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Reading Reviews for Dance for Yourself
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by The Basilisk One

28th December 2015:
As a dancer, who’s danced in both contrasting styles, I adore thisss. Firstly, one of my most preciousss pairings, and secondly you take the ship there and back in under 2K, which is awesome! I definitely got chills reading this, especially with the last line. Again, I loe the contrast you paint between the two. I love how Andromeda changes and shows real emotions for Ted, and I ADORE the dance metaphor that you showcase this relationship with. Keep plotting while on bus commutesss ;)

Happy Holidays!
-The Basilisk

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Review #2, by 800 words of heaven One

27th September 2015:
Heya! I'm here for our review swap! Sorry for being a little late.

I'll address the question you posed in your AN first, since it was something about which I was thinking as I read the entire piece: I really liked the extended metaphor! It never felt forced or contrived, which is a real achievement. Sustaining the theme of dancing so overtly in a 2000-word story is just so difficult and I really commend you for it.

The use of second person was also really fitting for the mood and tone of this story. It's as if Andromeda is telling herself this lie about her life, and then as the story progresses and she meets Ted and falls in love, she realises the reason why she doesn't fit.

All in all, this felt to me as a very poetic piece of writing, thanks to the metaphor. I kind of read it floating and swaying in my own head, which was kinda cool. It had a great flow and excellent characterisation. I would've liked to learn more about Ted, but I understand that the focus was on Andromeda, so it didn't detract from the story at all :)

Thanks for the lovely read and the review swap :)

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Review #3, by alicia and anne One

22nd September 2015:
I'm sorry that I'm late to this! But I am here now! :D

Those first few paragraphs are making me really want to dance, especially with the way that you've described it. I really love that she's dancing, and that she's trying her hardest but doesn't feel like she's as good as the others.

I seriously am in awe at how you've written the differences between them, using the movements and dance perfectly in this.

Oh my god, I adore them both so much! Ted and Andromeda are perfect for each other, so damn perfect and you've done such a fantastic job with this and with writing Andromeda. I am loving her! She's trying so hard to be perfect and do the right steps, but Ted is throwing all of that out and making her want to go out of sequence... and it's just beautiful!

THIS WAS EPICALLY BRILLIANT! And I'm not sure if you realised by the amount of times I said "I love" but I loved this!

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Review #4, by Veritaserum27 One

16th September 2015:
Hi there Manno!

I'm here for the BvB in the Ravenclaw common room.

Umm... this was BRILLIANT!

Seriously - you pulled me in and brought me to Andromeda's world. I could feel everything - and it made me hurt and laugh and made my heart abound with happiness.

I've only ever seen Andromeda written as the rebel - as in, from Day One she was against her family, but I really, really like this telling of her and Ted's story. I like how you give us little glimpses of how she did everything she was supposed to do - she upheld the family traditions and honor and she believed that was her place, her calling.

And then Ted came along - and none of those rules applied.

I loved that she fought against it at first (internally, but that made the story so much better). I loved that we got to see her struggle - and then her question - and then her realization. You left me rooting for her every step of the way!

Second person POV was entirely lovely here, by the way - and it worked so well for this story - great job with that.

And I think my favorite part is that Ted loves her for whomever she chooses to be... he doesn't ask anything of her. Not to leave her family and the pureblood ways, not to change anything about herself - he just loves her.

Great, great story! I'm so glad I read it!

♥ Beth

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Review #5, by Panda Weasley  One

11th September 2015:
Hello again!
Yet another beautiful one-shot. I really loved the metaphor of dancing in this story. I thought it fit very well, and the way you wrote it made perfect sense. At first while I was reading I was a little confused because I didn't know who the characters were, but as the story progressed I realized it was Andromeda and all the pieces fit together and it was beautiful.

Overall I thought this was really good, but there were several places where I noticed typos and errors. I really love this line: "Where they were a pair of feathers floating, submissive to the direction of the wind and the music, one black and one golden, you were only hovering in one spot, brown and lackluster." For some reason when I read it it just stuck with me.

