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Reading Reviews for The Fourth Daughter
109 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Gabriella Hunter The Wedding

30th April 2016:

This is Gabbie again! I'm really happy to be all caught up on this story, I hope you update soon because you've left me wondering what's going to happen next! Ah, cliffhangers.

So, this! I think you had a really great mix of happiness, worry and foreshadowing. We get such a good feeling from the fact that Clara is going to get married that we almost forget about the fact that the other girls might marry someone that they don't love.

That was the one thing that was looming over this entire chapter. While everyone was celebrating and happy with the upcoming wedding, I couldn't help but wonder if everything would work out for them all.

I think that Clara is really lucky that she married Edward. They seem perfect for one another and I do like that you made a slight point of mentioning that his parents weren't the best people. A little dose of reality was good, I think so the chapter didn't seem like it was too far fetched.

I hope Clara will be all right though and visit often! I'm now worried about Dezzy. Is she sick? Whatever happened to that creepy bracelet that Salazar gave her? Did she ever take that thing off? I don't know why I think her health and the bracelet are connected. Hmmm.

It was actually nice seeing Salazar again though, I was wondering when we would! He's juts as mysterious as ever and I'm hoping we get to learn more about him. I'm surprised that Dezzy didn't tell him about Clara's wedding but at the same time, I think that it was for the best. There's something about Salazar that makes my skin crawl, I'm not sure if that was what you were intending but I'm just never very sure of him.

I'm hoping that Dezzy and Godric will be able to be together though. I'm worried that things won't go well for them! He might have something up his sleeve though but that ending makes me wonder. Will Dezzy be forced into a loveless marriage?!

Great chapter, once again! Hope you update soon!

Much love,


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Review #2, by Gabriella Hunter The Second Suitor

30th April 2016:

This is Gabbie from the forums and stuff with your review for our swap! It's been way too long since I've read this story and I'm so happy to be back and seeing how far you've come with it!

Thank you for the lovely reviews you left for Sanctuary and Transparent. There are a few more new stuff on my page if you wanted to check them out! I still want to head back to Oh My Darling and A Spoonful of Sugar. :D

So, this!

There were some lovely moments in this chapter and I can't believe that it's taken me this long to start reading it again. I absolutely love Dezzy and the way you've set up her world, it still has this great fairy tale vibe that is simply addictive.

I will admit that I was nervous about this second suitor. I didn't know what to expect and I thought he was going to be like that old guy but Lord Hastings was so pleasant! He was the sweetest person in the world and I thought you wrote him so well.

He came off as so awkward and nervous, I think it really helped establish him. Dezzy got along well with him too, which is a good sign of how he'll treat Clara. I thought his attraction to her sister was done well, you didn't elaborate on it but you could see what he liked about her.

The cuteness overload was nearly too much!

And then we have Dezzy and Godric, who couldn't get more adorable if you tried. I was sighing all dreamy reading that scene and I really hope that they get to be together towards the end.

Godric really loves Dezzy and he's already got his mum spoiling her. Hahaha. I can't wait to see more of them!

Ah! That ending! I was kind of scared for a second because I seriously thought that this was going to end on a sour note but you just blew all that worry out the water. Hahaha.

Clara is getting married! Squeal.

Lovely chapter, the pacing was great and your dialogue was wonderful. :D

Much love,


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Review #3, by MercyWaters The Fan Dance

18th January 2016:
Every chapter just makes me want to read more! I myself am not familiar with the story of the Twelve Princesses, so I have no idea where this is going. Hoping things get juicy soon!

Bri, xx

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you want to keep reading! Not many people are familiar with The Twelve Dancing Princesses, but it's one of my favorite stories. Hopefully you like where I take everything with this story!
Cassie :)

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Review #4, by MercyWaters The Second Night

18th January 2016:
I really do love this. Your writing has a such a fairy tale feel to it, which works very well for this premise. Can't wait to read on!

Bri, xx

Author's Response: Hello again!
I was definitely going to the fairytale feel, so I'm glad you got that from this! Thank you for the review!
Cassie :)

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Review #5, by MercyWaters The Pavilion

18th January 2016:
I really love this - what an intriguing opening chapter. Definitely going to read on to see how this goes, and to see how you manage to incorporate The Founders in!

Bri, xx

Author's Response: Hi Bri!
I'm really happy you liked this, and that you want to stick with the story! Thank you for reading and leaving a review!
Cassie :)

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Review #6, by NPE The Pavilion

9th January 2016:
Hi, NPE/Elderflowers here,

Sorry for the delay in my review. That is really poor form of me, but I have had so much on. Normally when I agree to a review swap I post back in like, a day. So I can only apologise.

Thanks for reviewing my story by the way. We should definitely do this again some time.

Ok, well there is really a lot to like here in this chapter.

First off -Founders!

Bold, I like it.

