Reading Reviews for Broken Wings
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lia Petrova Broken Wings

21st July 2015:
This story made me cry . I always hated Lucius Malfoy but this story made me doubt wether or not I was being harsh in judgement . Thank you Wolfgirl17 (or Kittenshift17 whatever you want to be called ) for an amazing fanfic.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I'm pleased you enjoyed the story. Your support is appreciated.

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Review #2, by blue21 Broken Wings

21st July 2015:
beautiful writing as always...are you going to write a sequel to this? I think it would be interesting to read about Lucius growing up..the marauders would also have been at hogwarts during his time...

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I'm pleased you enjoyed the story. Your support is appreciated.

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Review #3, by tinylexie Broken Wings

21st July 2015:
I just love young!Lucius stories that examine how he ended up the way that he did. In my personal headcanon, I also imagine Abraxas taking Lucius down to the dungeons for punishment. I really loved Lucius's sense of logic in this, especially the part when he remarked to his mother that his father really must be strong. I also loved when Lucius gave Abraxas an exact number to answer his question because that's the type of answer I could imagine an adult!Lucius giving as well. You did a good job with this.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I'm pleased you enjoyed the story. Your support is appreciated.

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Review #4, by TreacleTart Broken Wings

2nd March 2015:
Hi Ellie,

So I came across this story on the results post for the saints and sinners challenge.

You do such an excellent job of writing Lucius Malfoy. This is now the second one-shot that I've read where you've made him sympathetic. In this case, you've shown how he became the prejudiced man that he was. I really enjoyed this look into his loss of innocence.

Congrats on 2nd place!


Author's Response: Hey Kaitlin,

Thanks so much for reading nd reviewing, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Writing Lucius is fun. I'm so sorry I've been so slack about beta-ing for you. I've been going crazy with some plunnies. One as a Remus/Sirisu gift for Tanya, and a couple of others for some ASoIaF fan fics I write over on ff . net

I'll get to it soon, if you still need me to beta for you.


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Review #5, by Ravenclaw333 Broken Wings

13th February 2015:
Hey Ellie! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to review this entry and wrap up the challenge.

This is such a hard-hitting story and paints Lucius in an entirely new light - what this challenge was all about, of course! There are so many little details in this story that I love - the fact that Abraxas has taught Lucius gory details about poisonous spiders, the way Lucius gives his name proudly and how he's already been taught that titles matter and the name Malfoy has a certain reputation attached to it. The childlike empathy and bravery you've given him is an excellent way of reversing his portrayal in the books, and his innocence is both touching and heartbreaking.

But Abraxas. ABRAXAS. Giving Lucius an abusive father is a game-changer for his character, and goes so far in explaining his motivations and behaviour as an adult. The recurring theme of "kindness is weakness" fits perfectly, and I can't get over your final line and the way it sets Lucius up for the rest of his life, because of course a child will learn to do anything to escape pain and suffering, and to associate an act of kindness with horrific consequences. The more I think about it the more sense it makes.

Thanks so much for entering the challenge!

Author's Response: Hey Lisa,

Don't sweat it taking a while, I'm bad at keeping on top of things like this too.

I'm really glad you enjoyed the story and that you thought I did a good job with Lucius. He was very uncooperative at first, and so I had to coax it out of him slowly.

Thanks for making such a great challenge!


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Review #6, by daliha Broken Wings

8th February 2015:
I loved this little story and I can't help but feel for Lucius, poor boy. Too bad he later grew up to believe in his father's words.

Great story :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing Daliha! I'm glad you liked the story.

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Review #7, by Shae Broken Wings

5th December 2014:
This window in Lucius's childhood is utterly magical. You captured him perfectly. I loved it. Please write more stories like this one.

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for taking the time to review.

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Review #8, by tangledconstellations Broken Wings

4th December 2014:
Hey there! I'm Laura!

I'd seen you about on the forums and thought I'd swing by to leave you a review :)

I was really intrigued by the synopsis for this fic, as Lucius is one of those characters that it seems impossible to imagine as a child! I think you did a really super awesome job though, because even though he is so young here he still has that level of rationality and measure that sets him apart from other wizards even as an adult.

