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Reading Reviews for Catching Captain
  
21 Reviews Found

Review #1, by evanlyn A Double Date...Delight?

24th January 2017:
Really good, looking forward to more.

Author's Response: Thanks so much!!

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Review #2, by UnluckyStar57 Janet The Fat Lady

18th January 2017:
Hi hi hi!!

So it's been aggeeess since I've been on the HP fanfic scene, but I think that it's high time I returned (of course, a highly impractical time, since school just started and I'm about to drown in homework). But I noticed that you recently updated this magnificent beast of a story, so I wanted to pick back up where I left off with the zany reviews and such. :)

Man, you are the master of snappy comebacks. Everybody in this--well, maybe not the villains--usually gets a chance to have the last word. One of my favorites from this chapter was "Why, are you actually going to aim for the hoop this time?" from Ryan Daniels to McLaggen Junior. That's just genius, my friend. You've got this amazing way with witticisms that pushes this story almost to the edge of Next Gen satire, while the relationships between your characters keep the story grounded in a tale that's both original and familiar (in a brilliant way).

Forgive me, it's been a thousand years since I've written a review.

I must say, I feel really bad for Emma, since she obviously expected something from James that he wasn't willing to give her. I love that she didn't get sad--she got MAD and put him back into his place as a Chaser who's "good enough but not good enough to beat her." After seeing glimpses of her character through James's eyes, I really want a sequel to this novel from Emma's PoV because it would be really interesting to see the crazy shenanigans of the Brotherly Band of Brothers through a semi-sane person's eyes. :D (But pls pls pls finish this one first, because I love it.)

The ridiculous shenanigans with Prof. McLaggen and Frank Longbottom never fail to delight. Also, I love that James single-handedly almost ruined the mission before any of the other boys did anything to mess it up. Simply by freaking out about old people sharing a beautiful tryst ("EW THEY'RE LIKE 80!!"), he almost got them caught. Thankfully, Freddy didn't have to Obliviate the old people, but that was a darn close call! Too bad McLaggen and Longbottom fell victim to Freddy's spellcasting again.

Dave is such a simple guy. I love him. He is precious and must be protected lol.

“That was some good improv back there, Dave, I actually thought you were serious for a moment there!”
“Yeah,” said Dave, laughing uneasily, “Yeah, of course I was kidding.”

I'm crying he's so simple and my personal fave.

I think James should ask Janet what her name actually is next time he bothers her. I like that your Fat Lady (I mean Janet) has a zany personality and won't stand for being called by her age-old nickname any longer. :D

I wonder how Amy will react to the breakup when she finally comes back on the scene? (Can't really recall the plot from later chapters, since it's been a while since I first discovered this story.) She probably won't take it well, since James has been burning her letters and NOT REPLYING like a FOOL.

Overall, brilliant chapter as always, remarkable humor, and all that jazz.

See you at the next one!

~Mallory

Author's Response: Hi!

I really feel what you mean about drowning in Homework,it truly is the bane of my existence. I'm actually really intrigued by your suggestion of an Emma POV sequel - when looking ahead towards the end of the story, I was trying to think of where things could go after the way it ends (HIGHLY CLASSIFIED), and while I considered a James sequel, I figured it would really just be a repeat of this story with the obvious factor of everyone being older. But I'd never considered making Emma the main character, that's a really interesting spin. If I DID do that, I wonder if I'd give Emma her own little clique with crazy, high-maintenance besties or if I'd integrate her into the main group more...hmmm...

Also, calling the old people's...deeds a 'beautiful tryst' - I really wish I'd used that to describe it, and I'm absolutely adamant that I shall use that term to describe 'the deed' henceforth, I love it.
And Dave has some fun stuff coming up, so if you liked him here then I'm certain you're in for a treat.

Thanks for the absolutely stellar review as usual, you really are the best!



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Review #3, by Nee A Double Date...Delight?

17th January 2017:
I loved your chapter! It was really cute and I'm glad we saw George

Author's Response: Yus! I'm super glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for reviewing!!

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Review #4, by AbraxanUnicorn A Double Date...Delight?

14th January 2017:
Hurrah! An update! Not that I've been waiting impatiently for one, or anything.

I love the damsel label, and Feisty the House Elf, and the 'Undoing of Umbridge' set, and the word 'cornucopia' and lots of other little things that make this so much fun to read.

