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Reading Reviews for They still live...
  
12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Secret Cupid ...just a bit differently!

14th February 2016:
(So I wanted to start this off with a fun statement about love or something, but I'm totally blanking, and I tried to Google something, and nothing came up, and here we are with this long, run-on sentence instead. I'm truly sorry.)

Happy Valentine's Day, Emm! :D I hope you have a great day. I'm back to spread some love around, and you're making it quite easy with these fantastic stories! I can't believe I've never read them before, because you're so creative. This story really got to me, and I'm not going to lie, I teared up a bit. Great job!!

First of all, the transitions between the different parts of the story are seriously so, so natural and great. You have woven together Alice's life and this one day together brilliantly, and it just works. I'm really in awe of the naturalness of how the sections are tied together with the italics, and how you've chosen memories that tell us so much about her and Frank, and how you've fleshed out her actions that we do know about.

This is a really hard topic to write about, a lot of the time, and you've really pulled it off here. You haven't pushed the boundaries of what Alice would or wouldn't remember unbelievably, and the way you've explained and justified her actions is perfect. I can totally understand everything she does in this story, and it's done so well with the style you've used here.

Like, seriously, the writing of this story fits Alice's voice so well and the way you've described how her attention jumps around is perfect. It just makes so much sense, and everything she does seems so natural from her perspective, but you know that from the outside it's basically incomprehensible. I ache for Neville and Augusta here, but not in the normal way I do when I think about it-- I just want them to understand her better, and not think that she's totally lost to them!

And Alice and Frank's relationship! Oh man! I love it so much and it hurts so much and I usually only get feelings this intense for Jily!! The snippets of their relationship included here show how much they cared, not only for each other, but also for their family and the fate of the Wizarding world, and it's so great to read about that. And while it's tragic that they can't communicate their feelings anymore, and that their feelings have been changed so much, they still seem to have an understanding.

God, this is just such a great story! I'm looking back over it to share favorite parts, but it's all my favorite! The understanding they develop about war, and how much they have to sacrifice...wow. These two are intense. I've never thought much about them, but this has really shown me that I should! (Although you've written them so perfectly here that I don't know that I will enjoy other people's interpretations much!)

Great, great job, Emm! Thanks so much for sharing this story with us. I'm so glad I got to be your Secret Cupid, because I'm not sure I would've read your stories otherwise, and they're so great!! I hope you have an excellent Valentine's Day. :)

Until next time,
xoxo
Secret Cupid

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Review #2, by ProfessorMinnie ...just a bit differently!

27th December 2015:
That was... I don't know how to describe it. It was sad, particularly at the end when she couldn't decide how to thank Neville for the candies (not that she knew who he was by name), but it was also lighter in tone, like Frank's proposal or little Alice trying to reach the baubles. I assumed each flash was from a different Christmas, and each was very lovely to read.

I do have one small question though. Who was the lady in lime green?

Overall I thought it was bittersweet and very well written for its length. Have a good new year! :D

-Minnie

Author's Response: Hi Minnie!

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving me this lovely review! :D

Yeah, this was bitter-sweet. Through this story, I wanted to hint at the point that although Alice and Frank have lost all their memories, they are still the same people inside. The last part was emotional and got me in the feels while I was writing it. I am so happy you liked it!

The lady in lime green is a healer. Since the story is from Alice's point of view, I just left it as the lady in lime green. :P

Thanks again for the review! May you have a fantastic year ahead! :D

-Emm ^_^


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Review #3, by Tonks1247 ...just a bit differently!

19th December 2015:
MERRY CHRISTMAS! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! TIS THE SEASON! Stopping by to spread some holiday cheer with the QTR holiday fun stuff!

I’m not quite sure how to start here. Part of me is broken for what this story tells, the other is amazed by what you’ve captured and portrayed. Honestly, I have just recently gotten into reading about Alice and Frank and how they experience life and to find this story and to read it, and to see that Alice doesn’t just become better or doesn’t just recognize people or come back to herself…it’s heart breaking, but so accurate and just…I really love how you describe it here.

I adore the shifts in time, with it going from the past to the present and back again. It puts just a little more into the story, gives these characters a background despite them not really knowing themselves. I felt I got a good feel for these character and that, despite their condition, they still have the same core…like, they’re not changed people. They are still Alice and Frank, despite not knowing that, you know? Maybe I’m just rambling and it doesn’t make sense…

Anyways. I did find a couple minor wording things while I was reading:

“Alice grinned to herself as she took in the colourful surroundings around her.” Maybe have ‘took in her colourful surroundings’ as it seems a bit repetitive as it is now

“Alice looked up at the familiar voice wondering who were Mr. and Mrs. Longbottom.” I would suggest having the word ‘were’ come after ‘Mr. and Mrs. Longbottom’ just because it’s easier to read and flows a bit.

