Reading Reviews for Recipe For Detention
  
20 Reviews Found

Review #1, by victoria_anne It All Started With Puffskein Poo

15th March 2016:
If this is a taste of Once Upon The Marauders then you have won me over big time.

Your characterisation is flawless and your dialogue is amazing. I just love this. The best friend and the (soon-to-be) girlfriend, spending some quality time together!

Talking about Severus too, still so in character! And look at Sirius giving some very wise advice - who knew? It's perfectly light and fluffy (ooh, anyone else craving pancakes, now?) but still packs so much into it. And James beginning his journey to change. He's trying, in comforting Lily, and yet still has a long way to go, as he thinks bullying Snape is the way to deal with it.

You asked about age-appropriate-ness, and I assume they're 15? Yes, absolutely. Lily is still focused on being the best student she can be, starting to work out her feelings for James, and Sirius is all about his friends. I love how Sirius talks about James too, it's just so realistic. Eep I just love everything about this!

OMGYSHILOVEEVERYTHINGTHATYOUDOYOUSOTALENTED!

Love Bianca xxx

Author's Response: Hello Bianca!

Aww, I'm so glad you enjoyed the dialogues, and liked my characterization. I always steer clear of making Lily like either Hermione or Ginny - I like to see her as her own person, and I'm so glad you like the characterization. I feared that not many might agree with me.

Yes, i always pictured Sirius to be quite shrewd and perceptive beneath it all. Just that he wasn't sensitive and tactful about it like Remus, and brutal honesty was his style. About James changing, I have my own views about it. I don't think James changed drastically for Lily as people seem to put it. I believe that he did tone down some of his behavior, but I believe it was something that came with age more so than for her benefit only. I like to think that Lily fell in love with him because she honestly liked him for everything he was - and his behavior towards Snape was what clouded her opinion about him. That's what I've tried to point out through this one-shot - that Snape was responsible for her attitude towards James more than Lily herself.

I'm so glad it's age appropriate. I'm quite insecure about writing teenagers since I am not one anymore and I feel I'm making them more mature than they are. I'm so happy you enjoyed this so much Bianca!

Thank you for stopping by..

Love,
Ysh


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Review #2, by PaulaTheProkaryote It All Started With Puffskein Poo

6th March 2016:
For HPFF’s Review-a-Thon

I like the fact that Sirius took the time to watch out for Lily. I’m sure by this point she’s probably seen as a bit uptight, but he still didn’t want her to take the fall for his prank.

I can’t say I’m surprised that they were just back and Sirius already had a prank underway. The boy wastes no time.

I love that you show Lily as the quick thinker she is with the disillusionment charm. She’d really be an asset to the Marauders. Not to mention her apparent mischievous side!

I think one of the reasons that the Marauders were as popular as they were was because they lightened the mood during such a serious time, much like Fred and George during the Second Wizarding War.

I’m glad you didn’t just write Peter off the way that so many Marauder fics are prone to do. I always like to think, as you’ve written it, that Sirius probably acted as a catalyst toward James and Lily getting together. His blunt honesty could easily sway her mind.

I never really thought about how much Sirius and Lily had in common in terms of home life. Both felt a bit unwelcomed by their siblings.

I like the way you hint at the darkness and gloom of the world without dwelling too deeply on it. I also agree heartily with Sirius that if Severus was truly her friend, he wouldn’t try to control who she did and didn’t talk to. That’s not a healthy friendship in the slightest. I think Sirius was right on the nose about Severus not fighting back so he could win the sympathy of Lily.

All in all, I loved the story. It was funny, well written, and insightful into the personalities of Lily and Sirius. Sirius came off as more deep and thoughtful than usual and Lily was just a little more vulnerable and flawed. I think you did a brilliant job writing this!

Author's Response: Hello Paula!

Thank you so much for stopping by... the review-a-thon was so much fun wasn't it?

Ah yes, I love stories that feature Lily as the playful honarary marauder rather than the uptight Hermione-ish image that is more often portrayed. I always like to think she had a fun side to her, I mean she ends up with James Potter - and as much as we like to give her credit for it, we need to see that James couldn't possibly end up with someone uptight. I would hate the thought of James becoming all serious and no jokes because of her, wouldn't you?

Yes, I do think that the Marauder's light hearted and sort-of reckless take on the world would have considerably lightened the mood of the war. I'm so happy you caught that bit of a reference there.

Ah yes, i usually ignore Peter because I hate him. But that would be doing the Marauder's great injustice.

Well, the part about bringing in their silbling relationship was purely my muse's. She just ran away with it at the time. it never struck me until after I had written it. It does make sense though, doesn't it?

I always believed that Snape and Lily shared a toxic friendship - one that was based on unhealthy dependance and one person trying to latch on more so than anything... I truly believe in everything Sirius said, and I felt it had to be Sirius who said it you know, he is the only Marauder who could be brutally honest with her.

I'm happy you were able to look at the essence of the characters, and hope they didn't feel too OOC to you! I do like to portray a Lily who is flawed, because lets face it - James Potter is pretty awesome as well but most fics focus on his flaws - and it's time for Lily to get some :D

Thank you so much for choosing this story for the review-a-thon and I'm happy you enjoyed reading it.

Love
~Ysh!


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Review #3, by maraudertimes It All Started With Puffskein Poo

6th March 2016:
Hello! This is for our review swap and for the HPFF Review-a-Thon!

This is such a cute little fluff piece about friendship and I love it! Marauders is one of favourite eras, Sirius is one of my favourite characters as is Lily, and the whole James and Lily dynamic is one of my favourite relationships and you have them all in one story and you do them all so much justice - it's amazing!