Emma clearly wants to snog James just as much, but being ridiculous teenagers, I guess they're just going to prance around each other for much longer. To be honest, I don't mind that; it means more chapters of hilarity for me :)

Brilliant. Loved it.

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the damsel thing, I'd actually say it's kinda important. One of the reasons I have so fun writing James is that he isn't a perfect, reliable, buff genius - he just thinks he is, when instead he really tends to, more often than not, be a bit of a damsel, hahaha. Oh, and as for Emma and James, well all I can say is that the chapter where it all comes to a head is drawing ever nearer...so stick around! And thanks a ton for reviewing!

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Review #5, by AbraxanUnicorn Mungo's Mayhem

25th September 2016:
Brilliant!! Have just read all of it from start to here, and I've been crying with laughter (that bit with The Fat Lady and a drawn-on phallus set me off and I actually shed tears at Dr. Take Me To St. Mungo's). Unfortunately, I've been so busy crying with laughter that I haven't taken THAT much notice of the story line but I expect it's very good.
I'd really appreciate it if you cease to confuse "your" and "you're", though. That particular grammatical error annoys me almost as much as "tomatoe's".

Author's Response: Bugger, I usually pride myself on my grammar, so the fact that I made a mistake like that not once but multiple times saddens me. Worry not, however! Hence forth each chapter shall be ctrl-f'd and searched for 'you're' and 'your' respectively until the error is vanquished!

Also, thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you found those parts funny - be prepared for more! There was originally going to be more to the draw-stuff-on-the-fat-lady gag, but the chapter originally didn't make it past validation due to 'inappropriate content'. Ha. Joke's on them, that pretty much sums up that whole chapter. Oh, and looking back I realize that the first couple of chapters didn't really have much of a story line to be honest. They mostly just introduce you to the character's personalities. But the next couple of chapters will really make the story line take off, so watch out for those in the near future! And again, thanks for reviewing!


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Review #6, by Santosh Mungo's Mayhem

15th September 2016:
Wow this is really good I love it when will the next chapter be put up?

Author's Response: Thanks! Next chapter isn't complete yet, but it'll be up the moment it is (optimistically next weekend), so hopefully look forward to that, and thanks again for reviewing!

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Review #7, by UnluckyStar57 The Muggle Smuggle

22nd July 2016:
Oh my gosh I'm crying even more now

My favorite joke in all of fanfiction history:
"Sorry, I can't hear you over how loudly I just said Obliviate."
"What? You didn't even say Oblivi-"
"OBLIVIATE!"

I don't know, man, that one just gets me every time. Like I said in the last review, comedic timing=genius in this story. Never stop, my friend.

OMG BUT A MUGGLE! THEY SMUGGLED A MUGGLE (and it was a struggle)!! This is by far the craziest thing I've ever seen the Next Gen kids do, but it really makes sense in the context of this story. Everyone is so ridiculous (in a good way though), and Freddy's like, "Whoops, gf knows about magic. What do? Kidnap!". Yeah, buddy, that won't exactly work...

Hahaha, I did like the glimpse into FinFin's past. His ex-prefect days. He is definitely the most reasonable character out of all of them, which isn't saying much. I'm still giggling over his name.

But tbh Dave is my favorite in the Brotherly Brotherhood of Brothers so far. (Great name for the band, by the way. True classic!) He just gets picked on all the time, and it makes me like him more because he just takes it. Ribs are definitely not going to go away any time soon, I'm sure!

Omg and the girls' reactions to James! "No one could p*** people off like I could." He's so self-aware and so okay with it. He's owning his annoyingness (and also his tendency to be kind of the worst sometimes), and that makes for great lines like that one, haha. (Don't worry, I love your version of James II, but he definitely is a jerk, gotta say.)

ANYWAY I was talking about the girls (focus, Mallory. focus.). OMG JAMES IS SUCH A BAD LIAR WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT ABOUT HIS FRIENDS! AND FIRST YEARS! I'm STILL laughing and maybe that makes me a bad person. BUT he manages to turn it back around on Rose, uh oh, wink wink nudge nudge there's some Scorose going on behind the scenes. :) I loved Dom's exit too, because with that one line of dialogue, we can see her personality and exactly how much Victoire gets on her nerves.

