16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by True Author 

31st May 2016:
Hey there! I have a week off from work so I'll be reviewing one chapter everyday as long as I can! :D

It was very exciting to read about how the main characters meet and how the first impressions were. Let me tell you one thing- I am SO HAPPY you did not make James fall in love with Lily at the first sight. That's just not how real life works!

So is this story focused on the first year for a few chapters and then the second and so on? Or are you writing the snippets? I guess I'll find that out soon!

Aww, the Marauders!! So many feels!!! *dies*

As you can tell, I am very excited for the Marauders action coming in the next chapters and also the Jily and Snily bits! I hope you have kept some focus on Snape too!

I'll be back soon for more! Great story! :D

Love,
Ashwini

Author's Response: Ashwini!!

Ahh sounds like a good plan.

Ohhh I am SO glad you liked that bit. I always never liked the James loved Lily at first sight bit. I didn't think it would work that way as wekk.

Oohh, the first two years aren't all that long since I cover only significant events. But then as they grow older the chapters per year would increase!

YES... I do have some focus on Snape, more so than on Peter, tbh!

I'm so glad you like it *excited*

Love,
Ysh


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Review #2, by victoria_anne 

22nd March 2016:
Ahh... the magic of Hogwarts returns. I love stories that feature 11 year olds starting school for the first time!

I am still in complete awe of your characters. I feel you have them down to a tee.

SO STOP WORRYING ABOUT THEM YSH.

Every child, even the ones we don't really know, like Marlene and Mary, have their own distinct and unique personality, and I honestly cannot wait to see them grow from these sweet 11 yr olds to the characters we eventually know and love.

I especially love James and Sirius' relationship, and how they already have best friend, inside joke thing going when they don't tell Peter what they were talking about.

I love how Lily reflects on her family before she sleeps. This really is a massive change for her and I think you wrote her feelings really well.

And the mention of Fabian Prewett... *sighs contentedly* Canon makes me happy.

Love B x

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Review #3, by Owlpost68 

6th March 2016:
This was really good too. I think it was so sweet when you brought up Lily missing her father and Petunia. I've never been away from home that long so I can only imagine what it will be like for me when I move out... eek. Poor Sirius, he has no idea how hard his parents are going to take it... I never heard of Selwyn being a Gryffindor name, but I like the idea that he wasn't the only one to be sorted a Gryffindor when they were expecting Slytherin. She doesn't seem to be taking it in stride though. I never heard of the gryffindor common room having bunk beds, but I like it. I thought it was a great chapter to point out that the sorting isn't as simple as it seems, especially for families and friends. Again though, you did a great job letting their characters/personalities shine!
Written for the HPFF Review-a-thon

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Review #4, by Chocolate Frog Card 

6th March 2016:
Greetings, dear Ysh, I have come here today,

To read your tale. You do not downplay,

The lives of the Marauders, and Lily too,

A better portrayal I could not dream to view.

Snape, McKinnon, Black, them all did I Sort,

The personalities you have written I do support.

Cheeky Potter, helpful Prewett, little Pettigrew,

You’re a wonderful writer, through and through.

Ah, if you’ll indulge a hat under a spell,

But I remember that night oh so very well.

What will come of these children, I wonder?

Will they work hard or will they fall under,

The pressure of school work, oh I hope not,

But I shall have to read on through your wonderful plot.

I’m sorry, gorgeous Ysh, that I cannot stay to chat,

But I remain, sincerely yours, The Sorting Hat.

Author's Response: OMG

The HAT STOPPED BY!!! Eepsss! So excitedd!

Aw, It means so much coming from you, nobody could know the characters as well as you (since you've already been in all of their heads)

I'd love to indulge this hat in more than a spell, and maybe use some of your wise over-the-years insight into these characters, for I know I'll need some help. *wink*

Thank you Oh sorting hat, for dropping by and making me feel so good!