AU doubles the risk - but for me it worked splendidly.

I think the main joy of this is that the protagonist, Desiya works so well. She is such an interesting and readable character.

Furthermore, though plenty of things happen here, the dialogue drives the story for the most part. This is a tricky thing to achieve but you do it with a lot of class in my view :)

The last line in your chapter wouldn't always work. It could have sounded silly and over the top, but for some reason its contrast the lightness of the story around it made it seem appropriately bleak and ominous.

My only critique is I did get lost in the names of all the other characters occasionally, but maybe that was an intended affect. If you write numerous OCs or less known characters in one segment before they are established in the story, it can cause a bit of confusion.

Only a small issue though.

Terrific writing, keep it up :)

I will obviously come back to



Author's Response: Hi Nick!
I'm glad you liked this! I love reading fairytale retellings, so when I decided to write one, I thought Founders era would lend itself really well to the style. I made it AU so I could change things to suit the fairytale and my story, and not worry about fitting into JKR's canon.
I'm so happy you like Dezzy!
I really enjoy writing dialogue, so it's lovely to hear that you liked it so much! And to say that I do it with class is so kind!
There are quite a lot of characters, since Dezzy has eleven sisters, so it does take a little bit to straighten them out while you're getting used to all of their personalities. But since they're named in alphabetical order I think that should help a little!
Thank you for the wonderful review! I really appreciate it!
Cassie :)

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Review #7, by maraudertimes The Pavilion

8th January 2016:
Hi! Sorry this came so late, I got caught up in work.

I really liked this chapter, it's such a good introductory chapter. You've really touched on everything that's exceptionally important in this chapter, and although I'm left feeling like I want to know more, there isn't anything that's confusing or needs more explanation, everything is really well thought over.

I really like how you've taken this fairytale and kind of put a spin on it. I searched up the fairytale and it's really cool. I'm super interested in how you're going to write this, especially since you've done such a great job already and I can see where you're going with everything!

I love Dezzy, she seems like a really great character. I love her hard headedness and her general personality is really well written. Her sisters are also really well written, but since she's the main character, I seem to feel a bit more of a connection with her.

I really liked the start of this and I hope we can do another review swap soon because I really liked your reviews and I really love this story. You ended this with just the right amount of suspense and I'm really intrigued! I'm not going to read ahead though because I don't have time for a second review right now and I want to review right after I've read it!

Absolutely great job!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hi Lo!
I'm so glad you enjoyed this! I love reading fairytale retellings, so writing one has been really, really fun! I get to be more flowery with my language and make everything really magical and nostalgic and all that good stuff. The Twelve Dancing Princesses is not a fairytale that tons of people know, but it's one of my favorites.
Dezzy has been a lot of fun for me to write. She's sweet and kind, but has a bit of a stubborn streak. She has to try and navigate life in the kingdom under all her father's rules, and try and find some joy with her sisters.
Thank you for such a great review!
Cassie :)

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Review #8, by cherry_pop94 The Library

27th December 2015:
Hello Cassie! I'm here for the review I promised.

This was such a sweet chapter. I'm not sure if I like Salazar more of Godric more. They're both incredibly charming, aren't they? I mean, Salazar's just really, really, really charismatic, but there's something a little strange about him. Something... not quite right? I'm not sure the words for it.

And Godric is just so wholesome. I mean, poor stable hand who befriends the princess and wants to read. How sweet. He's just too kind and wonderful to have suspicious about! But I still love both of them.

I'm curious to know how Desiya's relationships with the both of them play out and with her father and sisters! This is such a great story, and I just love all the fairy tale elements!


Author's Response: Hi Stefanie!
I think lots of people are having a hard time deciding between them! They are both very charming, but Salazar is much more mysterious, while Godric is a lot more fun and outgoing.
Godric is definitely very chivalrous and kind, so I wouldn't get too worried about being suspicious of him! He's a good person.
Thank you for the lovely review!
Cassie :)

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Review #9, by Diogenissa The Pavilion

21st December 2015:
Happy Belated Hot Seat Day my dear! :-D Before I get started, I wanted to apologize for being so late with your special review—I don’t have internet at home so I have to go to the library and RL has been kicking me somewhat horrible!

When I read The Governess , I knew that I’d eventually find my way here, to Ava’s daughters and well here I am! Not only that, but I love a good fairy tale!

I thoroughly enjoyed this first chapter—you set the stage very well: the descriptions are colorful, vivid and real -- it felt very real. It flowed easy and I was able to keep up with the girls in a manner of speaking! I loved the interactions between the sisters and the very real tension that only siblings can have. I can understand Addie’s frustrations, being the eldest and in a way I can somehow get the sense that she doesn’t mean to be a a spoilsport but she’s just trying to protect them the best way she can, which is beautiful and believable. Bea is really fun as well, seems a bit of the rebel (I love rebels!).