AND EMMA! Omg, forgot to mention this, so rewind! to the beginning of the chapter. Girl was in a RAP BATTLE for crying out loud! And James was probably in over his head, trying to say that he would beat her at it. I REALLY want to see them do a rap battle in a later chapter, because that would be GOLD. Of course James has to go and pick on someone who's just as competitive and maybe a touch less arrogant than he is, so they're going to argue FOREVER. And YASSS I LIVE FOR THE DISTRACTION KISS!!! It is a little early yet for them to be a ship, but the kiss was so well written that I can't even complain. "I needed to shut her mouth. So I covered it with my own." I hope you have lines like this framed and hung on your wall, I really do.

Also, would love to congratulate you on writing the best Sorting Hat song I've ever read. "The brave, the cunning, the clever, and the other stuff." Sorry I keep spitting your own lines at you, but hahaha, this was great. I feel like the Sorting Hat was maybe rapping this song? He could host the rap battle between James and Emma. :D

P.S. What was McLaggen doing on the train? Btw, I LOVED the fight between the four C's and James's friends because of the "Orchideous" moment. Little unexpected things like that keep this story going--overturning cliches. I like that stuff.

Also, Frank Longbottom is the greatest evil Head Boy protagonist ever. I like him because he's such a dope and he thinks he's so slick. Nah, son, look at how slick your dad is and take some notes. (Because Neville with that ludicrous detention is super slick. Love me some teacher!Neville.)

Okay, enough being all over the place for one day. I'll see if I can finish reviewing this over the weekend because it's definitely my new favorite. I don't think I've seen anything like it on HPFF yet, so it's truly a one-of-a-kind. Thanks again for writing it! (I know it's weird to thank people when they didn't actually do anything for me personally, but I feel like this story deserves my gratitude, lol.)

~Mallory

Author's Response: I try to avoid repeating myself, but if I say it in a different way this time it might not convey the same sheer volume of how awesome you are - you're the best.

I'm glad you're loving the crazy stuff in this chapter. Although, just between you and me, this is probably one of the least crazy stunts they'll pull in just the first 10 chapters alone, and you bet there'll be far more than that, including but not limited to [SPOILER KINDA] kidnapping (again, but different person), bank robbery, arson, theft of a priceless 'object', and much more! So yeah, it'll slowly get crazier, haha.

And yeah, the ex-prefect side of FinFin is one of my favorites because let's just say it's going to come in to play a little bit further down the road. As for the fleeting Scorose reference, at the time I was considering using it as a plot point, but now I honestly doubt I'll even manage to fit it in! Let's just say I have a lot planned for this.

While I agree that the distraction kiss was probably a tad premature in terms of James and Emma's 'progress', for want of a better term, I still think that a teeny tiny bit of fluff was necessary early on as, again for want of a better term, fish bait. Lay it out, and slowly start reelin em chapter after chapter.

Rap battle between James and Emma is quite interesting, because I hadn't actually considered that, but I can definitely see it happening at some point! Perhaps in the middle of one of their arguments or something, I don't know. But I'm liking it!

As for McLaggen, I think there was a sentence saying something about him being the Quidditch ref and instructor at Hogwarts, although I probably should have made it clearer. Whoopsies. But yeah, that's what he does, and it comes into play in later chapters as well.

Speaking of coming into play in later chapters, Frank is a biggie! He will be the reason a lot of crazy stuff happens later on...

Aand, before I start accidentally spilling the entire plot of this story, I think I'll wrap it up here, haha. I'd love to see you back for more chapters, especially if you want to make my day again! All your praise has made me just... very content with life in general. Sounds odd, and it probably is odd, but I could care less when I'm reading such stunning reviews! I kept on putting off working on the next chapter, but because of you I've added 2000 words to it in the last hour alone! Alas, more than half of it will probably get scrapped, but no one ever said the writing process is a pretty one.

Thank you so so so so so so so much again!


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Review #8, by UnluckyStar57 Anniversaries

22nd July 2016:
Oh my gosh this is the second time I've read this because I was laughing too hard the first time to type a review :''D (If HPFF had emojis, that would be the crying-laughing face.)

This story is gold, seriously. Honestly, I started to write a review about an hour ago, but I couldn't come up with anything beyond "thank you for your sense of humor," but that's weird, so we'll ignore it. :)

That first line. What a hook! It makes James seem like the arrogant-but-lovable jerk he truly is, and the rest of the chapter doesn't disappoint. I don't know what it is about bombastic characters with inflated senses of their own self-worth, but they make me laugh every time.