I loved the first scene because it shows how mischievous Lily could be (anyone who would end up marrying James Potter sort of has to have some kind of prankster bone in them!). I almost feel bad for Filch, but then again it is Filch, and when's the next opportunity to put stink pellets in his office? :P

And oooh they got caught by McGonagall! I love how Sirius calls her Professor Minnie - and also that she's having none of it! I feel like that would be exactly what kind of student-teacher-quasi-friendship they would have! It's almost all one-sided but you know she secretly adores the marauders and their antics!

I really liked the camaraderie between not only Lily and Sirius, but also Sirius and James. Even though James never enters the picture (character at least - his name certainly does), Sirius's dedication to keeping his best friend's secrets secret is really nice to see. It speaks to their brotherly bond and I found it quite endearing.

I also really liked how you managed to get mention of Snape in there, and also how calm the argument was. Neither was hexing each other, which was good, but it was just fiery enough to make it believable - especially because if one friend doesn't like another you better believe there has to be tension.

All in all this was super great and thank you so much for this wonderful review swap, I had so much fun! Your writing is amazing and I think I might have to read more of your stories! :P
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hey Lo! Thank you so much for stopping by :D

I'm so glad you think I do the marauders justice. That's a HUGE compliment coming from a fellow Marauders fan!

Exactly! I believe there's a bit of prankster in Lily ~ a la Ginny, you know!

We all sense there's a funny bone in dear old McGonagall as well, and while she had to be the disciplinarian, she wouldn't have minded letting them off easy once or twice, because the Marauders are so much fun, and a wee bit charming. I see Sirius toeing the line more often than not with the charm, don't you?

I'm glad you were able to sense the Sirius- James dynamics as well, despite that he was only mentioned here. While most people might feel that Remus would be the one to have this talk with Lily, I felt somewhere that Sirius would be the right one. He could have told Lily how much she meant to James, but the time wasn't quite right, and he wanted Lily to be completely sure of her feelings before she ventured into anything with James. I love that Sirius was looking out for James, and am glad you caught the undertones as well.

Ah yes - the hexing!Lily doesn't really appeal to me. I get that she's fiery but I don't picture her as a goody-goody or someone who yells around randomly. I think here, her foundation with Sirius is strong, and she does have a soft corner for James which is what makes her keep her cool. Besides, I do like to believe she had a sense of fairness that came to her rescue, and she wasn't able to wholeheartedly deny everything Sirius said.

I'm so so happy you enjoyed this one-shot and I do hope you stop by at some of my other stories! Thank you so much for the swap!

Love
Ysh


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Review #4, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap It All Started With Puffskein Poo

5th March 2016:
“For the HPFF Review-A-Thon”

“Filch is going to be a while. We can still put stink pellets in his office!” her eyes glinted mischievously.

Yes! I love when Lily gets in on the fun. I rarely read that in stories anymore. I get Lily was a goody goody but coming from one goody-goody we know how to break the rules sometimes too.

McGonagall turned her gaze on him as if in slow motion.

“Puffskein poo?” her tone that of dangerous disbelief.


Haha! That was glorious. I did a double take and had to re-read that because it was just too good it didn’t completely register in my brain.

“I think a girl always knows what a guy feels about her,” he said finally.

Isn’t that the truth? Come on, Lily wouldn’t be questioning it if she didn’t know the answer already. She just wants someone to say it for her so she doesn’t have to herself.

Ah, women. We are a confusing bunch but so are men.

I really enjoyed this story! I can’t believe it’s already over. I had a huge grin on my face during their detention. I think from the beginning of the chapter to the end you had Sirius and Lily’s character down.

I haven’t read a fic about either in such a long time. I think it’s because they can be difficult to write. Yes, they experienced dark times but they were still kids in school and sometimes kids have to be kids and that’s what you hit here. You hinted on the bigger picture but you were also able to stay true to their age by throwing in a little fluff.

I thought Sirius’s advice in the end was golden. I truly believe he would have had some sort of conversation about James with Lily. Just because he despises Snape, doesn’t mean Sirius wouldn’t take the opportunity to be a good friend to James and speak up for him but also be a good friend to Lily and help ease her mind. Sometimes you need a person outside of the situation to talk to in order to give you some clarity. I think too many people make Remus that person when Sirius is perfectly capable of being compassionate and being that shoulder to cry on/talk to.

I really enjoyed this story. Thanks for the wonderful read.

Author's Response: Hello Dee! I'm glad you picked this story for your review, because I honestly loved reading your feedback :D

Ahh yes, we goody-goodys (goody-goodies?) know a thing or two about breaking the rules efficiently at times, don't we :D

McGonagall is a scream to write, especially when it comes to the Marauders and their pranks. You know she maintains the hard exterior but secretly really enjoys their antics. She's just so amazing that way.

Lily already likes him a little. That's my headcanon, that she always did nurture a soft-spot, a little crush for him - and it was mainly his behavior towards Snape that factored into her dislike of James. And James really didn't do much to help that, did he?

Wow, your comment that the dialogues and storyline was age-appropriate really really made me happy. I have a problem getting into the minds of teenagers (especially since I'm not one anymore) and I always worry my characters behave much older than they are supposed to.

Yeah, I see Sirius as the one who kinda makes Lily see sense, and bring her down from whatever stubborn notion she nurtures towards James. Like you said, Remus is overdone in that role, but I picture Lily and Snape to be in such a toxic friendship that she needs someone brutally honest to make her see sense. And Remus can never be that brutal, can he? We all need a Sirius in our lives once in a while :D

I really enjoyed your review, and I love it when people quote lines from my stories. Thank you so much for making me smile, and glad you enjoyed my story :D

Love
Ysh


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Review #5, by marauderfan It All Started With Puffskein Poo

5th March 2016:
Hi Ysh! You are so kind to review so many stories - and I'm so glad I decided to make this a swap because I LOVED this story. I'm so glad I read it!

