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12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by alicia and anne Step Two

23rd May 2016:
I love how you've described the shop, I can picture it so vividly in my head and can almost imagine myself in there. :D

Poor Sybill, I can understand why she would be so nervous before opening. I would be too!

It's so exciting that the shop is going to be opening! I hope that it's a success, she deserves it.

I BELIEVE IN IT TOO!!!

I'm seriously so excited! I feel like I'm opening the shop! haha

I wonder if Sybill will hire me?

Awww yay they had a lot of customers! That's so good! I'm so happy for her! :D

:O SHE SHOULD HIRE HUNKY WILLIAMSON... I mean Eddie Williamson. :D

AHHH! What did she see in her crystal ball?

Another wonderful chapter! :D I can't wait to read more! I hope that the shop goes from strength to strength and she hires Eddie. :D

Author's Response: This was such a fun chapter to write because this fic is so different from the other stories I've written in the past. It's a much more original fic than I'm used to so it was a bit of a challenge, actually, to come up with a proper plotline that seemed reasonable with what we know canonically about Sybill Trelawney and how she's perceived in the canonverse. Having her go out on her own and set up her own shop just felt right to me, and seemed like a logical pathway for her to get the job at Hogwarts after a few years.

Eddie will definitely be playing a role in the coming chapters, don't you worry! :P My only concern with this story is having enough detail while also keeping the plot moving so we can see how Sybill transitions from a recent Hogwarts grad to shop owner to teacher at Hogwarts. I'm hoping to come back to this story soon, once I've gotten my novel under control and back to new chapters!

Thanks for the lovely review :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #2, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Step One

18th March 2016:
MADI! *Squishes*

I'm here with your (slightly delayed) reward review for winning a round of Pass the Parcel! Congratulations, and thank you so much for helping us celebrate HPFF's 15th Birthday! (And I know I owe you a PM response, but I wanted to get this taken care of first - I'll go respond to your PM right after this, I promise!)

I've told you I've been meaning to read this anyway, so now's the perfect opportunity! I'll be reviewing as I go, so if I seem to change topic or anything suddenly, that's why! :D

So first off, I'm really excited to read this because I've heard you talking about it so much, but also because there are like NO stories out there about Sybill, at least not that I've seen - this is SO original and I'm really excited to see where you take this!

And eeek, right from the beginning you've got me sympathizing with her and feeling bad for her. Why would everyone just turn her down for no good reason? I mean, I know that looking for a job can be like that sometimes, but it still seems really unfair, you know? And :O They turned her down just because she's a seer?!? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! I mean, I understand that it's not a very well-respected ability in the wizard world (which in itself is really messed up), but just because she sees things once in a while doesn't make her any less qualified for the job! *grumbles at interview people*

Awww, that's so sad! I think it's awful that Sybill's family thinks that she won't succeed as a Seer, when that's what she wants to do more than anything! But, I really LOVE her determination to prove them wrong, and I love the fact that she's packing her bags in preparation for her big departure, trusting that it's going to happen. You've made her very likeable here!!

YAY! I'm so excited that she's found something!! I can't wait to see what's waiting for her there! And Just WOW - your description of Nottingham and the way the muggles and wizards just mingle together flawlessly is incredible! That sounds SO amazing and you really captured Sybill's sense of wonder at it, and all her excitement about discovering the new place! And you've really just presented her as fearless - moving to a new city, learning all about it on her own, working to get on her feet, buying the shop.. you've really got ME feeling like I'VE just walked around and discovered a new city, and that's incredible!

And the people she bought the store from were SO nice to leave the souvenirs for her! And again, I'm noticing your excellent description - you made it very easy for me to picture Sybill's painting and redecoration of the outside of the store! And I laughed out loud when she forgot she could use magic. :P I can imagine that would happen to witches and wizards sometimes. I loved the image of seeing the items shrinking and flying around the shop into their boxes!

