13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by True Author 

26th June 2016:
Ooh so many exciting things going on! Regulus coming to Hogwarts, Snape sitting with the rest of the (future) Death Eaters... Aah, the feels...!

Severus is a complicated character and how he happened to join Voldemort is merely a consequence of how he was treated by everyone else. I felt really bad for him here. Marlene not paying him much attention and James making fun of him along with Sirius... It was terrible! :( Great job with creating sympathy for him...! I can totally see why he loved Lily so much. She was probably the only human being who treated him right and believed in him apart from maybe Dumbledore. I was thinking of writing some Snape centric fic and this is definitely going to help me. :D

The tension between Regulus and Sirius was well written. I liked how you used dialogue between James and Sirius to convey the issues between the brothers. You did not dump the information but merged it in a brilliant way. :)

Adhara looks like an interesting character. Now I'm curious about what part she has to play in this whole drama..!

Amazing chapter as always! I miss talking to you so much...! :( Make sure you read my review response.

Please excuse any typos, I'm on my phone.

Love,
Ashwini

Author's Response: Ashwini! I miss talking to you too :( Whatsapp would be a good mode, but I don't want to share m number here that's why asked you to find me on Twitter! Have you joined ff.net?

Oohh a Snape centric fic... I wonder what it's going to be about. Snape is actually the toughest character for me to write about since I don't really like him you know, so any praise you send along his way really makes my day.

Haha, Adhara remains an enigma, but not for long though. I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter as well, and looking forward to reading more of yours as well.

Love,
Ysh


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Review #2, by Storiesbooksandnovels 

20th June 2016:
Oh My God I love it! You write just like JK Rowling! You are
so talented I can't wait to keep reading!

Author's Response: Oh my god that's an amazing compliment, thank you so much! You've made my day, honestly!!!

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Review #3, by Gabriella Hunter 

23rd April 2016:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review and it's been too long! What's up with that, man? :D

I hadn't forgotten this story and I'm happy to be back reading it and I see that you have quite a few chapters going on. Keep them coming!

I think I liked this chapter the most because you showed various POVs and experiences. No one had the perfect summer, really and I think that really says volumes about this story. I kind of think its unrealistic to have children being perfect in every situation. I enjoyed reading about Adhara's conflicting moments with her family, only to realize that there was nothing wrong with her at all.

Lily's POV was a delight as well, she's so optimistic and you get a good insight into her mind. She's slowly losing a little bit of her connection to the Muggle world. I like that there was a brief moment of uncertainty before she accepted that it was all right to be a part of both. NOW, I am extra curious about that news report! Who's out there stealing bodies?

I really enjoyed Andromeda's letter to Sirius, I think it was very well written. You managed to capture her personality so well in such a short amount of time while also giving away some meaty exposition. Her backstory is so sad too, its' a shame that her family couldn't have been more open minded and I wonder if we'll get to see her in this story or not.

I felt pretty bad for Sirius though, he's going through quite a bit. His parents are terrible for treating him so badly, especially his mother but I felt kind of badly for Regulus. He seems like the sort of person who just doesn't like conflict and I kind of hoped Sirius would have been a bit nicer towards him, especially when he winds up being in Slytherin later.

And in the slimy clutches of Lucius Malfoy. Blegh.

Speaking of, I really got a chill down my spine when Sev was talking to that bunch. We all know the dark path he goes on later but the beginning of it just really makes me tense. Sev's possessiveness when it comes to Lily is a bit unsettling as well but I like that you've included darker aspects to the children, it gives them more depth.

I just hope that Sev doesn't hang around with Lucius and his lot too much but I'm not sure if that's going to work out. ;__;

So, that ending! Bitterness from Sirius and poor James just not understanding what's going on. I think he and Lily were the only two people who were genuinely just happy. He was confused by Sirius's attitude, I think but otherwise he was pretty all right with everything. I'm interested to see if Sirius will open up to him later but until then, I shall wait for you to re-request!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #4, by victoria_anne 

29th March 2016:
OHMYGODILOVETHISCHAPTERLIKESOSOMUCH

Hiya Ysh :D

Okay I love everything in this chapter! Let the random thought commentary commence!

