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Reading Reviews for Alligator Sky
  
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TidalDragon {O N E}

14th January 2017:
Howdy! This story was such a fun read! I had originally intended to leave you a million reviews which you totally deserve on both talent and kindness for leaving so many some time ago, but alas, life always seems to interfere and so I settled on this one.

Early on you immediately highlighted one of my favorite things about your writing, which is your powerful descriptive ability. Even when you're running down someone's appearance you have a real talent for word choice and making it flow not just within the description itself, but as a purposeful piece of the overall setting or plot. While they're excellent in themselves it's this last bit that makes them even more so to me because it avoids the trap that I often fall into - descriptions seeming more gratuitous or at least unnecessary in the scheme of things.

I also found the plot enjoyable. You reference it as a WIP and I hope you'll pick it up again if so because the whole concept of Lily (II) on holiday in America and being obsessed with astronomy and space enough to explore it in a muggle museum like the Smithsonian is so unique.

I also wouldn't mind seeing more of this potential pairing. David is written so appropriately for his age (and nerd status, which, as a fellow nerd I feel okay saying) and the early (space) interest-based connection you establish between them holds promise. Plus there's my affection for Next Gen pairings of Potter and/or Weasley offspring with a muggle :P

Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Hello hello! That's very, very kind of you to say. I have to get back to Evolution, to be honest. I'm curious to see where the story is up to, now! As you said, life has a way of interfering with one's plans.

*blushes* I don't think you've read much of my earlier writing, otherwise you'd know that description is something with which I've been struggling for a long time. I'm so pleased that you liked the descriptions. I understand where you're coming from with writing description. It needs to be included, but sometimes it can feel like you're writing something like "here is the description!" "here is the plot!" "here is the dialogue!" and the overall piece just doesn't flow.

I do plan to continue this! As usual, life has been getting in the way of writing. Hopefully, I'll get back into the swing of things!

Thanks for the wonderful review! It's always so lovely to hear from you :)


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Review #2, by adluvshp {O N E}

17th May 2016:
Hey! Here for (delayed) Slytherin Hot Seat review.

Ooh! This looks like a lovely story. I absolutely loved the introduction of Lily and David. I find it really cool that they're both "space-nerds". Lily's excitement at being "home" at the museum was lovely. I also loved how David was enamoured as soon as he saw her - it was so cute. And then when they talked, their interaction felt genuine and natural and I liked that. You did a great job with descriptions, from the beginning of the story to set the scene, to that of the characters' thoughts and feelings, to the overall narrative. The dialogue flowed smoothly as well, and I was totally captivated while reading. I really enjoyed reading this and hope I can be back for the next chapter! Keep writing, great job!

Cheers
Angie
(lost muse)

Author's Response: Delayed reviews are fine since I am just sooo delayed with my replies.

I'm so glad that you liked the story, Angie! I'm especially pleased that you liked my descriptions. Your critique is invaluable, as always.

Thanks so much for the wonderful review :)


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Review #3, by Penelope Inkwell {O N E}

6th May 2016:
Slytherin Hot Seat Review #6

Hey there! Penny here!

Ooh, I like this WIP! I loved how you opened it up, with Lily in D.C. in the rain. I felt like I could picture it, but in a way that was kind of more focused on sensation? The people rushing by, the cold rain falling down, Lily's warm toes and her scarf suffering from wet dog-smell. But then David comes in, and he's very visual. His descriptions, particularly of Lily, are great! The way he talks about her halo of red hair and the intensity of her eyes and her slightly too long nose (loved the Weasley traits, by the way!) And just his description of her as a college student/knight-who-slays-dragons-with-umbrellas was wonderful and adorable. It was cool to see them relate to the world in different ways. I don't know if you did that intentionally or not, but it created a POV/voice difference that I thought was pretty cool!

I love the idea of there being an astronomy branch of the Dept. of Mysteries housed in the Royal Observatory! That was so snazzy, and such a cool idea for Lily's career! I may not know a ton about space, but I really enjoyed space-nerd Lily.

Oh, and David was such a cutie, coaxing that girl into being okay with her interest in science! My heart melted a little bit.

And then the way she went and asked David about shuttles was so cute. Like, I wonder if she knew anything about them at all, not having grown up around Muggles. What kind of information could she be taking back to the department with that? It's just cool that we know that she doesn't know because magic, while David is just happily assuming she's just a slightly different brand of space geek (which, to be fair, is also true). I'd love to see what would happen if they really talked telescopes. Could Lily possibly hide that the ones she works with are probably influenced by magic? Would their information about planets differ?