While I like stories about Lily and James as much as the next person, there's something so special about friendship stories. There really aren't enough of them on the archives. So I loved that you wrote this little snippet of Lily and Sirius' friendship - I love how you showed they were really friends in their own right instead of just Lily becoming friends with Sirius because James was. Here, Sirius and Lily are friends first, and I think they're such wonderful friends mainly because they're so opposite!

I just loved all the dialogue between them - the pranks and Lily's hesitance but at the same time she has a mischievous side, and Sirius - in the middle of cracking dumb jokes, he's actually quite perceptive and thoughtful. He really does make a lot of good points, particularly about how if Snape were a good friend then he wouldn't expect Lily to only be friends with him and bend over backwards to make Snape happy. It shows a lot of maturity in the way he sees people - but then at the same time, he's still quite immature in that he sees no reason to stop hexing Snape and putting dung/fertilizer in Snape's potion, apparently :P but this is so true to the Sirius of the books, I think. Anyway, I just love your characterization of both Sirius and Lily here (and Snape, even though he doesn't technically appear). I think you're right in that it would have taken a long time for Lily to process her feelings for James, and that they were probably friends before seventh year.

So yeah, I loved this story and you did such a good job with these characters. This was such a joy to read. :)

For the HPFF Review-a-thon

Author's Response: Awww, I'm so honored to hear that you loved this story! Platonic friendships are the least explored, mainly because we all love ourselves some sexual tension, don't we?

Ahh.. I love the idea of Lily and Sirius being friends on their own right - I always pictured Sirius the one who nudges her towards James, or makes her realize what a wonderful person she is, or even opens her mind to how he has changed (provided he did change completely for her - don't get me started on that! I could go on all night!)

Lily's pranking side is my favorite headcanon of her. I always felt that she had to love James for his pranks! And have a sense of humor if he fell in love with her. I am so glad you feel the same way about Lily and James being sort-of-friends, despite the OotP incident - and let's face it, there was a lot going on behind the scenes of that incident that we didn't know till Pricne's tale.

Sirius, i always felt him to be quite perceptive - even when he talks to Harry Ron and Hermione in that cave in GoF, it always felt like he had a good measure of people. And yes, he's immature and he's reckless, but that needn't necesarrily mean he isn't observant or shrewd... I'm so happy that you like my cahracterization of Lily and Sirius here because this story is close to my heart for that very reason.

Your review put a smile on my face, and thank you so much for stopping by. I'm glad you enjoyed this story :D


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Review #6, by ABlack It All Started With Puffskein Poo

29th February 2016:
Hiya Ysh!

I’m here for one of your challenge reward reviews. But let me back up to your story summary … Lily, Sirius and it all started with Puffskein Poo? That alone would have got me read this!

And oh dear, Sirius starts off in rare form! This is the Sirius I love the most, the fun Sirius before things got so serious later. I love how you have him suddenly attentive like a dog, listening for something. It’s a perfect touch! But for Lily to suggest they finish the job? That was unexpected in the best of ways, dear.

It was also very clear of you to note this was Lily’s first day as a Prefect. With just that little detail, we know exactly when this tale takes place. So when Lily thinks of Severus and how their relationship has become strained, it makes total sense.

Gotta love this line, “I think a girl always knows what a guy feels about her”. Just lovely because it applies to both James and Severus. And it has the word ‘always’ in it, so there is that.

I have to admit that the term’ friends with benefits’ brought me up short. Not that I think Sirius would be above being involved in that sort of an arrangement, but rather, would they have used that phrase back in the mid-1970s? I don’t have the answer (I’m not British) nor can I think of a better alternative.

Oh but I do love how Lily asks Sirius about whether James would leave Severus alone if she’d go out with him. It just showcases how much she wanted to both worlds, and is a painful reminder that it wouldn’t be possible, of what will eventually happen.

You certainly nailed Sirius when he snuck that jar of fertilizer back into the school. This impulsive act, along with his taking pride in having stole the mice from McGonagall’s classroom and offering to steal a snack, balances the seriousness of what he tells Lily regarding friendship. And as big of a Severus fan as I am, I have to agree with Sirius on that last point of his.

Of course, neither you or Sirius can just leave the tale like that. It would be out of character, particular since we know Sirius has a jar of fertilizer. So it’s on a happy note that it ends, with us imagining along with Sirius what will happen in double potions.

This was a pleasure to read, Ysh. Little wonder that it took first place in that challenge. You did a great job handling Sirius and Lily, capturing his impish side as well as her uncertainty at this stage in her relationship with Severus and James.

:hugs:

~Alexis

Author's Response: Hello There Alexis! Thank you so much for stopping by :D

Glad to know the summary intrigued you!

Fun Sirius is just so much happier to write, you know. I hate to think of the injustice that came to him later on. I'm glad you noticed those little things in the story :)

I do believe there was some tension that started building up between Lily and Severus right from the time James started fancying Lily, and I like to think that Lily always had a soft corner for James, and not just decided to fall for him cos he turned his life around for her.

Ooh, you just brought so many meanings to that simple line! I swear, it didn't occur to me now, but that must have gotten Lily thinking about Sev too.

OOps, I'm not British either, so I'll get that phrase looked into. But you and I both agree that Sirius would totally be the type to be into that!

I'm glad you felt my portrayal of Sirius was in character - this coming from a fellow Sirius fan is quite a compliment! I did leave it open ended because I was planning a Sequel from Sirius' PoV, but my muse decided to flit off in other directions. Lets hope she comes back soon :D

Thank you so much for all the wonderful things you've said about this tale, and my others :) Your review brought a smile to my face!

~Ysh


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Review #7, by Ignis the Imp It All Started With Puffskein Poo

21st January 2016:
Hello, there! I've been searching a good friendship and I found this.

So many authors wrote about the relationship between Lily and James but your story is unique. It is rare to find such a fresh story so I'd like to say thank you.