“War does no differentiation between young or old, innocent or guilty. It just sucks everybody into despair and misery.” –First, I absolutely adore this line. It is my favourite of the story. Only little thing: ‘no’ I think is intended to be ‘not’

“She continued eating one gum after other.” –rather than ‘other’, maybe ‘another’

This was really, really lovely. I adore how you set up the story, and the characters, and how it broke my heart. Really, you did great with this!

-Mikaela

Author's Response: Hello Mikaela!! :)

Gah! Thanks for such a lovely review. I don't usually take this much time to answer reviews, but the first time I read this one, I just didn't know how to respond.

I'm so happy you liked this story. No, you were not rambling. It all makes complete sense to me because I view Alice and Frank similarly. They don't know who they are, don't recognise themselves but they are still the same people inside. That is what I had tried do portray in this story. I'm glad you liked the back and forth switch in time.

Thank you so much for pointing out all those wording errors. I'm going to fix them soon. :)

Thanks again for this lovely and helpful review. Wish you a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

-Emm ^_^


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Review #4, by Sinterklaas ...just a bit differently!

6th December 2015:
Ho, ho, hello! Many apologies for the delay -- Glitterklaas convinced me to go caroling with her...and you know how long our lovely Glitter can carol for!

I must say, this had my Holiday emotions all in a tizzy! With memories of the past, I could nearly expect that this wasn't going to be so sad, but, alas! You've captured it so well, however, using those warm, happy moments to build the reader up and then send us crashing down into a spiralling abyss of sadness with Neville! It was so heartbreaking, but so wonderfully written.

My greatest wish is that you have a much happier and fulfilling Holiday Season than poor Neville!

Author's Response: Hello Sinterklaas!

Don't worry about the delay! Caroling is important too ;)

Thanks for the lovely review! I know it's bittersweet but I'm so happy that you could feel it! :D

Poor Neville! He had such a tough life. I feel for him, too!

You are doing a good job spreading Holiday Cheer around! Thank you for the warm wishes! Wish you a very Happy Holiday Season, too! Not sure if the Klaas need it though! :P

-Emm ^_^


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Review #5, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing ...just a bit differently!

5th December 2015:
Hello!

I was looking around for a story to review for Day Three of the Advent Calendar and I came across this little gem!

The story of Alice and Frank is just so gutting. Every time I read anything of them it always breaks my heart and this was no different. I thought you captured their characters wonderfully, especially Alice as it was from her POV.

The story format worked absolutely perfectly too. I loved how you related a past memory to one happening while their in the hospital and how those memory worked in order. The pieces just fit together so perfectly, I can't tell you how much I loved it. Huge huge kudos to you on that!

And the descriptions were so beautiful too. If you'd not said you could immediately work out it was Christmas from everything happening. Also, I didn't realise it was the Christmas Harry see's them in the hospital to start with! But I love how you fit all that in together.

My heart went out to Neville. It was sad to see his discomfort and how hard it was for him but it's completely understandable and I think you wrote it well. It was nice to see a slightly softer side of Augusta too.

Overall I absolutely adored this. Seriously, seriously loved it. I'm adding it to my favourites ♥

Wishing you the happiest of Christmases ♥

Lauren

Author's Response: Hi Lauren!

I had a long stressful week and waking up to this lovely review totally made my Sunday! :D

JKR has painted tragic ends for so many characters. Alice and Frank were two of them. Through this story I just wanted to emphasise the point that they still enjoy their lives with whatever sanity they have left.

I am so glad that you liked the format of the story! Yay, you liked the descriptions! I am so happy! :) :D

Poor Neville, I always felt bad for him. Seeing your parents in front of you and knowing that they don't even recognise is very hard for any child. :(

Thank you so much for leaving me an absolutely adorable review! You're adding it to your favourites? OMG, Thank you so much!

Wish you very happy holidays and Merry Christmas! May you have a fantastic New Year!

-Emm ^_^


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Review #6, by my_voice_rising ...just a bit differently!

3rd December 2015:
Hello, here for the review requested on behalf of you ♥ (Do you have, like, a PR person or something, because that is awesome.)

Oooh, a Christmas fic! How topical and cozy and cheerful!

I like the sequence you have going here, and how it's separated by different quotes that relate to each scene. The dialogue is a bit expositional at times and sounds unnatural.

