13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by brittny and harley 

29th May 2017:
I love this! Too cute, keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Thanks brittny and harley!!

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Review #2, by James Hamro 

17th July 2016:
AWESOME. Loving your knowledge and tactfulness

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

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Review #3, by True Author 

28th June 2016:
Hi Ysh! It's me again!

Before I dive into this chapter, I would like you to know that I just revised chapter five of Through the Darkest and now it's in the queue. So it'd be great if you would read it once it gets validated tomorrow or the day after. :)

Now on the review!

Wow, this chapter really gave me the chills. This marks as the start of the war which makes me kind of sad yet curious to know what's going to happen and how they are going to be involved in it. It would be pretty interesting to know about Peter and his thoughts about Voldemort and his allies at school age. I hope you have touched the subject somewhere!

Btw I LOVE the way you write dialogue. It's always well written yet seems natural. Aargh, how do you do that? I'm going to have to take lessons from you! ;)

The scene with Adhara and Sirius has made me even more curious about Adhara's role in this story. She somehow seems like a character who is supposedly unimportant and suddenly becomes vital for the plot. I may be completely wrong, but that's what she seems like to me at the moment. You have a character with great potential. :)

Oh, poor Remus! He's really bad at covering things up isn't he? You've captured his state of mind perfectly. I can't wait to know how he is going to deal with his friends finding out about his furry little problem. (A sudden thought-Remus being a werewolf would have been the biggest plot twist ever only if we didn't know about it already. Just saying.)

The last scene was so amazing! Why can't we have friends like that? :P

Great chapter as always! I'll be back for more tomorrow!

Love,
Ashwini

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Review #4, by Gabriella Hunter 

9th May 2016:
HELLO! >:)

This is Gabbie here from the forums with your review and sorry this is so late! Real life has been a pain and I've been kind of floating around in a funk. I'm doing better now though! :D

It's been a while since I've read this but I haven't forgotten anything. Hahaha. I really like this story, it's taking the familiar theme of the Marauders in a different direction.

I like that you're focusing on important issues but still making it clear that they're children. I think some writers tend to forget that when they're writing kids around this age, there's a certain level of innocence about them that starts to get lost around this time.

You've certainly set each character well here, they'r so thoughtfully fleshed out that they seem very real. It's interesting to see each of them interacting with one another and even debating the darker things that are happening at the moment.

The ominous stirring of Voldemort and his rise to power is certainly alarming. I can only imagine what that must be like to hear from someone like Lily, who still doesn't know everything about the wizarding world. I thought that you wrote that scene very well too, their reactions to the news of more mysterious deaths and Voldemort's followers felt realistic.

There are so many questions and some fear thrown in. I liked here that you had James being the one who didn't believe what was going on at first. Nice little twist I think because most people would have had him jumping to conclusions about the entire thing.

Lily will have to talk to Severus though, I have a bad feeling about how that conversation will end up being. Hm.

I liked the dynamic that you continued to use for Sirius and Adhara. They're from the same family and yet are so different. I feel like Sirius was very emotional here and it was an interesting take on his character, who is usually written as being rather cool.

It was nice to see these two patch things up eventually and I was surprised when Adhara joined the Quidditch team! Good for her!

I was wondering when the boys would start to realize that Remus was hiding something. They were already suspicious but I think it says a lot about each of them that they didn't immediately get involved. They were mostly hurt and confused about the entire thing.

Before I forget, I do want to say that I like the boy's dynamics. Peter is so desperate for attention, James is the ringleader, Sirius the loyal friend no matter what and Remus is the only one who has some semblance of reason.

Anyway, I didn't know how you would have the boys confronting Remus. I liked that each reaction was different though once they realized what he was hiding from them. I liked that you didn't have it being this huge, emotional thing though.

The boys knew, Remus knew and they let each other know that there was nothing wrong with it. That shows a level of maturity that I might not have gotten from anyone else so that's a great job on your part. :D

Anyway, this was a super great read as usual and I didn't spot any problems with it!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #5, by victoria_anne 

29th March 2016:
Reviews are oxygen! Argh quick!