We all know the fact that Sirius hated Severus. You visualized how he disliked Severus and tried to have Lily recognize who James really was. He understands her very well and helped her to see the things right.

You set some pranks, which had this story lively, at the same time you made Lily involved herself with them naturally. You understand her very well.

It's heartbreaking to imagine how Sirius felt bitterness when he remembered his brother Regulus.

The last scene was very impressive. He understood her nature and gave her advice about the relationship with James. He cared both of them. And then the scene was shifted to the prank again. I've never encountered such an impressive ending.

Ignis the Imp

Author's Response: Hello there dear Imp! Good to see you here!

I'm so glad you enjoyed my little tale. I bet the pranks interested you the most didn't it?

I always felt Sev had tried to manipulate Lily and I wanted someone to point it out to her. I just went with the flow here.

Thank you for stopping by and gracing me with a lovely anon review!


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Review #8, by velajune It All Started With Puffskein Poo

15th January 2016:
Hi Ysh,
As promised, here is your requested review.

So, I read some of the other reviews to get a better feel of what has been said and hasn't since I came across a few mechanics that needed editing. I saw quite a few who've already pointed out the ones that I saw as well.

Going back to correct those would really benefit you for this story and future ones.

I enjoyed the pranks that Lily and Sirius pulled together. I love your portrayal of Lily for the same reasons as most other reviewers. She's seen as this perfect being in the Potterverse, but she's not truly one dimensional. She's got the part of her that wishes to always be by Severus' side. Then there's a part of her that gets along swimmingly with the Marauders. I very much enjoyed seeing the dynamics to her character.

I found Sirius to be brutally canon-like. He's mischevious to a fault. Even I cringed with Lily when Sirius started to, reasonably, point out the faults in Severus. Snape being one of my favorites, that truly hurt. lol I'm not blinded by Alan Rickman's portrayal, but at the same time, it really hurt to hear the truth. Snape was manipulative and had a dark side to him. Do I think he manipulates Lily? Hmm... that's a tough question. Partly, I don't think he never did. I think, Lily just chose not to see his dark side for a long time. And once it came to choosing between James and Sev, Lily chose James. Quoting your Sirius, “I’m just saying, you shouldn’t have to give up everything to make Snape happy. And he isn’t a very good friend if he expects you to.”

You had really good dialogue exchange between Lily and Sirius. I could feel the depth of their relationship. This is most evident when they rely to each other about their familial issues. I enjoyed the dialogues the most, from the quirky antics to the serious conversations.

In my opinion, you ended your story at a strange note. For the entire story, we are following Lily. Then, suddenly it becomes Sirius' point of view. Here's why I think it's better to end it with Lily: You've got us around your fingers, thinking with Lily, concerned for Lily, etc. We've already invested ourselves on Lily. And you take that away by ending it with Sirius.

By ending with Sirius, you do open it up for a sequel. It would be a sequel in his point of view. Maybe, you were going for that?

Overall, I really enjoyed this read. I found myself grinning and laughing through the pranks, and frowning when it came to the topic of Severus and James.

Great job!
June

Author's Response: Hello June!

That was a fast response! Thank you so much for taking the time.

Yes, I have to get to the mechanics soon. I've made the changes on my word file, but haven't reflected them over here yet.

I'm glad you liked my Lily. It is my headcanon that she is quite mischevious and fun in her own way. I really don't see James falling for some prissy stickler-to-rules type of girl. I know opposites are supposed to attract, but I do love the idea of James being with someone who adores his antics, though definitely disapproving when they got out of line.

There couldn't have been a higher praise than calling my Sirius canon-like. If that's one thing I strive to be, that's canon. Of all the four marauders, I thought Sirius was the one most likely to be brutally honest to Lily. I don't think Snape manipulates Lily, but I think his opinions factored highly into Lily's perception of the marauders, which is what Sirius pointed out. To a third person it would indeed seem like he was manipulating her, which is exactly what Sirius pointed out. We should also see that Sirius' PoV was tainted by his hatred towards Snape.

I'm glad you felt that the dialogues flowed naturally. Honestly, I just let the words flow, and it was one of the easiest exchanges to write. I don't know why, but my muse just cooperated with me so much that day.

Yes, that feedback was given by a couple of others as well. I was honestly not planning a second chapter, and I wanted to end it with Sirius because I felt that he had showed too much of his serious side in the fic. Also, the way I wrote my initial ending was about Lily thinking about what Sirius said, with James in mind, but since it was for the totally platonic challenge, I wanted to remove the romance out. I'll try to make the ending smoother, maybe blend it with a little more of Lily to keep it consistent.

Thank you for you amazing feedback!

XOXO
Ysh


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Review #9, by mymischiefmanaged It All Started With Puffskein Poo

9th January 2016:
Hiya, I'm here for our review swap :) I've been meaning to read this after seeing the results for the totally platonic challenge, and it definitely didn't disappoint :)

Your Sirius is perfectly in character. He's got exactly the right kind of childish cheerfulness, combined with moments of rash cruelty when he's speaking about Snape. He's spot on, and absolutely believable as James Potter's best friend and the boy who bullied Snape by the lake.

I love what you've done with Lily. She's so often written as a very serious, sensible character, because people know she doesn't think much of James's bullying people and then ends up Head Girl. I like your Lily much more. She needs to have a sense of mischief or James wouldn't be that interested in her, and it makes sense that she'd get on with his friends because by the time they grow up they're very much her friends too. It's sweet to see this side of her now.

You've shown a lot of different aspects of their friendship here. They laugh together which is adorable, but then you have that moment of honesty in the middle when they talk about their siblings. Lily and Sirius obviously trust each other a lot, and while they presumably both have closer friends, it's nice to see that they feel comfortable and safe with each other.

ALSO I love McGonagall here. She seemed to immediately realise what was going on but then also not be that bothered, which made me smile.