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Review #5, by HermyLuna2 

28th January 2016:
I like the description of Lily having to put up with James and Sirius. I am not a great fan of OC´s, so I´m on the fence about Adhara. But seeing as there is so little known about the Marauder´s Era, you´re almost forced to use them and she has a canon surname which is good. Interesting that she´s Pureblood but in Gryffindor. I could definitely picture James and Sirius commenting on paintings and it´s awesome that they talked back. It´s good that you make Lily notice James and Sirius despite disliking them, she doesn´t know yet that later this will change.
Most make Lily friends with Marlene and Mary. I´m not sure if it´s canon but it´s good that you used existing characters. Sweet that you made Lily feel lonely. I think it´s true to her character, because she was seriously worried whether being Muggleborn made a difference to Sev. And I think she´s definitely the type to be homesick. I love the dimensions you created between the Marauder so far and how Severus was the gossip of the day.

Author's Response: Hello HermyLuna!

Thank you so much for your kind review. Ahh well, you're the first skeptic about Adhara, and I kinda like that. I didn;t think Adhara would be so well liked, but looks like she's become everyone's favorite. Haha yes, James and Sirius have started distracting everyone already.

Well, there's only so much said about Canon pertaining to the Marauders, and we either use our deductions or headcanons to figure it out. Like you, I tend to want to avoid complete OCs and I'd rather have existing names and give them roles I see fit to.

I'm really glad you agreed with my headcanon, and enjoyed reading the story. Hope you stick around till the end :)


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Review #6, by Unwritten Curse 

27th January 2016:
Back again for TEAM GOLD

MARAUDERS UNITE. Ah, I was waiting for this scene and it did not disappoint. I loved that it was shown to us via Sirius because a) he's my favorite and b) I TOTALLY agree with your Author's Note. Of the four, Sirius and Remus have been through the most hardship. It's difficult to say who's had it worse. Having a family that is prejudiced and cruel and that basically disowns you for trying to be your own person… or having a loving family but having to suffer through monthly transformations into a mindless, savage wolf. I don't know what would be worse, honestly. So long story short, I don't know who would be more mature but I can definitely see Sirius being more mature than James simple because of all he's suffered.

I forgot to mention Lily in my last review. She's such a little sweetie! I love that she found a friend who's eager to learn more about Muggle things and isn't prejudiced. AND FABIAN OMG. I'm a total fangirl so I loved seeing him as Prefect.

And off to the next chapter!

--Gina

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Review #7, by Meleessuhh 

16th January 2016:
Hello again! I'm here for round two :)

Again this was another sweet chapter. I feel the characterization is very well done, particularly for their age. They all sound so happy and carefree as it should be because they're so young. The scenes that stood out to me the most are the beginning where Lily is trying to reason with Severus since they're in separate Houses and when Remus offers Peter the bottom bunk. It was a kind gesture from him, which I think says a lot because he is someone that people discriminate against often because of his "furry little problem."

I also absolutely love your portrayal of Lily. I think that people develop into certain characteristics slowly and I've never imagined her as the feisty outspoken redhead until much later. It makes sense that she's quiet and lonely because she's overwhelmed. She's so relatable!

You are a wonderful writer. I'm very hooked on this already :)

Author's Response: Awww I'm so glad to hear that you're hooked on this story!

I'm happy you liked the Lily-Sev part. Of course Sev would sulk, and it would just make Lily feel worse, wouldn't it?

And yes, Remus does tend to be extra sensitive to other people, mostly because he probably is hyperaware of himself and his surroundings on account of his condition.

Ooh YES! You just GET Lily so perfectly well! I always wanted Lily to slowly develop into the person she became. Snape plays a bigger role in shaping her character than one would think :) At least my headcanon, and my plot for this story says that :)

Thank you so much for the compliment, and it means a lot coming from you :)


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Review #8, by fwoopersong8 

11th January 2016:
Hi again!

I sorta wish we could have seen the train scene, but that's canon so I guess there's not much point in reiterating. This must be the year of the black haired Gryffindors. James, Sirius, Mary, and Adhara...that's almost 1/4 of the Gryffindor class! :) I'm curious, is Mary canon? I don't remember her. (I'm going to ask you about everything being canon now. Is it canon? Is it canon? You have opened a jar of worms, my friend.)