Dave! I hate it for Dave, but the ribs thing is so funny. I love how you set it up in the beginning and then it becomes a running joke that never gets old. He's such a Jerry from Parks and Recreation, and I can't get enough. But I do feel bad for him because he does deserve a little time to shine.

I think you forgot to list Angelina Weasley in the Quidditch lineup, but that's nothing major! Just wanted to let you know.

FINFIN!! ONLY Lavender Brown would do that to a kid, tbh. Maybe he's a little more balanced than the rest of the brotherly band of brothers? (But I doubt it.)

James's one minute anniversary of being a decent person, omg I am crying. I love Lily Luna Potter and want to be her best friend. AND GINNY KEEPS IT GOING TOO AND SO DOES EMMA!! Seriously, your comedic timing is so genius. The "one minute anniversary" thing keeps reminding me of other jokes in later chapters (because yes, I've read every chapter in this story and I'm about to go read them all again so that I can properly review in this same zany fashion), and you always set the characters up for such ridiculously great punchlines. Omg.

Hahaha, James and Emma don't like each other, but there's still a begrudging respect there. They wouldn't practice together after everyone else went to sleep if they didn't respect one another on some level. (Also I love Emma so much and I'm going to talk more about that in the next review lol.)

Suffice to say, I am totally going to hop over to a story recommendation list and recommend this one, because it is just super incredible.

Catch ya at the next one!
~Mallory

Author's Response: Can I just start by saying you're the best ever? Seriously, your reviews made my day, I was texting one of my friends when I logged on this morning, and after seeing this I absentmindedly added 'Ily!' to the end of the text. Little bit of explaining I had to do there, but it was a price I'll gladly pay for such amazing reviews! Like, it really made me happy, and it's very difficult to convey just how much through printed words, but just know that you are the reason that everyone I walked past this morning got an extra exuberant 'Hello!'.

I'm glad you liked this first chapter so much! I was thinking that it's the weakest so far, and it isn't hooking enough to make a reader want to stay, but you've put all my fears at ease. I'm also so excited that you connected Dave to Jerry from PaR! I'm quite impressed, because I genuinely did have Jerry in mind when writing this (his name in the original draft was Terry).

I'm mildly disappointed with myself that I forgot to name Angelina Weasley as part of the Quidditch team. Why in the world did I even reread the HP series 55 million times in the first place then??? On another note, I was a bit worried about FinFin as a character because (spoiler) in the DH pt 2 they show Fenrir Greyback assaulting Lavender Brown, and according to the Harry Potter wiki she's dead, and, call me old-fashioned, but I'm really not a fan of going against HP canon, so in order to set my mind at ease I just assume that the directors were trippin.

If you like Lily so far, I'm sure you'll love her even more as the story progresses, as she will get some pretty kick-ass moments.
That dynamic between James and Emma is a tad tricky, as I have to make sure they're not moving too quickly, while at the same time not too slowly (I do already have a scene in mind in which they 'officially' start kicking it, but as long as a maintain my self-control, that won't be written for a little while longer).

Again, this review has made me so so happy, and I really, really appreciate it, and I would very, very much like to thank you!

And now on to the next one, haha


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Review #9, by beka_wotter Party Pandemonium

26th June 2016:
Please update soon!! I really like the characters, particularly Emma (a chapter in her POV would be interesting at some point) and it's really funny! x

Author's Response: THANKS! Purely for you, next chapter goes up this Saturday, so stay tuned :D

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Review #10, by Nee Party Pandemonium

5th April 2016:
Brilliant chapter! I'm looking forward to the next one, I'm awful with time management too so I understand what you mean.

Author's Response: Oh my god, I know right? Thanks for the review! Next chapter will come out next weekend, and hopefully I'll be able to maintain a steady update rate.. *fingers crossed*

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Review #11, by adluvshp Party Pandemonium

23rd February 2016:
Hey! Lost Muse from the forums here with your much delayed requested review.

I really enjoyed reading this. I don't know why you'd say your first chapter isn't hooking enough because it surely was hooking for me to read through all the chapters posted and decide to review this one =)

Your characterisation of James is brilliant and I really enjoy reading him. Love the way you write dialogue too. It flows naturally and is engaging. His equation with Emma is interesting to read and I like how you portray her from James' POV.

