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Reading Reviews for The Jerk Theory.
  
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by maraudertimes My Mother and her Crazy Ways.

1st February 2014:
Hello!

First and foremost, this chapter was very nice. It was a great introductory chapter and I think you managed to clearly introduce Cordelia, as well as her mother, and her predicament.

But, I do have some CCs I have to address:

There's a few spots where you're missing capitalization:
"my mother had been at the gym for the past hour and was finally home."
and
"'honey I have something to tell you,' the smile slipped from her face, 'I brought you here today because I thought you could go stay here for the rest of the holidays,' my face dropped, 'I thought I should give you time to, you know, settle in. and the headmistress thought it best if you went to visit some of your teachers to catch up on what you've missed.'"
and
"'Mum,' i cried, 'I had to run down four flights of stairs so you could tell me that your home." Also, in this one, it would be you're and not your.

Oh, and one more quick one: near the start, you tend to repeat 'her mother' a lot, so just swapping one or two of those with 'she' would solve that ASAP.

Other than the capitalization though, the only thing I really noticed was that there were tourists in their kitchen? Maybe if you just take a paragraph to expand on why they're there, that would be wonderful! :)

Other than those, though, this was superb! I liked how you characterized the two main characters in this chapter. I can tell Cordelia and her mother have a very good relationship, which is really good to know when you look at either of their individual personalities. Cordelia seems like a nice, genuine girl, and her mother seems like a really good mother, and slightly fashionista (which is not at all a bad thing!).

I do like how Cordelia's parents came to an agreement on where Cordelia would be going to school, because it shows that while they're divorced (they are divorced, right? or no longer together if they never got married?) they can still be cordial and nice to each other when it comes to Cordelia's best interests.

So Hogwarts, eh? Where was she going to school before? It must be a hard transition, especially with the heart ache of just being dropped off there lickity split by your mother. But, I'm sure Cordelia is a strong and independent girl who can easily surpass this little challenge!

You've really created a great opening chapter and I like the premise of the story so far! You've written this quite well! I hope I didn't seem too harsh on the CCs, because I really do like this story and hopefully the CCs in question will be of help! :)
Lo:)

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