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Reading Reviews for In The End
  
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MuggleMaybe Chapter Two

24th April 2017:
Freeing Sam for CtF =)

Hello! I was interested to discover this was an Tonks/Remus story. For whatever reason, they aren't very common. Or perhaps I just don't seek them out. (I confess: I am a wolfstar shipper.) Either way, I haven't read much about their 'courtship' or how they got together, and the books leave a lot unsaid. It's a cool missing moment to look at the conversations and interactions that led up to their marriage.

Nymphadora is so stubborn! But Remus is, too. They are a perfect match. ;) And i'm glad Tonks is stubborn because otherwise she and Sirius would never have gotten together. He's being silly, anyway. I don't think being a werewolf is hereditary! That said, I thought all of his anxieties were very in characters.

I hope you won't mind if I offer some CC, while I'm here.

Be careful about verb tense. You sometimes switch between past and present tense. I also found them almost too articulate in their dialogue. It's very formal and doesn't strike me as being all that affectionate.

Anyway, although the dialogue is a little stiff, I can tell from what they say that they really care about each other, When Tonks says that she doesn't mind working to support the whole family, I thought that was very sweet. Of course, i can't see Remus being very happy at the idea of no contributing, but he would be an amazing stay at home dad. Well, and just an amazing dad in general.

God, it is hurting my heart so much to know that after so many worries about whether they could be parents, they were only able to spend a few months with their son. *sobs* It's just SO. WRONG. Poor Remus. Poor Dora. And, especially, poor Teddy! This is a bittersweet story!

Thank you for the interesting read! :)

Author's Response: OMG Thank you!!! I don't mind constructive criticism. I will keep that in mind when I write the next chapter. I am planning on making my story have a sorta happy ending. Please check back for new chapters soon!

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Review #2, by Dojh167 Chapter Two

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

So based on what you’ve said about Remus having avoided Tonks for the last couple of months, it seems like he has known about her feelings for some time already.

Wow, this is a whole year before they get together in the end of Half Blood Prince, and Remus’ talking points of being an older werewolf already seem super stale.

A few little typos:
in “You can talk the Wolfsbane Potion” “talk” should be “take”
In “Tonks’’s hair” there should only be a single apostrophe

I think both of their sides are a little frustrating. They are both blatantly refusing to try to see the other’s perspective. I do agree with Remus that Tonks is a little naive in thinking that his being a werewolf wouldn’t make any difference. And as for Remus - well, if you’re so concerned about having a kid, don’t have a kid? I’m sure there’s effective birth control in the wizarding world. And if they can support themselves separately now, why can’t they support themselves together?

Okay, so Remus does have feelings for Tonks, but even she doesn’t know that. On one hand, that makes me a little annoyed with Tonks that she is so persistent when he has given her zero encouragement. Also it makes me feel extra sad for Remus, that he feels he has to be so self sacrificing that he forces himself to hide his feelings so others don’t pressure him to be happy.

Oh wow, you end the chapter before he answers Tonks. I wonder what will happen next. You said in chapter one that Sirius was alive, so they don’t get together for another year, unless they had some sort of secret relationship for a while. We’ll see!

Sam.

Author's Response: I have lo0ts of plot twists coming. Stay tuned for those. (Spoiler I'm not killing Sirius SH! lol) I hope you check back for more soon!!

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Review #3, by Dojh167 Chapter One

24th April 2017:
Hufflepuff CtF Review

First off, I adore your short chapters! Not just because this is a reviewing event and speed is of the essence, but because I really enjoy writing and reading in that style. You’ve done a good job with that here, really focusing in on the essentials and making a very powerful litte chapter.

The phrasing of “This has always been the case since her Hogwarts days. She had feelings for Remus Lupin” kind of confused me. With those sentences right next to each other like that, it looked like you were saying that she had feelings for Remus since her Hogwarts days. Especially because you use “had” instead of “has” when the rest of the story is present tense. But she wouldn’t have known him when she was in Hogwarts and certainly not in an age appropriate way.

In the books we don’t find out anything about Remus and Tonks’ relationship until book 6, so something feels very innocent and precious about this being set back when Sirius was alive. Like those were the good old days. And I think for Remus they were a bit better than after he lost his oldest friend, which may well have influenced how he saw things with Tonks.

I’m curious about what the state of Remus and Tonks’ relationship is at this point. She clearly likes him, but Sirius thinks it’s odd for them to even want to talk to each other, so it doesn’t seem like they’ve interacted much so far. I wonder if Remus knows of Tonks’ feelings or even thinks much about her.

This chapter really built up Tonks’ feelings with Remus, and I’m curious to see how he will react in the next chapter!

Sam.

Author's Response: You will definitely see more of their interactions! I am so glad you like it! I need to write more soon but with school that is kind of hard. I will try to write another chapter soon.