You have no idea how glad I was to see Adhara first thing. I really really like her, I can't even tell you why, but I'm so glad we've got some of her backstory now. (Eek okay it's because I love that sort of family drama), I hope we get to see more of Adhara dealing with her family, especially Rigel. (And hooray for Grandma Victoria - and her name! ;) )

I agree wholeheartedly with Lily here, "relished the feeling of doing absolutely nothing." Attagirl Lily, you and me are going to get along just fine. Ooh a body was stolen from the morgue? What mysterious-ness are you brewing here, Ysh? Hmm...

Aw Andromeda's letter was so sweet! I was so happy to see her name crop up, she's one of my favourite characters. I can imagine she would get along with Sirius very well. REGULUS *squishy hugs for little Reg* I love this little boy! I really really hope he comes up in later chapters! Also, I absolutely love that you wrote Sirius was disappointed that Regulus wasn't sorted into Gryffindor. That tugged at my heartstrings a little bit *sniff*

I love how you wrote that Snape didn't want to "share Lily". I feel like that is exactly how their relationship would have been. I don't believe he's possessive, just afraid of being shoved to the sidelines. (Also, a shout out to the Blishwick, woo!)

This story is just getting better and better as you explore the characters more. And that's what I love - that it's all about the characters, and as the years go on, more are introduced but it's slow enough so that we're not overwhelmed (it doesn't take much to overwhelm me teehee). Plus we've got some plot development happening! I can't wait to see them all back at Hogwarts!

♥ ♥

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Review #5, by Owlpost68 

8th March 2016:
Aw, James... He's so naive. I still can't believe the accuracy of all the characters personalities. Really is amazing. I felt bad Sirius never knew about Dromeda's marraige, but I still think if Sirius had been a little more understanding and nice towards his brother, maybe he would have wanted to be like him in Gryffindor. He was obviously brave. This chapter alone makes Regulus so lovable. Severous is drifting more to "the dark side" unfortunately. You've really brought out how possessive he was over Lily, but how he got pushed around by Lucious and the rest of them. He never seemed to be able to stand up for himself... not in a good way anyway. It's sad.

I loved the scene with James getting the invisibility cloak! I wanted to jump up and down :)

Again, wonderful job!

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Review #6, by DragonPoxPixie 

29th February 2016:
[and the last part, well, for now that is haha]

After reading everything you posted so far I am very much looking forward to reading more and discovering how the story will develop. The only "negative" if you van even call it so is that sometimes I had a bit of difficulty will following the timeline as in, figuring out in which year they are. After reading back a bit I quickly figured it out, but in the first chapters it was easier to follow and later on. It's nothing big but I thought I'd just point it out anyway as it is easy to "fix" if you'd wish to do so.
Another thing that stood out to me was how you used "always" in the conversations between Lily and Snape. While it is very cute and such a nice hint at the canon, I think that it would be much more powerful if you used it a bit less often. I can see why you chose to use it in this way and it's really cute and clever, but I think it would have more impact if it isn't said that often.
Please keep writing this story, I fell in love with the characters and really admire how you write them, making them your own while staying true to what we know about them canon-wise. You can clearly tell that you've put in a lot of effort and plenty of research where that was needed. Your style makes it a very easy read and it has a almost perfect balance between details and leaving things to the imagination of the reader. You're also very consistent with your descriptions which I think has to be praised as well :)
You have a new fan! Whoop whoop! And it demands more *wink* So let's make a deal, who don't you work on the next update while I continue with reviewing the other chapters? :D

[again my apologies for the chaotic order of this review haha! I'll be sure to add the others nicely at the chapter at which they belong (not sure how I'll do that at 14 but oh well haha, also, I noticed you wrote that for my challenge! Ty Ty Ty! Now I'm extra sorry I can't review that at that chapter but I hope you forgive me if I leave it somewhere else at this wonderful story]

Love,
DragonPoxPixie

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Review #7, by Unwritten Curse 

27th January 2016:
TEAM GOLD

I can't handle this. This is so beautiful. That first scene had me in tears. I love Adhara's mother. And I feel so sad for her, that she married a man that she can't "stand up to." That they're both trapped by prejudice.

That her grandmother was a Gryffindor makes me so happy. She can hold on to that little secret and I'm sure it will make her stronger. It seems that her situation is at least better that Sirius's.