Awww! Poor Sybill! It really broke my heart to see her so lonely! But, at the same time, that part really gave us the opportunity to see how close she and Em are growing, and I think (and hope) that Em's going to turn out to be a GREAT friend for her! I like her already! And who knows? Maybe the "help wanted" sign WILL bring a nice young man Sybill's way! :P

I loved the description of Sybill's flat, also! I'm so excited for her to finish up with the renovations and open the shop, as well as hopefully find some time to work on her seer abilities, and possibly find a little romance!

This is SUCH an excellent first chapter, dear, you've already got me hooked on another story of yours! You are such an incredibly talented author! I'll be stopping by to give Chapter 2 some love very soon! This is going in my favorites right now!

Well done, and again, congratulations on winning a round of Pass the Parcel!

Author's Response: Hi Jayde!! :)

So for this chapter, since it set in such a different time than usual (it's around the 1960s) plus with a very rare character, I really wanted to set the scene properly. It's definitely one of the places where I really took the time to try and be deliberate with how the locations get visualized in the readers' heads because I want this to come off a certain way.

When this was thrown my way I absolutely had to hop on it just because of Sybill being such a minor character and literally never finding stories about her! I really took this story as an opportunity to explore the possibility of muggle-wizarding communities outside of London and the way they could literally be interacting daily without realizing it! This was super fun to research for as well because I've never written a fan fiction that has to be as original as this one is! I've had to do some style & fashion research, along with how mannerisms and societal standards were back in the day, all while putting a modern twist on the whole shebang!

The character of Emily is based on the kind of relationship I have with a couple of my close friends and so I'm glad the realness of their budding friendship is able to shine through the fictional world! Emily is really great for Sybill because if you're all alone in a brand new big city, it can get overwhelming very quickly, and I wanted Sybill to be happy first, before I explained how she got to Hogwarts and much less satisfied with life.

I'm very happy with how this first chapter turned out, and I hope you go and read the second one! Much love as always to you! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #3, by victoria_anne Step One

11th March 2016:
Hiya Mads!

I didn't even get a chance to explore your author page! This was the first one and, well, I just had to click it! I'll continue my explorations after this review *prepares goggles and applies sunscreen*

So Sybill! Merlin knows I love that character and all her abilities. I read tarot cards myself. True story.

This is all very exciting. A glimpse of Trelawney before Hogwarts! I was sad that she kept getting turned down in interviews after mention her gift, that was all so unfair, but things really seem to working out for her now! Is it almost too good to be true, perhaps?

I hope not.

Do you hear me Madi?! BE KIND TO MY SYBILL.

Anyway, ooh you've got my imagination all excited now... The bell on the door tinkles... a handsome wizard walks in... applying for a job in which they'll have to work very closely... it starts to rain... he's wearing only a thin shirt...

*ahem*

Great first chapter though, Mads, I can't wait to find out what's in store for Sybill!

Love B

Author's Response: Hiya Bianca!

I'm so glad you are a fan of Sybill!! I'm not aware of very many people who enjoy her character so I'm happy to have found a new person. :)

Don't you worry, I'm going to take good care of your Sybill! I've decided to keep the tone of the story happy for now so that readers can speculate after the story ends how it happens that she comes to Hogwarts & has a poor reputation.

You're on the right track for what I have of chapter 2...but no rain unfortunately :P

Thanks for the lovely review, and I hope to see you on the remaining chapters! :)

~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #4, by MuggleMaybe Step Two

4th March 2016:
Here again for the HPFF Review-A-Thon!

This chapter was fantastic! I don't know why it doesn't have more reviews, because it really should.

Sybil: Your depiction of the scene with Emily where she's panicking was very strong. The combination of anxiety and excitement you've shown in her has a lot of complexity while still being believable.

Emily: I adore her. I need an Emily in my life! She is so generous and kind to help Sybil in the shop for no pay (I assume) and show so much support for her new friend. I know Sybil will be lucky to have her as time goes on.