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Review #4, by Ron 4 Hermione Chapter One

24th April 2017:
Hey there, here for CTF!

So I’m very excited to read this as I love Remus/Tonks, even if it is a pretty depressing ship to ship.

I like how you portrayed Tonks in this, she just can’t wait to talk to Remus and tell him how she feels, even if that does make her snappy to Sirius. You can see why she wouldn’t want to tell him though, he’s such a gossip he’d probably tell the whole order before she even got a chance to tell Remus. I also love how even though she really wants to tell him she is still professional about it, and knows the order work has to come first. I think that’s a nice reflection on how difficult and dangerous times are in the war, and that has to come first, no matter how exciting the other stuff is.

I also liked how Remus is seen as a lot calmer, and rightfully, confused as to why Tonks wants to talk to him privately. I’m excited to see more of Remus, and how you portray him. I also wonder how he’ll take the news, obviously Tonks is correct in thinking that he won’t take the news very well in canon but I don’t know if you’re going to deviate from that.

This was a nice read, I’m looking forward to seeing how you carry on with their story.

Shaza :)

Author's Response: Thank you for the kind review!!! I am so happy that people actually like my story! I was worried about that. I will try to write more soon! Please check back for more soon! I have school but I can try to write soon.

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Review #5, by marauderfan Chapter 3

25th January 2017:
I saw that this story had a lot more reviews on the first chapter than on this one, so I kept going in order to give you more feedback on later in the story!

Remus/Tonks is such a great (and sad) ship. I really like how you're presenting both sides of their argument here, and how Remus is totally stuck on his self-deprecation and keeps insisting he's not good enough for Tonks. It's so sad that he thought that about himself, but matches really well with what we know of from the books. As for Tonks, she is so wonderfully accepting and I love that, but it's almost like she doesn't fully consider Remus' arguments, especially the one about having kids, which really foreshadows his panic and running away in DH. I'm glad they finally kissed but they clearly have a lot of things to talk about that they've kind of brushed under the rug, like the possibility that a kid might inherit the trait of being a werewolf.

And Sirius can be perceptive, I'm not surprised he noticed all the gazing :P

Great story! I hope you write more of it!

Author's Response: I have a fourth chapter being beta'd as we speak. I hope you continue to read it! I am glad that you read this far! Thank you! I try to be as realistic as possible but that doesn't always work the way I planned. Thank you again for the review!!

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Review #6, by Beeezie Chapter 3

18th December 2016:
Huh. I'm not totally sure I buy the idea that Sirius has more loyalty to a cousin that he only met a few months ago over Remus, who he was friends with for years - but I think I do like that Tonks thinks that that's where he's coming from, if that makes any sense, because I can see her mistaking the really complicated history they have for lack of affection. I also really like the way you have Remus holding firm on the kids issue and Tonks not really processing that - it ties in really nicely with DH. :)

Happy holidays!

Author's Response: OMG!!! Thank you! I'm glad you liked this! I will write more when I get the chance!!!

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Review #7, by Beeezie Chapter Two

18th December 2016:
Ouch. Yeah, I think that there are some very real hurdles that Tonks is just shrugging off, and while I get where she's coming from, I'm kind of on Remus's side here. That doesn't mean that it's not worth trying, but I wish she'd validate his concerns a little more rather than shrug them off. You're doing a really good job so far at presenting both sides of it, though - I can't wait to keep reading!

Author's Response: Wow, I am glad you like this chapter! I worked really hard on it!!! I'll write more during the holidays.

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Review #8, by Beeezie Chapter One

18th December 2016:
Hey, I'm here to spread some holiday spirit! :)

I really like the way you're looking at how the relationship between Tonks and Remus starts - it's something that just kind of gets dumped on us at the end of HBP without a lot of background or context, and since they really don't seem to have much in common, I was always curious about how it happened. I really like the way you made Tonks keep her own counsel here rather than confide in Sirius as well - I think there's a tendency in fandom to extrapolate "outgoing" to "open," when they're not quite the same thing. I can't wait to read on!

Author's Response: Thanks! I always thought this should be explored. I look forward to writing more.

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Review #9, by FireOpalQueen Chapter One

3rd May 2016:
Hello, Leigh!

Kapa here, for our swap!

Aw, this was a sweet little chapter! I always find this kind of ‘missing scene’ story interesting, to see how different authors handle events from Canon that aren’t actually shown in the Harry Potter books. I’ve always liked Remus and Tonks as a pairing, but I’ve also always wondered what made them fall for each other (just like Sirius here, who doesn’t seem to think that the two of them have much in common), so it’s interesting to see your take on their love story.

I spotted two little mistakes, though. The first is towards the end, where two sentences (“Her mind was racing at a mile a minute. She truly cared deeply for him.”) are written in past tense instead of present. And in one place you write “molly” instead of “Molly”.