Oh, Andromeda. I always wondered if her and Sirius were close after they both broke away from their families. They must've been. I love this letter she sent him, offering him advice on breaking free. I liked the detail you added about her trying to find a job but having no contacts. I hadn't thought about things like that, but it makes sense, and it makes escaping the Black regime even more frightening.

I was sad to see Regulus and Sirius's relationship beginning to dissolve. I love both of them. SO MUCH. And it breaks my heart to see them fighting. Their relationship is the most fascinating relationship in the series (in my opinion). I'm happy to see it including in this story because it's an essential part of Sirius's upbringing--it has an effect on him now and certainly into the future.

Okay, now I feel bad for Snape again. DANG IT you are too good at writing Snape. You may make me like him after all.

I also can't wait to see what shenanigans the marauders get into with the Invisibility Cloak.

One last quick note: I may have missed a note about this in the last chapter, but I was a bit shocked by the time jump in this chapter. Was I reading too fast? Did I miss a warning that we were about to fast-forward? I tend to do that sometimes… But anyway, once I got into the flow of the chapter, it wasn't an issue anymore. But I wanted to mention it anyway.

Okay, next chapter.

--Gina

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Review #8, by Meleessuhh 

24th January 2016:
Hello again! So sorry for the delay but I'm back!

I think this is my favorite chapter so far! There was a lot going on without it being overwhelming. I liked the first scene with Adhara, who's afraid her family is ashamed of her. It was quite sad that her mother isn't sure whether her husband will talk to his daughter again, so I'm hoping she'll be alright.

The scene with Sirius and Regulus...oh that made me so sad! Poor Reg is only 11 and it is obvious that he loves his brother and wants to be best friends with him, but he loves his mother as well. And Sirius being the prat he is makes him feel bad for listening to their mother. When Regulus said it wasn't his fault she was treating Sirius that way and he still acted mean towards him, I felt awful for the kid. And now that he's being recruited early by Lucius, this will be very interesting. It makes sense though since he is a bit older, I'm curious to see when the transition to Death Eater starts.

What does the body signify? Is that Voldemort going on a killing spree?

The scene with the invisibility cloak! I loved it. James and Sirius' relationship almost reminds me of Fred and George in a sense because they're so close, except I think James and Sirius might be a bit more charming with the ladies once they're older. I can't wait to see what mischief they'll get into! Great chapter :)

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Review #9, by fwoopersong8 

11th January 2016:
Hey, it's me again!

Oh man, poor Adhara. At least she has a nice mother. It really sucks to be in such narrow-minded families! They're giving Slytherin a bad name. Boy, it's gonna take that House generations to get over this. (Smugly thinks of tortures applied in Next-Gen.)

Anyway, I feel bad for Reg and Sirius and Adhara and...basically everyone involved. It really hurts to see such young kids treated that way.

And then there's James. The only one with a functional family. And somehow the jerkiest of all.

Except Lucius Malfoy. He's very...Malfoy-ish. I like how you have him going around herding in all the first years before they can be corrupted by their scarlet counterparts.

I'm curious to see how this year goes. Snape is jealous, but now he's being bullied by his own house (yay. not), and now Sirius and James have the Invisibility Cloak, so...if I didn't know canon I might think the apocalypse was coming. :)

~Songs

Author's Response: Hello again Songs! Nice to see you back :)

I loved logging in and seeing a flurry of reviews from you. They made me so happyyy *squee*

The old aristocrats are unfortunately more concerned with family pride than their own children. It's so sad, but I'd like to think that the kids drew courage from that later on, even Reg who redeemed everything, and probably made his brother proud :(

Well, James' arrogance comes from his extremely happy childhood. Unlike Draco, James wasn't taught to hate but instead showered with love. His natural wit and talent just added to his ego boost. I don't think of him as the cruel bully but the one who likes to pull peoples legs in good humor. Unfortunately not everyone feels that way, especially the ones he is making fun of.

Ah yes, Lucius here is in his 7th year, and I'd expect him to be scouting around to corrupt more people, maybe to score more points with ol' Voldy the Moldy

Snape has a rough time in school - bullied by the Lions and then the Snakes and hopelessly in love with a muggleborn which is against everything he believes in. Poor kid!

HAHA The cloak in James and Sirius' hands does seem quite dangerous doesn't it?


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Review #10, by adluvshp 

30th December 2015:
Hey! Here for the awfully delayed requested review.