But Dezzy is the star of this show isn’t she? Well lemme carry on about her *lol*. The way you opened the story with her dressed for her first real dance and the perfumed bath (OMG I’d love one of those—sounds so refreshing)! Then we come to find out it’s only a dream, and in a way it’s a sad one because as beautiful as it was, she wakes up sad and longing (at least that’s how it came across to me).

I also enjoyed the initial interaction between sisters via that dream, especially this line right here: ”Nerve-wracking. I have the opening waltz with Father and he dances like a fencepost.” -- I cracked up so bad there!

That ending was perfect and fitting—to let folks know someone was indeed watching them but the who— that is the question!

Overall a beautiful, creative and amazing story so far! I love what you’re doing with the fairytale and I will be adding this to my reading list. Thank you so much for a lovely story darlin’ and keep up the good work!

Karen xoxo

P.S. – I know there are another 22 chapters but my initial thoughts on reading about the magic castle, it literally SCREAMED Hogwarts—I mean my mind has this image now that ‘the magic like Sleeping Beauty herself in that tale, is not dead but simply sleeping, waiting for the right moment to become alive again’.)

Author's Response: Hi Karen!
I'm so glad you liked this! Since it is based on a fairytale I can have a lot of fun with the descriptions, and can make the language a little more flowery than in other stories. The girls can definitely take a moment to get straight, since there are so many of them, so I'm glad you liked them and are already getting a sense of their personalities!
Poor Dezzy, having such a good dream, only to wake up from it. She loves dancing more than anything, and really misses her mother, so I think she dreams about both things quite a bit.
Who indeed? You'll just have to keep reading to find out!
Thank you for such a thoughtful review! I really appreciate it!
Cassie :)

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Review #10, by Felpata Lupin The Lover's Knot

5th December 2015:
Hi, Cassie!
I know your Hot Seat has ended, but I promised you a couple more reviews, so here I am (plus, I've missed this story...)

This was a cute, little chapter! :) I really enjoyed to see the girls back to the pavillion, and I found quite intriguing Dezzy's thoughts about Salazar. Still wondering where this all is heading...
Rowena is still as detached as ever. I wonder if she will lighten up a tiny bit...

Great job so far! I'll be back! ;)
Much love,

Author's Response: Hi Chiara!
I'm glad you liked this chapter! I had a lot of fun choreographing the dance, and writing about Dezzy's thoughts of Salazar. Rowena will continue to be pretty aloof, I'm afraid.
Thank you for the sweet review!
Cassie :)

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Review #11, by Felpata Lupin The Arrival

23rd October 2015:
Hi Cassie!
Here for our swap! :)

This was a cute chapter! Not sure if I like Rowena yet... She is a bit cold and haugthy... It's clear that she has very strict ideas about what is proper and what isn't (she seems quite similar to her brother, actually...) I really hope she'll get used to the girls' spontaneity and learn to love them for who they are!

I'm loving the girls more and more, by the way! I adore Bea's craziness, and the way Addie always manage to mantain her politeness. I love Clara's sweetness and I adored Ettie's attempts to embarass Dezzy about Godric (he is the best, btw).

"Addie, you can cheer a girl up better than anyone else I know" This line was great!!! And so Bea's to be said!!! :D

Brilliant job with this, as always!
All my love,

Author's Response: Hi Chiara!
Rowena isn't the warmest of characters. She's definitely decided what she thinks is proper, and how she thinks the girls should be taught, and she's not going to be flexible with that idea at all. She wants things done her way, because in her mind that's the only way that will get the results that the King wants.
I'm so glad you like the sisters! I adore them all, so it's really nice to hear that you're loving them! Bea is so much fun to write, because she's so wild, and poor Addie has to try and reign her in all the time. Clara has such a quiet warmth about her that I always smile when I write her. Ettie is just a drama queen, and I can have tons of fun with her character.
Thank you so much for the sweet review! I really appreciate it!
Cassie :)

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Review #12, by Felpata Lupin The Letter

25th August 2015:
Birthday review part two!!! :)

Oh, poor Dezzy... I was kind of expecting an even worse reply, but surely receive such coldness from your own father... Oh, my! How horrible!!!

Helga is so sweet! I'm very happy that she's covering up for her and Godric (notthat I eexpected anything different...)

Oh, and finally we're meeting Aunt Rowena!!! I'm very curious to see what you'll do with her!!!

Another lovely chapter! See you again soon!
Tons of love,

Author's Response: Hi Chiara!
I really am awful to Dezzy when it comes to anything that has to do with her father. He's really changed because of his grief, and he doesn't want to feel that pain so he just kind of shuts off his emotions and as a result is very harsh.
I'm glad you liked Helga here. I think she'd be okay with anything that made the girls happy as long as it wasn't dangerous! Haha.
Thank you so much for the wonderful birthday review!
Cassie :)

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Review #13, by Felpata Lupin The Library

25th August 2015:
Hey, Cassie!!!
Happy birthday, honey!!!

