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Reading Reviews for Loving You
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by long_live_luna_bellatrix I Still Love You

18th August 2016:
Hi, I'm finally here with your review!

One thing I have to say right away is that I can't believe how many complex emotions you fit into such a short one-shot. As I was reading, my original thought was that I was going to suggest that you dive deeper into their heads and play with some more challenging emotions, and yet I spoke too soon! The final two non-italicized sections have so much going on with them, and it's crazy to see how much Rose and Scorpius' story evolved of the course of 1500 words. The way the love they had for each other got tangled up in all these other problems felt so real. The moment for me that summed everything up with this: "Meeting you changed everything for me, yet you spent the whole time trying to find a way for me to fit into your plan while I let you become my plan." I read that I felt like I just got it.

So, really, this isn't a pointless story! I don't think anyone could ever say that about this. I truly related to bits and pieces of it here and there as I recognized some of my own worries in there.

That said, there are so many more things that I want to see here! I'll tell you about them in case you're interested in continuing to work on this story. :)

I think the main thing is that I'd love to see Rose and Scorpius interacting in the present. Everything they do here is a flashback, with the only thing happening in the present is Rose explaining her feelings. I would be so excited to see maybe one extra section at the end, where she confronts him in person. Action is always more memorable and more powerful than describing things that have already happened or are in someone's head, and I'd love to see more of it here. Rose comes off as a really strong woman here and I think she could really give Scorpius a piece of her mind.

The other thing I'm curious about is what's going on in their lives in the present-- basically, I'd love more details. We know that they're separated because of their jobs, but that's about. But what are their jobs? Are they content with their post-Hogwarts lives other than the fact that they're stuck in a relationship that's not working? What else does Rose wish for? What are her goals? A few more hints about who they are and what they do would really bring this story to life. At the moment, sometimes it can feel too general-- the fact that they kissed in the library or that she played hard to get. I want to know the kind of specifics that round out a person and a moment.

Thanks so much for requesting this story. Like I said, it communicates some really powerful emotions about relationships and love gone wrong. There are a lot of complex thoughts in here, and nuance is always good when writing fictional characters. I think you've definitely got something good going on here.

Author's Response: Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

I would love to continue this story, but I'm worried to. I love how this is a bit vague and doesn't fill in all the details, because I think it makes it so much more relatable.

But really I want to flesh it all out. I'm thinking I'll leave this as is, but I'll write another chaptered fic with different characters but similar themes. But we shall see if that ever happens. I love one-shots because there's no commitment. I'm kind of like Scorpius and suck at commitment :/

Thanks for the review and ideas!
:) BaletGir


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Review #2, by PaulaTheProkaryote I Still Love You

10th August 2016:
Hi there! :D

I have SO many thoughts about this one shot.

First and foremost, I completely hate Scorpius. Like 100% want to smack him upside the head. But it's important for you to realize that the fact that I hate him so much in this fic (especially because he's one of my favorite characters) means that you did a BRILLIANT job characterizing him. You solicited a very foreign emotion for me and I love that!

One thing I really like that you did was in the beginning Rose seems to be the more hesitant one of the pair of them. She's the one that didn't even acknowledge she had kissed him back and then went into a flurry of studying for NEWTs and all that so she could analyze the situation. Then, in contrast to their beginning, it's Scorpius' uncertainty that takes the spotlight. That seemed to really make the sting of his jerkfacery (that's the clinical term, I'm afraid) really hit home for me. When she warmed up to him, gave herself to him, and he's the one leaving it up to fate.

I like that you're talking so much about the give and take in relationships. She's willing to travel, to take off work, to do whatever she had to do, but he wasn't willing to do the same. That speaks volumes of their respective levels of commitment to each other.

I don't doubt that he loves her, but I think he loves the convenience of her at Hogwarts even more. If you're not willing to do anything within reason to be with someone, you're not really all that in love, are you? And there's a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone.

I like the last line the most of the story because it is stupid to die for love (especially the short lived nonsense that was Romeo and Juliet) but at the same time you give so much of yourself to someone. Good for Rose for deciding she wouldn't be Juliet, despite all of her heartbreak he subjected her to.

I think this was a very lovely story and it was exceptional at eliciting emotion from a stone cold death eater such as myself.

Author's Response: I think you understood this piece even better than I do. You felt everything I wanted to get across and more.

I honestly, am so thankful for your review, it took a lot out of me (and a lot of feelings for a fellow black souled death eater) to write this and I've been concerned that people haven't really reacted to it at all, nevermind in the way I had hoped for them to. So it is really nice to have someone really get this, and get me in a way.

So thank you so so much!!
:) BaletGir


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Review #3, by ImaRavenclaw I Still Love You

6th August 2016:
Hello darling, Lily here with your requested review!

Let’s get constructive criticism out of the way first!

You have a great story, but here’s somethings you can improve on:

1, you switch between past and present tense a lot, especially in the first flashback.
2, what exactly is happening with Astoria? Maybe shed quick light on that like: He did have a hard life, especially with his Mum’s cancer taking it’s toll.
Or something like that.
3, I was prepared to let my ideal future shift to include to. *do you mean ‘you’?*

Other then all of that (if I was just weirdly reading things then ignore all that above stuff), it was really good.

I liked this ‘not really serious but deep love in different ways’ kind of one shot, especially since normally Scorpius and Rose are in really committed relationships. Even though they’re not really alike, for some reason it reminds me of a Scorbus I wrote called ‘Don’t Mess With A Player’.

I liked Rose as the narrator, she was very strong. The way she describes her side of the story. Some parts were confusing or odd, but it didn’t disturb the flow of the story.

I would like more background however. The story is super interesting, but it could be EVEN MORE INTERESTING. I’d love to know if Scorpius does come back, you should write a sequel.

I feel like the Scorose in this fic was more ‘friends with benefits’, is that what you were going for?

I loved the descriptions you had, they were very insightful. I could see it happening.

This is a great story, and I’m glad you asked me to review it. I must say that banner is absolutely gorgeous, too! I hope to read more from you!

Yours sincerely,

ImaRavenclaw

Author's Response: Hello!!

Thank you for the detailed review! I really appreciate it!

I went and worked on the tense issues, and I fixed the typo you caught, so much thanks.

I wasn't necessarily going for Friends With Benefits, but I wanted that confusion. In my mind they are openly dating, and it's not a secret or anything, but Scorpius is so distant it can feel less official at times.

Thank you again!
:) BaletGir



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Review #4, by Anonymous Muggle I Still Love You

29th July 2016:
Sad story, authentic voice.

Unrequited love is the worst, and this is a great treatment of it. Poor Rose.

I really enjoyed this.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

:) BaletGir


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