8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Storiesbooksandnovels 

20th June 2016:
James may be arrogant but he, and you are both genius. I love reading your fan fiction. This is a totally not put down! What is your pen name so I can read more of these amazing stories?

Author's Response: Haha... yes, James is a tad arrogant, isn't he? I simply enjoy writing him!

Aww, you're too kind! Thank you so much. You can find me under Flaming Quilltips, and as flamingquilltips on tumblr.


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Review #2, by victoria_anne 

2nd April 2016:
Why hello there, you gorgeous lady!

First, thank you for the image of the Hat drinking before the sorting, HAHAHA!

Love, love, LOVE the match! Especially the commentary!... I had to hold back from cheering at my screen *blushes* Dat was intense!

But oh my god. omgomgomgomg, ADHARA! I KNEW she was on the Gryffindor team for reals! YES! But argh, is she hurt?!

Ah, typical teenagers, only interested in the classes their friends are in ha ha

Who knew frogs could give me warm fuzzies?! That scene was perfect, though! I like how you wrote James' reaction to Lily getting him back. I don't know, I could just picture it so well!

You are writing the war incredibly well, you talented lady. All the stories in the paper, attacks, families and lives threatened. It's devastating and it's realistic. And the werewolf excerpt! That was an amazing detail to put in. It must really be an awwwful thing that people don't really understand, so I love that you included that. I think I see the beginning of an Animagi...

God poor Marlene :( (and Dorcas!) *squishes both*

Okay so I was literally reviewing as I read (in case you couldn't tell...) and yay! It IS the beginning of the Animagi! AWESOME!

These chapters are just getting better and better! Yes I say that everytime, but it's true. And I'm getting SO excited for some more Lily and James!

Speak soon, my love! ♥

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Review #3, by Meleessuhh 

28th February 2016:
AAHH that cliffhanger! But first, let me start at the beginning! Haha

I'm glad Adhara didn't throw the game. Your Quidditch commentary was done very well and I like how she carries herself with the boys. Her and James make a great team, so I'm guessing they'll end up being great friends. I hope she's okay! I've been hit pretty hard but I can't imagine being smacked by a Bludger. The action was really well-written.

Oh no poor Marlene. I hope her brother is okay. You've been doing such a great job portraying the Marauder that I forgot there's a war going on.

James and Lily! I can feel that they're starting to like each other. I can't wait to see them interact more.

I'm really liking James so far. The friends he has are opening his eyes to another world, basically, and I love how he wants to help Remus in whatever way possible. I don't know much about how wizards become Animagi but I imagine it's incredibly difficult and painful. Ugh and again that cliffhanger! Haha now I have to keep reading!

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Review #4, by Mr Penn 

20th February 2016:
Hello Ysh... Its Penn with the promised review. I am sorry, I know its too late. Health and real-life have been a real pain.

Coming onto your story, the last chapter has us on the edge of our seats whether Adhara would throw the game away. REALLY GLAD SHE DIDN'T!!! She was becoming one of my favourite characters and it would have been a right bummer if I had to start doubting my opinions about her. Also the descriptions for the match were really spot on. You could literally feel that you were in the stadium. I can't write such descriptions for the love of my life. You did really well there.

James has already started nursing a soft corner for Lily. :D

The war has already begun it seems. Really pains your heart to see kids go through the tortured horrors of the uncertainty of losing their loved ones. Its true what they say, the certainty of death is infinitely better than the uncertainty of a aloved one gone missing.

Finally, the animagi idea takes shape. Can't wait to see how they spin it around. Somewhere I also see the Marauder's map shaping up in the near future.

As always, another great chapter Ysh. Can't wait to read more

Sorry once more for the delay.

-Penn

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Review #5, by Unwritten Curse 

27th January 2016:
Team Gold

I love this story.

I just love it so stinking much.

I love all the characters and plots and conflicts that you're twisting together BEAUTIFULLY.

I was so enthralled by the Quidditch match. I couldn't believe Adhara would throw the game! I was so angry at her! But then she came out of nowhere and fought for the win. It all made sense when her brother tried to hex her. She was afraid. She was afraid of the emotional and physical torment that she'd receive if she actually played for Gryffindor. But some part of her must've been unable to sit back and let Slytherin win so she threw herself into the match in true Gryffindor fashion.