The narrative is perfect with right balance between humour and normalcy. Nothing is over the top and your descriptions work very well to paint the scenes in front of reader eyes.

The supporting cast of characters like Lily and Dave are also well written and I enjoy reading them and their interactions with the MCs. I already ship James/Emma too, haha.

All in all, I think your story is headed in a good direction. The plot is fun and the writing is quite good. For CC, I'd just say work on your flow a little bit - it comes across as stunted sometimes - the transitions between scenes and such. Besides that, it's very good and I liked the story a lot!!

Keep writing. Cheers!
~Angie

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for taking so long to get back to this, I've been really caught up with exams, and had only enough time to check hpff for 2 minutes at a time.

It's really, really reassuring to know that the story is hooking, because that was one of my bigger worries for the first few chapters.

Thanks for all the feedback, it's really helpful! I wasn't too big on the transitions between scenes either, so it's definitely something I'll work on in the next few chapters.

Thanks again!


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Review #12, by TearsIMustConceal A Double Date Debacle

30th January 2016:
Hey there! I'm sorry it's taken me forever to get around to your request, I recently found my muse so I've been busy writing but here I am finally!

Haha, James and Madame Chang's interactions – I loved them. It's not surprising he's always in the hospital wing, he is his father's son afterall. Madame Chang, is this Cho? Or someone completely different?

I love how James' conscience is almost as annoying as he is! It really works and it's funny to see James getting annoyed because that's obviously how other people are like with him. It's also nice to see the things James is secretly worried about, even if he is denying them. He comes across as confident and cocky so it's nice to see that he does worry about things. And I'm all with the conscience, he definitely can't stop thinking about Emma and the kiss.

I love all of the boys' interactions with Madame Chang, she really does know them all so well! I should have known a Weasley's Wizard Wheezes product would show up soon! And I laughed hard when both Neville and Madame Chang realised what he was up to – they grew up when all the products came out so it's only right they know all the tricks. But James' surprise that they actually knew what they were – I love that he doesn't think any adults are any fun or that they ever had fun. It's a typical teenager thing to believe!

James jumping out of the window then realising his firebolt wasn't coming to save him was my favourite part. I could just imagine the scene and then the scream. “This is why Gryffindors tend to have shorter lifespans than those from other houses. We burn bright, and die young.” I love that this is how he explains things, not that he's an idiot or anything like that but that he's a Gryffindor and that's how they all are.

The tension between James and Emma is so obvious and I like how James is finally realising he likes her even though he's blaming Con for making him think things. And then James' reaction to Emma breaking up with her boyfriend, despite him ignoring it – I'm on board the James/Emma ship!

The boys' idea of the getting the girls all their clothing – it's really clever and such a good way to make money. James refusing to let Rose have skinny jeans and then charging Lily the rate for first years – I love his protectiveness over the girls, it's cute! And then James shooting the girl down – we all know this is because of Emma even if he doesn't know it yet! Poor Frank getting his memory wiped again; he does deserve it though, he's too much like how Percy used to be!

FinFin realising in the middle of the night that Freddy's been erasing Freddy's memory because he likes Ali – I definitely didn't expect that but it makes sense; Freddy is always the one to do it and it's his first instinct! And I guess I don't blame him – Frank is terrible! I love how Ali, even though we haven't seen her, is the opposite of Frank and Mary, it means I'll like her instantly!

Emma's sassy 'we'll see' to James' question – I loved it so much! Definitely my favourite aside from James jumping out the window!

Overall, this was another great chapter and you've added more parts of description which really helps the overall reading of it! I loved it and cannot wait for the next one!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad the Madame Chang interactions were fun, they were fun to write. And yeah, it is Cho Chang, I might need to make that more apparent in a later chapter, haha.

I found using the conscience a great way to get some of James' emotions out in the open, without him actually saying it out loud, which is something he'd never do, so I'm glad it went over well!

James should probably make the bit about Gryffindors having short life spans his motto, it really seems like the kind of reasoning he lives by, haha.
The obvious tension between James and Emma was surprisingly enjoyable to write, while also serving as a build up for what's to come in the next few chapters...

