7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by True Author 

2nd July 2016:
Another great chapter!

The first scene was highly significant. The way you highlighted the difference between Snape's behavior was amazing. I could totally feel his confusion and how he was trying to please both the Slytherins and Lily. Also, Lily using the word "Always" was such a great detail. :D It made me feel so bad!

The friendship of Lily and Severus is highly complicated because there is nothing that bonds them except the moments they have shared back at home when they were kids. Things are slowly changing here as they know more and more about the differences between them and you are capturing that in a realistic way. I always liked to think that Lily didn't abruptly break her long friendship with Snape only because he called her a mudblood. The end of their friendship was more of a process. That particular insult was the moment when Lily had had enough and decided to stop being friends with him. And as always, I loved how you used dialogue to do so.

The Marauder scenes were as lovely as usual. :D Your ability to write natural yet witty dialogue really enhances this story as friendship seems to be the core idea. Friendship deals with communication so writing about the Marauders works wonderfully for you. Well done!

I've started to like Adhara a lot. She is a relatable and complex character which is a great combination. I can't wait to read more about what happens in her life!

Great job overall! Keep writing! I'll be back for more soon. :)

Love,
Ashwini

Author's Response: Hello Ashwini!

I am so sorry for the delay in my response to your review.

Snape is always a challenge to write because he's so complex and grey. I am glad you noticed what I was trying to bring out about him.

It is kind of sad that a lot of childhood friendships just fade out because they just grow into different people, and grow out of the friendship. I want to show the rift between Lily and Severus, but also make sure that the readers know she was really attached to him despite how cold she must have sounded post-mudblood incident. I'm glad the dialogues are working, they're my boggest worry since I'm not a native English speaker. I'm sure you can relate!

Marauders on the contrary are so much fun to write. I hang around a group of boys and I like to observe their dynamics and incorporate certain aspects of that in my story. I am finding a challenge to give some attention to Peter though, because I don't really want to ignore him like other fics do, but I'm not particularly inspired to write about him also, if you get my drift! Sometimes I wonder if I should have stuck to a single PoV story.

Adhara is an enigma, even to me. She rebels even when I write her. I have a scene planned for her and she just refuses to cooperate and tells me who she is rather than me telling her!

I'm so glad you like it so far, and I'm sorry for the late response!!

XOXO
Ysh


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Review #2, by victoria_anne 

1st April 2016:
Hello Yshy! ♥

So this is your favourite chapter? What a coincidence - it's mine too! I am still just so in love with this story, I can't even tell you.

Just kidding, I'ma tell you.

So there were so many specific things I loved in this chapter!

Okay so this: "Marlene, who was terrible at charms, had resorted to tackling Sirius to the ground." Ha ha! Who needs magic anyway?! Same goes for James punching Mulciber. I like what you said in your author note that he wasn't the original one to do it. How great is it when you start to write and the characters just completely take over?! That's how you know you've written them well, kudos to you :)

I love Snape's feelings seeing Lily laughing with James. That was just so sad and real and I could picture that feeling so well. It's exactly how I pictured life at Hogwarts would have been for Snape, seeing Lily slowly slip away from him :(

I'm pulling this out too: "and for that moment Snape wished that the innocence would remain with her forever." That line is just so damn beautiful.

Oh my Merlin that joke the other three pulled on Remus with the pillow was HILARIOUS! I can't even tell you how much I was cracking up! I know I say it all the time but shush because I'm saying it again: the way you write the Marauders is perfect, and I love you for it. (And for a million other reasons ♥)

OH NO! Adhara can't be serious? It - it's a trick right?! She's not really going to aid Slytherin?! Argh I hope I don't have to change my favourite character!

Amazing, awesome work as always ♥

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Review #3, by Meleessuhh 

28th February 2016:
Hello again! I loved this chapter! It was a good length and not too short.

The opening scene with the snowball fight was adorable. I was nervous seeing Severus and his pre-Death Eater friends approach the situation and was so sad to see how it played out. They're so mean! But I loved how James stepped in and punched Mulciber for calling Lily a Mudblood. Even thought she didn't know what it means she knew that it wasn't a compliment. Seeing her stand up to Severus because of how he attacked James was great--she's starting to develop her "fiery personality" that we know from canon. I liked how Severus hesitated because even at their young age it is still obvious to use that he has feelings for Lily and cares about her, but he feels conflicted because of his friends.

Oh I do hope that Regulus and Sirius make up. I've always thought that Regulus had a lot of family pressure and was deeply hurt about Sirius being in Gryffindor that it strained their relationship but he truly wasn't bad. I'd love to see more of Regulus and his transformation to both sides.

My favorite part was where James, Sirius and Peter take the Invisibility Cloak to see Remus. Your interpretation of James, how he has always been spoiled and really doesn't know of anything but love suddenly realizes that most people aren't as fortunate as him. There are people like Remus who on the outside appear fine, but who are in difficult circumstances. This is the first time that he is realizing that not everyone has had it as great as he has, and you did an amazing job portraying that. Ugh but I can't help but feel bad for Remus! Poor thing.

Is Adhara going to throw the game? That was my first instinct when she first spoke to her brother. She's in a tough spot too, because she's young and wants to please her family. And I know it's early but...I ship Adhara/Sirius. Adhius, or Sirara :) haha

Overall great chapter! I think this is my favorite to date. Now I'm off to the next one :)

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Review #4, by Unwritten Curse 

27th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

I was so happy to see this chapter start off with a longer scene. I was so absorbed in the action, from the joy and recklessness of a snowball fight with friends to the quiet fury of overhearing the Slytherin's awful words to the palpable tension of the fight. Your pacing is beautiful and your characterization stunning. You write action quite well and I'm jealous!