This was such a cute chapter! I particularly loved Godric, he seems just so sweet!!!

Salazar is intriguing... He does have this dark side about him, or maybe I'm just biased, I don't know... But I wonder if Dezzy's sisters aren't too wrong worrying about her being alone with him...
By the way, I found so adorable how much the sisters care and look out for each other!

As I already said, Godric is amazing! I really think he can be a good friend for Dezzy and it's good that her sisters are accepting it!!!

Now I'm curious about the letter... You might receive another review in a few hours...

Happy birthday again, hope you're having fun!!!
A huge hug,

Author's Response: Hi Chiara! I'm so sorry it took me so long to answer this!
I'm glad you're intrigued by Salazar! That's just what I hoped would happen! I'm trying to keep him from being too open, so the fact that you're wondering about his character is really nice for me to hear!
The sisters are each other's whole worlds, and love each other more than anything. Addie and Bea have really stepped up in terms of raising the girls (though Addie tends to be stricter, and Bea more concerned with helping the girls have fun), and they are both fiercely protective of their younger sisters. That's why they're so worried for Dezzy when she goes off alone.
I love writing Godric. He's just such a good, kind person, that writing him is always really satisfying. He definitely makes me smile when I write him!
Thank you so, so much for the review and the birthday wishes!
Cassie :)

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Review #14, by Gabriella Hunter The Christmas Gift

9th August 2015:

I am so sorry that I haven't been able to get to your stories faster! Forgive me! Real life is such a pain right now and I thought that I would have more time but it's been an aggravating journey for me.

So, I thought that I would pop right on over here to get back into the groove of things. I was so worried about Dezzy and the girls being married off to that old bat! I can't believe that their father is doing this to them but what I really liked was that this chapter was paced so wonderfully. It started off as such a an unwelcome thing, what with Dezzy being forced to have tea with that stuffy old suitor but towards the end, it was such a pleasant holiday. I really liked how you balanced that out here and showed what Dezzy realled wanted out of her life. It wasn't just about the pavilion anymore (Thank God they didn't mention anything about it) but her own happiness with her family. That is what Christmas is all about, really and I wonder if their father will realize that. Hm.

I was surprised that she told Mistress Helga about her relationship with Godric though but I'm happy that she decided to. Of course, I do hope that nothing horrible happens and her father finds out about it! That was one worrying thing but then you dissolved into the sweetest moment between Dezzy and Godric that I simply adored. They were all sorts of cuteness and I really want them to be together! I especially liked the book of fairytales that Dezzy gave Godric, it may just be me but it felt like an ode to where your inspiration with this story came from? I don't know, but I thought it was a nice touch and the ending left me feeling all warm and fuzzy.

Just what are you plotting, eh? Hahahaha.

I'll have to pop in for the next chapter, I guess! Thanks for the swap!

Much love,


Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!
Lord Whitaker was so stuffy and pompous and annoying. Even though I mess with Dezzy's emotions far too much, I couldn't go so far as to force her into marrying him! Haha.
I think Dezzy really came to a new understanding of her own happiness in this chapter. At the beginning of the story she's just so naive, and has never really had much contact with people outside of her family, so now that she's been to the pavilion, and come to love Godric, she can see that there's more to life than what she's grown used to. And she knows that it's okay for her to want things outside of what she has now.
Mistress Helga is the closest person that the girls have to a mother, and since she knew the Queen so well, I think Dezzy really trusts her. She knows that Helga has her best interests at heart, and wants to see her happy, so she didn't think it would be a mistake to tell her.
And then fluffy ending was so, so much fun to write, of course! Dezzy and Godric just love each other so much that it always makes me really happy to write them together.
Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm pretty sure there's only one chapter left in this story before you're caught up, so I've got to get working on writing some more!
Cassie :)

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Review #15, by Beeezie The Fan Dance

9th August 2015:
I wasn't quite right last review, I don't think - Bea is pretty defiant, though not to such an extent that she seems willing to defy Addie head on. Or maybe she's just arguing for everyone else - it's an interesting dynamic. There's a lot of anger in her about how they're being treated, and the other sisters seem thus far to be reacting far more mildly to it than she is. I'm curious to see where you take that.

And, of course, the comment about how their father won't even look at Desiya speaks volumes on its own. I'm not entirely sure that writing to her father about this was the best idea - I understand why she did it, particularly since the other option she saw was talk to him about it face-to-face, but I worry that this could get Bea and Dezzy in particular - and possibly even all the sisters - in a mess.