Lovely one-shot, and a very well deserved win for the challenge :)

Thanks for the swap! Emma xx

Author's Response: Hello Emma! Thank you so much for the swap!

Sirius as a mixture of perceptive and playfulness is my personal headcanon. I always have this idea that he was more playful in order to hide the worries of his family life from everyone.

Awww, I'm so happy you like my Lily. This version of Lily is so close to my heart, and my headcanon for her because I don't think she was a boring stick in the mud. Sensible, yeah, but everyone is a teenager once right? I am so glad you feel that James wouldn't be interested in her if she didn't have a sense of mischief! Most people often put James in the wrong and assume he changes his life for her, but I doubt she asked him to change what made him James Potter in the first place.

Lily and Sirius as good friends is a wonderful idea to think about, and not very well explored (people favor Remus in this situation) and I am so glad you like what I've tried to show here.

Thank you so much for the review :)

Love,
Ysh


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Review #10, by fwoopersong8 It All Started With Puffskein Poo

21st December 2015:
Hey there! It's Songs reporting! :D (This is like when your teacher shows up saying they read your paper, no?) }:)

Well, I'm not gonna give away any of the challenge results in this review because I don't know them yet. But you did very well. First off, I love Lily's characterization here. She's a pretty perfect character in canon, which can be hard to handle without getting annoying, but you wrote her really well. I especially like how she enjoys the Marauders' pranks despite herself, and has a mischievous streak which she can't always hide. No one has a perfectly uniform personality, and I enjoyed reading that here.

As for CC, watch your direct address. In several lines of dialogue, you forgot to put commas around the direct address. For example:

"I'm sure Professor that..." where it should be "I'm sure, Professor, that..."

There were also a few awkward phrases here and there, such as "dooming down" and "they had lesser and lesser in common." On the whole, though, this is very well written and a thoroughly enjoyable read.

I saved my favorite point for last...I LOVE Sirius's concerns about Snape. It's easy to see him as a poor, misunderstood victim, and while that's partly true, it's so easy to forget that he is a very manipulative character and had tons of dark spells at his disposal which he could have used whenever he wanted. Everything he said about Snape had merit to it, and wasn't just an ignorant bully talking (and I HATE reading about ignorant bullies).

I'll post results as soon as I can. Great job!

~Songs

Author's Response: Hello Songs! *rubs hands in excitement* *Eeeps*

With Lily Evans I just feel there are so many layers to her personality... The way everyone sees her and portrays her as 'perfect' has made me wonder. Being too perfect, like you rightly pointed out, could get annoying. I wanted to make sure she had her faults - and being in a toxic friendship with Snape would definitely be one of that. Who is really perfect when it comes to Teen years?

Oops, thank you for pointing out the CC.. I'm still learning a lot about punctuation and the English language, so thank you so much for your input on that.

Ah.. Sirius' view about Snape is my own personal headcanon for Snape. I'm so glad you found it meritable, because I was worried most people wouldn't agree - painting him as a lovelorn kid. I love that you find Sirius' points astute - and the fact that he's given it much thought. I wanted to highlight that Sirius and James weren't bullies all the time, and they did have a special hatered when it came to Snape.

Thank you so much for your thoughts, and for hosting the Challenge Songs. This was my first challenge and I'm seriously excited for the results!

Love
Ysh


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Review #11, by ScorpiusRose17 It All Started With Puffskein Poo

10th December 2015:
Hi!

I am finally here with your review! I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to getting around to reading and reviewing this. I got sick and well real life got in the way after that.

So let's start with your concerns: Flow of Dialogue. I thought you did a great job with the dialogue and in all reality it didn't even skip a beat. I did notice a couple of areas that were more of Lily's thoughts then anything else that slowed the flow of reading down, but other then that minor spot, the flow was great overall.

Canon-ness/characterization: is spot on for how I picture the Marauders, Lily and Snape. I thought you did a great job of portraying all of them even in just a line or two they were easy to picture. The climax between Snape, Lily and the Marauders is building here and you can tell it is just before James humiliates him and he utters that forever friendship changing word. Between Sirius and Lily, I would say that yes, I could see the depth of their friendship through the lightheartedness of the story line. Sometimes I wonder if it could have been Sirius and Lily instead of James and Lily.

Also, I must say that I appreciated very much how perceptive you made Sirius... One line defined that more than any other place in the entire story... “Don’t underestimate Wormtail,” said Sirius darkly. The foreshadowing here is so real.

Keep up the great work!!! :)

-Jenn

Author's Response: Hello Jenn,

Don't worry about that... I'm glad you're feeling better now.

I do have a problem with dialogues because English isn't my first language... I'm happy that you found it was fine. I'll keep your suggestions in mind when I'm writing other dialogues to ensure it doesn't slow it down.

Most people write Lily very Hermione-ish, and I was worried that she would boil down as OOC because of that. But honestly, this is exactly how I picture her. I just can't see a prankster like James with someone who disapproves of something that makes him who he is.

I always pictured Sirius and Lily as being friends independant of James, and that it was Sirius who nudged her towards James, but in his own way. Sirius and Lily could happen but in a parallel universe (of course, this is just me because Lily and James are my OTP)

Sirius being perceptive is one of my favorite headcanons of him. We can see him in the books as being cynical and reckless, but his thoughts and insights are almost always spot on. I always thought his experiences (with his family) made him slightly more perceptive to people than James (who would have been inclined to be self-involved and dense due to being adored and loved at home)

Haha! You caught the foreshadowing! Thank you so much for your review!

~Ysh!


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Review #12, by ReeBee It All Started With Puffskein Poo

8th December 2015:
Hi Ysh! :D

I wanted to check out one of your fics especially as we just started talking!! So I read this because SIRIUS!!! You did so well on this it's so adorable and cute and !!!