She tugged at the soft wool of her scarf, pulling it over her nose and took shallow breaths to avoid the smell of wet dog.
--love that detail

CC:

The people of Washington, DC, however were used to their winters, and went about their business.
--there should be a comma after "however" here.

long dark heavy coats
--this needs some commas in between the adjectives: long, dark, heavy


I really enjoyed this, though of course I always enjoyed your writing. But this was something a little different, and it just seems like a cool piece with a lot of possibilities! The combo of Muggle and Magical space nerdery could just go in so many fun directions! I'll try to be looking out for more chapters!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hey Penny! You're back after some sleep, I hope!

Lily and David are quite similar superficially, so I wanted to differentiate their voices from the very start. They experience the world in a way that's same same, but different. I'm glad - and a little relieved - that their differences are apparent so early on.

Lily's career is basically my dream career. Space: the final frontier, awaits! And I've always viewed the Department of Mysteries as the research arm of the Wizarding world. If anyone was going to be studying space, it would be the Department of Mysteries.

We should all aim to be more like David.

The scientific possibilities when the Muggle and Wizarding world collide! More to come on that.

Thanks so much for the lovely review, Penny :)


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Review #4, by looneylizzie {O N E}

28th April 2016:
Hello!

Iím finally here for your prizes for the Name that Fandom Challenge! Sorry it took me so long!!

Okay, so I was planning on starting with Like a House on Fire, but then I saw ĒSpace Nerds Falling in LoveĒ at the top of your AP and all hope was lost. I just HAD to come check this out!

First off, your descriptions are practically drool-worthy. I mean, just reading the first paragraph was enough to make me green with envy. What a way to paint a picture! I LOVE IT!

ĒÖand tourists, being tourists, went about their business of being tourists in the same manner as they would had the day been clear and the sun shining bright.Ē ó hehehe. That made me giggle.

The fact that she made this gigantic trip to see the Air and Space Museum is just brilliant. Not to mention adorable! And Iíve been to the Air and Space Museum, and Iíve got to say, Lily has good reason to be excited about it! :D
(Iím assuming you have as well, because your descriptions of the museum are really good ó and if you havenít, kudos to you!)

ĒWith her dark red hair in a frizzy halo around her head, the young woman looked like a knight off to slay a dragon with the pointy end of her umbrella Ė if dragon-slaying knights dressed like college kids.Ē ó I laughed far too hard at this. :D

Awe! The girl with the braids is kind of embarrassed to admit that sheís a space nerd! Thatís both adorable and kind of sad. Be proud of your nerdiness Braids! (yes, Iím calling her that) Space really is cool!

David graduated high school at 13?! HA! Thatís my kind of nerd!

Hehehe, Braids walks away with some nerd pride. *cheers* Go David! I like him already!

ĒÖknight-who-goes-to-college.Ē ó YES.

Oh my gosh, is David one of those nerds who is utterly incapable of flirtation? I think those guys are so adorable.

Donít mock. :P

I like that he sort of analyzes her face in detail. Itís a really nerdy thing to do (although I donít know if you did that intentionally or not).

Ah! So he CAN flirt! Go David!

Awe!! She listened to his whole little rant and she LIKED it! Clearly, they were made for each other. #IShipIt

AHHH! Thereís only one chapter and Iím already in love with this story!! While I donít think I totally qualify for the coveted ďspace nerdĒ title, I do think itís really fascinating and absolutely love it whenever a space nerd decides to educate me on something that I donít know.

Which is why I canít wait for more! I definitely want to see more of Lily and David and Iím certainly hoping Iíll get to learn a little something new about space at some point in time during this story!! :D

This is a wonderful start, and Iíll be looking out for updates!

Keep writing!
Lizzie

Author's Response: Space nerds falling in love is difficult to resist, I agree. I'm glad to have drawn you in!

I'm pleased you enjoyed the descriptions. I struggle most with descriptions, so any validation is truly appreciated. It was a lot of fun writing that first paragraph!

I have been to the Air and Space Museum! One of my favourites, I must say! I had a great time. I am also a fellow space nerd, so Lily, David, and I are just kindred souls here!