I quite liked this! Your story is headed in a good direction. I'm enjoying the Lily-Severus drama, and looking forward to see more of the Lily/James dynamic too. Adhara is an interesting character and I'm curious to see where her story is headed.

The Regulus-Sirius interaction was my favourite bit in this chapter. I think you did a great job of portraying their relationship and the feelings they harbour. The characterisations were very well done there.

Lucius and Snape's interaction was also very intriguing. It follows in line with canon, and I enjoyed their dialogue. You write dialogue very well overall and it makes for a good read.

All in all, I'm quite liking this story. You have a solid plot on your hands here. My only CC would be to polish your narrative a little bit to make it read a lot less like random scenes and more like one connected story. And perhaps increase the pace a little bit as it's slightly slow. But those are just my personal views, and besides that, you're a terrific writer and you should definitely keep writing. You're doing good =)

Cheers
Angie
(Lost Muse)

Author's Response: Hello angie!

Thanks for stopping by! I'm so glad you like my story!

It's a relief to know my dialogues are good. I'm finding it tougher to write dialogues that are age appropriate you know. My mind keeps coming up with dialogues that are more likely said by fifteen and sixteen year olds! I need to constantly remind myself they're all only 12.

I do feel it's moving quite slowly... especially now beacause I've got their later years planned well, and nothing for years three and four. It's important that the reader doesn't feel the scenes are random and disconnected. I'll try to improve the pacing and time.

Thanks a lot for your reivew Angie!


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Review #11, by Dirigible_Plums 

22nd December 2015:
Hey,

So sorry that it's taken me so long to get around to this review, Ysh. I really did plan to do it sooner, but life has been very stressful as of lot and I've had time to pop in and out of the forums, but not sit down and write a review. I like to put a lot of thought into mine and to do that, I need to be on my laptop. I actually read this a few days ago, but never got around to your review. Sorry!

It's nice to see how Adhara's feeling. For the past few chapters, she's been something of a mystery to us since she's chosen to isolate herself from the other Gryffindors, but it's been clear that something has been troubling her. I feel so sorry for her, more so than I do for Sirius, actually. Because of her choice to stay away from others, she's much more alone than he is. Even though he faces the same stigma at home for being a Gryffindor, he has the Marauders to help him out. Adhara doesn't have that.

Her relationship with her mother is lovely, but the relationship between her parents clearly isn't. No woman should have to be scared of their husband like Mrs Selwyn is and the fact that she "did love" him in the past, but doesn't is concerning. I hope nothing bad happens.

I wonder what the business with the stolen body is. There's definitely something fishy about this, something to do with the magical world. Is this one of the early signs that Voldemort is coming?

Clearly, Sirius' view of his family have transformed quite a bit. It's been a while since I read the first couple of chapters, but I think there was still a certain amount of respect there whereas now, he's completely disgusted by them. But I really do feel sorry for Regulus. All he wants to do is please his family, even it does more harm than good. He's only 11. And Sirius is shunning him completely for being a "momma's boy". Of course, Sirius is only 12 too so we can't completely expect him to be mature, but all of this is driving Reg toward the dark side.

WHY CAN'T THEY JUST LOVE EACH OTHER?

*sobs*

I'll be honest: the sudden jump in time disconcerted me a bit. While you were going at an acceptable pace for a fic that's going to cover a span of years - not too fast, not too slow - in the last chapter, I had the impression that they were still in their first half of first year. The jump to the end of second year felt a bit strange to me, especially because we didn't see how Sirius and James befriended Peter or how they began to get suspicious of Remus' condition some more etc. I think just taking another chapter to go through the rest of that time would make the transition more comfortable, you know?

Hope this helps. Happy holidays!

Plums xo

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Review #12, by Rohan 

19th December 2015:
NICE STORY BRO JUST WANTED SOME JAMES AND LILY

Author's Response: Thanks Rohan! Hope you continue reading. There will be a lot of James and Lily for sure

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Review #13, by DobbyLover 

13th December 2015:
Please continue! In future chappies I'd like to see some more foursome trouble from James and the lot, and the Lily/Sev drama is, as always, (see what I did there?) awesome.

Author's Response: Ohh yes I see what you did there :D

Thank you for leaving the first ever review on this chapter! There will be more of that, you can be sure! You won;t be disappointed! Thnank you for reviewing!


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