I'm wondering now about Addie, too - she seems to have misgivings that she's ignoring, because while she keeps saying that she doesn't think that this is a good idea, she also keeps saying "one more time." Maybe it's just that their father is away or her sisters pressuring her... but I find it very interesting. Many of the sisters seem more invested in this than in their real lives - which on one hand I totally understand, but on the other doesn't seem like a path to a happy life.

This is really fascinating!

That said: there were times that that your writing felt a little stilted to me. Your description outside of dialogue was great, but I felt like it was often a little superficial surrounding dialogue. You included things like Bea asked, raising her eyebrows or Clara said softly, getting her sister's attention - but raising her eyebrows and getting her sister's attention didn't really add to my mental image of the scene or my ability to see where the sisters were coming from. I would have liked to see a little more substantive description around dialogue that went beyond "she said, [doing something]." For example, when you say, Clara said, walking over to her sister and sitting down next to her, I would have loved to see more about how she was trying to comfort Julianna. Was she rubbing her back? Giving her a hug? Talking softly so the others didn't hear? Something more, you know?

Overall, though, I loved this!

Author's Response: Hello again!
Bea is definitely the rebel of the sisters- or as much as a rebel as any of them could be considering the circumstances. She's not afraid to say how she feels, although she is smart enough to hold her tongue when it could really get her into trouble.
Bea's comment really stays with Dezzy, and she writes to her father for two reasons: the first is because she doesn't want to ask him face-to-face, and the second is because she doesn't want to wait for him to get home before she can ask. She just wants some kind of answers from him, and is hoping that he'll reassure her that Bea was wrong.
I think Addie is trying to balance being a parent and being an older sister. It's almost always up to her to be the "bad guy" and put her foot down when her sisters do or say something that might be less than proper. So I think that while the parent side of her knows that they should stop going to the pavilion, the sister side of her wants to see her siblings have fun and do something that they all love.
Thank you for the suggestions on the descriptions around the dialogue. I think I add more as the story goes on, because I've been working on this story for a few years and my writing has improved a lot since I started it, but I'll definitely look at the older chapters and see where there could be more description.
Thank you so much for the great review! I'm so glad you're enjoying this story so far!
Cassie :)

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Review #16, by Beeezie The Second Night

9th August 2015:
Hey, here for our swap! Sorry I'm so late with them - some family stuff has come up unexpectedly that took up a lot of my time and energy over the last couple days.

I loved this chapter. The dynamic between the sisters is fascinating - I love the way that, in the absence of their father (literally and spiritually), they automatically defer to the eldest of the sisters. It speaks volumes about who they are - they're not recalcitrant, they just lack the authority figure they should have, so they're turning to the next best thing. I know that Bea was arguing with Adella, but the fact that she was arguing in the first place speaks volumes - they clearly weren't comfortable just going without her, and I don't think it was just out of fear that she'd tell their father - because it never even entered the discussion.

In some ways, that actually makes me more worried for them, though - I'm not sure how closely you're planning to follow the story, but there's something about Salazar that makes my spider sense tingle a little. The fact that the sisters - Dezzy included, and she's currently the one being singled out by him - are so hungry for someone to give them permission to do things and tell them what to do leaves them wide open to being manipulated.

Just musing, of course!

I'm also finding that I don't have trouble keeping the sisters straight, which I'd initially been afraid of, because there are just so many of them. However, the naming convention you used definitely help keep them in context, and it means that I don't really need to remember all the details about which description goes with which girl.

I'm really excited to read on!

Author's Response: Hello! Oh my gosh, don't even worry about this being a little alter than expected. It's totally fine!
I'm so glad that you like how all the sisters interact. Writing twelve sisters, who are often all together, can get to be a lot (which is why I mainly focus on the older ones). Because the girls haven't had much parental guidance since their mother died, the older ones took on that responsibility.
Bea arguing with Addie definitely captures that, so I'm glad you picked up on it. Even though Bea can be a bit rebellious, and often is the most argumentative of the sisters, she doesn't do things behind Addie's back. I think she knows that since the younger ones look up to them, they have to make decisions together.
Dezzy is definitely being singled out by Salazar, and their relationship will continue to develop, so I'm really interested to hear what you think of the direction I take them in!
Thank you so much for the great review!
Cassie :)

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Review #17, by Felpata Lupin The Stable Hand

7th August 2015:
Hi again, Cassie!

I knew the stable hand was Godric!!! I knew from the very first moment you introduced him!!! And I'm already so excited, because he seems such an enjoyable character and I can't wait to learn more about him!!!

Ahahah! Poor Dezzy! I guess eleven sisters can get overwhelming... I loved how she ran away when they insisted that she was meeting a guy...

I would've loved a tiny bit longer chapter, but I think this worked well the way it is. Really loved it!

Thank you for the swap once again!
A huge hug!