Eddie: Aw, he's so cute! Almost like a puppy! But also... not like a puppy ;) Sybil consulting her crystal ball about him made me smile. It seems like maybe she overthinks things. (You're crushing on him, girl! Accept it! :P ) That's not a CC, by the way. I actually LOVE that you've given her that trait.

I'm so so excited for Sybil that she had customers on her first day!! And now Eddie is here and I really am dying to know where you're taking this!!

I'm looking forward to chapter 3 - I'll be watching for it!

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Renee, you melt me! *Squeee*

I have had times where I've felt completely out of control of my life and what's going on and so I really tried to pull from my own experiences and I'm glad it came across as realistic but not too complex. I mean, who else wouldn't be excitedly anxious to be opening their own business?!

Emily is such a fun character for me to write! She's so positive and supportive while asking for nearly nothing in return (she's not getting paid to help out) and I think Sybil really deserves a friend like her. Frankly, we all do :P Eddie is going to (obviously) play a major role in the future chapters and will help shape Sybil into the woman we see in canon (for better or worse).

I know it's been a long time since chapter 2 was published but I'm hoping to buckle down and get a lot of writing done next week and be more active on HPFT and keep updating things more regularly!

Thanks for staying with this story, it means a lot! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #5, by MuggleMaybe Step One

4th March 2016:
Hi Madi! This review is brought to you by the HPFF Review-A-Thon! Gotta support our amazing site - and your amazing writing!

I've seen this story on the forums and can I just start by saying, this is one of the most original stories I've seen on here. Very few people write about Sybil. I'm so glad you've taken this on! She's a fascinating character, and you've made her even more fascinating. I like that you make her a strong student, because it brings her down to earth somehow to imagine her studying for tests rather than pointing at things and shouting "grim!" Also, her family owning Obscurus Books is a great touch.

This time of life, right after graduation, is full of relatable conflicts. Sybil's resignation to live at home for a while and the difficulty of finding a job could be straight out of life for many people (read: me :P ). I really feel for her, and I can see why she jumps at the chance to escape her parent's domain.

A quick CC before I read on - it might be helpful to look at the balance of scene and summary in this chapter and make sure you're using the "scene time" to capture the most engaging/Important part. I felt like you could've capitalized more on interesting moments, for example when she meets Emily.

I feel like this chapter was mostly about setting the scene for what's to come, which means I am eager to find out more in Chapter 2! See you there! :)

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Renee, thank you for this lovely review! *hugs*

When Pix approached me with this idea, I admit I was skeptical at first. Once I started writing it however, I just fell in love with Sybil! This gave me the chance to really take a character that many people don't know much about and really make it my own characterization. I'm so happy you like how I made her strong in school but not fully happy with her life at this point. She is only 18, 19 here so I felt like her obsession with all things Seer wasn't nearly as strong yet -- she hasn't had the big life-changing event(s) I feel occurred that made her like she as we see her in canon. I've definitely got an idea for one that will be hopefully manifesting itself in chapter 4 or so that has to do with her love interest.

I am aware that I was rather summary heavy in this chapter--I got too excited about setting the stage that I didn't spend enough time developing characters and scenes as well as I should have. I hope that I remedied that in chapter 2!

Thanks again for this great review, it's definitely helped me with Sybil's characterization and then some! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #6, by ScarletSnidget Step One

3rd March 2016:
Okay, so I like this first chapter; it has a nice, consistent word pace that I think goes well with the story.
I like the idea of this fic, and I think it could become a great thing in the future. Maybe it all comes down to characterization, but I don't think you develop her character enough here, maybe try to add hints of the batty Divination professor she is to become, I think that by doing this, and maybe adding her opinions, it would develop her character, and you could get something really special here.
Above I said that the pace of your words is nice and calm, like the story, but the pace of the content is maybe a little too fast. Just slow it down, and add a few more fillers here and there, for examle, I would have liked to have known more about her parents.
Oka, that's it for this chapter. I'll review your next chapter ater I've done my reviews for other people. Keep up the good work :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing this!