I feel bad for Peter, trying to make friends and inadvertently being annoying. :( Homeschool problems...however, from experience I can say he will learn. (Hopefully his experience isn't fating me to become a traitor.) :-P :) I also don't like the way James and Sirius talk about Sev, but that's James and Sirius for you. So canon. The part of canon I absolutely hate. Ah well, we all have our moments.

What else did I want to say? Ah, yes...Adhara should prove to be interesting. (Is she canon?) She's kinda like a female Sirius. I bet her parents won't be too pleased when they find out about her Sorting, either.

As for CC, I would suggest describing unnamed characters by something other than their hair color. Otherwise, another good chapter!

~Songs

Author's Response: Hello Songs!! Glad to see you've stopped by :D

Omigosh, Too many black hairs! I never saw it that way. I just went by faceclaims for Mary and Adhara, I didn't realize the haircolours.

Haha, feel free to ask away! Yes Mary Macdonald is canon. It isn't confirmed how she looks or if she's even in Lily's year, but she's mentioned in the Prince's Tale by Lily and I've decided to keep her :D

Aww songs, you're too sweet to be a traitor like Peter. Peter had a whole different side to him - that I'm planning to unravelling as the years go by. Yes, the homeschooling part did make him a little desperate to make friends, I'm glad you caught on that.

Yes Adhara was kind of meant to be the female Sirius, and I hope you grow to like her as the chapters go on. And nope, she isn't canon :P

Thank you for the CC. I never really paid attention to introducing the new characters, and like I said the faceclaims. I have made a note of that and I'll look into it during the re-edit. Thank you so much for your suggestion. I really do need to work on my character descriptions.

XOXO
~Ysh


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Review #9, by TearsIMustConceal 

12th December 2015:
Hello Ysh, here with your requested review!

I remember reading the first chapter a while ago so i'm super excited to read the next one!

So, I really enjoyed this chapter from the start. I kinda feel for Sev here, it must has been hard seeing Lily sorted into Gryffindor and even when she's trying tor reassure him, it's like he knows deep down that it's ultimately going to be the end of their friendship.

A Selwyn in Gryffindor? I'm a little shocked but I like it – I already dislike Adhara, she seems very Slytherin to me but there must be a reason the Sorting Hat put her in Gryffindor so I can't wait to see why.

I love how you've managed to portray them all perfectly. They come across as I imagine them to be – James free spirited, Sirius, a little more wary and mature(maybe because of his upbringing), Remus shy (because he doesn't want anyone to know what he is) and Peter, awkward and quiet and trying to impress them all. I also love the introduction of the girls and I loved the interactions between them all, they all seem so cute and happy to be together – it's super sweet. You've done those scenes so well – it all seems so natural and it flows perfectly!

I also love how you portrayed Lily – as lonely and scared, despite being surrounded by new friends – I know how it feels to move somewhere new – the first night is always the hardest and you can't help but reminisce about family and traditions. But here, it shows you how much family means to her, which I love and think it's clever because we all know family is the most important thing to her and it's nice to see she's always been that way.

Your characterisation and depiction is spot on – I think you've done it amazingly and you have nothing to worry about there, whatsoever. You've really got insight into their characters and despite them being young, which I think is sometimes quite hard to portray, you've done it wonderfully!

As for canon-ness, I think you've done it perfectly – honestly, there is nothing you've written that's making me think 'did that actually happen?' you've really done the era justice here!

I love how you've portrayed them as carefree and young – when it comes to Marauder era fics, everyone gets straight into the drama but here, we see them as young and as /children/ which I think is the most important thing here – it's refreshing to see them light-hearted. But at the same time, we see Remus' hesistation, even if it not said it words, you can feel that he's wary about who he is and people realising. And then Sirius, with the comment about not believing that he got into Gryffindor – you brought that up in a joky way but you can tell that underneath it all, it must be playing on Sirius' mind and he's worrying about what his parents will think!

Overall, I love this story so much! You portray them all so, so well and I can't wait to read more!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Hello Vicki!

Glad to see you drop by :) Thank you so much for your review!
Yes Sev was hearbroken, and the person he is, he was never able to let it go, as I have carried it on.