Freddy erasing Frank's memory was actually a last minute idea, inspired by something you said in one of your previous reviews about Frank's motives for always trying to catch the boys out. I thought It'd be a cool thing to implement, and now the next couple of chapters are going to be very longbottom-related - all down to you!

And yeah, I've been trying to put more description in after your previous reviews, and I've found it reads a lot better now, so thanks for the advice!

And thanks again for a marvelous review!


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Review #13, by overrated A Double Date Debacle

24th January 2016:
yO i love this so much

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you like it! Next chapter is coming in a day or two, so keep a lookout!

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Review #14, by TearsIMustConceal Janet The Fat Lady

6th January 2016:
Hey there! Back for your third and final review! I have totally enjoyed this story and I couldn't wait to read this chapter!!

So, I loved this chapter! I also loved the way James went to Teddy to sort the muggle mishap out – I can easily imagine Teddy being just as mischievous in school so it's not surprising he's not fazed by anything James and the boys do or say!

Wow, Frank really does have it in for the boys, doesn't he? Is there a back story there? Like did James humiliate him one time or is he just like that? He's need to lighten up a little! Although he's crafty, getting all the prefects to block the secret passages – he's determined to catch James, I'll give him that!

As I was reading this, the boys were really reminding me of The Inbetweeners a bit, with the whole banter and getting up to stupid things and getting into trouble etc. I do love them as a group!!

James in Honeydukes – absolutely hilarious!! I think that would be most people's reactions, to be honest but that scene was brilliant! I love Teddy and James' relationship – it's brotherly and super cute!

Poor Emma – James is a bit of a prat, Obviously she must have a few feelings for him for the kiss to effect her like it did which is interesting, considering she has a boyfriend! But then I loved it when she practically kicked James' butt during the rest of the tryouts – I love sassy and fierce Emma!

McLaggen – ugh, he's just as annoying as his father! I wonder what James' is going to make him do? I can't wait to find out!

Anyway, overall this chapter was as amazing as the others and I can't wait for you to update! I noticed you spelt Victoire wrong a couple of times but aside from that, everything was fine. Like I said on the previous chapter, you do tend to use a lot of dialogue in your chapters which is perfectly fine and it works but I would add a bit of description in as well, just to break it up a bit?

Can't wait for the next chapter!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Hii! I don't know how many times to thank you for 3 whole stunning reviews, so I'll just flood you with thanks. Thanks!

I hadn't actually thought of a reason why Frank would be so intent on catching James out, but I really like the idea of James doing something to him in the past, so prepare to have that idea stolen!

To be honest I was worried that the chapter wouldn't be validated because of the Honeydukes scene, as I'm not entirely sure where ToS draws the line, but I'm glad it went through because that's probably one of my favourite scenes in the story so far.

In the next few chapters there will be a lot more...interactions...between James and Emma, so if the tension was high before it will only soar higher very soon!

As for McLaggen, I don't think James will cash it in just yet, but rather wait for an opportune moment later on in the story (at a time where James really, really needs a favour).

I hadn't noticed the Victoire error before, which is shameful because I reread each chapter countless times before posting them, so good spotting! And yeah, I'll definitely amp the description up a bit in the coming chapters.

Again, thank you so much for 3 reviews! They were all really helpful, and you're very good at reviewing. Like. VERY good.

Thank you!


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Review #15, by TearsIMustConceal The Muggle Smuggle

6th January 2016:
Hey, I'm back with your second review!

I was super excited to read this and you didn't disappoint! I adore the boys together – they have such an amazing friendship and their interactions are just hilarious! The way they bounce off each other and the banter and shenigans...I love it all! I think I have to say I love Dave – I love how he's the ditzy one of the group! I also loved how you mentioned the disgust for FinFin getting the Prefect's badge – that was a really nice detail and I also love how he lost it after a week – these boys were not made for positions of responsibility!

Oh Freddy, it seems as though only a Weasley would bring a muggle to Hogwarts and actually succeed in doing it. I can't even imagine what trouble he's going to be in! It wouldn't surprise me if he said it was worth it though!

I loved how Frank ended up Obliviated – he really did deserve it!

James and Emma – they kissed, albeit briefly but I loved it! They have so much chemistry and tension between them – it's bound to happen eventually!! I love reading about these two, their scenes are amazing!!

Overall, I loved this chapter and I can't for the next one!

