden ROS Boy Trouble?

9th March 2017:
WOW. AMAZING. This story is so good

Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I'm glad you've enjoyed reading this as much as I've loved writing it :D

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Review #17, by SilverMoonFairy Why me?

8th March 2017:

This is going to be short because I need to sleep. Lily is growing on me. I'm not sure if it's in a gross mold way or a reader-fictional character friendship way, but we will see. I can't believe she ate so many waffles, but it was utterly hilarious. I even shared the scene with them getting ready to leave for waffles with a friend because I was laughing so hard. Poor Lily hating waffles now, though. I know what that's like. Give it six months, champ. The love will come back around, kind of like singing 500 Miles on repeat...

So, one brother in one class and one in the other. I'm definitely certain that they both like Lily and that makes me feel bad for Céline. Poor dear. Maybe she'll end up with Scorp, hahaha! I wonder if Scorp WILL ever notice Lily, though. By then, it will be too late. The Scamander twins will have joint custody, trading off on the weekends...

Not a bad deal if you're comfortable with polygamy.

Anyway, hopefully more tomorrow!


Author's Response: *waves* :)

I hope Lily grows on you in a good way 0_0 (or else I'll have failed as a fanfic author).
I'm glad you enjoyed the waffle scene as much as I loved writing it XD!

Sigh...these Scamanders...what will we do with them? I'm sorry to not be able to answer your theories (to which I neither confirm nor deny) but you're thinking along the lines that if hoped readers would!

Thank you SO MUCH for these reviews :D they're all AMAZING AND THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY :)

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Review #18, by SilverMoonFairy A Great Start to the School Year (Not)

8th March 2017:

I find myself with mixed feelings about this fic thus far. Sometimes, Lily's strange monologue comes off as annoying... And then suddenly, I'm laughing so hard I'm drawing stares. I'm not sure how to handle this but to continue reading...


Gah, poor Lily and her infatuation with Scorpius. Bad things will befall Rose if she's not careful...

I am slowly reading through this as I do other things. I think I have time for one more chapter before bed. ONWARD.


Author's Response: Hey :)
Lily's purpose is literally to be weird and therefore annoy/ amuse you. (I hope it was more amusement though...)
Yep, I jumped that far because it was a prologue...haha all these questions! I'm afraid I can only answer your first question for fear that the rest of the plot will be revealed (you've got a lotta drama coming up, dearie) and the answer to that is: nothing happened on the day after that will be of great interest- apart from the fact that Lily sported an 'obsession' with 'Sander which she is trying to get rid of for Celine's sake.

Lily and her thing for Scorp...*sigh

Thanks for the lovely review! If you have any suggestions for improvement, don't hesitate to let me know :)

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Review #19, by SilverMoonFairy Prologue: The Dare

8th March 2017:
Hello, dearie! *salute* I'm here for some gnarly Nargle reviewing!

So, wow, there is a lot in this first chapter and I am absolutely made of questions right now... How stupid are her brothers? Why didn't they set a time limit? Why did they allow her to seemingly be in the forest until sunrise without worrying that something terrible happened to her? Was anyone waiting outside the forest to like... Make sure she went in and stuff? Like a body guard? In case she needed help? I am very disappointed in the Potter Legacy at the moment. Thank God for Lily.

Also, Lysander is a freaking BADA$$. Swooping in there, saving the day, kickin' spiders and takin' fangs! Well, not really doing that, but he could have! And so cool that he's totally not afraid of anything, just barreling in willy nilly like a Bruce Willis action flick. REASONING with SPIDERS. Honestly, everyone knows since Aragog died that they don't give a crap. Humans are food, not friends. I wonder what he was studying in the forest so late at night, though? Really cool that he's revising Newt's book as well.

So, Lily seems like an interesting character. I have a soft spot for first person stories where the character talks to themselves (technically the audience, but really, themselves). You know, they say you shouldn't answer yourself. Means that you're crazy. Ah, well, such is life.

So normally I would have a list of technicals- little things here and there that need fixed. I'm forgoing that for the Nargles and also because I forgot to mark stuff down as I found them, but you do have a few things in this chapter that need ironed out- mostly missing words or letter in words, nothing too glaring.

That ending was just adorableness wrapped in a fluffy bow. Friends do hug, sweetie! And watch the sunrise! (Betcha she ain't thinking about ol' Scorpiangel now.)

Onto the next chapter!


Author's Response: Hello Liz :)

Potter boys, eh? What will we do with them...
Bear in mind that they are VERY irresponsible and have probably got more than a couple of Firewhiskeys in them already: Potter boy + alcohol = Extreme stupidity. Sigh. Yes, thank Merlin for young Lily.

There'll be more of Lysander and his creatures in future chapters ;)
I feel that Newt would want his book to be continued by future creature lovers...yay, go Lysander!