FIRST OF ALL CHARACTERISATION IS SO ON POINT WHAT DO I EVEN SAY? Like I love how Lily's trusting Sirius so much even though they bully Snape. Like she knows that they're not that great to him but also has enough trust in their own friendship that she can tell him this kind of thing? AND WHEN THEY GET ON TO THE TOPIC OF JAMES MY HEART DIED BECAUSE JAES IS REALLY ADORABLE AND JAMES/SIRIUS BROMANCE IS JUST THE BEST!!! So it was super exciting to read Sirius/Lily platonic-ness!! :D aND WOW i love sirius so much in this like he stays true to his silly, playful character but also knows how to give some great advice???

AND THE END. the serious advice i love how he can like put aside his own prejudices and give Lily really good advice? AND ITS SMALL BUT I LOVE HOW YOU POINTED OUT THE FACT THAT SNAPE ISNT ONLY BEING HORRIBLE BUT HE'S POSSESSIVE AS WELL!! Like possessiveness is such a huge icky factor and i love how thats pointed out!

AND THE LAST BIT. I want to see him wreck havoc in double potions! like omg. and i know Lupin was only mentioned a tiny bit that MENTION! SO GOOD! its actually so true that just sort of revives that Lupin phase i had who knows when!

Anyway can't wait to read more of your writing later!!

~Curie xx

Author's Response: Hello Curie!

That was so sweet of you coming over to check out my stories! Your review put a big smile on my face, thank you so much!! As Jily fans, I have to say we have so much in common! Sirius is a darling, isn't he :D

Sirius Lily friendship is one of my favorite headcanons. Most people write that Lily and Sirius became friends only after James and Lily got together, but I always felt that was not the case. Judging from the letter that Lily wrote Sirius (found by Harry in DH) there was so much warmth and friendship there that made me feel there was a bigger foundation to that. And it's quite possible that as classmates, they would have interacted more.

Ah the Sirius/James bromace... yes I always like to think that it was Sirius more so than Remus who got Lily to think about James. Because I see that Remus who has a knack for reading people tends to play it safe, measure his words and be diplomatic - but at a point in time Lily needs someone who is brutally honest with her and I always felt it was Sirius who did the trick.

I see Snape/Lily friendship as something quite toxic - something that Snape clung on to more so than her, and tried to draw her close to him and isolate her from everyone else. I always had this headcanon that it was Snape more so than anything that made Lily detest James so much. I loved that Sirius was the one who came along to make her think about it.

I'm so glad you loved this story, I loved writing it as well. Thank you so much for reviewing! And I hope you like my other stuff too!

Love
~YSh!


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Review #13, by Mr Penn It All Started With Puffskein Poo

28th November 2015:
Hello PrincessLily. Its Penn from the forums with your promised review. Let's dive right in... You haven't mentioned any area of concern in your request so I shall be doing a generalized review

First of all... Thank you so much for writing a platonic Sirius-Lily fanfic. This is without doubt my favourite non-relationship ship if you know what I mean. :D

I have always imagined Sirius to be the complete anti-thesis of his name and so to see a slightly more mature side of him is a surprise I admit but I like it. Now that I think of it, it makes more sense that he has that devil-may-care attitude to mask all the inner demons he has had to exorcise (his estrangement with the family).

Lily's character is truly spot on but I guess it was to be expected from you. I mean the amount of research you put into 'Once Upon A Marauder' practically shines through in this story too.

The best thing for me though was how you described Severus. After the 'Prince's Tale' in DH, most people tend to put him on a pedestal. Ok, I admit he loved Lily and risked his life a lot but he was still the most under-handed person there was (I dunno if the statement made sense) and I wouldn't put it beyond him to try and poison Lily's brain against James and company. Also this sort of answers my all-time unanswered question about Jily - How did she fall for an obnoxious person like him (she found him obnoxious after all). Well makes sense that Severus was poisoning her mind.

All in all, I loved this story PrincessLily and please feel free to request for any more from 'Once Upon a Marauder' or any of its sister stories any time. :D

-Penn

P.S. Only Sirius would have the audacity to call his Head of House Professor Minnie on her face... :D

Author's Response: Mr. Penn, thank you so much for stopping by!

Yes Lily-Sirius friendship is my favorite too! We saw hints of it in the letter she writes to Padfoot :D

Sirius in my opinion has quite a few facets to his personality. On one hand he's jovial, fun loving, humorous. On the other he's serious and mature especially since he has seen quite a bit of life. He is quite shrewd and perceptive, which contributes to his maturity. And of course, a cynic!

I totally agree with you about Severus! I don't put him on a pedestal either. To be honest, I find him exactly the same, just more creepy. And, Sev poisoning Lily's mind could be a very valid reason to her hating James, because everyone loves James (who wouldn't?)

Thank you so much for your review! I would love to request more from you :) It's lovely to hear from a fellow marauder fan!

Ysh!


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Review #14, by adluvshp It All Started With Puffskein Poo

17th November 2015:
Hey! Here for the review swap!

Ooh, I really enjoyed this. I don't usually read a lot of fluff (more of a "dark" person) but this definitely served as a nice break from my usual. It was well-written, easy to read, and made me smile.

Your characterisations of Sirius and Lily were so on point! If I were to imagine them in my head, I'd exactly expect them to behave this way! Your portrayal really hit the piece. And I think you did a good job of writing McGonagall too. She's definitely a difficult character to pull off. I enjoyed the banter here throughout, you wove it in so well with the narrative. And the conflicting thoughts of Lily were very realistic.

All in all, great one-shot. I can see it serving well as a companion piece to your novel. You really get the Marauders and the way you write them is really brilliant. I honestly dont know what else to say. Loved it!

Cheers,
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hey Angie!

Glad we did the review swap!

I used to write a lot of fluff but only from a romance point of view. To explore that from a friendship perspective was really different, and very fulfilling.