I really like that this ends kind of dark too. I can imagine Lucius as an adult quashing all of his negative memories from his childhood, perhaps seeing them as things that make him stand above everyone else. This also made me think of Draco too, because even though Lucius is occasionally hard on Draco he does have a lot of love for him - which makes me wonder whether it might be because his father never had much love for him, and so this fic ties in perfectly with that idea.

Straight away I was drawn in by your writing style. The first few paragraphs are absolutely flawless. You've shown a swell use of diction and it immediately captivated me and made me want to carry on reading. There are only a few grammatical mishaps, such as where you use speech marks you sometimes don't use punctuation after, such as here: "Most don't" I reply. Instead, pop a comma after 'don't' and other such examples. It'll read much nicer and keep the piece flowing. Also, in a couple of places some sentences felt as though they could just be connected by a comma, too, again to keep up that wonderful flow you had going at the beginning and it numerous parts of this piece. Moral of the story: go crazy with commas!! :D Have a reread (maybe read it aloud - I find this helps a lot) and I'm sure you'll spot places that needn't be broken up quite so much with full stops.

But overall I really thought this was great. It was so thought provoking and its really refreshing to see Lucius as a multi-faceted character. After all, if we're to believe that he's real its fics like this that we need! I think this is such a unique take on contributing to why and how canon-Lucius turns out the way he does.

Loved it! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hey Laura,

Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it and I know what you mean about the flow. I always go crazy with the commas but then someone else pulled me up for using them to much and making too many run-on sentences, so since then I've been trying to minimize the number I use and settle for more direct sentences. I will definitely re-read the piece and edit those things in. I always forget the comma after someone is speaking before the quotation marks too so thanks for pointing those out.

I'm really glad you enjoyed the piece. Lucius was a lot of fun to write for this one, once he started cooperating with me. =) Thanks for taking the time to read and review. I'll pop over to your AP soon and return the favor soon I promise.


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Review #9, by BitterSweetFlames Broken Wings

19th November 2014:
Hi Ellie! Here for Review Tag.
Anyway, this was a really compelling story. I love the way you described the sound of the fairy's fluttering wings. It's very beautiful and I can see and hear it in my head. I would certainly investigate if it were me and I can imagine any child with a curious mind would do so as well so well done in your characterization of that.

Your description of the fairy is at once both beautiful and tragic. She is a thing of beauty but also she can fall victim to something as innocuous as the wind. A tiny speck falling victim to the universe. It's very poetic a thought.

"Kindness, he says, is just another word for weakness."
-- I actually really love this because you've described the man Abraxas Malfoy is and the man that his sun is to become.

"I told Mother once that if Father believes kindness to be weakness than he must be very strong indeed."
-- This is one of the statements that really characterize that Lucius is still a child because it's the type of observation that are true and that children make that have such an impact but to them are just innocent and logic. "baby logic," as my grandma calls it. It's so fitting and perfect.

Your description of the post is so frightening! I know that the Malfoy Manor is a dark and dangerous place as evidenced by the HP books but you always forget how it must have been to grow up there as a child. I can't imagine what horrors and trauma will show up through adulthood.

Anyway, I feel sorry for Lucius at the end - not just because he got punished by going to the post. But I am sorry because it shows the devolution of his character, the start of his path towards being 'strong' and the Lucius we all know. And I'm very sorry that he had seemingly lost all his kindness as an adult.

Great story, love! Good luck with the challenge.


Author's Response: Hey Carla,

Thanks for the review. I really wanted to capture a childish innocence for Lucius, but also to show that he is already one the path of becoming the man he is in cannon so its nice to know it's worked to some extent. =)


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Review #10, by marauderfan Broken Wings

18th November 2014:
Sorry about the delay! Here I am for the swap!

From the beginning, this is really great. I love that young Lucius uses the term 'Mother' and not Mum, as it seems much more traditional and proper, seems appropriate for such an esteemed pureblood family haha.