David is the ultimate nerd. We should just crown him the nerd king now and call it a day :P

David is... We'll see how David is when it comes to flirting *smirks*

#IShipItToo

Thanks for the wonderful review, Lizzie! So excited that you're excited for this story, too!


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Review #5, by PaulaTheProkaryote {O N E}

14th March 2016:
I have to start by saying that I absolutely can picture my favorite place in the world, DC. All of your details feel so accurate and realistic. I can smell the rain and hear it pattering softly. I vividly imagine the joggers ignoring the tourists. I see tourists like myself bumbling about shamelessly. I feel like I'm walking right around the national mall. The good thing about the area is that it's pretty straightforward once you get the hang of it, so Lily Luna shouldn't have too much trouble after a few hours. Itíd be even easier if she had David show her around!

I went to a foreign state alone and that was scary enough. I can't even imagine what it would be like to go to an entirely new country alone. I definitely feel sympathy for her, but I donít think sheís the kind of to dwell on being in a place so strange.

I'm so, so pleased that she went to The Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum (even if my favorite is the Museum of Natural History). I hate that so many people I know think museums are boring. David is absolutely my kind of person. Heís probably one of the best OCs Iíve had the pleasure of reading. Heís full of spirit and passion and thatís the kind of person that I want to be friends with in real life. I think the bit about him debating with the young girl was an excellent part because it shows his true character.

Iíve decided that the best line of the entire story is: "the young woman looked like a knight off to slay a dragon with the pointy end of her umbrella Ė if dragon-slaying knights dressed like college kids." The way you write Lily is just so interesting. She'd be the cool kid in my classes that I'd love to hang out with because she makes nerdy so classy.

David tries so hard to keep his cool. He can't. He's a nerd and just has to accept it. Embrace it even. Nerds are new cool kid anyway.

"David was reminded that his job entailed explaining the wonders of space exploration in glorified tin cans, and not flirting with girls who were pretty when they smiled."...I mean...Why not both? You can totally multitask!

At the end, I only had a single thought in my head. IS THAT IT?! Where is chapter two? I need chapter two! I'm not saying that you should drop every single thing irl and write the next chapter, I'm just saying that it would probably be the right thing to do.

Author's Response: Yay! I'm so so glad to hear that! I only spent a few days in DC but it's one of my favourite places I've ever visited. I want to bring the feelings I had in the city to this story. The place is exceptionally well laid-out, I agree! Lily will get the hang of it in no time, I'm sure.

It can be quite scary going to a new country all by yourself, but there's a certain thrill you get with that. Lily's definitely one to embrace the thrill and not dwell in the anxiety.

You must stop speaking to the people who think museums are boring immediately! What sacrilege! (I love museums, if you couldn't tell.) I want David to be that inner nerd inside all of us, who loves things so sincerely and is unapologetic about it. David is a sweetheart, basically. #TeamDavid

Lily is the ultimate cool kid. Of all my OCs, she the one with one of the most defined aesthetics. Gosh, one day I'll be as cool as her...

I am all about educational flirting! I agree, David should definitely multitask!

Chapter two is coming! ... Soon. Hopefully. Thanks so much for the wonderful review, Paula!


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Review #6, by victoria_anne {O N E}

13th March 2016:
Hihihihihi!

I am so glad you requested this, I really like it so far! I is intrigued!

Omg. David. How. Cute. Is David?!

This cute *stretches arms super duper wide*

Honestly, the story is fascinating - Lily's love for space is so cool and I'm glad she's followed her dreams to America. What an interesting setting for a story!

Ohhh, your descriptions *faints*. They on fleek. At the very beginning, describing people in the rain (and the tourists, lol) it was like I was right there with Lily, experiencing it all for the first time with her.

If I give you some chocolate will you please update soon? I was all ready to review the next chapter, too, but there isn't one *tantrum*

I want to know more about David! And Lily's adventure in space! - I mean America - !

Love B x

Author's Response: Thank you!I am glad that you like it and that you are intrigued!

David is so cute! He makes me think of my dog. Not necessarily attractive in a romantic partner, but it's a fun thing to think about when I write him.

Yay for on fleek descriptions. I'm pretty bad at them, so that means a lot.

I will do almost anything for chocolate! You're on!

