Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.






Reading Reviews for A Terrible Mistake
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Blue21 A Terrible Mistake

21st July 2015:
Hi:) it's been a long time since I visited your profile, and BAM there are like 10 new stories for me to read!so..yay:) I have recently developed an appreciation for lucius malfoy, after reading The Bespoke Witch. You should totally read if you have the time, it's worth it. I loved this little peek into his psyche. Makes the character more real. Now I shall go read your other new stories *rubs hands in glee:D *
Always
Bluechocolate21

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I'm pleased you enjoyed the story. Your support is appreciated.

 Report Review

Review #2, by Shadowkat A Terrible Mistake

17th May 2015:
Awesome job, you captured his thoughts brilliantly! We always see Draco, or even Narcissa, but hardly do I ever see one for Lucius.

I love how you tied it all in with his prideful nature, that he found himself turning more out of humiliation and anger at his treatment than morality. It really fits with his character and what we see of him in the books.

Overall, this is a really solid piece, and the writing wasn't bad at all. Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I wanted to keep in as in character as possible wile conveying him in a positive light. I'm happy you think I nailed it =)

 Report Review

Review #3, by SilentConfession A Terrible Mistake

6th May 2015:
I was surprised that this was from Lucious' POV. I thought it was Draco and was confused for the first few paragraphs and then I realized what you'd done! This was refreshing to read it from a perspective that wasn't Draco's and regretting his part. It was nice to see if from Lucious and see how he was thinking in those moments. A tormented man who realized that his choices have led him further from what he wanted. I liked, also, how you mostly stuck with how he wanted power and dominion over others which bodes well with his characterization.

It was neat as well to see it from his POV because we don't get that chance all the time. It's a huge contrast of what we see from him in the books as well. He accepts his mistakes, his shortcomings, and even thinks he would accept going to jail for it. That's huge. I think i'd have liked to see more examples and specific moments that brought him to these conclusions. It is such a big contrast some more information could have helped make it more believable. However, you did a good job at making his perspective unique and sympathetic.

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I may expand on it in future.

 Report Review

Review #4, by adluvshp A Terrible Mistake

22nd March 2015:
Review tag!

Wow, this was very, very interesting. You've always read and reviewed my stories so it's awesome to read your writing and discover it's pretty fantastic in itself.

You captured Lucius' POV brilliantly. I loved how this gave a different perspective in his thoughts - his regrets of joining Voldemort and him not wanting to be 'strong'. The descriptions were superb as well and your writing style reflected the manner in which I'd expect Lucius to think/talk.

All in all, this made for a brilliant read and I was awed by it. Great job!

10/10
Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Thanks Aditi.
I'm happy to know you enjoyed it


 Report Review

Review #5, by Voldy Needs a Hug A Terrible Mistake

17th February 2015:
Hi! Voldy Needs a Hug here from the forums with your requested review!

You did an excellent job of clearly and concisely expressing Lucius' evident pain and torment. I've never read such a vivid, and likely accurate, description of his suffering and guilt. The characterization was excellent, and portraying Lucius as the first person narrator gave readers insight into his thoughts and actions, allowing them to pity and sympathize with him.

I loved the contrast that you presented between Lucius several years ago and the Lucius in the story. He does an excellent job of vocalizing his regrets and acknowledging his mistakes. It's clear that he cares deeply for his wife and son and would have made different decisions for them, if not for himself, if he had known the outcome.

I picked up on several run-on sentences, and there were a few minor spelling/grammar mistakes. You might want to consider searching for a beta reader over on the forums to help you eliminate some of these and provide helpful insights/suggestions.

Overall, there isn't a great deal of plot, so I can't easily comment on the flow or transitions.

Fantastic job!

Author's Response: Hey,

Thanks so much for reviewing for me. I will jump on those sentences and mistakes ASAP.

xx-Ellie


 Report Review

Review #6, by marauderfan A Terrible Mistake

16th February 2015:
Ellieee ♡ ♡
I am so sorry it's taken me so long to scrape together a few minutes of time to read this - believe me, it was not from lack of interest! Gah I am just so honoured that you wrote a story for me, particularly one as great as this! Aah! Omg I loved it.

You present such an interesting side to Lucius in this and it's exactly what I was hoping to read. I liked that you focused on his love for his family being what changes his mind, and I especially love how you didn't set him too out of character by puttting forth his changing beliefs. He still hates Mudbloods and believes them to be inferior, but he just doesn't like all the death and violence. In other words, you didn't give him any unrealistic tranformation into a 'good guy'. He's believable, and that's the best trait for a character to have.