Your descriptions of the fairy caught in the web are really wonderful! It's so easy to visualize the fairy buzzing around in the web caught like an insect. And even the things you added about the fairies themselves- they're tiny and blue, they can't stand the sunlight - these are such great details. And I love the way you described the sun setting behind the spider web. Gorgeous.

(A very nitpicky detail, which you may feel free to ignore: Black Widow spiders actually do not live in the UK as far as I know (and they tend to live in holes/cluttered places, not in webs out in the open.) But, I think very few people will care about that detail, so maybe it's not worth fixing. Maybe it's obnoxious of me to point out haha. Anyway, in case you're interested :P )

You've written a very convincing seven-year-old, as well. I loved the comment about when he grows up he's going to be tall - it's such a typical thing for little kids to say. Also this:

I told Mother once that if Father believes kindness to be weakness than he must be very strong indeed. -- This is such a classic child statement, like it's meant in a really innocent way, but has such truth to it that he doesn't really understand what he's implying.

I felt so bad for Lucius at the end, getting punished for helping out a fairy! He was such a considerate kid - honestly just helping out a fairy for the sake of being nice, but as it's been drilled into him that kindness is weakness, he had to repress this particular redeeming quality. Makes me wonder how he would have turned out if he were allowed to be 'weak' and help out other people. But it certainly explained how he became the Lucius Malfoy we know from the books.

Well done! Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Hey,

Thanks for the review! I totally didn't realize that about Black Widow spiders, I mostly just wanted to use the words =)

This was a lot of fun to write. So much so that I'm thinking of doing other stories from a childhood perspective =) Lucius was fussy about the whole thing, but we got there in the end so it's nice to know people are enjoying this take on him when he was less of a cruel adult.


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Review #11, by MargaretLane Broken Wings

18th November 2014:
Straight off, I like the way he uses the word "Mother". It has that air of formality I woudl associate with the Malfoys.

And I really like the idea of a fairy being caught in a spider's web. I don't know what. I think because you've described the fairy in such a way that it fits with the whole "insect like" thing typical of Rowling's fairies and yet acknowledges the humanoid aspect to them which would naturally make somebody feel more uncomfortable about seeing them in a spider's web than say seeing a fly there.

Oooh, that description of what spiders do is creepy.

And I like the way you describe the fairy's fear. It makes a lot of sense and is something it would be easy to forget about.

I think your writing is very descriptive. You really manage to capture the essence of the fairy and even of the spider, who hasn't even appeared yet.

This is VERY nit-picky, but the the line, "it is doubtful to me that she will be able to fly with her wings bent at that angle" sounds a bit awkward to me. Something like "I feel doubtful she will be able to fly" might sound better.

I LOVE the way he introduces himself. It truly captures the Malfoy arrogance.

And you really pick up on the small details, like how difficult it is for him to see her expression when she is so small.

And ooh, he could get in trouble just for being kind. That says a lot about how he was raised and helps explain the person he will eventually become.

And aw, that comment about how she hopes he'll remain as kind as he is at seven is sad, considering what we know about how he will turn out.

His father seems much worse than he will ever be though, as Lucius at least cares about his wife and son and actually seems to be a very good husband and father. Perhaps that is because he doesn't want to be the kind of person his father was.

I love the comparison with a werewolf.

The ending gives us some insight into why he turned out the way he did. When kindness led to such severe punishment, it makes sense that he would later decide helping people isn't worth it. The man who seems to care only about his wife and son begins to make sense as the adult version of this young boy.

Excellent story.

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much for such a long and lovely review. I'm glad you liked the story so much. Lucius was very uncooperative when I was trying to write him for this challenge and eventually this was what I came up with.

I agree about that sentence too. Every time I read it I cringe. I will have to edit it =)

I'm glad you picked up on the nuances I was going for at the end there. I wanted to portray him as being better than the Lucius we know from cannon without unsettling cannon and making it unrealistic. =)

Thanks for taking the time to review!


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