Thanks so much for the lovely review :)


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Review #7, by Chazzie {O N E}

5th March 2016:
Ahhh that was so lovely! I adore how geeky Lily and David are. I've not read any fanfiction in so long, so to read this was a really brilliant way to remind me just why I love your stories! Your descriptions made my heart melt I swear. Especially the little bit where David internally comments on Lily's nose being a touch too long. I love it when characters see each other honestly. Your first section especially was a delight to read. You entrapped my senses, and I was caught up in a Lily-shaped bubble. She is adorable. Your writing is amazing *wub*

I can't wait to read more!
Lottie

Author's Response: Thank you! Yay for geeky people! There need to be more openly geeky people on the archives I think. I am SO SO HAPPY that you liked the descriptions. They were a lot of fun to write. Thanks so much for reviewing, Lottie :)

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Review #8, by naughtforreal {O N E}

1st March 2016:
I keep forgetting to give you a review! I mean, I read this ages ago and it was on my list so now, I wanted to fulfill said list. Ahem, ahem.

I LOVE YOUR STORYY! I love Knight-in-College Armor Lily and David is adorkable! I hope they see each other sooner. I mean, space nerds. Really. How rare are those beauties? There's really not much to constructive criticize bec u r amazing so one thing I'm just hoping for was the next chapter. He he.

Totally not pressuring you. I'd weave you a blanket of stars if you do update though. Okay. Not really because I suck a weaving. I can't even make a straight stitch but I'll probably love you to the moon if you do. Heh.

But yup, great chapter! I really fell in love! You are amazing and that's it I think. Before I bomb you with feels aka ugly sobbing and snot.

Author's Response: Thank you for dropping in!

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I'm a little conflicted about this first chapter so that ego boost is very necessary. And yes, our two loveable dorks will see each other again soon!

I'd totally wait for a woven blanket of stars, but since you're not good at weaving maybe I should just write the next chapter...

Thanks for the lovely review :)


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Review #9, by Secret Cupid {O N E}

15th February 2016:
Hey there, back again for one more. And again, I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to spoil you until the tail end of this event. Life ambushed me this weekend.

You know, one thing I like about your next gen characters is that they are truly characters. They have lives and purposes BEYOND romance, or being a Potter/Weasley/kid of famous parents. It makes them so much easier and enjoyable to read, knowing they are people first and not just constructs to push a ship along or something.

I absolutely love that Lily loves space and science. And that she dreamed of coming to the Smithsonian, because it makes her normal! That's something I would dream of - going to a museum for years until I could finally get there.

I also really like David. He's human, approachable, relatable - NORMAL! He's one of the best OC's I've ever read, and you managed to make me invested in him and like him a lot, in only the first chapter.

Bravo again! Can't wait to see where this goes. You will have to remind me when you update, so I can come back and see more of your brilliant writing.

Author's Response: Yayayay! I apologise for taking two months to reply.

Thank you so much! I am so so happy that you think that! They're basically blank slates so I enjoy filling in all the little details.

Lily is basically a giant space nerd. I have wanted to write about space nerds for so long, and I finally can.

David is also great. I hope people can like him as much as I do. And he's one of the BEST OCs you've ever read? Oh my! I think I might faint with all the compliments!

Thanks so so much for your wonderful review :)


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Review #10, by Potterhead_Totalus {O N E}

29th December 2015:
Very much enjoyed this story and look forward to seeing where you take it.

Author's Response: Oh, thank you! It should be a ~stellar~ ride. #spacepunsarecool Thank you for reading :)

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Review #11, by cherry_pop94 {O N E}

27th December 2015:
Hello!

I'm here for the review tag!

This is such a sweet intro to Lily and David! They're such cute little nerds. There's something about Lily's way of speaking... I don't know, but I like it! She's fun and smart and sweet and flirty.

I love how enthusiastic she is about space and how intently she listened to David. As a fellow nerd of something that people very rarely want to listen to me rant about, I definitely understand how happy David must have been when she really listened.

I'm excited to know more about Lily's trip to DC and how her relationship with David progresses. Plus, how does she mix her magical knowledge of astronomy with his muggle knowledge? I can't wait for more!

And the title, it's brilliant!

Stefanie

Author's Response: Heya!

Yay! I'm very happy that you enjoy Lily and David. They are cute little nerds, indeed!

Lily is a lot of fun to write! I've wanted to write characters who are genuinely enthusiastic about stuff for a long time, and Lily and David give me the perfect opportunity.

Lily's trip to DC will have a lot more nerdiness and flirting! Yayayay! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing :)


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Review #12, by Your Secret Snowflake {O N E}

18th December 2015:
Hello!

