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Reading Reviews for Jitters
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Jayna Lucius

21st March 2016:
Hello again, here with your last challenge review!

So first of all, I thought it was really interesting that you chose second person PoV for this piece. I think that it was a good choice for this chapter, although it set it apart a little from the other two chapters. It really helped make Lucius's situation more relatable.

I loved your descriptions in this chapter, it definitely made the whole dancing aspect of it a ton more poetic, and gave the whole thing a really graceful, elegant feel. In addition, I liked the contrast between Ron's small, sweet wedding, and Malfoy's grand, polished one.

Oh no, getting called to the dark lord on your wedding day, how terrible! I didn't think that Voldemort would be that mean!

Lastly, in my head, this marriage was one void of much affection, and more like a contract that a partnership, but it was nice to see it from a different perspective.

Something I really liked about this chapter was how you showed that the Dark Lord was such a big part of Malfoy's life, evident in the people he hung out with and what he did.

Overall, great job on this chapter and the whole story.

-Jayna

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Review #2, by Jayna Luna

16th March 2016:
Hi again, I'm back with your second review from the Somehow Connected Challenge, and I was super excited to see what you did with Luna, as she's one of my favorite characters.

I loved the bit about her feeling as big as the world. It definitely feels just like Luna, and for a second there, I felt like I was on top of the world too.

LOVED the part about her mother's dress and her father's reaction. I think that you definitely did a great job with Luna's reaction to that, and her overwhelming need to have her mother on her wedding day.

The scene with Ginny was super touching, and I really liked the part about how she thought that the fairy was her mother. I think that a lot of people do that, look for some connection to the deceased that they love. They look for confirmation that they are being watched over, that those that have died aren't truly gone, and that it helps them feel closer when they see these signs. I think that that was my favorite part actually, the bit about the fairy. It just seemed so luna, and so bittersweet.

As for your Luna characterization, everyone does her just a little bit differently, and I think that yours fits pretty well with the one we know in the books.

Overall, great job, and I can't wait to read the next chapter, but I think I'll have to hold off on that until tomorrow.

-Jayna

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Review #3, by Jayna Ron

16th March 2016:
Hey there Frankie, I'm here to review the first chapter of your story for the Somehow Connected Challenge.

First of all, you do a great job of setting that anticipation up. I felt that something wonderful was about to happen, and I kind of got butterflies too. I adored that little bit about how Hermione didn't need him to, but that he would fight for her. It really showed how Ron knew her so well and that he knew that she would be strong enough, but that he would always be there if she needed him.

One thing that I did notice was that you said 'today was finally here' in the bit about how it was their relationship and how the reporters had been all up in their face. I don't think there's anything grammatically wrong with that, but I've always heard "the day had finally arrived" or "at last, the day was here" or stuff like that. Anyway, that's just my opinion and it's definitely a super minor thing.

The scene in the kitchen was ADORABLE!!! THE CUTENESS WAS TOO MUCH TO BEAR. It was just so sweet and I loved the way she called him Ronald, and that he already knew it was tea. It was also just so cute when he wasn't even surprised that she was there and that she was reading, it was just a testament to how familiar they were with each other.

I loved how you brought the whole thing full circle with the title and the jitters and everything. You did a great job of making me feel exactly what Ron was feeling!

Anyway, awesome job overall, and while I hope to review each chapter of each entry, it might take a while, and I might even finish them after posting the results. Basically, all I'm saying is to be patient with me. Thanks for a great read so far!

-Jayna

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Review #4, by Dojh167 Lucius

6th March 2016:
For the HPFF Review-A-Thon

Last chapter!

Lucius seems like such an odd character out when compared to Ron and Luna especially considering era and character type, but it was very interesting to take a look at his wedding day in this chapter.

I think that you did quite a good job with Lucius here. He is certainly very in love with his bride, but that love is tinged with darker fears and conflict at full awareness of what's happening in the world and his place in it.

It seems very deliberate that this chapter is set after the wedding, not before, and I appreciate that distinction.