Excellent!
~Panda
B vs. B

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for the lovely review. And I'm so relieved to hear that the metaphor makes sense.

I definitely did rush this story into the queue before closure and that did lead to some mistakes, but I'm currently working on editing those out.

Once again, thank you so much! :D

-Manno


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Review #6, by FireOpalQueen One

10th September 2015:
Kapa in the house, swapping like a swapper!

Aaaah, what a lovely Andromeda story! You mentioned in your review to me that she is one of your favourite characters, and that really shows in the dignity and care that you treat her with here. I’ve actually been thinking for a while that I should get more into the Ted/Andromeda scene, and this was a great start for that!

The dance motif/metaphor works really well and feels natural. I could read the story on two planes, so to speak, one ‘within’ the metaphor, where I saw the action as actual dancing, and one ‘outside’ the metaphor where I see Andromeda’s actual life as if from a bird’s view, ‘through’ the metaphor…

And then in the second part you break out of the metaphor in an almost jarring way, before you slowly let it creep back in. Actually, I’d love to see even more dance imagery in the second part, especially at the very end, to tie the story together. All in all it’s very well done, though; I’d definitely consider this a successful experiment!

At first I actually found your writing style in this story a bit too dense (English is not my first language, second person not my favourite POV), but once I reread the opening a few times I got into the flow of it and then I found the style really beautiful! There are so many lovely little turns of phrase, like “crane your neck backwards so far as though the bones you have don’t limit you” and “You are twirling your way between the bars that once were the pillars that held your world together”.

However, there are also a lot of unconventional word choices that I can’t tell if they’re intentional or not. Little things like ‘as though’ instead of ‘as if’ in the quote above, and Andromeda’s heart not being ‘into it’ instead of not being ‘in it’. (Also, the sentence “You’re entire existence was not sincere” sounds like most of it but not all was sincere. Consider using the word ‘insincere’ instead, even though that ruin the echo effect somewhat... maybe “Nothing in your entire existence was sincere”?)

Regardless of whether these unconventional turns of phrase are intentional or not, I believe this story could be tightened up considerable with another round of editing. (For example, you actually give the word ‘existence’ from my last parenthesis as ‘existent’, and a sentence close towards the ending has both ‘although’ and ‘but’ in it. There are also some words that are in the wrong tense, like ‘felt’ and ‘danced’…) Maybe get a beta?

But enough with the language nitpicks! Here’s my favourite line:

“But then you look in the mirror and realise that you look nothing like them. Where they were a pair of feathers floating, submissive to the direction of the wind and the music, one black and one golden, you were only hovering in one spot, brown and lackluster.”

I love this passage! The first sentence is great, because it’s so at odds with one of the few things we know about Andromeda from Canon: that she looks very similar to Bellatrix. And then, in the next sentence, you explain what you mean: it is in the ‘dance’ that she looks nothing like her sisters. I love the image of the feathers in the wind (and imagine Andromeda’s as a sort of lovely little sparrow feather, haha!).

So, all in all I found this to be a beautiful and unique story that could reach something close to perfection with a little bit of extra editing.

/Kapa

Author's Response: Hello! First of all, I want to thank you for the very thorough and helpful review! I did need some constructive criticism, so thank you for that!

I'm very happy that the dance metaphor makes sense. And I do suppose you're right about how it suddenly disappears in the second half. But by then, I wanted to focus on emotion and conversation more...? But I went back to it after your review and you're right. I did try to edit in some relevant dance images, and I do hope they work out well. So thank you for pointing that out.

I actually use 'as if' and 'as though' interchangeably, but I will look into it. And I used 'your heart's not into it' the way I'd use it by saying someone's 'into dance' or 'into art'. I'm not sure if it's colloquial or formal really, but I'll also study up on that when I have a chance.

I did, unfortunately, rush this story into the queue before closure. There are definitely a lot of mistakes, but I've gone over it and edited them out, and will put it into the queue once it reopens. But thank you for zeroing in on the points where there were issues.

Thank you so much for the amazing and helpful review and for a great swap!

-Manno


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