Hehehe. *waves*

Better and better. I am officially in love with this story. Okay where do I even begin?!

I love how Lily has no idea about what is going on in the wizarding world, since of course, she lives with muggles. So I like that you can explain through the other characters the recent events without it seeming like a repetitive summary of things we already know. But I actually really enjoyed it. I'll admit I kind of forgot what was going on at the time - since everyone was tucked away at Hogwarts! I can definitely sense something dark closing in though...

Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. It's Inferi isn't it?! That's what happened to the body! How did I not see that coming?! And it was Dorcas' father! ARGH!

Oh, I forgot to mention in the last chapter (and was devastated when I realised I missed it, so I'm bringing it up here) James' Invisibility Cloak! Yay! Okay that is all.

Love Peter in this chapter. I know you struggle with him slightly but I see no evidence of it in this story. You write him perfectly. I love how oblivious he is (but James and Sirius are catching on, dun dun duuun!) and his reaction was marvellous - wanting to dump Remus as a friend in case he's dangerous, I can see the traits we know of Peter brewing just under the surface.

I love Remus' excuses too. He's trying so hard to make it work so he can enjoy Hogwarts like every other student!

YES MY GIRL ADHARA! I love her so much! She's a tough nut and is now on the Quidditch team! Heck yes girlfriend! I love that little mention of an Owen Weasley too!

"Your face looks weird". Ah James, how I love you. (I literally use this in real life more than I'd care to admit). ACK I LOVE THESE BOYS SO MUCH, just playing Exploding Snap like, "yeah whatevs Remus, tell us when you're ready". Your Marauders are just exactly how I picture them and it is so damn satisfying!!

More amazing, incredible work. So much respect for the amount of work that must go into this, but know that it is worth every minute you spend ♥

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Review #6, by DragonPoxPixie 

2nd March 2016:
Another chapter, another review and this time around posted nicely at the correct chapter! Hoorrah!
Where to start? It's nice to see a character with a healthy appetite! (Parhaps I have read to many story's with heartbroken mc's who don't eat lately) And I adored the little mention of the cat and the garden gnome, I loved that image ever since Crookshanks chased them around the Weasley's yard!
Once again you used an interesting approach towards describing the looming war. First with the newspaper article and now with the conversation between James and Remus, I really like this creative approach.
Another strong point of this chapter is the way you used that conversation to tell ore about another character that had been minor up to this point. Opposed to bombarding the reader with a load of characters and information about them, this way I feel like I slowly get to know each one of them and thus don't get confused which tends to happen when someone writes it that other way.
Also yay for calling you-know-who a mastermind, after all he might be evil but he's smart indeed as well! And of course Sirius is awesome once again, super-clever way of showing more of his family life and the pure-blood prejudice as well!
And another YAY! This time for Quidditch, I was really hoping you would include that as well, and poor poor Remus. You can tell he's having a hard time keeping up with his excuses and keeping his furry little problem a secret! I really like how you have James and Sirius get suspicious but not (yet) getting to the right conclusion. And Peter haha, it's a really nice example how different he is from the others of the group.
PROFESSOR SNUFFED-IT! This is seriously my favorite part of this chapter! So obvious yet so genius to give Binns that nickname! I also loved how you didn't have ehm snoozing off but instead turn their boredom into acting mischievous and bring some life to the dead-mans class!
The interaction between Sirius and Adhara was great as always, it's so funny how Sirius gets annoyed by the subject of the conversation even though he asked about her brother as well. As long as it isn't too personal he can be kind I guess haha. I still think they will end up together and feel a ship coming. Adrius? Sihara? Still have to work on the name.
I loved loved loved the try-outs and how Alice keeps popping up every now and again. Also another very clever little twist by having her tell James about Remus being in the Hospital Wing when he was supposed to be at home! I really like how you turned it into a puzzle for James and Sirius to solve, feeding them small hints every now and then.
“That’s right. You were wrong before, Sirius,” Adhara raised her chin defiantly, her hair falling forward to hide her forehead. “We do have something to prove. Watch me prove it.”
Love love love, ship ship ship! They are so awesome together in each scene you saddle them up with each other!
And the they finally get it! Long live the cloak and the Knut dropping! And how lovely they are when they came to the right conclusion. I felt so bad for Remus being so insecure about it, his nightmare almost coming true. But then they were so kind- and such blokes about it! They really are destined to be friends! All in all another chapter that brought a big smile to my face.

