Reading Reviews for Trials and Tribulations
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by lovegoodlooney Prologue

27th April 2014:
Wow I love the idea of writing about a usual witch in the year of the golden trio! This is a great chapter and story line, keep going!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm very glad you like it.

 Report Review

Review #2, by marauderfan McKenzie plays Quidditch

25th April 2014:
Ooh, Quidditch tryouts! I love that you incorporated the canon stuff in there like Hermione casting the Confundus charm on McLaggen, and I love that you didn't outright say it either. There's no way Gemma would know that's what happened, so I like that she just kind of observes this and doesn't think much of it, and of course the reader knows what's happening behind the scenes there. So well done on that.

When Hermione asks the girls "Why are you here?" at first I thought it was quite rude of her and not really like her... but then I recalled what year this is and who she's talking to, and honestly I think that's not too far off. I imagine things between Hermione and Lavender were pretty tense during this period with them both liking Ron. It must have been unbearable for the other girls in the dorm, having to deal with such drama!

One thing I think would be cool to add is more description. You've got a lot of dialogue - at least in the three chapters I've read - and personally I think it could be balanced out with some description, like is it cold out during Quidditch tryouts? Is the sun in her eyes? Is Zabini towering over her, or is he the same height? It doesn't need to be much, but I think that little details like that really help set the scene so you can picture it in your head as you read. :)

You ask in your A/N about Lavender, actually I really like the way you write her. Of course no one really loves Lavender in the books because they're from Harry's POV and he doesn't particularly like her, but it is refreshing to see a different view of her, how one of her best friends sees her. So, great job with Lavender :)

Author's Response: Thank you! Your review is very helpful.
You're right, I've got quite much dialogue. By now I will pay attention to add a bit more description. I never really thought about that because I've been always able to see the scenes before my inner eyes very clearly (of course, I'm the one who comes up with it), so it's good to hear about it from your point of view.
Yes, Lavender was never a really appreciated character. I felt always sorry for Hermione, she was my favourite character, but I don't think Lavender's a bad person. I just wanted to look at her from a different point of view, because every story has two sides and we all were on Hermione's, weren't we? :)

 Report Review

Review #3, by marauderfan Stupid Zabini

25th April 2014:
Bahaha I love seeing Hermione interact with her roommates. This isn't something we see in the books - only the way she acts around Harry and Ron - and I have to say it was quite funny when she woke Gemma up with water so she wouldn't be late to class. :p

Oh dear, Zabini really is a first rate idiot. How rude of him. I'm glad Gemma stood up for herself though... even though it led to a lot of arguing. I must say, my ship radar is giving off faint signals of a Gemma/Zabini relationship in the future, but I think they have a ways to go before they get there ;) But that would be awesome!

I like seeing Lavender and Parvati and Gemma as a kind of trio, it seems like a great friendship between the three of them - even though Gemma doesn't like Divination and must tolerate her friends' obsession with the topic! :D

YOu mentioned that English is not your first language, so first of all wow I'm really impressed that you're writing fanfic. I do notice a few grammatical errors though - fortunately this is really easy to fix with a beta reader! (I don't know if you're on the hpff forums yet, but it's a very friendly and fun community, and there you can request a beta reader for help with grammar, if you want!)

Good chapter though - I can see all sorts of conflicts stirring up and I'm eager to see someone take Zabini down a peg or two!

Author's Response: It's very nice to hear that you like it!
Yes, I always thought that it's a bit weird that Hermione doesn't really interact with the other Gryffindor girls- they share a dormitory, after all!
The idea with the beta reader is very helpful. No, I'm not on the forums yet, but I think I will join them. It sounds great how you describe it!

 Report Review

Review #4, by marauderfan Prologue

25th April 2014:
Hello there! I noticed that you've got a number of chapters up and no reviews yet, so I've come to fix that :)

Firstly, I love the idea of this character, Gemma. I've always assumed there were more Gryffindor girls than just Hermione, Lavender, and Parvati - that would be a very small class - and the other girls just never got mentioned, so I'm glad you're giving a voice to one of these girls in Harry's own year who never played a role in the series.

You've done well with descriptions too without being obvious, like informing the reader how short Gemma is just by mentioning how she has to climb on top of her trunk to see out the window! Poor thing being so homesick, it must be hard to leave home as an eleven year old and go off to school where you know no one. But good for her, she stood up to Malfoy and his cronies. Considering she's sad and homesick, she certainly doesn't let anyone push her around!

I'm excited to see how Gemma will continue her friendship across houses with the Ravenclaws she met on the train. There aren't enough stories with friendships across houses, so I'm excited to see where you take this. By the way, welcome to HPFF and congrats on posting your first fic, and I'll be reading on!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!
It makes me really happy that you like it so far.
(Even though I think I have to include Padma and Cho a bit more, because I haven't written enough about them.)
And no, Gemma may be small, but she certainly is a person standing up for herself. She's a Gryffindor, after all. :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login