I really loved exploring the Lily Sirius dynamics here. I am not that great with dialogue, so I'm really happy you enjoyed the banter!

Thank you once again for checking it out and reviewing!

Love,
Ysh


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Review #15, by Dirigible_Plums It All Started With Puffskein Poo

6th November 2015:
Hey!

Hopefully, my phone won't act up again before I can finish this review. Apparently, it's running completely fine again and I have my hopes up. I am determined. :P

The first paragraph had me grinning for a completely immature reason: 'Being squashed inside a broom cupboard up against Hogwart’s most unpredictable troublemaker, with something pointy sticking into her back, was not how she envisioned her first evening as a prefect.' is a rather. . . suggestive beginning. For a second, I was taken aback because I knew this was a one shot to display their friendship.

I really enjoyed seeing a Lily that was more laid-back. Often, she is portrayed as another Hermione with a fierce hatred for James and it's refreshing to have a change. Your Lily is a mixture of responsible and cheeky, something I love because it shows why she might've gotten along with them so well and ultimately fallen for James. This line in particular sums it up nicely, I think: 'They always made everyone laugh and made it so much easier to accept the reality that was dooming down outside the walls of the castle.'

And of course, I enjoyed Lily's perspective of the Marauders. How Remus is the mastermind behind most of their plans - love it! It reminds me a post I once saw of a headcanon where he comes up with the plans and makes out like the others have dragged him into it. I mean, '"Moony’s one of us. Everyone knows that,"' could never be truer. He's not just a guy who reads for pleasure, but actually lives up to his name.

I like that you mention Peter too. Too many Marauder fics completely ignore his presence and that's rather irritating. He did exist, after all.

I agree with you when you say that Lily's change of heart probably didn't come out of the blue. That's why I enjoyed reading about her little crush on James which is so obvious to me, but probably not to her. It's adorable. On a heavier note, the same sort of principle is applied to Snape. She didn't reject him in one day - the 'Mudblood' incident was the last string. She would've been feeling some doubts for a while before then.

Biggest cc would be the final part. The whole thing was in Lily's POV and it suddenly switched to Sirius' for a not completely relevant closing thought. I think it should've closed on one of Lily's, perhaps on the Snape/James dilemma.

Another one would be the spells that they use. I always got the feeling that Dissillusionment charms and Conjuring were difficult spells beyond OWL standard yet Sirius performs them with ease days into fifth year.

Some corrections ahead (corrections are written in [these]):

“Sirius!” [s]he hissed urgently.

“What?” [H]e turned to her distractedly, a crease on his forehead.

"Shh! [S]omeone’s coming."

And [t]ake a shower, you stink!

"No[,] thank you[.]” [S]he rolled her eyes.

And finally, I've noticed that you sometimes have two bits of speech from different people in the same paragraph:

“I could say the same to you!” Sirius shot back without missing a beat. [NEW LINE] Lily opened her mouth as if to say something, then thought the better of it. “Do you remember the first day we met?” [s]he asked instead.

Good luck with the challenge! I hope this review helps a little :)

Plums xo (finally)

Author's Response: Plums!

I know I've been too late in getting to your review, but I really wanted to do justice to it. I left it for the last because it helps me get to the chapter and make those edits that you mentioned.

I hope your phone is okay now :)

Ah I'm glad the beginning had the effect it should :D I wanted to throw the reader off a little bit.

I'm so glad you like my Lily. Like you pointed out, her falling for James ultimately must have had some reason. I read a line in OotP Snape's Worst Memory that 'Lily's mouth twitched a little as if she was going to laugh'. That's what opened me up to this Lily, one who was not Hermione-ish (yeesh!).

Yes I wanted to bridge the gap and show the conflict that must have been in her heart. I actually got the feeling Lily was always into James, and that she yelled at him in OotP because she was disgusted and disappointed with his behavior. That's my headcanon!

Ooh, the final part. I actually did want to close it with Lily, but the point of the challenge was NOT to focus on the romance, so I chose to end it with Sirius.

Ooh I didn't think of the syllabus when I wrote in the dissillusionment charm! It slipped my mind to be frank! But you're right, fresh out of fourth year they would hardly know this. Thank you for pointing it out, let me soo how I can twist the story aound it.

And as always, thank you for pointing out those errors, you're a gem! This review really did help me. I want to know what different readers feel about it before I actually submit my entry!

Over to your next review now!

Love
Ysh


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Review #16, by Owlpost68 It All Started With Puffskein Poo

4th November 2015:
I really loved this, it reminds me a bit of a one-shot I did a little while ago. The only thing I could think of as a criticism was there was a point that you said "lesser and lesser" that probably should be less and less. It was fun to see Lily mischievous, I don't think Harry got it all from James either. Sirius and Lily obviously understand each other better than people might think they would, I've always felt that way too. I loved the comparison between Reg and Petunia, that was so good! Also throwing in the name Selwyn was cool, I remember that name. It would make sense that he'd have a "girlfriend" who he could even pretend he was dating to convince his parents he was at least with a pureblood if not in Slytherin.
Really good job!

Author's Response: Heather!

I'm so glad you came over and reviewed. Ooh, it should have been less and less, let me go over and edit that bit.

Yes I also like to think that Harry didn't get it all from James.

This story is just an off-shoot of my WIP novel. I've had this scene in mind for ages, but I decided to pen it down for fwoopersong8's challenge. It also is a fun look-into-the-later-chapters, for those reading my novel as I've decided to span all 7 years of Marauders at Hogwarts, which can get pretty tiring for me. I hope I don't tire my readers out though!

Yes, Selwyn Sirius relationship is going to be something unconventional (at least as far as the 70s are concerned!) I hope you do read my WIP and give your thoughts, when you're free!