Author's Response: Hi Chiara!
Haha yay Godric! I'm so happy that you already like him so much! He's one of my favorite characters to write in this story, because he's just so fun and charismatic.
Eleven sisters most definitely can get overwhelming, especially since Dezzy has just come of age, and is now old enough for them to tease her about seeing boys. Haha.
Thank you so much for the lovely review!
Cassie :)

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Review #18, by Felpata Lupin The Fan Dance

7th August 2015:
Hello, dear Cassie!
Here for our swap!

Oh, this was such a cute chapter!!!
I'm already in love with Helga! She only made a very quick appearence but it was enough to show her sweet, motherly character that I've always imagined her to have! Brilliant!

Bea should really watch her mouth... But obviously there's more than a grain of truth in her words... Poor Dezzy, it must be horrible to realize that your father is completely ignoring you because you remind him of your mother too much...

That letter was very direct... I would have expected it to be more... respectful (I can't think of a better word, but I hope you get my meaning...) I'm very preoccupied about the king's reaction at it... I can totally see him getting angry at Dezzy and Bea both... But we'll see...

I love the medieval setting so much! I loved the scene of Dezzy running to give the letter to the page before he left! And the sisters teasing Dezzy about having a misterious suitor was just so adorable!

Another thing I didn't expect was Addie agreeing to go to the pavillion again that night so soon... I thought she would try to say no at first.

The fan dance was written beautifully in my opinion! Are you a dancer? You seemed to use a lot of tecnical terms in here and you gave a very precise description, so it makes me think that you dance yourself.

The interactions between Dezzy and Salazar are just so cute... Can't wait to see where this is going...

Another lovely chapter! Thank you so much for the swap!
Much love,

Author's Response: Hi Chiara!
Helga is definitely very maternal, and it's something that the girls really need, since they've lost their own mother and their father is so distant. I think the older girls, in particular, really appreciate how motherly Helga is. Since the little ones look up to them as parental figures, it's nice for them to have someone to look to as a parent, too.
I put poor Dezzy through quite a lot in regards to her father. Their relationship definitely isn't a great one, since he's gone so much, but she doesn't want to totally give up on him, which is why she writes the letter.
I'm glad you like the setting. It's a lot of fun for me, since it just adds to the fairytale feel that I want this to have.
I think Addie secretly wants to dance just as much as the other girls do, since it does remind her of her mother, so she agrees.
I am a dancer! I actually tried to choreograph all the dances in this story that aren't just typical waltzes and then put them down on paper. Writing them out and trying to make them sound pretty and not just like a list of steps was really tricky!
I'm so glad you enjoyed this! Thank you for the swap!
Cassie :)

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Review #19, by cherry_pop94 The Stable Hand

20th July 2015:
Hello Cassie! I'm here for the House Cup 2015 for Ravenclaw! But also to read more of your lovely story.

This was a wonderful chapter, though it was a bit shorter than the others so far. I really enjoyed the introduction of Godric Gryffindor here. It's interesting that he works in the stables, given his canon character, I think this is a very interesting way to put him in here.

I really like how Godric exists in Dezzy's 'real world' while Salazar exists in her sort of 'fantasy world' even though it's real too, just in a very different way. It puts them in very separate parts of her life, but they still both affect her.

Godric's character was a real highlight of this chapter. He seems chivalrous, proper, but also not afraid to call the princess by her nickname when she requests that. He seems bold as well. You've characterized all the founders so far very well and I can't wait to see what you do with Rowena!

Thanks for sharing your writing!


Author's Response: Hi Stefanie!
I really loved bringing Godric into the story. Lots of people were surprised at the way I incorporated his character, because they expected him to be someone royal. But for some reason, I just imagine him as a peasant boy who grows up to work in the palace.
Godric and Salazar both grow to be big parts of Dezzy's life, but you're right, it's in very different ways.
I loved writing Godric and Dezzy's interaction. Most people are just so afraid to do or say something wrong in front of a princess that I think Dezzy's relieved and pleasantly surprised to finally meet someone who actually seems comfortable around her.
Thank you so much for another lovely review on this story!
Cassie :)

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Review #20, by Felpata Lupin The Second Night

7th July 2015:
Hey, Cassie!
I'm back!!! :)
Ok, I wasn't expecting Salazar at all... And I'm just so intrigued by the story and eager to know where this is going.

I love the characterization so much! Dezzy's passional temperament, Adella's tender heart even if she tries to be the authoritative one for her sisters' sake, Bea's rebelliousness, the youngers' enthusiasm... I loved them all!

I'm still wondering about the founders' role in this (should I expect some romance between Dezzy and Salazar? How is Rowena related to the sisters? Will Helga appear more? And Godric?)