Only thing I would say is that the chapter lacks description in parts – there are certain bits you could expand, rather than concentrate solely on the interactions between the characters but aside from that, everything else was great!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Hey! Again, thanks for doing not 1, not 2, but 3 reviews!

I really love writing interactions with the boys, I'm always grinning like an idiot while I'm typing, so it's great to know that it's just as much fun to read it as it was to write it!

Freddy's personality is really something, it's one thing to not care about consequences, but another thing entirely to not even consider them! It's so much fun planning this story ahead and thinking of new incredibly stupid things for Freddy to do.

It hadn't occurred to me that the dialogue significantly outweighs the description, but looking back at it I do notice it. I'll try balancing them out in the next chapters.

Thanks again for the review!



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Review #16, by TearsIMustConceal Anniversaries

6th January 2016:
Hey, I'm here with your requested review! I know you said you wanted chapter 3 reviewing but I can't read a chapter and not review it so i'll review them all!

So, I was immediately drawn to this because it's not common to read a story where James is quite carefree and happy, rather than angst ridden, which how he is usually portrayed! I quite enjoyed his arrogance although sometimes, he is very in your face but I think it works with his character! I loved the interaction between all the characters and you can already sense that with the amount Emma and James argue, that could be leading somewhere? But also, I feel as though with all the supporting characters, we didn't learn a lot about James? I'd like to know more about him but I felt as though he was swimming against a tide of characters, each with their own quirky personalities. But aside from that, I loved it!

The way you've written the quidditch is brilliant – I can't write action scenes to save my life, especially ones involving quidditch but your writing really made me feel involved, as if I was in the middle of the game myself! Well done for that, i'm quite jealous at how easy you made it look!

I love how you incorporated the anniversary of the battle of Hogwarts and had them remember it in their own way – that was a nice touch to the story and the scene – it's something they would all do, the Weasly/Potter clan, I mean. It was touching!

James is pretty much obsessed with quidditch and I can sense more butting of heads between him and Emma!

One small thing, here - “She,” I spat vehemently toward Emily, who turned around to smirk at me again, “is Keeper.” and here “How did Teddy even find out?” Emily asked, turning to give Teddy a glare of her own. “ - Is Emily meant to be Emma? Or is it a different character altogether? I got a little confused at this but aside from that, I really loved the chapter and I can't wait to read on!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so, so much for 3 amazing reviews! Waking up and hopping on hpff and seeing them was just the best start to the day ever!

I hadn't considered before that there isn't very much to pick up on James so far, so there will definitely be a little more insight to him in the next chapters!

And yeah, the 'Emily' bit is one of the last remaining typos left in the chapter, in the first draft of this story her name was Emily. So I'll definitely get round to fixing that up.

I'm glad the Quidditch scenes are enjoyable, I was worried it would be a bit confusing what with everything going on at once.

Thanks!


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Review #17, by xoxo_jpotter The Muggle Smuggle

2nd January 2016:
James is adorable! So are all of his friends! I'd love to see more interactions between him and Emma because I love them together!

Okay, I definitely did not see them kidnapping a muggle. That's crazy! They're digging themselves into a lot of trouble! Hopefully they find her and everything works out!

xoxo
-M

P.s. I feel sorry for Dave's ribs, but I laugh every time it happens

Author's Response: Hi! James sure is one of a kind, haha. The next couple of chapters will have a whole lot of him and Emma, so I can't wait to put them up (very soon)! Kidnapping a muggle is very crazy, but as the story goes on it'll just get crazier, so I hope you stick around!

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Review #18, by Dirigible_Plums The Muggle Smuggle

22nd December 2015:
Hey,

It's Plums here with your requested review! I've seen this fic on the archives a couple of times, but I haven't ever had the time to click on it so I was glad that I was finally able to read it.

The Gryffindor boys make me laugh so much. They remind me of a bunch of boys that I used to know back in high school with the way they speak and interact with each other; I used to get along with those boys so I find that I'm warming up to this bunch pretty quickly. They remind me of a sort of Next Generation Marauders with their antics and their general cheekiness - completely the brash Gryffindor type.

It's too early to tell which one I'll like best, but I have a sneaking suspicion it might be FinFin. I'm not sure why, but the fact that he's dopier than the others and isn't as off the rails just likens me to him. Plus, the little sneak peak you added at the end made me laugh. Poor FinFin. He didn't ask for the badge.