Adhara is the most complex character I have had to write. I still am not completely sure about her, but she does have a dark side to her. It's like in the movie Sirius says we have all got the light and dark in us and it's the part we choose to act on that matters. Well, I'm still deciding which part Adhara would choose!

Thank you so much for your compliments :D The marauders are pretty much etched in my head, its the girls I'm struggling with here, so I'm relieved that you feel it is natural.

And yes, Lily's attachment to her family is an important characteristic of hers which plays a huge role later on. She loved Petunia despite her being so mean to her. There must have been a part of Lily that never forgot that her sister was her best friend when she was young.

People just tend to assume Sirius always wanted to break the rules and never cared about being in Gryffindor, but I feel that he would have cared a little at least. Any human would, and he was only 11 at the time.

Jumping directly into the drama is something I would have loved to do myself, but really, how much drama could a group of 11 year olds have? I'm trying to make it age-appropriate as well. It's getting difficult in the later chapters as they're 13 and 14 but I feel sometimes I make them act 15 and 16.

It's so lovely to read your reviews Vicki! I hope you don't mind that I have re-requested for the next chapter.

Love
Ysh


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Review #10, by ScorpiusRose17 

10th December 2015:
Hi!

I am here again with another review for you!

You really are quite good at making dialogue and even the story move smoothly. I never stumbled once while reading and I am really fascinated by the fact of how natural the dialogue is.

I enjoyed the characterizations. They are strongly linked to the story of yours I read and reviewed previous to reading and reviewing this chapter. The one thing that I did notice and I am not sure how everything will play out was that Sirius seemed a bit tame towards his family. I don't know if that is because he is still a young Sirius here and nothing has really happened yet to really test his feelings towards his family. I hope that all makes sense.

I really think that you have a lot of wonderful character development going on here. There is a lot going on period and to have that many characters moving around throughout the chapter can be a tough thing to accomplish in keeping them all straight and unique. I look forward to seeing how they progress as individual characters and as a group as their relationships with one another unfold.

Keep up the good work! :)
-Jenn

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review Jen.

Being non-british, I was worried about the flow of dialogues, since I wanted it to sound both natural as well as 11-year-old-compliant. I'm so glad that you find it natural.

yes the other story was supposed to be a spin off one shot on this story.

Yes, I understand your concern about Sirius. The way I see it, its not possible to vehemently hate your parents or your family at a young age, especially when you haven't been exposed to anything else. He probably doesn't like a few things about them, but it's after he goes to school, and sees the world that he forms his own opinions and starts hating them. That's my headcanon at least

Yes, the plethora of characters are proving to be quite challenging, especially in the later chapters as they're all growing up and have lives and personalities of their own. I hope I do justice to the story I have in my mind.

Thank you so much for stopping by again,

Love,
Ysh


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Review #11, by wolfgirl17 

1st December 2015:
Hey love,

Wolfgirl again because I've gone and climbed on the crazy train with reviews for the night.

I liked this snippet of their first year, though I'd have loved to see their interactions on the train. I already dislike Adhara, naturally.

It kind of bothered me the idea of there being bunks beds if there are only the four boys in the one dorm. I always thought that each dorm expanded or shrunk accordingly with the number of students staying in each room, making sure they weren't too cramped and that each bed fit normally. It's hard to imagine bunks with drapes too...

Anyway, I enjoyed that bit about Sirius worrying what his Mum would say about him being in Gryffindor. I have to admit, I've also never imagined Sirius as being overly mature. Sure he might tell James not to be a git later, but he's always in the thick of the mischief, which suggests a certain childish streak.

Anyway, keep up the good work, I look forward to seeing what else you've got for us on the Marauders.

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hello Ellie!

Thank you so much for stopping by with the review, and sorry I've taken so long to respond.

After you've mentioned it, I also feel slightly bothered by the bunk beds, so I've decided to change it (will be updating soon). It does seem hard to imagine that magic wouldn't play a role in expanding the dorm rooms...

You're right about Sirius being childish. I meant he was more mature in the sense that he had a higher level of perception of people and understanding situations better than James did. He was quite reckless, and immature in so many ways - but I always took that to be part of his rebellion... but I have to agree that Sirius isn't overly mature, not like Remus at least.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story, thank you for stopping by!