Here's an example: "But why are you here at the Ministry at this hour of the night? After all, qualified Aurors like you don't have to write such lengthy reports. This is meant to be done by the trainees." I get that you're trying to convey information, but it seems stiff and like something that could go into a paragraph, rather than dialogue. If you explain in a paragraph that Alice is a trainee and is stuck with the paperwork, she could just say, "Why are you here? It's late." and then you could explain that Frank is a full-on Auror. It'd be cool to briefly explore that relationship there, too, and how one of them is farther in their career than the other! Is Alice jealous at all, or frustrated with herself?

OH GOD SO SAD, NOT COZY AT ALL, I WAS WRONG. Poor Neville! I was so heartbroken to read that his smile made her uncomfortable. Oh gosh. What have you done here. At least Alice is content, but it's still so sad! Either way, I'm glad I took the time to read this! ♥

Author's Response: Hello!!

Someone requested for a review on my behalf? o_O Thanks to the wonderful person and to you too, for leaving me a lovely review :D

I am glad you liked this little story. Yes, it's bittersweet and I too felt really bad for Neville while I wrote this.

Thanks for pointing out the problem with the dialogues. I am very new to writing and all the CC really helps. :)

Thank you so much for taking out the time to read this and leaving me such a helpful review.

-Emm ^_^


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Review #7, by The Basilisk ...just a bit differently!

27th November 2015:
Hello, It is I, The Basilisk, come here to petrify you with a review.

Oh dear me, this was so very sweet. It stirred all these emotions inside me, which I assure you, being a centuries old monster, is not normal. Nonetheless, you do a good job of writing your descriptions in a way that touch even my cold snake-y heart.

What I loved here was the little bits in italics interspersing the narrative. When you talk about being a child, it's a memory of her as a child, when you talk about Frank, there's a memory of him, when it's about determination, there's a memory associated with it, etc. That was a very nice touch. The memories in contrast with the present are also very nicely portrayed and gave me so many feels. I felt for poor Alice and Frank. The ending bit was lovely with the inclusion of the canon moment.

All in all, this was a very beautiful little read and I liked it. Now, excuse me, while I pretend to not cry inside my Chamber. Great writing.

Hiss Hiss,
The Basilisk

Author's Response: Eeep! The Basilisk on my story! *runs off to do a happy dance*

I'm so glad that you liked the story and it touched your 'snake-y' heart.

The lines in italics were my impromptu addition just to let the story flow. I am so happy you liked it. The ending canon moment was the driving force for this story. I am always so happy to know that readers like its inclusion.

Thank you so much for stopping by. Getting a review from you makes me feel so honoured.

-Emm ^_^


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Review #8, by ScorpiusRose17 ...just a bit differently!

18th November 2015:
Hi!

I am finally getting around to reading and reviewing the terrific list of challenge entries I received.

I really don't know what to say. I have probably started and stopped this review 4 or 5 times before I could even process what I wanted to say... I enjoyed this. I really liked the way that you used the proverb and I really liked how you took a sensitive topic/situation and brought it to life in a way that is tasteful and really shows those with underlying issues act and respond in different ways.

Good Luck with the Challenge! :)

-Jenn

Author's Response: Hi Jenn!

I was waiting for your review and am very glad to have it here!

I am so happy that you liked the story. I was so worried if the meaning of the proverb would be apparent or not but I am happy that you liked its use.

Now that I know the results, I cannot do anything but thank you. It was totally unexpected and I feel really so honoured!

I had so much fun writing this. Thanks for the awesome challenge.

-Emm ^_^


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Review #9, by cherry_pop94 ...just a bit differently!

18th November 2015:
Hello Emm!

I'm here for the Bvb battle.

I loved this story. Frank and Alice's fate is so heartbreaking and you perfectly captured that by contrasting her old life to her new life. The scene with Alice as a child on Christmas and then contrasted with her life in St Mungo's was especially hard to read. It's a horrible fate for her and Frank. But one that is all too real for veterans.

Your skill really shines through when you write about what's going on inside Alice's head. The way you describe what she sees and what she's doing all the time is really well done. It paints a very vivid scene in my head of what their life is like.

The dialogue at times seems a little choppy and unnatural. Like when Frank and Alice were talking in the auror office. Other than that though, this was a really well done story.

Thanks for sharing!

Stefanie

Author's Response: Hi Stefanie! It's great to have your review here!

I'm so glad you loved the contrast between Alice's old life and new life and you could see what Alice and Frank's lives are through this story.