- "the end is only the beginning" Team Ouroboros; Operation Green with Envy (a forum reviewing event brought to you by the awesome House of Slytherin!)

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Review #7, by Meleessuhh 

26th February 2016:
Hello hello! I actually read this a couple days ago but I wanted to leave a proper review haha.

I think Lily is just so cute and completely age appropriate. Of course she's asking a bunch of questions and she's curious--all of her friends know more than she does and she doesn't want to feel left out. I also see the tension beginning to build and the story coming together.

I liked the scene with Sirius and Adhara, even though it didn't go so well. I understand where she's coming from and know that Sirius is frustrated but still...he could be nicer! Haha but nicely done. And I thought it was great that she joined the Quidditch team. Am I sensing a little romance between her and Sirius when they're older? :)

Oh I absolutely LOVED the scene where they look for Remus! It was so sweetly done. Even though they're all still young it shows how incredibly loyal and accepting they are to their best friend. And poor Remus taken aback because he's used to be judged for it. Does this mean we'll see them turn into Animaguses soon?

I think your flow is great and your best asset is your characterization. It doesn't feel rushed at all; it is definitely on pace for their age and school year and the characters all feel different but interact together perfectly. I can't wait to read the rest of the chapters! So sorry it's taken me a while as well - life unfortunately gets busy. I'm off to the next one :)

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Review #8, by Dirigible_Plums 

1st February 2016:
Hey Ysh,

It's been too long since I've seen the gang here. I've finally returned with a review especially for you :D

OH MY GOD. I can't handle the scene where they imply that they know about Remus' condition. It was just too cute. I loved how it was very simple and understated; they didn't make a huge deal of it in front of him because it wasn't a huge deal to them! And that spasm of fear in Remus - oh my poor baby!

One thing I really love about this is how you slide in little facts about the wizarding world that completely throw Lily off. Like how she didn't know what Aurors were and the whole "No, I don’t know who" line. I know it's a serious scene, but it made me laugh. :D

I feel so sorry for Adhara as well. She must feel so lonely - part of it is her fault for pushing her house mates away, but Sirius is just being such a twelve year old boy with her and I remember how frustrating that was.

The way you're slowly introducing You-Know-Who is perfect. You still have your moments of childish banter, but then you have the discussions about whether Voldemort's actually behind all of these mysterious acts. Having James oppose it is a great away of showing how sneaky Voldemort was and that it took too long for people to admit that there was something really wrong and by then, the damage had already been done.

All in all, it was a great chapter. I did notice a minor mistake here: “Sirius,” James started slowly, “is [a] today full moon?”

Plums xo

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Review #9, by Unwritten Curse 

27th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

There are so many good lines in this chapter.

When they're talking about You Know Who and Lily says, "No, I don't know who."

Telling Sirius to try out for Beater to get out his pent-up anger

"Professor Snuffed-it"

The "your hair looks ridiculous"/"your face looks weird" exchange

The "advice" about hanging naked from a tree covered in… was it dung beetles?

Okay, back to the plot.

Poor Dorcas. I wondered whose body had been found. I'm sad to discover it was her father's. It was a bit of a rude awakening for Lily but she had to find out eventually. Again, you are connecting dots for me and I LOVE it. It's like you're putting puzzle pieces together, creating a Lily who will dive head first into work for the Order in the future. Nicely done.

Also WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SIRIUS? Why is he so antagonistic? Does he think that Adhara is prejudiced like her family? She's hurting, too. I hope he apologizes for being so cold.