I do agree with you on that I skimped a bit on her character here and got a bit carried away with the scene development instead. With her characterization though, I went with the idea of her truly believing in her craft and not yet having had the experiences that make her turn a bit batty and daft--she is fresh out of Hogwarts right now and does hold some skill. I hope her opinions come across a bit more in the coming chapters and that the pace slows down for you some (I agree it is a bit rushed - I got excited when I wrote this initially and haven't done a whole lot of editing).

Thanks again! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #7, by alicia and anne Step One

30th August 2015:
Wo Sybill! Look at her trying her hardest to pursue her dreams, I love that she isn't giving up, even though others don't want her to do it and she's been rejected time and time again.

Awww yay! Has she got a job and her parents approval? This is an exciting moment for us all! :D

Wow, she has really fallen on her feet, and I love that it's working out so well for her so far.

I can't wait to see where the romance comes into this story, and I am so excited about seeing where you take this charming and wonderful story! It's brilliant so far! :D You've done a really good job

Author's Response: Thank you for this sweet review!

Sybill was definitely something new for me to try and I'm SO glad that Pixileanin dropped it into my stories offered thread. It's really quite fun and I'm actually about to post the 2nd chapter where her love interest makes his first appearance! :)

~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #8, by DracoFerret11 Step One

11th August 2015:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums, here to review for you for the BvB! So, let's go over things:

Plot: First of all, I want to say that it's so cool of you to tackle writing a story about Sybil! That's so unique, and I love that you're trying it. I'll probably come back and read the other chapters when you've posted them. :) This first chapter was a great start. I loved the idea of Sybil subtly lying to her parents so she could go pursue her dreams. I wonder how she saved up SO much money to buy the shop! Wizarding money is so strange since galleons are worth 493 knuts, etc. It's hard to figure out how much something like a shop would cost...but I don't think that's a huge deal. I liked how you set the scene and began explaining the changes she made to her new place. This was a great way to get readers into the story.

Characterization: I think you did a good job characterizing Sybil. She's not the paranoid drunk we see in the books, so we have a chance to consider just HOW she got there. So it's fun to read about her! I'm interested to see how things go for her (even though I'm sure not everything will go well), and I think you've done a good job writing her as a character that readers can invest in.

Emotions: I think there are some places where you could write more about how Sybil feels about things. We know she wants to set out on her own, but is she nervous about that? One in Nottingham, does she miss her parents? Is she excited? Lonely? Scared? Peppering things like that through the chapter will make Sybil seem more realistic, I think.

Descriptions: I liked the details you provided about what Sybil's shop looks like! I can imagine that, and it seems so cute! I couldn't picture the characters as well, though, and there are other senses to employ too! What do thinks sound like, smell like, feel like, etc.? Those things really bring a story to life. :)

Overall, I liked this chapter! I think you did a good job beginning this story, and I'll most likely come back to see where it goes. Good job!

--Emily || August BvB, Team Bronze

Author's Response: Hi Emily! Apologies for this super late response.

But anywho, thanks so much for stopping by and reviewing this! To be honest, I didn't exactly know how this was going to turn out when I first got the prompt from Pixelanin nor how I truly wanted to write Sybill or just how the story was going to at all.

The 1960s was a time of rebellion in the US, so why not subtly hint at that with Sybill and her parents? ;) I decided not to make her be the paranoid drunk yet because she is only 17/18 in this story, so her drinking habits wouldn't be quite as horrible as is known in canon. I wanted to give her something good for the beginning of her adult life. I'm leaning towards leaving the end of this story open so readers can determine how Sybill got to be the way she is in canon from this determined, shop-owning fortune teller girl!