I really can't wait to know more, so expect another review from me soon!
Lovely work so far!
Hugs and kisses,

Author's Response: Hi Chiara!
I'm glad I've got you intrigued!
Oh, it's so nice to hear that you like all the sisters. Dezzy is a lot like me, so writing her always feels pretty natural. I think you've got Addie down pat, though, and that makes me really happy. She seems stern, but she does love her sisters more than anything, and is just trying to do what's best for them.
The founders each play a pretty specific role in the story. Helga will appear more, and Godric and Salazar will appear a lot as the story goes on. As for Rowena, she'll come along in a few chapters, and you'll find out how she's related to the girls then.
Thank you so much for the review! I wasn't expecting it at all, so I was really glad to see you back to this story!
Cassie :)

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Review #21, by Felpata Lupin The Pavilion

3rd July 2015:
Hi Cassie!
Here for our swap!
I've been willing to start this since I read "Just a governess", but for one reason or another I never got to it... Well, I'm here now!!!

This was really beautiful! I loved the descriptions, particularly of Dezzy getting ready for the ball at the beginning (even if it was just a dream... how sad...) and of the enchanted forest at the end. What is that place, by the way? Who is looking at them? Their father? Or Helga? Or their mother's spirit (but I doubt she would've stayed behind, would she? And wasn't she a Muggle?) Or someone else?

I loved your characterization of the twelve sisters. You managed to give us a tiny bit of all of their different personalities, which is amazing to do with so many original characters at once!

It's so sad that, in his mourning, their father is practically forbidding them to be happy... I know he doesn't realize how much he's hurting them, and that he probably loves them dearly, still his attitude towards them is just so cruel... Isn't it bad enough that they don't have their mother beside them?

I'm very curious to know what happens next. And there are so many questions that I want answered... For example, their surname is Ravenclaw, so I suppose they're related to Rowena somehow? Is Dezzy a witch? Mmmh... I'll definitely need to keep reading...

Thank you so much for the swap!
Tons of hugs and love!

Author's Response: Hi Chiara!
I'm so glad you enjoyed this! I love writing dream sequences, and for some reason it just felt right to start this story with a dream. I'm glad you liked the sisters, too! It was definitely hard to fit all twelve girls in one chapter, but they're so much fun when they're all together. I always like writing group scenes with the sisters, and it's definitely gotten easier over time.
The King has really been changed by his grief, and is so focused on not feeling that pain that he thinks cutting out memories of his wife will make everything okay. Unfortunately, that means he doesn't see his daughters a lot, and doesn't really understand how much he's hurting them.
They are related to Rowena! She comes in in a few chapters, as do the other Founders. Also, just to clear this up now, Dezzy isn't a witch. This is AU, so the Founders don't form Hogwarts, and they actually don't all have magic.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this, and thank you for the review swap!
Cassie :)

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Review #22, by cherry_pop94 The Fan Dance

3rd July 2015:
Hi Cassie!

Here for our review swap! I loved this chapter! It was so sweet, especially at the end with the fan dance. It's a really beautiful scene with all the movement and colour. I think you could have used some more description here, as those big gowns and fans are definitely a really vivid scene, but overall, it was well done.

The beginning of this chapter was really bittersweet to. I really like Helga's character, she's so nurturing and sweet to the girls. I'm also really looking forward to Dezzy's interactions with her father in later chapters. They're got a really interesting relationship here.

Thanks for the swap!


Author's Response: Hi Stefanie!
The fan dance was really interesting to write! All the dances I go into detail about are, actually. I have to choreograph them first, and then try and put the dance into writing, which is always really tough. But I'm glad it turned out okay!
I love writing Helga when she's with the girls. She's just has such a great maternal instinct, and knows exactly what the girls need from her.
Thank you so much for the review swap!
Cassie :)

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Review #23, by Beeezie The Pavilion

3rd July 2015:
Hey, here for our swap! :)

I love "The Twelve Dancing Princesses" - it's always been one of my favorite fairy tales, so when I saw this retelling, I couldn't resist. I hope there's a TAR for reviewing Puffs and I'm around for it, so then I have an excuse to come back and read more of it!

Because this story is well, well worth reading more of. I loved your prose - it took me away to a very different time period and created a very vivid picture in my head of Desiya and her sisters. In particular, when they found the magical world behind the wall, I wanted to close my eyes and wake up there. It's so beyond beautiful, and I kind of want to make a blend of it but know that I couldn't do your vision justice. :P

My heart went out to the girls. You've definitely portrayed their father in a nuanced light, at least thus far, and I love that he's not just a villain for its own sake - but at the same time, it's also very clear to me that he's pushing his personal grief onto everyone else, including his daughters, in a very unfair and inappropriate way.

It's not just that they can't dance - it's what that symbolizes. When Desiya thinks about it and speaks with her sisters about it, I get the sense that they were far closer to their mother than her father. The fact that Clara is making excuses for poor behavior and Addie is so concerned at the idea of breaking one of his rules - and, even more so, that they all behave a bit like startled rabbits - speaks volumes to me. I was happy to see them find the beautiful pavilion and finally be able to dance, and I'm so intrigued about who was watching them!