Freddy is really something. I cannot believe that he has done what no other witch or wizard has done before and actually brought a Muggle to Hogwarts. He is going to be in SO much trouble! All for a girlfriend he probably barely knows! Boys.

James and Emma have so much sexual tension.

SO MUCH.

That is all.

In terms of constructive criticism, I'd say my biggest at the moment is to add a bit more description. This is very heavy on dialogue, which is completely fine, but sometimes it's nice to break that up a little to help the flow.

Plums xo

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for reviewing, taking requests for reviews seems really cool! Wish I could do something like that, but exams exist *sigh*. Thanks for the feedback! I always have a dumb grin on my face while I'm writing the boys interacting with each other, it's so much fun, so I'm so glad to know it works. I hadn't actually realised that I haven't put very much description in, but reading back I realised I could probably do with a lot more, so thanks! This was really helpful! :)

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Review #19, by xoxo_jpotter Anniversaries

5th September 2015:
I seriously love this! James is great and super funny! I hope you continue to update!

xoxo
-M

Author's Response: Thank you so much, I really appreciate it! :) I'll probably update it around next weekend, so stay tuned!

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Review #20, by Sneeker Anniversaries

22nd June 2015:
Hi!
First of all, I thought this was a really good first chapter and it looks like this story has good potential. Good job!

I specifically liked how the character's relationships are distinguished almost straight away - for example, James and Emma obviously bicker quite a lot and are very competitive against each other which lays out a lot of good opportunities to see how their relationship develops.

I also like how the character's personalities are portrayed straight away which gives the reader a good idea what they are going to expect off of them. For example, James appears to be quite big-headed and very confident, whilst Al seems to be quite the opposite (which, honestly, seems just about right judging by how they are written about in the books).

I would just like to point out that 'Mcgonnagal' is spelled 'McGonagall' - it was just bugging me a little bit.

Furthermore, I think that a little too much information was given on the Quidditch match as it got a bit repetitive - but that's just me! Some of it was a little unclear which caused me to read back a few times.

It was quite a nice read though and I'm interested to see how it will continue.

Beth.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for all the feedback, I'm feeling a lot more confident about the story now. And yeah, on hindsight I probably should have googled how to spell McGonagall instead of just winging it, haha. I can see how the Quidditch match could get repetitive, as I probably could have cut down on it a bit, but now I know how to improve it in the future, so thanks! Thanks for the review! n_n

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Review #21, by Gabriella Hunter Anniversaries

16th June 2015:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with your request. I'm sorry that this took a minute, I should have been here sooner but there were challenges and swaps going on. Plus, I was kind of not awake at some point and had my eyes open for a minute without realizing that I had no idea what I was doing. Try to make sense out of that for me.

Hahaha.

Also, it's nice to meet you! I haven't read a story about James like this that wasn't angsty and filled with teen drama. I like that! This is actually pretty funny and I enjoyed watching the kid's struggling to get along with one another and James's arrogant POV. I think that he has a love for Quidditch that can be a bit much sometimes and I hope he understands that he has to work as a team. There are some power plays going on here that I think will play an important part of the story later and I wonder how that will all work out.

I honestly LOVE the way you wrote the Quidditch games. I have never been good at it and all of this detail is great, it really makes me sink into the story more. I thought that all of it felt really authentic and I was blown away by the fact that you were able to do that without losing your mind. :D

I liked all of the supporting characters that you introduced but I would like to get more information on James and his family. I felt like he almost got overshadowed here and while they were all at the Burrow, it suddenly felt like too many people were being introduced all at once. I do like the fact that they celebrated the anniversary of the battle though, that's a nice touch. All of the relatives and friends coming together for something like that is really nice and I'm just laughing a bit at how James is so intent on being captain! I wonder what he'll do in order to get that position? I wonder when he'll ditch his girlfriend for that horribly mushy letter?!

Hahaha.

So, I felt like this was a good start for your story but there are moments when I think you could have cut back a little. The last few bits of this chapter feel like they could be the start of another and you could always edit those pieces out and continue them later. That's just my advise though.

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'll definitely take this all on board, and this also made me realize that I haven't really talked much about James himself, or had much interaction between him and his family, which I'll definitely include in the next chapter! Thanks so much for the feedback, I wasn't feeling very confident about this chapter but reading this made me feel so much better about it so thanks! :)

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