Taken on their own, apart from knowledge of canon, these three chapters are even more similar. They are all optimistic young people beginning their lives together. Lucius seems like the odd one out because of what we know of his future, but he is not yet this man. Okay, so he has already killed people... But that doesn't necessarily put him in a different class from Ron and Luna after the war? Okay, I'm not sure how well I can justify this.

But I guess what I'm saying, is the difference between this chapter and the other two, is that in this one we know what is to come. Rona and Luna's futures are relatively uncertain to us, and it is impossible to judge based on the joys or uncertainties of a single day whether their futures will be predominately bright or dark.

Yeah... I can't really imagine Voldemort at a wedding. Well, I can, but it would have to be Horror/Dark or Humor.

Also, amusing typo: I believe "Slythering" should be "Slythern" ;)

Awesome story! I really enjoyed all three chapters.

Sam.

Author's Response: Sam
:)
Thanks for taking the time out for all my chapters and for thought out reviews. They seriously are the best.

It was so fun getting into Lucius' head and making the distinction between him and Ron and Luna. So I appreciate your appreciation :)

Voldemort at a wedding would be hilarious, or extremely dark.

I am so thankful for you pointing out the little things I should change - it really helps me be better!

Lots of hugs
Frankie


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Review #5, by Dojh167 Luna

6th March 2016:
For the HPFF Review-A-Thon

We saw Luna and Rolf at Ron's wedding in the last chapter, so I can't help but wonder if consecutively this chapter comes before or after that in time.

I totally get your lack of confident in characterizing Luna. She is really one of the hardest characters to write. However, I think you did an admirable job. he opening of this story, in particular, felt very in character for her, with the simple depth of emotion as she looked into the mirror and remembered her mother.

There is some mixing of past and present tense here - I'd recommend making another edit of this chapter to look out for that.

It is unusual o see Luna break down like this, but on this day, thinking of her mother, it is totally understandable.

There is such unexpected depth in the line "When he looks at me, he sees me." She has had people staring at her all of her life, but they have never really seen her for her or understood her. We don't see much of Rolf here, but this line says a lot.

I also really love the element of friendship between Ginny and Luna in this chapter. Luna has always been quite isolated, but friendship is very important to her, and it makes sense for her to have this touching moment with Ginny on her wedding day.

Another fabulous chapter! Onto Lucius!

Sam.

Author's Response: Sam. Thank you for all the critique and the thoughts on Luna. I just love her so much :)

I will be on the lookout for the mistakes :)

I really hope Rolf is good for her, I believe he is!

Frankie


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Review #6, by Dojh167 Ron

6th March 2016:
For the HPFF Review-A-Thon

First off, I think the characters you chose are all very interesting in themselves as I can imagine they'd all have very different responses to their Wedding day, and I am interested to see how the three chapters relate to each other.

I love the excitement with which Ron wakes up. Of the three characters, he is the one I would most expect to have doubts, but why would he? He's marrying Hermione Granger. So yeah, it's totally like Christmas.

I really like the distinction you made between how Ron needed Hermione, and how she did not necessarily need him, but he was there for her and to fight for her.

Oh my goodness, the morning kitchen scene is just so sweet and beautiful! It feels so natural, like any one of hundreds of mornings to come, and on this day that is even more special.

The jitters scene between Ron and Harry is very believable, and I like that Harry reminds him that Hermione has known him since they were 11 and she's seen worse!

And then the last scene is just so beautiful and joyful. So many feelings! Thanks for writing this. I can't wait to read the next chapters and see the similarities and differences.

Sam.

Author's Response: Sam :)

These reviews made my day when I read this the first time and now they made my day. Ron being jittery I'd expecte I agree.

But this chapter was so fun to write. It's difficult writing Ron/Hermione because I want to do canon justice but in fanfic land I picture her with so many others beside Ron. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.

Frankie


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Review #7, by princesslily_36 Lucius

6th March 2016:
FOR THE HPFF REVIEW-A-THON

Lucius Malfoy! A change from the pleasant characters in the last two chapters.