How can he consider it fair to punish me for being out-maneuvered by the Potter boy when he himself has been thwarted by the boy more times than anyone dares point out? -- This is so great. I can certainly see how this would make him appreciate the Dark Lord significantly less. What a great point to bring up.

I just loved the end as well, how he's kind of disgusted with himself for being weak and actually hoping Potter wins, but he seems to come to terms with it in the end and I think it speaks a lot to his growth as a character that he doesn't want to be on the strong side because other things matter more to him now.

This was such a great look into Lucius' head at such a critical moment and thank you so much for writing it! Wonderful work!! ♡

Author's Response: Hey Kristin!

Thanks so much for reviewing. I'm so glad you liked it. Lucius was a little uncooperative with me at first, but eventually he let me into his mind a little. Thanks so much for giving me this prompt. It was a lot of fun to look at things from Lucius's perspective.

I'm so happy you liked it =)

xx-Ellie


 Report Review

Review #7, by crestwood A Terrible Mistake

14th February 2015:
Hi Ellie! I apologize for taking so long to
get around to this. It's been a crazy few
days.

I'm interested in Lucius' misgivings about
the Death Eaters. I do like that you haven't
gone for a full redemption and he seems to be
having qualms more with his own loss of power
than with the pureblood belief system in and
of itself. I think it'd be a stretch to have
him changing his mind about blood status, but
I do like the idea that with his loss of
power, he'd have this kind of disenchantment
with Voldemort and his methods.

I honestly do think that the Malfoys were
much better off during the time Voldemort was
gone. Lucius was smart enough to get out of
everything and set them up at the top of the
Wizarding World. It's no surprise that he'd
have felt some sort of relief that he was
gone the first time.

You're bringing up so many awesome points.
Voldemort got so upset when Harry outsmarted
Death Eaters, even though he was getting the
same treatment almost yearly! (Doesn't he
know Harry's the protagonist??) And he tries
to hush up the Half-Blood stuff, the
hypocrite :P

Lucius' saving grace has always been his love
of his family. I think the second Draco was
threatened, he was pretty much over the whole
Death Eater thing.

I think Lucius certainly would hope for Harry
to come out on top in the war because that
would undoubtedly leave his family in a
better place. There's practically no place
more terrifying than being on Voldemort's bad
side. I wonder if any of the Death Eaters
other than Bellatrix truly wanted him to win
at this point. I feel like fear may have held
them to his service more than anything. He
wasn't exactly great to his followers.

I thought the last paragraph was just
awesome. 'I shudder and cower at the idea
of being strong
' Out of context, it may
seem strange that this is the most noble
thing he's ever believed. You've given us
such an accurate view of Lucius' mind that I
think fits right into his canon personality.
It isn't too benevolent and not too evil, but
somewhere in between where I think he could
reasonably be during this time. The greatest
strength of this was that conflicted
characterization and you hit the nail on the
head. I really enjoyed this story, Ellie!
Thank you for the swap :)

Author's Response: Hey Joey,

Thanks so much for reviewing. Lucius was really interesting to write for this fic and I'm glad you think I captured his personality in a way that was reasonable and true to cannon. I really wanted to get him right here.

Thanks for swapping with me. I love your stories!

xx-Ellie


 Report Review

Review #8, by AlexFan A Terrible Mistake

12th February 2015:
Hello! Iím here with your review!

I think you nailed Lucius to be honest. We donít
get a look inside his head throughout the series
but I think you nailed his line of thinking. I
like how you didnít make him particularly sorry
for the crimes that he had committed, just sorry
for the fact that everything had come down to such
a bloody war and that he had bet everything on
Voldemort and lost. Even when Lucius is admitting
that heís weak you can still see the Slytherin in
him. I liked how he literally just outright stated
that he had only been in it for the power that it
would give him and how much he now regretted
everything that he had done.

The contrast between the young Lucius and the old
Lucius was good because it showed the change that
had come over him through the years. He had been
happy to do Voldemortís bidding because he hadnít
really had much to lose when he was younger and
now he has so much more to lose if Voldemort had
won. I think the truly Lucius thing about this is
that heís devastated about the social blow that
Voldemort has cost him, he doesnít sound
particularly regretful about what heís done to
muggles, just that heís not benefitting (I feel
like Iím repeating myself at this point but you
get the idea).