Thanks again for the lovely review :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #9, by bigblackdog Step One

27th July 2015:
i love the premise of this story!

the way you've written sybill is wonderful- a lot of the qualities you've given her here fit in really well with her more much exaggerated persona in canon. she's a little deceptive (lying to her parents), she wants attention (the romance aspect), and she's actually deceptively capable (setting up her own shop).

i think you've done a great job of showing your reader what sybill is like rather than telling.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!! :)

I really wanted to do my best to write her character as perhaps just a bit less gaudy and overexaggerated than her canon counterpart because she is younger here. Your comments confirm how I felt I wrote her character and I'm glad it comes off well!

I think I'll have the next chapter up by mid-August, and there you'll get to see how she reacts to a cute assistant and how she deals with romantic feelings. Thanks for the review! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #10, by Pixileanin Step One

16th July 2015:
Hey, hey!

First off, I’m quite flattered that you took my idea and ran with it. Most of my ideas are off-the-wall and crazy to begin with, so I was very interested in where you were going to take this. Secondly, no one has ever written a story for me before, so I am extremely flattered that it’s up and breathing!

Look, it’s Sybill!!

I love how she’s planning her escape from what her parents think her life should be like. She takes her time, saving up and searching for the “right thing” and biding her time. It’s a good plan, and it speaks to a character who knows what she wants and is patient enough to wait until the time is right.

She seems so… so normal here. I mean, she’s got that fire in her belly to go after the life she’s dreamed about, which is great, and I love how she packs in secret, letting all of her precious things disappear little by little so no one would notice, but then all of a sudden, we see her leaving with her parents’ blessings. I’d have expected with the secretive build-up, she was going to sneak out of there… try her hand at a few readings behind her family’s back, that sort of thing. I’d love to know if she’s been successful at reading fortunes in the past, or if she just completely fails at it, and I hope you have planned a scene where we see which of these is true. I am highly interested in her ability level and why she thinks she can make a living doing this thing that her parents don’t want her to do.

The scene where she sets up her own place is lovely. It paints a picture of a young woman who is living her dream, at least in part, and she’s got everything she thinks she needs. She’s got this part-time job, and a place that was really cheap, (WOW! I want a place that cheap. Did she buy it flat out?) and she’s feeling a bit lonely. I wonder if she’s ever read Em’s future, and what Em thinks of her choice to go out on her own as a fortune teller. I almost expected Sybill to read her own tea leaves, but OH, is that even allowed? Can you tell your own future, or is that cheating?? I don’t know in your story how common fortune tellers are, if this is a “thing”, or if the wizarding world frowns upon it in general.

Overall, your writing style is very fitting for the character and the setting. It flows so nicely and I didn’t hit any bumps. The way you describe her interest in her place in such detail makes me think that she's very keen on the little things. I wonder how that translates into her professional life and whether she worries over the little things too.

As you can see, I’d love to see more about Sybill’s profession and how it affects her life. She obviously comes from a family who knows a lot about running a shop, so I suppose she’d know a thing or two about running a business. She seems competent… or is she… there are so many things you could do with this. My mind is churning... and now I'm dizzy.

Oh, and I was just thinking... does she have her large glasses yet? How is her vision? Also, the Sybill we know was really into tea leaves and crystal balls. I haven't seen those yet in your story, so I'm anxious to see her interact with a few of her favorite things.

Nice start! I am eager to see what comes next.

Pix

Author's Response: Hey Pix! :)

I'm actually really glad you gave me this prompt because it was something I haven't really done at all before and so I was excited to try my hand at it!

With her shop, I really wanted her to focus on the business side of things first because she knows exactly how to do all of that thanks to her parents' shop and is comfortable with that. What I think she isn't as comfortable with is promoting the fact that she's a Seer because while it is the time of the hippies, it's still somewhat frowned upon in the Wizarding world at large. By passing her shop at first glance, most would think it's just another little trinkets and tourist trap type of shop but the people who know (aka wizards and witches) that fortune telling is actually real would go in. She's very cautious about it though because she knows that if people know of her distant grandmother, they'll scoff at her and she'll lose business. For this chapter I really just wanted to introduce her shop and give a nice set-up for the rest of the story.

