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Reading Reviews for She's a Keeper
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by May Negotiations & Manipulations

22nd January 2017:
Great storyline looking forward to next chapter

Author's Response: thank you!! a new chapter is in the works :)

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Review #2, by Felpata Lupin Newspapers & Asking for Favors

26th March 2016:
Here again, as promised!
Since this is your biggest concern, let me start by saying that I didn't think this was too slow or anything. You need to set the scene, give us some background and introduce your characters properly and you did just that. And I think you managed it really well, too, so no worries! ;)

I loved the way you started, with a dream. I had no idea it was, thought it was happening for real. But it was a great way to start off!

I found interesting that she's a Slytherin, and that it got her and Roxy to get closer. I guess a Slytherin Potter (or Weasley, either way) would be sort of a scandal. Funny, though, how that part wasn't received as badly as her lack of Quidditch talent... I wonder how much of her family disappointment is true and how much exists only in her head... and I also wonder how that interview really went... I can't imagine Harry and Ginny being so little supportive of one of their children, as much different as she might be. (By the way, that bit of the article about Ginny's sorting made me laugh... Harry wasn't even there, too busy crushing a car against a violent tree. Eheheh!)

This Scorpius/Lily relationship seems interesting already... wonder where this is heading...

Good work so far! :)

Love,
Chiara

Author's Response: Hello again! Just reiterating that I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to my request.

I'm relieved to hear you didn't think it was too slow and the scene is properly set. I wanted to take my time really getting into the characters and the factors that motivate Lily for the rest of the story, and that takes a couple of chapters. :)

The dream was definitely an attempt at a silly hook, and I'm glad it worked for you.

I'm happy to hear you're interested in Snake Lily. I thought it would really reinforce her black sheep-ness. A Slytherin Potter-Weasley would definitely cause a stir, but I figured since Harry was so open to Albus being sorted into Slytherin in the epilogue that he and Ginny would be accepting should Lily be sorted there. And yes, Lily might be over exaggerating her parent's disappointment in her, but there is some truth to her paranoia. To what extent is it all in her head is up to speculation. ;) And classic Rita Skeeter, embellishing Harry and Ginny's love story. I'm glad you thought it was a funny moment, as the story is supposed to be humor, but my own sense of humor is quite subtle so I worry sometimes that it doesn't come across.

I haven't gotten a chance to introduce Scorpius/Lily too much, but it's more of a slow burn. And I'm going to try my best to stay away from the hate/love cliche, although Lily loves to use cliches in her own ramblings.

Thank you again for taking the time to review!

-R


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Review #3, by Felpata Lupin The Introduction

26th March 2016:
Hi! Here with your requested review (don't worry, I'll get to chapter two as well, but I thought I'd review this first!)

This was quite an enjoyable reading so far! :)
I love adolescent rambling and it was funny to follow Lily's train of thought in here!

I particularly enjoyed the way you put in the little episodes to explain the reasons behind her hatred for Quidditch. It was fun how her family kept hoping against hope that she would show the family talent at a certain point.

By the way, it was sort of fun the bitterness she felt towards her parents and brothers. She's clearly envious of all their accomplishments, even if she would never admit it. Being a Potter must give you some pressure, I guess... :P

One thing I'm not sure if I liked or not was the way you reiterated the point that she wasn't like other Potters in the beginning...

Om one hand, I can get your idea behind it, following her thoughts and playing with the non-linearity and the going-off-on-tangent of thinking process... on the other, I feel like you've outdone it a little and that section should be redimensioned a tiny bit. What do you think?

Otherwise, I enjoyed reading this! I'm quite curious about how her denial will be broken! Moving on to chap two now! ;)

With love,
Chiara

Author's Response: Hi Chiara, thanks for taking the time to review not just one but two chapters!

I'm glad you liked it so far, and you definitely got the idea behind Lily. She definitely harbors a strong bitterness towards her brothers, and I'm glad her reasons for hating Quidditch were realistic. I'm relieved to know the way I wanted to portray Lily is how the reader interprets her! :)

I can see what you mean about the beginning. I guess I was trying to open with a hook, and as I'm writing from the first person I thought Lily's tangents would be organic. I definitely need to rework some areas, as the story is relatively unedited at this point. I appreciate the CC!

Thank you again for the review; I appreciate you taking the time. And I'm glad you enjoyed so far!

-R


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Review #4, by Ernie_the_Dino Newspapers & Asking for Favors

21st March 2016:
Hi, again, I really like this chapter, it's set the ... situation... rather than scene in this case. I hope you keep going. x

Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you so much for taking the time to review again; it really means so much! :) A new chapter update should be coming soon.

-R


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Review #5, by Ernie_the_Dino The Introduction

19th March 2016:
Hi, just started reading your story, I like it so far, and Lily seems very realistic. If a girl doesn't get a cynical sense of humour by fifteen, she's clearly too perfectly pretty for her own good. Adolescent ranting aside, I hope you keep writing, I'll leave a review for the next chapters to give you another reader's perspective.

Author's Response: Hi! Glad you liked the story so far! Lily is my little cynical adolescent, and I'm so relieved to hear you think she's realistic. Thank you so much for taking the time to review, it means a lot!

-R


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Review #6, by The Justice League Newspapers & Asking for Favors

28th February 2016:
I really liked this. You never see Lily as the black sheep in fanfics and I enjoyed her being portrayed in such a blatant way. Update soon :}

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm working on the next installment as we speak :)

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Review #7, by Jayna The Introduction

21st February 2016:
Hello! I saw your summary and just could not resist! (By the way, I ADORE your summary! It is wonderful and you give just enough information to set the situation and get the reader interested without giving any sort of indication about how exactly she'll be able to fake some mad Quidditch skills. So yeah, great job on the summary.)

As far as first chapters go, this one does a nice job of continuing to set the scene as the summary does. One thing that this chapter adds besides additional backstory is Lily's personality. I love her sassy humor, and I kid you not when I said this actually made me laugh. Not just in-your-head laugh, but I actually made a laughing noise. Your humor is funny and it fits with what a 15 year old girl would say. However, I wish you would have given some indication of how exactly she's going to learn Quidditch in this chapter. Overall, wonderful job on the humor and the summary. I think my favorite part was that was the first time I had been to Mungo's/that was the first time Rose had been to Mungo's/I felt bad about sending Scorpius to the hospital wing. It did a nice job of tying the whole thing together and was super funny (or at least it was to me).

Overall, good job, and I'm excited to see what jokes the next chapter holds.

-Jayna

Author's Response: Hi Jayna! Thank you so much for your review!

I'm so glad you like the summary - I'd argue it's one of the most important parts of a story, as it's what gets people clicking and reading. So it's good to know that it's doing its job :P

It's so nice to hear that you found the first chapter funny, and you liked Lily! As a rather not-funny person myself, having a story that is supposed to be in the 'humor' genre with a super-sass master main character is a bit daunting. So knowing that I made at least one person laugh makes me feel really like I did what I set out to do! And that part is my favorite as well ;)

I definitely considered combining this chapter and the next in order to really get the story going, but because this was meant really as a way for Lily to introduce herself to the readers I thought it wouldn't flow naturally to begin the story right away. I promise things will be a bit clearer by the next installment!

Thank you for reading, and thank you again for the great review! :)

-R


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