I thought this was interesting and I liked your
portrayal of Lucius.

Author's Response: Hey bud!

Thanks so much for reviewing. Lucius was a lot of fun to write for this one, though a little tough so it's nice to know you think I captured his personality well.

xx-Wolfgirl


 Report Review

Review #9, by TreacleTart A Terrible Mistake

8th February 2015:
Hi Wolfgirl17,

I thought this was excellently written. I am a really big fan of complex, layered villains, so this was right up my alley. This followed canon nicely, but expanded it as well. Not only that, but you succeeded in making me feel some sympathy for Lucius Malfoy, but still held true to his core character.

The final paragraph was my favorite particularly the line "I am Lucius Malfoy, leader of the weak, lord of the pathetically afraid."

As far as critiques go, I really have nothing to say. I think this is great as is. I can't think of anyway to improve it. Really interesting one-shot that says a lot more about your character than a lot of novels I have read. Wonderful job!

~TreacleTart

Author's Response: Thanks so much do reviewing for me! I'm really glad you enjoyed it and that you thought I got Lucius right, he was a bit tricky to write at first, so I've been super paranoid I didn't do him justice.

xx-Ellie


 Report Review

Review #10, by AvadaKedavra1 A Terrible Mistake

7th February 2015:
First question: Did you get Lucious right? Yes, you did indeed. I think it's perfectly plausible that his support of the DL was political and self-serving. You noting his regrets, excitement of TR falling, and the hope HP would win are spot on. So your story is fine there.

So let's look at grammar, flow and syntax:

Lots of passive writing that could be readdressed sayings like "...had fallen..." fallen is already past-tense, adding had is unnecessary.

You're naturally wordy, which leads to run on sentences. Since this is Lucious's mind, I think thoughts should be short and fast. Consider a lot of semicolon usage or breaking up long winded sentences into shorter more powerful statements.

Contraction's OMG, lol. Part of the wordiness is that you don't use any contractions. They help thought processes flow faster in the mind because that's naturally how most of us think. Us being fan fiction people, not so much your character. It's an easier read for the reader. Here's a suggestion, save an alternate copy of your work, and then use the find tool to "replace" I am with I'm. It's super fast, then when you read through at find another set of words that use a contraction, do it again. Makes for fast editing, and if you don't like what it does to your story you can always use the saved copy.

Adverbs and adjectives. Oh, I can't blame you for your excessive use, you learned that from JK Rowling. I blame her. :) Really, not everything needs an adverb or adjective, and this contributes to your wordiness and flow issues.

The dog ran into the house to get out of the rain.

Or

The beloved family dog Cammie, ran into the red two story home of her family to get out of the bone-chilling torrential rain.

Sometimes the darn dog just runs into the house and nothing more :)

You have some tense agreement issues near the end, as you establish LM was currently in the middle of the battle. You said, after a string of past tense statements that the DL intended soemthing or other. I think intends would work better because it's technically a future statement.

All in all, solid piece. It could be tightened up quite easily with a good beta or by you. Not really sure what why exactly you wrote it, but you could dig more into LM's mind and write more on this, you seem to have him figured out.

Author's Response: Hey bud,

Thanks so much for jumping on and getting this review done so fast.

I actually did originally have this fic done with all those contractions, but somehow it made it come through as being too much my voice instead of Lucius's. I think it was 'cause he always talks so prim and proper in the movies, like a well-raised aristocratic type, and so I fleshed it back out to sound a little more ponce-y haha.

I totally know what you mean about the overuse of adjectives and adverbs. I had to force myself to start doing it again because I stopped for ages and it made my writing short and sharp, but it also interfered with being able to paint an effective picture of what I was conveying and lowered the quality of my writing overall so I've been trying to amend it, but by the sounds of this I'm overcompensating too much with them now.

I'll definitely work on tightening this fic up, and on decreasing the descriptive language a little. Don't want my readers falling to sleep. LOL.

Thanks again!

xx-Ellie


 Report Review

Review #11, by typewriter A Terrible Mistake

5th February 2015:
This was really great! I've written Lucius' point-of-view before, but I've never read another interpretation. I loved how you conveyed him for all his strengths and weaknesses. There was a wonderful balance of the love he has for his family and the cowardice he's shown over the course of the HP series. I appreciated how well you conveyed his many layers.

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey Amanda,
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you liked it. Lucius was tougher to write as an adult than I expected, so it;s nice to hear you think I captured his personality well!

xx-Ellie


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login