Ah, her glasses! I didn't really mention them at all, but I might go back through in the chapter and put a little blurb in during a scene where she pushes them up her nose or something so it's known that she does have her glasses. I might have her fiddle with a scarf too or something! Chapter 2 holds some great (hopefully) new bits with the shop and Emily and I introduce the leading man on the banner!

Thanks again for the prompt and for the spectacular review, Pix! :)
~Madi x


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Review #11, by tangledconstellations Step One

16th July 2015:
Heya Madi!

How are you? I saw you posted this on the forums and I loved the idea, so I just had to come and check it out!

I thought this was lovely. There was something really whimsical about this first chapter that captured my imagination. I love that you're writing about Sybil - she's such an underloved character and I'm really excited about where her story is going to go. It was also a lot of fun to see her doing ordinary wizarding things, like painting the walls with magic - just little details that are really charming and fun!

I also liked that you were able to tell us so much about Sybil and what it is she wants to do, without overloading us with backstories/feelings etc. We got just enough here to adapt to her personality and to see things through her eyes, but it wasn't overbearing and this chapter remained really entertaining and nice. I also love that she moved to Nottingham! I've been to Nottingham lots as I used to live nearby the city so trying to imagine where her shop could fit in was a lot of fun!

I really liked this first chapter and I'm looking forwards to more :) great job!

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hi Laura! :)

Pixileanin gave me this prompt, and I'm so happy it's finally turned out the way I want it to go after having it sit for months! The biggest issue I had was determining how much I wanted to describe and make backstory versus how much I wanted to make an actual scene, so you just confirmed that I made the right decision in how to do that! :)

Her character is very unloved and there's not much known about her, so I really had complete creative license to write her how I wanted to. It took me probably an hour just to decide what city I wanted her to move to! I was just scrolling through the hp lexicon for forever when I happened upon Nottingham and saw that it was near enough to London to make apparating plausible, so that's where I had her go! I was also looking for someplace a bit larger so she would have mixed clientele and yet small enough her parent's wouldn't worry about something bad happening to her. Nottingham was the perfect city and I'm super glad you liked that selection! :)

I'm currently looking for a beta on this story but I think the next chapter will be up in mid-August! Thanks for the lovely review! :)
~Madi x


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Review #12, by The Ghost Of His Last Laugh Step One

16th July 2015:
Hello!
Saw your status that your story needed some love and I couldn't resist! I've never read a story about Sybill before.

I'll start by saying this is a very good opening chapter! The idea of a story in which Sybill leaves home is really creative. It's a very good premise.

I have a few thoughts on possible improvements:
- The story felt a little bit rushed. My advice is just to be very deliberate about what you're writing.
- There are a few slight inconsistencies. For example, you mention Sybill buying a shop and a flat, but then state she' staying at the inn. (Also, I'm no currency expert, but I think a shop would be more than 36 galleons.)

Overall I think you have a great start! Can't wait to read more. :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for stopping by! :)

I have since gone back and changed the price of the shop to 236 galleons, and she will still be paying the elderly couple a few months of rent until the paperwork is completely finished being filed with the city. She's staying at the inn right now because that's where she's been staying since she got here and the flat has hardly any furniture yet--mostly just what the couple didn't take with them.

I do agree with you about it feeling rushed--I didn't write this all at once, so it's very choppy to me as well because of that. I also just got very excited to post it so I didn't take the time I usually do to go back through and edit it. The next chapter will be much more smooth and less rushed. I'm also getting a beta (hopefully) and will edit this opening chapter as necessary.

Thanks for reviewing and I'll be waiting to see you on the next chapter! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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