Lily's character is literally based on the fact that talking to yourself is considered crazy XD and her inner monologue will be a part of this fic all the way through :)

Ah I have a nasty habit of not checking my work through for typos and grammar mistakes. Bad Hedwig, bad.

No, she wasn't thinking of Scorpius during the fluff at the end ;)

Thanks for the amazing review!


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Review #20, by Veritaserum27 Prologue: The Dare

26th February 2017:
Hello, hello!

I'm here from BvB to leave you a review.

Okay, so first off, I'm very impressed that this is your first fanfic, because this chapter is well written. I love the tone you chose for Lily's voice. She's sarcastic and confident, but you've managed to clearly show the reader her awkwardness and insecurities at the same time. I love being inside her head and the fast pace of her over-active brain made the story easy to read, and also helped us to understand her. I'm always hesitant to take on 5,000 word chapters, but this did not feel that long at all!

As far as the story line goes, I loved the action and plot. You paced it very well, moving with urgency in all the right places and slowing down when it needed to.

There were so many things that grabbed me while reading this, I hope I don't forget to mention anything!

The action: So, so much happened in this chapter. The initial scene, where we meet the main characters and find out Lily's true love for Scropius, then there's the very long scene in the Forbidden Forest, and I was really impressed with your descriptions of the spiders, their venom, and the webs! My only critique of the entire chapter is that you probably could've split it up into two, because so much happened. It would be great to leave the reader with a cliffhanger at the end and have them feel desperate to click onto chapter two and keep reading to find out what happened. All the same, it reads really well the way you have it, but I thought I'd mention it.

The magical interpretation: There were so many great parts, but two really stood out to me. I liked the part where Lily had to figure out how to work the other wand - it really made sense and I could almost feel myself trying to do the same! The other part was the description of the spider-repelling curse. Both of these were such gems to find and it shows that you put a lot of thought into your story. I love it when an author doesn't bend the rules of magic to make their story flow.

The twists: They just kept on coming, didn't they? At every turn I kept thinking, okay... she's going to get out of this and then bam! there's a spider! Or a whole fleet of spiders! And when I thought she was coming around from being unconscious, I figured she'd been rescued and was safe, but NOPE! She had to rescue her rescuer!! I also was CERTAIN that the mysterious boy was Scorpius, but you surprised me again! Great job!

Overall, great opening chapter. I'm looking forward to BvB review tag again! Thanks for writing it!!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Hello :)

Thank you so much!! I love every aspect of Lily- how she's witty and sarcastic and sometimes a bit awkward. This was quite a long chapter, but it rally didn't seem that long to write because I had this whole story line so I was genuinely REALLY surprised when it turned out to be 5000 words!

That forest're right, I probably should've split it into two, but I was kinda afraid to, since it's a prologue and all that. But I'll keep the length of the chapter in mind for future chapters :)

I really enjoyed writing the scene where she couldn't figure out how Lysander's wand worked :D and the technical bits, like the spider expelling curse, and how Ron fits into that too.

Oh, those plot twists ;) you'll find loads more of them coming up!

Thanks for the amazing review! :)

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Review #21, by AbraxanUnicorn Prologue: The Dare

23rd February 2017:
Hello! I thought I'd drop by and check out your story :)

You've made a very impressive start to this story, especially considering it's your first fanfic - excellent work! I like the flow of dialogue through the piece and the balance of conversation with action; I thought this was really well done.

I love how you've given Lily Luna such a determined personality and I adore her inner monologue :) She has strength and a great sense of humour; but I expect you'd need that if James was your older brother and you wanted to survive past childhood! Speaking of James - WHAT IS HE THINKING (or not) to send his little sister into the Forbidden Forest completely defenceless?! BAD sibling >:(

I enjoyed the little twists in this chapter with Lily's initial focus on Scorpius, but Lysander was the one to come to her rescue. Then Lily saved him in turn.

There were a few grammatical errors, but nothing that stood out or detracted from the story, so I'll leave those out.

All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this; it has a lovely mix of humour and drama. Great job :)

Brax X

Author's Response: Hellooo *waves*

Thank you :) I love Lily and her inner monologue ('cause who doesn't have that really messed up little voice in their head?) so I'm glad you do too! And yes, James is an idiot.

I'm glad you like what's happening between Lily and Scorpius and Lily and Lysander- if a guy saves a girl, the girl has to save the guy too. It's like an official term in my head...

Anyway, sorry about those grammar mistakes :/ my autocorrect is really messed up, so I'll correct them asap.

Thanks for the wonderful review!

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Review #22, by crimson quill Halloween

20th February 2017:
I really enjoy lily's internal monologue. :)

Author's Response: Thank you!! it's really fun to write, so there'll sure to be more to come :)

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Review #23, by Beeezie Prologue: The Dare

19th February 2017:
Hey, I'm here for BvB! :)

You said that this is your first fanfic - wow, it's a really solid start! (And welcome to our ranks! It's awesome to have you, and even more awesome that you're a fellow Claw so I'll have lots of excuses to stop by your AP. ;) )

SO. Onto the review!

