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Reading Reviews for Wishes
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Marshal Wishes

29th April 2017:
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME JAYNA!? Here I am ready to cry once more! I am not liking you right now! (Please take not offense - your writing is lovely but it is so sad! I don't want to be sad right now)

Still while this was sad and got my eyes to water this was also so sweet - I love James - the older one particularly his love and concern for Harry is so touching. I just warms my heart I think that is why it makes me almost cry. I can't imagine what is going through Harry's head at the moment after reading that surprise letter from his father. In some ways I can imagine that being exciting and difficult for him at the same time. It has so much meaning getting a letter from is long lost father. This is just wow, like seriously I am failing at words at the sweetness and the emotions of this story!

Also you did a very nice job on mixing the past with the present and I love that there is more than just blood at the part that are called family - I can imagine that while Harry lost his parents and married into the Weasley clan that he has a HUGE family with those that he loves and considers close to him. Honestly beautiful job.

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Review #2, by Yoshi_Kitten Wishes

29th April 2017:
Hello there!! RoxiMalfoy, here for CTF!! I really loved this one-shot a lot. It was such a beautiful idea, to show James and Harry in two different time periods, and then have them come together at the end like that. I felt so bad for James, especially when you mentioned how he and Lily couldn't even get jobs because of the danger that hey were in. Times really were different back during the first wizarding war, and you did a really great job of capturing just HOW different those two time periods were.

The contrast between when Harry was one, as opposed to when James II turned one are like polar opposites of one another. Harry just had his mom and dad there, and they were in hiding because the world was at war. Whereas James II was surrounded by loved ones, and they had this huge celebration going on. And I think it's important to remember that it was because of James & Lilly's sacrifice, because of everything that happened during the first and second wars, that they are able to enjoy that peace. This little one-shot does a great job of reminding you of that. James and Lilly died to give Harry exactly what he has now; a life full of family and friends who love him.

As far as the format goes, I thought that it was very east to follow, and I quite liked it. I also saw in your note at the end that you asked for comments on your characterization of Harry and James I. While I cannot really comment on Harry because he wasn't really in the story much, I thought that you did James I really well here. Especially in the letter at the end. You almost had me in tears!! It was so emotional, and it was definitely something that I could see James I writing. I also LOVED the idea of event-triggered charms! I've never seen that used before like this, but it is SUCH a cool idea!! It was also very sweet, and very in character for James not to want Lilly to know that he felt so hopeless enough to write their son an “in case we die” letter. I could see him wanting to keep something like that a secret from her.

My only critique is that I wasn't very happy with the ending. I wanted MORE, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, haha!! But, as I mentioned before, I felt like we hardly got to see Harry at all. And then it ended so abruptly. I at least would have liked to see Harry's reaction to the letter. Or hear more of his thoughts after reading it… Perhaps you could go back one day and add in a little bit more of Harry's response to this surprise from his father later? If you do ever decide to write more for this; I would certainly like to come back and read it, so please let me know!! This was so sweet, and really well written. Great job!! =)

~Deana

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Review #3, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Wishes

3rd January 2016:
Awww! Oh no!! *sobs* I wasn't ready for this, it broke my feels!

Seeing the comparison between the two birthdays was just heartbreaking - knowing that one of them is filled with hope, and the other was filled with dread. Also, seeing James as a parent and Harry as a parent really brings out that contrast, too. And it is so sad that James was SO sure he was going to die that he left Harry that note.

Speaking of the note, I really loved the idea that someone could set a gift to arrive at a specific date - that's very original, but also still fits perfectly with Canon!

I know receiving that note would have really meant something to Harry, and I'd have loved to read his reaction!

This was another fantastic, although sad, story lovely! *hug* Well done!

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Review #4, by marauderfan Wishes

1st January 2016:
Here for review hot seat! And aw, this was such a sweet story. It was cool that you told the two stories concurrently, as it set up for the stories to come together at the end. It was an interesting parallel you set up with James fearing for his life, alone except for himself and Lily, and wondering whether they'll survive and worrying about bringing a child into the world in the midst of war - whereas Harry is so happy and surrounded by family and people he loves, and even the weather was opposite. I liked the kind of opposite way you set those up.

And I just love the idea that James found a way to send a message through time to Harry in the likely event that he wouldn't survive the war. And what a wonderful gift- Harry must have loved that so much and that would have made a happy moment even happier. That's so adorable. And it even makes sense too that without having a job James would have the time to learn about/invent a spell like that.

Wonderful work, and I definitely think this meets the criteria for short and sweet! :) Great writing!

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Review #5, by May Wishes

3rd November 2015:
This was just beautiful it made me cry

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words! And while this may sound weird, I'm so glad this made you cry. I've been having a bad day, but these 8 words just made it a whole lot brighter. Again, thank you so much for dropping by!

-Jayna


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Review #6, by Dirigible_Plums Wishes

12th October 2015:
Hey,

It's Plums here with your requested review :)

You said that you were concerned about the structure of the one shot. I'll admit that it's different, but you've made it work really well. It doesn't feel awkward and the change in times isn't abrupt. You managed to make it flow well.

I saw that it's an entry for the Short and Sweet Challenge. The plot's really cute so you've done well there and I wish you good luck with the challenge! It's a rather bittersweet idea. Two Potter men separated by death and time, each celebrating their first child's birthday. One is terrified for his life, the other mostly at peace. The parallel is an interesting one.