I always felt Sirius was slightly more perceptive than James (from that memory in OotP where he explains Lily to James and asks him to stop showing off), and I really thought it would be him rather than Remus who would tell Lily some home truths that even she was not prepared to accept.

Thank you for liking my story!

Love
Ysh


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Review #17, by carry on with your knitting It All Started With Puffskein Poo

31st October 2015:
Hello!

I'm here for the swap from a few days ago, I'm so sorry that it took so long! RL got in the way more than I thought it would between then and now :') But anyway I here now! :D

This was really interesting onset to read! I've always been fascinated by the Snape/Lily/Marauders dynamic, and I think this explored it really well from a perspective I had never really thought about before. I think you hit the nail on the head with how the Marauders would have felt about Snape and Lily; he was definitely controlling with her. I really liked you version of Lily here as she is right in the middle of her really question both her friendships. It must be so hard to choose something like that and I think he really explored what must have been going through her mind well! The conflict was obvious throughout :)

I always find it hard to think of the Marauders as Bullies, because I just love them! But I guess they kind of were to start with :( not that snape wasn't to blame somewhat... I think Lily calling them that was quite a powerful comment in a way because it emphasises how much of a change there is to come :)

I thought the humour in it was great, definitely my kind of sarcastic/childish humour, which I think is 100% the marauders! :)

There was tiny CC I had; with the Professor Minnie bit, I always thought that the Minnie reference was to her first name, rather then last, so it reads a little odd having professor before it, but thats just me being awkward :')

Thanks so much for the swap again! :)
I will definitely get back to your other fic soon!

Katie :)

Author's Response: Hey Katie!

Thank you so much for the swap! Rl got in the way of me replying to this amazing review as well!

I set this story in fifth year by which time I felt Lily would be well into her dilemma. I thought it should be Sirius with his blunt forthrightness to point out to Lily rather than Remus with his polite-ness who would have probably been diplomatic or thought it was none of his business.

I love the marauders too :( I really don't think they were bullies as much as they treated Snape that way. But Lily is looking at it from where Snape stands and that's important here. I'm so glad that Lily's conflict came out well.

Ohh I'm so glad the humor balanced out the seriousness of the conversation.

Yeah it was initially just Minnie because of her first name, but I didn't think even Sirius would be comfortable with calling Professor McGonagall 'Minnie' just like that. She does seem formidable you know.

I'm so glad you liked my one-shot. thank you for your review and hope you read my other story as well.

Love
Ysh


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Review #18, by Felpata Lupin It All Started With Puffskein Poo

31st October 2015:
Ysh!!!
You wonderful girl!!!
This story just gets better any time I read it!!!

And way to go with the introspection! It works way better like this! We can see in Lily's thoughts as she goes to bed that she DOES have doubts about Severus and that she DOES enjoy the Marauders' company. And, most importantly, she DOES have a different interest in James... You really helped us to get a better insight on her with that section. And it made the dialogue with Sirius the next day much more relatable (is this a word? I'm not sure...) It worked before, too, as I already told you. But now we can really understand her POV.

One small thing that I loved is that you included all the boys and all the girls in here, even if it is only a mention. I love the idea of Remus being the mastermind of the Marauders' pranks (you know that Remus is my favourite, don't you?)

And of course I love the story in general! I love the prank bit and the humorous side of the story. I loved even more your portrayal of Sirius, the fact that he can be so perceptive and serious (sorry for the pun...) but remains funny and careless most of the time!

And I have to say, I'm quite proud of having given my contribution to this!!! :P

Great job, honey!
I'll be off to beta chap two of "When ego meets emotions" in a bit! ;)

Much love,
Chiara

Author's Response: Chiara!!
You amazing awesome beta!
If the story is better this time, it's only thanks to your input!

I was skeptic of putting too much of an introspection as I felt it might take the focus away from their conversation the next day, but you said it worked, I'm so glad!
Ahh Remus... He's the silent hottie of the group isn't he :D Your username betrayed your true feelings about him, Lol!

Thank you for coming over and reviewing! I know you've had literally no time in the past two weeks. I'm so glad you're my beta!

Lots of Love
Ysh


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Review #19, by Corleone It All Started With Puffskein Poo

29th October 2015:
This was great!!! You stayed true to the canon but you presented it in a unique and different way! loved it!

Author's Response: Thank you so much Corleone! I'm glad you liked it!

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Review #20, by cherry_pop94 It All Started With Puffskein Poo

29th October 2015:
Hello! I'm here for our swap!

Sorry I'm late to read this, I know I said that I'd get to it within the hour and its now far beyond that :/ I got caught up in studying.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this story! I love the relationship between Sirius and Lily. I haven't read much about those two together, so I really liked that. Friendships are such a great thing to write about, but I think, often neglected for romance.

I think you captured Sirius's personality really well here. He's friendly, charming, funny, but also quite astute. He's zoned in really well on the dynamic between Lily and Severus. And he's totally right about how possessive he is of her.

I do hope that Lily takes what Sirius said to heart and it seems like at the end she will. She's definitely thinking more about her relationships with people now.

One thing I'd point out though is that you sometimes refer to Severus as Snape in Lily's thoughts. Though this is third person narration, it is from Lily's POV for the most part, so it seemed strange to me that she'd call them Remus, Peter, Sirius, and then Severus by his surname. It's not a big deal, but just something I noticed.

Thanks for the swap!

Stefanie

Author's Response: Hey Stefanie,

Thank you for the swap! Studying can make you forget FF-life :D

I'm glad you enjoyed reading this. I was nervous about keeping them canon in this fic because I didn't want Lily and Sirius as besties, but I didn't expect them to hate each other either. I'm glad you liked my characterization.

And yes, I've gone and changed that bit, because it's true. I always think of Snape as Snape in my head, and it's so weird to be adressing him as Severus. Although Lily is doing the addressing here. Thanks for pointing that out!

Much Love
Ysh


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