This one, i enjoyed so much because of all the descriptions. You took the time to include so many characters we know in canon, and see them through Lucius' eyes. You also set the scene very well for this, including Snape and Bellatrix and even Regulus Black.

There is such a change in the tone of this chapter compared to the last two that reflect on the time it was set (during the first wizarding war). Great job with that.

How he worries about, and thinks of Voldemort, during the happiest day of his life actually shows how much fear Voldemort instilled in his followers. Lucius hated leaving his bride, but he was bound by his fear, and power-hunger to allow himself to be at someone else's beck and call.

And here, I noticed that the jitters didn't pertain to the actual wedding, but to Voldemort. The way he felt about Narcissa remained constant. This new take on wedding jitters is quite genius! Bravo!

Bellatrix, although a nuisance - Despite the mood of this fic, I couldn't help burst out laughing at this phrase. I've seen Bellatrix being called so many adjectives, but a nuisance, it's the first! And so fitting!!

I also noticed that the three chapters spanned three PoVs.. nice :D Lovely idea! It really shows how versatile you are as a writer!

Good Luck with the Challenge!

XOXO
~Ysh

Author's Response: Ysh!

This review is so kind and so thought out and so long. Thank you thank you. All of my fears were quoted by your generous words! Thank you.

Lucius was by far the most interesting to write. We know so much about him, it was fun to get in his head.

Thank you for reading my story and leaving such kind reviews.

Frankie


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Review #8, by princesslily_36 Luna

6th March 2016:
FOR THE HPFF REVIEW-A-THON

Rolf and Luna! Yess, I wanted to read this :D

Awww, I had never thought about Luna's wedding day before, but I love how you've written it. Her mother's wedding dress - perfection. It's just how I expect Luna to be dressed on her special day, complete with the flower crown. I almost welled up when she missed her mother, after all every girl wants her mother on her wedding day.

Ginny's presence seemed to remind me so much of Molly Weasley. I know she was there more like a friend rather than a mother to Luna, but I just got the feeling from their conversation that Luna at that moment regarded her as a motherly figure. I can't place my hand on what it was, but the way you wrote the conersation between them, it was really so very beautiful.

And you A/N stated you were worried about Luna's characterization, but don't be. I mean, we have never seen her cry or be perturbed by anything in the books, and talks about her mother's death in a more matter of fact manner. But I think her wedding day will be the one day she allows herself to be a little sentimental about it, despite her Ravenclaw pragmatism.

I really really enjoyed this bit :D Good Luck with the challenge! Over to the last chapter now.

XOXO
~Ysh

Author's Response: Ysh!

Thank you so much for this. I was so anxious about this chapter and Luna. And I love everything about Ginny so I am glad you liked her:)

Luna is so great and I hope I did her justice.
Frankie


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Review #9, by princesslily_36 Ron

6th March 2016:
FOR THE HPFF REVIEW-A-THON

Hello frankie!

Decided to stop by your story, really like the idea and works perfectly well for the challenge.

So Ron's wedding day was pictured exactly how I expected. He would have been nervous, but like you said the good kind, not the final-match-of-house-cup kind :D So obviously he's going to get all worked up about talking in front of so many people, but the sight of Hermione blowing all that out of his head was just so sweet!

And Harry being his calming force, that was adorable! You know, I always thought Ron and Hermione would get married sooner than Harry and Ginny... but your way makes more sense coming to think of it because Hermione goes back to study doesn't she? That would take a while.

It's muggle superstition - I loved this line. Ron being such a pureblood here. This was SO in character for him.

Pre-wedding jitters fade away at the sight of Hermione.. awww... As you can tell, I'm a total fluff-nut, and I loved every bit of that!

Over to the next chapter :D

XOXO
~Ysh

Author's Response: Ysh! Thanks for the review :) Ron is so hard for me to write so I'm glad I got him across the way I did. :) thanks for all the reviews!

Frankie


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Review #10, by Avanell 2 Ron

16th January 2016:
Very sweet story...enjoyed how he saw her in the morning and thought how perfect and better it was going to get :) Lovely!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review :) i hope that what I imagined in my head from their wedding day was written well!

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