My aim in this story was to depict that although Alice and Frank may have lost all their past memories, they still live and enjoy their lives with whatever sanity they have left.

I'm still really new to creative writing and all the CC really helps. Thanks for pointing out about the problems with dialogues. I will go back and try to fix it. :)

Thanks for a lovely review.

-Emm ^_^


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Review #10, by MuggleMaybe ...just a bit differently!

16th November 2015:
Hello lovely! I'm here for the swap :)

When I saw what this was about, I was immediately so intrigued to read it! I love Neville, and I've seen surprisingly few fics focused on his family.

There's a lot to enjoy here, but what I loved most of all is how you characterized Alice. In the books, she seems so out of it and lost. Her story is so *sad* and I always projected that emotion onto her and thought she must also be sad. But, as this story so eloquently points out, it is impossible to know what's happening inside another person's mind.

Inside, your Alice remains good-hearted and loving. She retains a childlike sense of wonder. It's really lovely to read that and think things are sometimes not as bad as they seem.

I thought the structure you used was very smart, and that you picked really strong moments from her past to capture. The vignette about her childhood is SO sweet.
The scene with Frank is such a day-in-the-life snapshot, so routine and (though it is fun to read) it's a boring moment for Alice, who would rather be out fighting. To show that normalcy was, I think, the smartest thing you could have done to create contrast with her life after the war.
I've seen stories about James and Lily in hiding, but not the Longbottoms, so I'm impressed by your originality. I also thought the discussion of the "kids" (the Marauders) was so smart, and I'm sure a lot of the Order did view then that way.

When I realized this was the scene from the book, I was so pleased! This part of OotP always absolutely breaks my hearts, every time. What I really love is seeing how Neville understands her, even though they can't really communicate. He understands what she means, and they do love each other. And she does love Frank.

It's all just really, really touching. *cry*

I think my only real CC is consistency with Alice's condition between the different moments. I also noticed this small typo: "As if the majority of Gryffindors were any good at paperwork than her." --> "good" should be "better" :)

I really enjoyed this story so much!
Thanks for the swap!

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Heya Renee! Thanks a lot for the wonderful review.

Yes, in the books Alice and Frank's story is so sad. That moment in St. Mungos in OotP broke many hearts, I guess. I am so happy that you could catch on my intention to show that although Alice may have forgotten her past life, she still enjoys her life with whatever sanity she has left.

The brief account of Alice's childhood is actually inspired from my childhood. I'm so happy you liked it. The Frank/Alice scene in the Auror Department is my favourite. So yay, cause you liked it!

The Marauders were actually kids at the time of the war. They were barely 18. I added that part specifically to reinforce that the Marauders were WAY YOUNGER than the Longbottoms.

When I conceptualised this one-shot, the first scene I had in mind was the hospital scene from St. Mungos. I'm so glad you liked its inclusion.

Thanks for pointing out the typo. Thanks for pointing out the bit about the inconsistency in Alice's condition. I'll go through the story once again and try to fix it. :)

Thank you again for the lovely review!

-Emm ^_^


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Review #11, by Veritaserum27 ...just a bit differently!

13th November 2015:
Hi there Emm!

I'm here for your proper review from the BvB. Sorry about the mix up - but I'm NOT sorry I got to read this wonderful story of yours. It was so sweet and sad and uplifting at the same time.

At the beginning I wasn't sure if this was Alice Longbottom (the first) or Neville's daughter, Alice, I know it's a lot of people's head canon that Neville named his daughter after his mother, so for a moment I thought the "father" might be Neville. Don't get me wrong, I think it made the story more intriguing to figure it out.

I also really liked the format of the story - with going back and forth between the two eras and separating each section with part of a phrase. It was a beautiful way to incorporate your proverb.

And my FAVORITE part was the ending. I did not see it coming that you were heading to a scene from one of the books. You got me right in the feels with that one - and I LOVE missing moments from the books stories.

Thanks so much for writing this!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

Don't mind the mix up! I am so happy to have your review here.

Neville naming his daughter Alice, I never knew about that. But then, I haven't read many of the Neville fics out there.

I am so glad you liked the format of the story. I was not really sure how was I going to bind the different parts together till the point I actually sat down to submitting it in the queue. The phrase thing just hit me randomly and I went on with it, with no other viable options. But it seems to have worked, so yay!

I was more unsure if the meaning of the proverb came through clearly or not. I'm really relieved that it did.

There are many missing moments from the books which I absolutely love reading here in the fanfics. I recently discovered that I like writing them as much, binding them with my own perspective of how things would have happened.