That said, I do have a little CC.

I like that you've set this in the Founders era - I think you're doing an excellent job of capturing the time period, and how Rowena fits into this Ravenclaw family is so intriguing!

However, I did wish that some things had either been a bit more explicitly spelled out or not included just yet. I'm not quite clear whether this castle is Hogwarts, but if it is, it would have been nice to see some more significant identifying details for the reader to make that clear. And, if it isn't, I would have similarly liked some clarification to that end as well.

Similarly, the mention of Helga as their governess makes me unsure whether this is an AU or a story in which Helga is their governess before or after her time at Hogwarts. To make it a bit more clear, I'd to see a tiny bit more information about her - age, manner, maybe some hint of magic if this isn't AU. Not more than a sentence or two, just something to give me a better grounding early on, even though I'm sure you go into further detail later.

All in all, though, I loved this. It's beautifully written, and I'm so happy there's so much posted. :) Thank you for the swap!

Author's Response: Hello!
I'm so glad you liked this! And enjoyed my descriptions. Since this is based on a fairytale, I have an excuse to make this really descriptive, which is always fun.
The King's grief has definitely pushed him away from his daughters, which is really sad. He does love them, but I think in his grief after losing his wife, seeing his daughters is painful for him, and he wants to get rid of any pain he might feel instead of dealing with it and working through it.
The girls were very close with their mother, and since she taught them to dance, it's something that could keep them close to her after she's gone.
So, I've edited the Author's Note for this chapter to explain this a little, since people have been asking. This story IS AU, so I've messed around with the Founders ages and relationships a lot. They don't all meet and form Hogwarts in this story, and the castle where the girls live isn't Hogwarts, either. I think that becomes much more clear in later chapters, but hopefully it's clear now that I've explained it a bit.
Thank you so much for the lovely review! This was a fun swap!
Cassie :)

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Review #24, by Gabriella Hunter The First Suitor

19th June 2015:

This is Gabbie stopping by with our little swap and it's good to be back! I've been meaning to return to this story for a while but was caught up in A Spoonful of Sugar. Hahaha. I forgot just what kind of trouble Dezzy and the girls were in this time! D':

I was glad to see Salazar showing up again and I'm curious to know what's going to happen to him after all this. There is still a lot of mystery about him and I'm dying to find out what it is, he seems otherworldly and kind of makes my skin crawl. I know that Dezzy likes him and he seems charming but something about him is making me stay on guard. Hm...

I was glad that the girls were able to have a little fun though. I know that they're not sure what might happen during their father's competition but it was nice to see them happy and then that ending happened.

Why do you do these things?!

I was horrified by the fact that not only is their father oblivious to what they want that he would actually consider marrying Dezzy off to a walking skeleton! What?! I am so worried for her right now and in my mind, I want her to run away from him or toss up her hands and shout. I know that it might not happen but I really, really liked the fact that Dezzy was so strong at the end of this chapter. I'm rooting for her and I hope that she'll be able to see Godric again, I'm worried about the other suitors that are going to show up.

Great chapter! I'll be back!

Much love,


Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!
It's always fun for me to write Salazar. He's just so different from Godric, and his effect of Dezzy is always really interesting to explore.
But, yes, the girls needed a little time to breathe and relax and just be silly. I think throughout this story, I have moments where I suddenly remember just how young they all are. Addie is only nineteen, but she acts so much older that sometimes I forget that while I'm writing her.
Lord Whitaker is really stuffy and old and boring and basically everything that the girls were dreading in a suitor. But I really wanted him there to push Dezzy into the realization that she really, really loves Godric, and isn't going to give that up without a fight.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this! I hope to see you back here soon!
Cassie :)

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Review #25, by cherry_pop94 The Second Night

16th June 2015:
Hi Cassie! I'm here for our swap and to read another chapter of this lovely story.

Salazar is so charming he's got me swooning over here. But his charm here doesn't come off as fake or slimy at all, it seems so genuine. Like he really is just very lonely. I hope it stays that way and he hasn't any ulterior motive or whatever. Honestly, the way you've written him, he could charm the pants off a nun!

And Dezzy and Salazar! So perfect, especially if their mother is Rowena. So many people ship Rowena and Salazar (me included), so this is so perfect since your story is sort of AU there's no weird age thing either.

Anyway, I'm so excited to see where this goes. You've told such a pretty fairy tale story here!

Thanks for sharing!


Author's Response: Hi Stefanie!
Salazar is definitely a charmer! I'm glad you didn't think he seemed slimy or fake or anything like that. Their mother actually isn't Rowena, but she is a relative. I won't say how she'll come into the story though. I don't want to spoil it!
I do mess around with the Founders ages, but that will be more clear a little later on when the rest of them come into the story.
Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed this!
Cassie :)

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