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Review #1, by Dirigible_Plums Chapter1

18th May 2016:

It's Plums with a review for the AU Challenge :) Sorry if it's a little short - usually I'll mention something about the description/non-dialogue bits, but since this was also for the Dialogue Challenge, I can't really do that :P

Speaking of which, wow. I would never have been able to write something that's completely dialogue - it just wouldn't sit well with me. I guess that's why they call it a challenge! Considering that, it's really impressive how well this reads, particularly at the beginning. I think it does get a little confusing with the addition of Harry around about "Hey!" and the story seems to lose a bit of steam. It started out strongly, but the change from when she walks away from Draco to Draco suddenly wanting her back seems a little jarring.

Anyway, onto my favourite parts: I really really like the beginning. It was a strong start, especially considering the unconventional style. You managed to convey the different personalities in their greetings from Ginny taking control and introducing Hermione to Luna's whimsical little hello. I adored the suggestive tone in Luna's "So, Ginny, Harry was over the whole summer wasn't he?" and Ginny's terse refusal to give into proper detail. It was pretty funny and mirrored the sort of conversation the Pink Ladies/girls in general tend to have.

Draco as Danny, though. It made me laugh so much. He's definitely the best choice for the role, it's just so hard to picture him as one - at least he has the hair for it! :P Aside from the slight OOC use of baby - which is completely fine because it's Grease - I liked the way he just seemed to die a little in embarrassment when Hermione hugged him ("Hey, uh.") as mean as it was for him to do that.

I think that you managed to do a good job of weaving in little aspects of Grease into the dialogue. Such as mentioning how Draco had a car and would take her to the movies and for shakes or Luna's use of the word "dreamy" or Draco's dialogue. Good stuff.

A couple of mistakes I noticed: you accidentally put "It's was so lovely." when Hannah talks about her date with Neville and when Hermione says, "Ah, Luna, I don't believe in love at first site." you used the other spelling of 'sight'.

Thanks for entering the challenge!

Plums xo

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