1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Another surprise. Another mistake.

24th July 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

Right off the bat, I'm intrigued by your idea to make Scorpius a squib. That twist was enough to make me curious to read the story, even though it doesn't fit the canon.

I found one timeline-related error, when Scorpius says that he joined St Anthony's when he was twelve, and then that no Hogwarts letter arrived the "following year"on his 11th birthday. For that timeline to work, the letter would have needed to not arrive the "preceding year." I was a little confused about what St. Anthony's is: is it a school or church? A little more information about it would be helpful.

I really like the line, "According to mother, he was still seventeen." That single sentence does a lot to describe Draco's character.

I found a couple of places where "contribute" appears, like here: "...lack of contribute to what truly could have been..." and I think the correct form would be "contribution."

I find it really humorous that Scorpio has become a fashion model. :) I like his consternation at not being able to ruffle Jennifer, and his general arrogance. Her jabbing her knee into his groin made me smile. :)

I didn't see the robbery at the end coming, and I really enjoyed that twist. :) Scorpius didn't seem to be too broken up about it, maybe because he was so captivated by her, and because he can always buy another car. Jennifer is a genuinely interesting character, and I'd be interested to read more about her and Scorpius!

Author's Response: Hii. :D
St Anthony's is a muggle boarding school.
When I say ''So the following year, after my 11th birthday, when no letter from Hogwarts was delivered to the Manor..'' what I mean is that Scorpius's 11th birthday is done with and since no letter was received, he is sent to this muggle school. When he is 12. So that one year, between the age of 11 and 12, he stays home learning all he is supposed to about muggles.
Yess. Typos. I ALWAYS miss out on them and NEVER learn to re check. Thank you for pointing that out. :)
Haha. I'm glad you enjoyed the twist at the end.
I enjoyed your feedback and will work more on this story. Develop those details further.
So, THANK YOU. :).

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