When I set out writing this one-shot, I had only one scene in my mind and that was the part from the books where Neville's parents are introduced. The rest of it was built only to come upto that point. So yay again! I'm so excited you liked that part.

Thank you so so much for this lovely review.

-Emm ^_^


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Review #12, by oldershouldknowbetter ...just a bit differently!

8th November 2015:
Hi there, here for a bit of a review and a bit of BvB action. Funnily enough I saw that you were browsing the BvB forums at the same time as I was and was not quick enough to review Beeezie, so it's onto you then.

So I started this tale not knowing exactly what I was in for and it really took me a little while to get into it too. That's not a failing on your part I assure you, but far more to do with me having been at work all day and now the lateness of the hour. So I went back and restarted with now the full realisation of your intent right from the very start.

When I first read the happy little Christmas scene - I have kids and it was eerily accurate - I knew it was a pleasant foretaste and would have ramifications for the story later on. The excitement of the child and the reluctance of the parents to get up morphing into excitement too, rang very true.

The segue between each section is well done and is a good way to mark the transitions.

The next bit is where you lost me slightly. It was almost certainly St Mungos - from the sterile colours to the lime green robes - but the thing that threw me was Alice's mental state: it was so much more compos mentis than I was expecting. From the books she is not exactly in a vegetative state, but she is close to it. So it thew me out of the place you wanted me to be slightly. So I thought she was in St Mungos, yes, but at some point before she was rendered insane by the actions of Bellatrix.

It switches again and now Alice is compiling reports for the Auror department. What is there to be said about this section, except that it is a wonderful little scene in which you simply pack in information and characterisation and exposition and you do so so seamlessly. It doesn't appear to be so rich, but with a deftness of touch we get to know the two far more than a mere few hundred words should allow.

We switch to that other setting and I finally get it. You are flipping back and forth from sequential events in her earlier life to her present day situation - Christmas in St Mungos. And now I understand the tac that you've taken with Alice's madness. It's certainly not what I expected her thought processes to be, as I said before I certainly didn't think about her having so much awareness underneath that veneer of disconnect that we see of her in the books. But it works, it really does. When I saw the tag in front of the story, I imagined something far more horrible; a person trapped underneath an oppressive barrier, their faculties completely intact but unable to relate the fact to the outside world. But this is much nicer and we suddenly get the impression that Alice is actually in a happy place.

The scene where they tell Neville's gran that they will join the order well judged.

It flips back to the present and it is the Christmas that Neville visits them that is detailed in the books. It is very sad from Augusta's point of view, but now that we see how Alice is, I'm not so upset. Yes the vibrant young woman who can interact with the world properly has gone, but what is left in her place is not filled with unremitting horror. The playful way you have Alice poke at the stuffed vulture on her hat is a very good way to show us this.

We flip back into the past and see a moment where Alice had to face the horrors of the real world. She is confronted by it and pales at what she and her child have to face. Her husband gives her the only promise he can, their son will live through it and we know in this at least he speaks true.

When we flip back, the visit is almost at an end and everyone else might be sad, but your readers are happy that what you have done for Alice is not give her an awful life. Yes it's probably not one any one of us would choose, but we all know it could be much worse. The way you weave in your challenge prompt is very well done and dovetails in with cannon so nicely.

An interesting take upon the condition of Neville's parents. I do not know if I necessarily agree with it, JKR was normally a bit more brutal with her characters, but I certainly hope it is how it is for Alice's sake.

Andrew,
Oldershouldknowbetter.

Author's Response: Hello Andrew!

Gah! It seems I was really lucky to snag such a lovely review from you by being a bit quicker. ;)

The first scene was inspired from my real life actually. My father used to feign sleep like that when I was younger and my sister and I would tickle him so that he opens his eyes. :P I am really glad you could relate to it too.

I know that I showed Alice a bit more aware to her surroundings than what JKR shows us in the books. But I wanted to exhibit the fact that although Alice and Frank don't have any memories left and cannot fit into the definition of perfectly healthy individuals of their age, they still find happiness with whatever sanity they have left.

The little section of Alice and Frank at the Auror Department is my personal favourite. The words there flowed so easily from my pen as if Alice and Frank were themselves telling me to write those things. I am happy you liked that little section.

I was really worried about the transitions between scenes, if the reader would be able to understand the repeated transition between the past and the present and if the meaning of the proverb would come through. It feels great that you touched upon exactly those points and I am glad that my intentions could be clearly understood.

I don't know if I was able to do justice to this review. Thank you so so much for such a lovely and detailed review.

-Emm ^_^


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