It seems the terror is building. We're coming closer to war now. Adding the newspaper clippings is a wise move. It gives us a better idea of the world at large, outside of Hogwarts' walls.

I'm sad that Marlene is now in danger of losing a family member like Dorcas, but I'm glad they have each other to lean on. The friendships are developing naturally and beautifully in this story. The Marauders, too! That they're already considering becoming Animagi to help Remus. I love the bonds you've created here. :)

--Gina

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Review #6, by TreacleTart 

22nd January 2016:
Hey Ysh,

I'm here for our review swap. As I told you before, I don't usually make a habit of reviewing random chapters of stories when I haven't read the previous ones, but since you were looking for pretty specific feedback, I've made a small exception.

So first things first, you said your concern was with the Quidditch scene and how it was written. I actually thought you did a great job. It was just long enough and included enough detail for it to really be exciting. You kept the air of tension up with whether or not Selwyn was going to throw the game or not. There were moments where it seemed like she might, but then it became clear that she changed her mind.

My only bit of CC in regards to the Quidditch section would be that occasionally, it started to read like a summary. It's obviously difficult to avoid summary type sentences all together, but I think it would be helpful to use commentator dialogue to fill some of that in a bit. This was a relatively minor in the grand scheme of things, but since you asked for feedback on it, I thought I would point it out.

As for the rest of the story, I actually wasn't nearly as confused as I expected to be. I was able to follow along with the plot quite easily and didn't find myself wondering about what was going on. The only thing I didn't really have the backstory on was Selwyn and her betrayal, but it was easy enough to figure out what was going on.

I thought you did a really good job of capturing the different Marauder era characters and keeping them really cannon compliant. I'm a total freak for cannon compliancy in regards to personality and speech patterns, so that was a really nice thing to see.

I also felt like an awful lot happened in this chapter, but it didn't feel rushed or all over the place. Every big event felt like it had enough time to really develop and see how it was affecting the characters. Really good work there.

Now a last little bit of cc. I did notice a handful of typos.

and by the time he reached, the reached it

caught the quaffle with one hand, skid to an almost instant stop and flipped his broom skidded to an almost

hurried of to their first class. hurried off

haking his head and hopping to get it hoping

cold on her cheeks she realized tears had been streaming down her cheek. maybe change the first repetition of cheeks to face?

All in all, I really enjoyed this chapter, particularly considering that I read it with no context. That really speaks to your skill as a writer because you were able to make your chapter capable of standing alone if need be. Keep up the great work!

~Kaitlin

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Review #7, by alicia and anne 

12th January 2016:
Oh it's Sirius! By far the best beginning to a chapter by including him! Just saying! (Totally a Sirius Black fan girl)

Oh no! I wonder why she's going to throw the game? That's not good.

You've done a really good job so far in showing the Quidditch match, it was really easy to follow and keeps up with the fast pacedness (Totally not even a word) of Quidditch.

I'm still really eager to know why she throws this game and why it is that Sirius knows about it. I am just eagerly waiting for her to do something as well as getting lost in the game that is Quidditch (fabulously written by the way)

Ahhh! Gryffindor won! And the game wasn't thrown! That was really so well written, and I know exactly how hard it is to write a Quidditch scene (I'm writing a novel on Quidditch World Cup because apparently my muse hates me :P)

It was really good and very entertaining!

Author's Response: Yay for Sirius Black fandom :D *sques*

The quidditch match really worried me since I have never ventured into writing the actual match. I'm glad it works out well. There were parts I was super insecure about, wondered if it dragged too much.

Yes, I do hope you read the other chapters when you do have the time, and I'm so glad you stopped by to review this chapter :)

OOh a novel on the QWC, that sounds like a lot of fun. I need to check that out sometime.

Thank you so much Tammi! (hugs)


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Review #8, by DobbyLover 

13th December 2015:
Brilliant. Love it. So much.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!! Your reviews just made my day!

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