This is a very interesting chapter to what I'm sure will be an incredibly unique story! The whole concept of this story is really quite strange, in a good way of course! You've already established really intriguing main characters, and there's a million ways you could take them from here.

First of all though, I absolutely love your descriptions. You manage to paint a scene so well that I can imagine all the fine details in my mind. Which is so impressive!

I will admit that I did get a little lost at one point. I thought the kid David was talking to was actually Lily... which then made me incredibly confused as to her age. But when I re-read it, it made perfect sense, so it was probably just me being silly! (I probably shouldn't be reading/reviewing so late at night).

I do like Lily, she seems pretty crazy yet level-headed at the same time somehow. She seems really spontaneous to travel to another country out of the blue to visit a Space Museum! I do have to admire for chasing down her dreams and doing what she always wanted to do.

David seems interesting too, but I'm not quite sure what to make of him yet. Though, being a space nerd and very passionate are both ticks in the right direction!

I'm interested to see where you'll take this story. I don't think much was really given away, so I'm not sure what will happen. (Other than a bit of romance for Lily and David -because that'd be so cute and this is a love story after all!)

-Your Secret Snowflake!

Author's Response: *arrives 18 months late with a Starbucks*

Hello! Thank you so much for the wonderful review! I'm super pleased that you enjoyed chapter one. I love Lily and David, and I hope as the story continues, so will you!

Yay for the description love! Thank you so much!

Haha, late-night reviewing the best worst thing, sometimes :P

Lily's very young, so I imagine some of her spontaneity comes from her youth. I'm hoping to really flesh out her character over the next few chapters.

I've left David deliberately vague for the moment. Perhaps we'll get to know David as Lily gets to know him.

Thanks so much for the lovely review, as always, my wonderful Secret Snowflake!


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Review #13, by wolfgirl17 {O N E}

1st December 2015:
Hello my dear!

Wolfgirl here checking out your latest WIP and handing out free praise for fun!

This was a wonderfully interesting first chapter! I don't often read a lot of Next-Gen fics, mostly because there are SO many of them, and I tend to avoid Lily Luna, though I'm not really sure why.

Reading this fic made me think very much of "The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt". I loved the way you described Lily as being so spontaneous and genuinely interested in everything. David seemed quite the character as well. Nothing like a nerdy boy with a space fascination to warm the cockles. ;)

I must admit, I was hoping for some kind of cliffie on the end there. I tend to find that the best way to lure reviews and continued reads - especially for Next-Gen fics - out of readers, is to give everyone a cliff hanger that makes them want to come back for more, simply because the Next-Gen kids are clean slate characters with little canon background to draw us in. I, for one, prefer the Hogwarts Era characters because they're like old friends. Next Gen kids always feel like new friends to me.

Anyway, there was a couple of instances where you had dialogue in the middle of the paragraph. I personally prefer that dialogue - unless it's a continuation after a pause - be given a drop-line to really emphasize the break from narrative voice to character POV. It just makes for a more cohesive and smoother read. At least in my opinion.

If you have the time and the inclination, I think amending those would improve the flow. A cliffie of some kind to draw readers back would be nice too. This one does read more like a one-shot snippet into the life of Lily Luna than the start of a WIP, and as such I don't find myself all that curious about what becomes of either Lily or David after this chapter.

Does that make sense?

For me a story needs mystery, intrigue, attitude, something to make me want to read on and I think that those of us still lurking on the archives need that in a fic after all this time.

But that's just my opinion, of course. It's your fic and I'm sure you'll continue it in whichever way best works for you.

I was especially fond of the way you utilized descriptive language to paint the scene. I felt like I was right there with Lily, wandering in the rain and then with David at his desk, observing others. It's a gift you have to be able to capture the scene so well and make me see it in my mind.

Kudos on an intriguing beginning to your fic!

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for dropping by!

I LOVE The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. I wasn't purposefully channelling any of the show, but I'm not angry that it happened accidentally.

I had a lot of trouble with the ending. I also prefer cliffhangers, especially for first chapters, but I just couldn't seem to make it work here. I probably will go back and edit that in at some point. We'll see how we go! Thanks for the feedback :)

And thanks so much for the lovely compliments on my descriptions! It's what I still struggle with the most, so that means a lot.

Thanks so much for the lovely review, Ellie!


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