THE MARAUDERS ARE SO SMART, THOUGH. They figured it all out! Well, they're smart, but it's also because they care so much about their friends. They were worried about him so of course they'd want to figure out what was wrong and potentially help. I really, really liked the last scene, where they "confront" him because it's so gentle and roundabout, and they allow Remus the power to come to them. I didn't expect that but it was SO brilliant and it makes me love the Marauders even more.

--Gina

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Review #10, by fwoopersong8 

11th January 2016:
Well, quite a lot happened in this chapter! Poor Dorcas lost her father, and Lily learned all about the anti-muggle movement...I have a bad feeling about this. Actually, the weirdest part of this chapter was when I read the name You-Know-Who and realized that at this point in time he has... a nose.

True story.

I wonder what Adhara plans to do in the upcoming Quidditch match? Win, I suppose. I have to admit I wasn't expecting her to try out. I'm a little surprised Sirius didn't. I mean, he sort of implied he might. And thank you for your canon compliance! (I mean, the whole story is super canon compliant. But still.) JAMES IS NOT A SEEKER! No, movies. Just no.

What exactly did James do to Marlene in History? Did he poke her ear? I couldn't quite understand that bit.

And then they find out about Remus's condition. Is this the canon time for this? (Ah, you knew it was coming.) I can see a little foreshadowing in Peter's reluctance to join them. I can't really blame the kid for being scared, though. I mean...werewolf. Yeah. I wonder though, what other Houses did the Hat consider for Peter?

Snape has mysteriously disappeared from the scene. I wonder what is coming next?

~Songs

Author's Response: HAHAHAHA... Yes, you-know-who probablyu had a nose back then! That thought is strangely unsettling, isn't it?

I wanted to show the slow rise of voldemort through both the eyes of a pureblood and a muggleborn - I just seem to have this need to explore my characters to the maximum!

Well, I wanted Sirius to be a beater as well, but then again, Sirius didn't strike me as the type who would want his flying governed by rules and restrictions.

JAMES THE CHASER! Yes, I swear, the movies have messed with us too much!

Ooh he tickled her ear with the end of the quill. Thank you for pointing that out, let me go back in and make that better.

Ahh, yes the timing is canon... Remus mentions that they found out in 2nd year about the condition.

Ooh, JKR has said on Pottermore that the Hat considered putting Peter in Slytherin :D I've actually written another story about this :)

I'd love for you to keep reading and find out :)

XOXO
~Ysh


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Review #11, by DobbyLover 

13th December 2015:
Aww. I love how loyal James and Sirius are. Remarkably believable and you're channeling JK. This is completely plausible. Amazing work, as always xx.

Author's Response: OMG That's the best thing any reviewer has said to me! Channeling the genius is definitely a herculean task!
You're a wonderful reviewer! Thank you so much!


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Review #12, by Mr Penn 

24th November 2015:
Here's some oxygen PrincessLily... ;)

I absolutely loved this chapter, if only for the poignant ending here. The feeling of belonging that Remus feels is touching.

Adhara Selwyn is proving to be the dark horse of this story and my personal favourite character. I would surely love to know how she fit into the entire universe.

A real nice effort on your side PrincessLily. You seemed to have put in a great deal of hardwork into this story and it surely shines through. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Thank you for the oxygen Mr Penn :D

I always wanted to write about the time they confront Remus about his affliction. Everyone knows what happens, but the how is what I was trying to focus on. I'm glad you like it.

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement, it really makes me feel so good that you appreciate my efforts and follow my story.


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Review #13, by Elisabeth McNight 

21st November 2015:
Excellent! But I would like to mention that when Lupin arrived at the school, that was when the Whomping Willow was planted for him to get to the Shrieking Shack. Your story doesn't make it clear whether or not he's gone there during his transformation.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for stopping by after seeing my status Elisabeth!

Well, the time line goes like this - he goes on the afternoon of full moon night and transforms there. The next morning he is taken to the hospital wing to take care of his cuts and wounds, kept the night there to resume classes the next morning. Since this chapter was written in James' perspective, they didn't know it yet :) They will in the later chapters :)


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