I really enjoyed this! Your Lily Luna is incredibly vivid - her personality just jumps off the page from her very first line, and it makes it really easy to get drawn into the chapter. She's snarky and sarcastic and a little insecure, and it fits perfectly with both what we know about her background going into the story and the dynamic you depict in it. I could easily see how having the family she does could inspire her internal monologue (which, again, is absolutely hilarious!), her desire to prove herself - and her ability to think on her feet. One of my favorite things about the entire chapter was the way you depicted how Lily reacts to stress. It's pretty clear that it's a coping mechanism to keep her from falling apart, and as someone whose coping mechanisms to stress often involve inappropriately-timed jokes, I loved it.

You also do a great job at introducing a pretty big cast of characters in a graceful and entertaining way. I got a good sense of who many of her friends and family are as people, and despite the size of the group, none of them came off as one dimensional - I'm excited to read more about them in later chapters, because you left a lot of room to develop them. And, despite the fact that stranding Lily in the Forbidden Forest without her wand was an incredibly stupid thing to do, the way you set it up made me believe it - they're dumb kids who don't really process the potential consequences of their actions. (And, after all, it's not like we didn't see that from Harry in the books!) Lysander is hilarious, and he's actually made particularly believable by Fantastic Beasts - I can totally see Newt being equally ridiculous! (Reasoning with acromantulas? Honestly, Lysander, what is wrong with you?!)

A little bit of CC as well:

While I love your dialogue and think that you managed to capture the personalities of the various Potter-Weasley cousins really well, it was a little difficult (particularly early on) to picture the scene and follow who was saying what. While you don't need to go overboard with description, I do think a little more context early on would have been helpful, as well as a few more dialogue tags/descriptions (e.g., "James said," "Albus was laughing now," "I pointed at James, Dominique, and Celine in turn," etc).

One other thought: you mention that James and Fred II look really similar. While you do reference genetics being weird and it's certainly true that it can be, there's a problematic history in fandom of white-washing Fred II and Roxanne, and while it's just one line in the chapter, it'll definitely stand out for many readers. I'd suggest just changing it to say that they have identical smiles or the same nose or something along those lines while acknowledging that Fred is mixed race. Again, fairly minor, but I think it's worth changing. :)

Overall, though, solid job! I hope this review was helpful! :)

- Branwen/abhorsen.

Author's Response: Hello :)

Thank you so much!

Lily Luna Potter is just so amazing, and she's a joy to write about. She has the protective tendencies of her mother and father, and a badly timed sense of humour :)

I love Newt so much, so how could I resist not reflecting a bit of him back in Lysander? And James is incredibly stupid for setting her that dare XD

Ah the James and Fred II bit! I meant that they were more similar in terms of personality :| but I put the word 'identical' in, so I see what's wrong about that. Sorry! Changing it asap, and I'll definitely keep an eye out for making my speakers clearer too.

Thaks for the lovely review!

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Review #24, by victoria_anne Prologue: The Dare

5th February 2017:

Okay so you should know that I ADORE the Scamander twins. Seriously. I love them so much. So when I read that this story has them, you can understand I got very excited. And seriously, you have not disappointed me. I love your characterisation of Lysander - he's so cute! I can't wait to see more of him later on. And I sense luuurve in the air between him and Lily, so I'm excited to see what might come of that!

I honestly thought her saviour was going to be Scorpius! I think I was feeling hopeful for her sake :P Her crush on him is so funny. I think every young girl has had a crush on their older brother's friend at some point in their life! And, I mean, it's Scorpius *drools*

As for Lily herself, I know her characterisation was a concern for you, but I don't think you have much to worry about. I really really like her! Even though she might not think so herself, she's such a firecracker. Her relationship with her brothers is hilarious - ahh, siblings never change. They really act like the type of big brothers who would tease and annoy their younger sister.

This story is so great so far. I love the adventure feel it took on, and though at first she was saved by a boy, later on she saved him right back!

Awesome job :)

Author's Response: Hello :D

Aww I'm so glad you like the characterisation of Lily and the twins! They'll have major drama eventually but I need to build it up so bear with me!

I really enjoyed writing Lily's crush on Scorpius- I kinda wanted to mirror Ginny's former habits with Harry, as well as her chemistry with her brothers :)

I mean if a guy saves a girl SHE HAS TO RETURN THE DEED cos I mean FEMINISM :3

-Thanks for the review :)))

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Review #25, by The Daily Prophet Prologue: The Dare

22nd January 2017:
Very nice work so far! It's interesting to get a story like this though Lily Luna's point of view, and I like her characterization. Keep up the good work! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I find Lily Luna really interesting so I'm glad you like my characterisation of her! :)

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