A couple of concrits: James' letter to Harry is great and conveys the tone of a young father well. However, I feel like the word "alas" is out of place. Somehow I just don't imagine James saying that because it seems so mature and Dumbledore-esque, especially compared to casual language like "kid". In addition to this, I feel like the POV switch in the last paragraph takes something away from this. I saw the one shot as a comparison between James and Harry, one that united them whilst displaying the differences in their lives. Adding Ginny's POV disturbed that. Finally, considering the size of their family, I don't think the sound of Harry's tear will be very audible over the noise. It's certainly rather poetic, though, so I'll give you that :D

Hope this helped!

Love,

Plums xo

Author's Response: Hey Plums! Sorry for this late response and thank you so much for leaving this wonderful review!

I'm so glad to hear that the structure worked and didn't feel abrupt because I was really concerned about that. To hear that the piece flowed well was also music to my ears as I struggle with that.

Thanks for the luck! Since I'm rather terrible at sweet stories, I figured I'd go with bittersweet instead. That was what I was going for, so it's good to know that the parallel worked and the story conveyed the differences in their lives.

1. I didn't notice that, but now that you point it out, alas does sound out of place.
2. While I see your point about the POV switch, I didn't know quite how to end it so I went with that. I will see if perhaps I can find a way to end the piece without that switch because I think you are right.
3. I know it wouldn't be heard, but it was mainly meant to be poetic.

This really helped, and as soon as my list of stories gets through the queue, I will definitely go back and fix those things you pointed out. Once again, thank you so much for this review, it was really great to get some feedback.

-Jayna


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Review #7, by CassiePotter Wishes

12th October 2015:
Happy birthday!
I'm came by to leave a birthday review for you!
This story was so sweet! I loved that James wanted to make sure Harry knew how much he and Lily loved him if they didn't make if through the war. The fact that he's so afraid for his family really shows how much he loves them. I thought the letter he wrote Harry seemed just like something I'd imagine James would write. I loved how much it moved Harry, and how much more special it made James Sirius's first birthday.
This was a lovely story. Happy birthday!
Cassie :)

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Review #8, by Frankie05 Wishes

9th October 2015:
Hey Jayna,

I am sorry it's taken so long but I am finally getting around to reviewing your stories for the Dobby Challenge!

This story is very cute, and I'm glad you entered it into the short and sweet challenge. It is seriously so precious. I like how you started out with James and Lily on Harry's first birthday. And then swapped it over to Harry for James' first birthday!

I thought the third section (coming back to James) was a bit confusing because I thought it was going to be about James Sirius. But I quickly realized that it was back to James (I).

The story got me. James performing some serious magic to let Harry know that he loved him and for him to understand just how much his dad loved him.

A few pieces of criticism:

In the second section - talking about baby James and his cake- "his face still tinged just a little bit blue from the frosting he smeared across his face." I don't think the second his face needs to be there. It seems really redundant. Maybe just "it" or take out the "across his face."

And then in the letter from James when he says "you managed to find yourself a girl (or boy, if you swing that way)" I'm not sure. Maybe just (of boy). The if you swing that way seems a bit insensitive and forced. It doesn't really fit with the idea and the sentiment you are trying to convey (which you did an excellent job of!)

I really enjoyed this story. It was so sweet and kind. Good luck in the challenge!

Author's Response: Hi! No worries! Life happens. I'm glad that you liked it and that it struck you as sweet because I was afraid it was just a tad too angsty. I'm also so relieved that the switching back and forth wasn't too confusing and that you figured out what was going on. Thank you for the wonderful suggestions! In fact, as soon as I read this review I went and changed them. Frankly, I'm a real newbie to the spectrum of LGBTQA, it's not very prominent in my community, and I'm trying to experiment with accepting it on here, little by little. I wouldn't want it to come off as insensitive, so thank you for pointing it out. I changed it to (or boy). :) Overall, I'm so glad that you liked it and, once again, thank you for the wonderful challenge!

-Jayna


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Review #9, by Gabriella Hunter Wishes

6th October 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review and thanks so much for agreeing to swap with me! :D

I really enjoyed this. I don't read much fluff but I think that this was one of the best that I've come across on the archives. I think that you have created something really unique here with the relationship that you showed with James and Harry. I especially like that you've created James in such a realistic way, his fears about the war and possibly not seeing his son grow were just so poignant. It made him seem so real and by the time that Harry is celebrating his own son's birthday, I was tearing up a little. I think that that scene was very well-written, it showed a lovely passage of time and seeing the family all together was wonderful. On a whole other note, I really love the letter that James wrote for Harry because it was not only heartfelt but hilarious. I like that he said "sorry for your loss" about his own death and passed it over as if it weren't that serious. I think that just shows us all what kind of person he was. I felt my heart ache for Harry reading it though but it was a touching way to end this one-shot and I'm so happy that I read this!

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #10, by Willowjay16 Wishes

30th September 2015:
Hi Jayna! This is my 1st review and I am really glad that I wrote it for your story. I loved it, especially the part from James's pov. I have always shiped lily/james and it was a cool idea!( Is a review supposed to be longer?) I really have no clue about the "you should say this" of a review. I am sorry if it is utter rubbish, but I really liked your story and so I thought of writing a review.

Author's Response: Hey Willow! Thank you so much for leaving me a review! It was great to see what you thought of my story. Some reviews are longer, some are shorter, but all of them are great, and thank you for all your kind words. Welcome to HPFF! Don't worry, you'll fall into the swing of things in no time.

-Jayna


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