SIRIUS AND REGULUS. *melt*

Your dialogue in this chapter is phenomenal. I feel like I'm running out of adjectives to describe how FANTASTIC and BRILLIANT (there I go reusing adjectives) this chapter is. It is, in my opinion, your best yet. I can see you growing as a writer with each chapter and that is cool to see.

These characters are so complex. I loved seeing Lily stick up for Severus (which is totally uncharacteristic of me considering how conflicted I am about Snape as a character). When she said that line about James deserving what he got, I gasped. Literally. I was so surprised she would say that and strangely so thrilled that she said it because it showed how complex of a character she is. She feels so real to me.

Reading about the specifics of Remus's transformation was terrifying. And sad. :(

ADHARA. I don't know what to think about this girl! I thought she was a good girl… Is she really going to throw the game? Has she really been deceiving the Gryffindors this whole time? I hope not. I hope she just said that to appease her brother but is actually planning to play her heart out.

I guess we'll see…

--Gina

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Review #5, by fwoopersong8 

11th January 2016:
Wow. This one was...intense. Snape really is starting down the wrong path now, and now I'm kinda sad to think it'll take Lily so long to finally admit that he's a bad friend. He doesn't think he did anything wrong in that fight, does he? And she swallowed his nice-guy act very quickly. Sadly, the innocence that makes her so endearing is also the innocence that keeps her from seeing Snape for what he is. Maybe that's another reason that he likes it. Man, I like the way you portray Snape! It's so canon-compliant, without going to either the extreme jerk or the extremely misunderstood boy. Your characterization is on point with everyone, really.

We're seeing a lot of sibling reunions in this chapter. Sirius makes up with Reg, and then Adhara and her brother are talking again. Looks like things are going well for families!

I liked the scene about Remus's transformations. At least James knows he's not a perfect person. Sometimes he can get really big headed and annoying (not that I've ever mentioned THAT before). I also like how you characterized each of their coping methods of nervousness. For a minute there, it kinda looked like Sirius and Adhara were going to be friends.

But oops...never mind. Is she gonna throw the game? Please don't throw the game. I don't wanna think she's gonna throw the game. Is she? No. She's not. She's not gonna throw the game. Don't tell me.

Well, this marks your seventh extremely well-earned first place review! Thanks so much for the pleasure of reading your work! If I ever start another challenge, I hope you'll join. :)

Thanks again!

~Songs

Author's Response: Hello Songs!

OOhh this is my favorite chapter uptil now! Yes, it starts now and it's going to be a rollercoaster ride for Lily.

Naive!Lily is what I always feel Snape has loved. He had always loved to be the one she came to with questions, it made him feel good about himself. And he honestly believes that Dark Magic will make him so powerful that Lily would get further impressed by him. It's just so sad how a series of small bad choices can change your entire life.

OMG Thank you!! Snape was the hardest to write because I actually hate the bloke, but your words make me feel so much better! Thank you so much Songs!!

Ahh dear James. I know he can be such a moron, but I still love him, you know! And I'm glad you enjoyed the insight into their different coping mechanisms. I felt that would help the readers distinguish a little more between the characters, and maybe make them connect with them more.

Sirius and Adhara generally seem to have other plans for themselves despite whatever I plan for them. They're true rebels, even as my muse! They refuse to behave the way I want them to, and insist on telling me what they want to do instead!

Ahh, Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. We'll know soon :)

I'm so glad you enjoyed my stories, and I really really enjoyed reading your lovely reviews. I hope you come back to this story when you have the time sometime :)

Thank you so much for the first place, and I'd love to join another challenge you host!

XOXO
~Ysh


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Review #6, by Jen 

13th December 2015:
Really well written and the way you've portrayed each personality is perfect! I don't usually like reading about the marauders from their first year but I'm really enjoying this! Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you so much Jen! I'm so glad I've made the story enjoyable for you. Initially I was planning to jump to fifth year, but I really really thought I should fill the gaps, something felt incomplete. Don't worry though, I won't be focusing too much on the earlier years :) I hope you continue with the story!

Love,
Ysh


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Review #7, by Mr Penn 

25th November 2015:
Ok Lily, here I am with possibly the first review for this chapter.

I loved the start of this story. The entire Gryffindor second-year just enjoying together. Adhara's transformation is a welcome sight indeed. She is without doubt one of my favourite characters in this story and I would love her to trounce Rigel in the match. (Please don't tell me she is going to drop the match?)

Snape's descent into the dark side has already begun I am afraid. It was real nice of you to show James throw the first punch. It brings out a brilliant side to his personality. He might be goofy but he just can't see an injustice taking place. Bravo.

About Remus now. I have read a lot about Remus but the way you have described the transformation through his eyes is actually touching. Of course it is a most pathetic affliction (just like AIDS, something JKR actually based him upon), if only for the unnecessary social stigma that comes attached with it and to see that James sees through him brings out another facet about him. Its like I already sense the idea of turning into an animagus germinating in that fertile brain of his.

Overall it was the best chapter in your story and no wonder you enjoyed writing it because I loved reading it for sure.

Keep up the good work...

Mr Penn

Author's Response: OMG This was such a pleasant surprise! Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by :D I really am glad you're enjoying my story.

Yes. James gave me a wonderful chance to explore him in this chapter. We see his sheer cheek, his guts and then his compassion all in one. The process to decide to be an animagi has to be gradual. I never figured that James woke up one day and thought 'hey, lets go through really complicated procedures to turn into animals at will'. Lol!

I'm so happy you like Adhara. She's my baby, because she's one OC who is not even mentioned in the books. She's got a dark side to her, so you have to wait and see what she does during the match :D



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