The short, staccato sentences that make up his story serve to drive the story forwards in a somewhat feverish pace, which works very well with the plot and Tonks’ nervousness. However, they also make text seem a little monotonous at times. In your future writing you could maybe try to mix short and long sentences together a bit more. This can help to create flow. A tip that has worked for me is to read what I’ve written aloud to myself to see if it flows well or not.

All in all this chapter works well in following Tonks in this nervous moment, and I feel sorry for her, because I know that Remus will say no at first. : ( The dialogue between Tonks and Sirius was also funny, and very in character.

/Kapa

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I try not to make too many mistakes when i write. I read everything afterwords and sometimes miss mistakes. I am glad you like the story so far. I hope you will continue to follow this story. I have a lot planned for it. It will be a great story. I can feel it. Let me know if you read the later chapters.

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Review #10, by filledwithwonder Chapter One

12th April 2016:
Hi there! Rach here with your requested review.

I liked how you started things off. It is sort of in the middle of the story, which makes me intrigued to learn more about the backstory. Starting in the middle makes for a more interesting read than at the very start, when Tonks was just starting to have feelings for Remus.

I like that you used present tense. I personally love stories written in present tense, and you don't see it done too often.

I like how you characterized Tonks. You can tell she's bubbly and nervous, and you captured those feelings well. But she also cares about Remus' well being and knows that the war and Order come first. We haven't really seen Remus yet, but I think you captured Sirius well.

I'd love to read more about how Tonks decided to tell Remus about her feelings, and how those feelings came to light in the first place! And I'm curious to see how Remus reacts as well.

-R

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I plan to keep this story updated. I don't plan to leave like I did a few years ago. I plan to stay and write for as long as HPFF is alive. I look forward to seeing how you react to the future chapters. Thank you again for your review. :)

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Review #11, by dreamgazer220 Chapter One

6th April 2016:
Hiya Leigh! Here for our review swap :)

So I don't normally read Tonks and Remus, though I'm not sure why, but I decided to give this a shot!

I like what you've set up here. Tonks is clearly nervous and excited about talking to Remus, and it's understandable as to why! She's nervous about him rejecting her, and I loved when you had her start asking questions like "What if he got hurt? What if he got killed?" That shows that she really does care for him. I also like that Tonks knows the Order comes first - she knows Remus has priorities and doesn't expect him to change those for her. ♥

I like that you start off by Tonks looking for him too, it sets up a nice bit of conflict. I did find it a little repetitive that she wants to talk to him, though- we know that it's important to her, but maybe try and phrase it differently each time? I hope that makes sense!

You've got a nice start here, and I'd be curious to see how you tackle their relationship.

Thanks for the swap!
~Jill

Author's Response: Thanks. I guess I was just nervous about writing them. I've never written them in a story before though I used to RP as Remus on Twitter. I get nervous and repetitive when I write new things. Sorry about that. The next chapter is up so you can read that if you want.

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Review #12, by Gabriella Hunter Chapter One

5th April 2016:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review for our swap! Thank you for the awesome one you left for Lovely. :D It really made me happy!

I honestly don't read a lot of stories that feature Tonks and Remus. I'm not sure why but I was happy to see this! :D They're a really awesome couple and I wish that we knew more about them, I like here that Tonks is relying heavily on emotion instead of acting out right away.

I usually have people interpret their relationship as more aggressive, which I don't think would be the case. Tonks is a compassionate woman and I love that you have her nearly bursting with energy, she needs to tell Remus how she feels before it's too late. I actually thought we would have learned more about her feelings here about him but I thought you led up to it nicely.

I'm kind of nervous for her though, I really, really hope that things work out well. We all know what happens eventually but I always got the feeling that Remus was fighting his attraction to her. I'm super curious to find out how everything works out for her, so update soon!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: I am planning an update as we speak. I want to be very careful about how I work this out. I want it to feel real. I am glad that you liked it! I plan to read more of your work soon. Thank you for your review! Stay tuned for more!

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Review #13, by Unwritten Curse Chapter One

3rd April 2016:
What a sweet chapter. I can see Tonks' resilient spirit here and that's great to see. You write her well!

I wonder what will happen now that she has found him. I hope they can have a heartfelt talk about their feelings and that Remus will listen to her. Remus can be quite stubborn but Tonks really loves him, and that comes across here with her worrying about his safety.

Just a suggestion: Try using active voice rather than passive voice. Passive voice uses the verb "to be" and it takes away the opportunity to use more vivid language. So instead of saying things like "Sirius is curious..." etc., try painting the picture with active verbs, like "Sirius frowns, gazing at her curiously." That way you're painting a picture for your readers and you can evoke more emotion. I hope that makes sense!

I hope you'll continue this story soon. :)

--Gina

Author's Response: I am planning other chapters. I will keep your tips in mind. I just want to write well. Thank you for your tips.

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