~Ysh


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Review #12, by adluvshp 

17th November 2015:
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums =)

I'm glad I could stop by to read this as I've been wanting to read your work for a while! The first chapter was very good. I enjoyed the way you wrote it, showcasing the different ways in which the main characters of the story were approaching their Hogwarts letter. The conversation between Snape and Lily was nicely done. Sirius' scene was adorable; I loved the camaraderie between him and Regulus. The mention of the "blood purity movement" was also interesting. Liked the insight into Peter and James' homes as well. All in all, chapter 1 was very good and provided a very good introduction into the story.

On to this chapter, another well-written one. I liked how you took the canon events and gave them your own spin. The dialogue interactions between Lily, Severus, James and Sirius were nicely done. Adhara also seems nice, and you've done a good job of portraying her. The characterisations of the MCs so far are shaping up well. I especially love how you've written Sirius, it's perfect.

I honestly don't have any constructive criticism to give you, except perhaps to look a little bit more into the flow between dialogues and narrative? It's good enough already but you certainly have room for improvement to maintain a better balance between dialogue and descriptions to give an even more realistic feel of the scene.

Besides that, overall, the dialogues, canon compliance, characterisations etc. are quite good. The story is definitely off to a good start and I'm excited to see how the plot progresses. You definitely are a very good writer and I enjoyed reading the first two chapters. Hope to be back for more when I can!

Cheers,
Angie
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hey Angie,

I'm so glad you dropped by! The Marauders are so much fun to write! I can't imagine writing any other HP character after I have put in so much work into the Marauders. I'm so happy that you like my portrayal :)

I did have a concern about the dialogue narrativve balance in this chapter, but I have addressed them in the later chapters, especially ones I have written after reading your review. I would love to hear what you think of my later chapters, I'll be sure to request on your review thread when you have some slots opened up :)

Loads of love
ysh


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Review #13, by marauderfan 

13th November 2015:
Hello! I'm back with your requested review! :)

Aw. I bet that was so difficult for Severus to see his best friend sorted as a Gryffindor. And aha! Is that a Selwyn in Gryffindor I see?

Gah, I just love seeing the girls all bond and become friends during their first evening in the castle, in a new place. It's really sweet. And I like how you've painted Lily's loneliness - despite how she shares a dorm with other people of Muggle birth (I assume, based on Mary's knowledge with Muggle money), Lily is still lonely because she misses her family. It's really strong yet subtle characterization about how much her family means to her.

And I like what you've done writing the boys as well, particularly this: “Sirius Black,” supplied Sirius, raising his chin in a nod. -- you've included his kind of aristocratic upbringing in his mannerisms, and he kind of unconsciously does that, but he's still friendly. Nicely done. I think you've included a good intro to the four of them with the snippets you've included about their personalities so far.

In terms of canon-ness, I don't see anything that expressly negates canon. Seems good to me. :) And it's definitely interesting so far as well! I like that it starts in their first year, because that's not something I often see.

Some specific things:

“I’m sorry, Sev,” Lily was saying -- Most of the time in writing, it is a lot more powerful to say 'past tense verb' instead of 'was verbing'. I.e. here it would be Lily said.

I met these guys -- you didn't ask about Britishisms, but I'll just throw this in - 'guys' isn't a widely used term in the UK. The first instance you used it, when Adhara greets them, you could replace it with 'you lot'. The second time (the one I highlighted) Sirius is talking about a mixed gender group, right? he could just say 'them'

Lily replied bemused. -- careful here as 'bemused' is not the thing as 'amused'. Lily doesn't seem particularly bewildered here which is what bemused means.

And lastly, maybe this is a weird thing for me to comment on, but I think it might help if you're worried about characterisation: that A/N at the end where you describe the four boys' personalities. That doesn't need to be something you tell the reader outside of the story - if you want those qualities to be apparent, show it in the chapter itself. And I can see the foundation for that in this chapter, so I say keep doing what you're doing and show the reader these things in the characters' actions and dialogue rather than saying so in an A/N.

That's all! I think this is a wonderful chapter and builds on what you've set up in the first one! I did notice that the first one visits a lot more POVs, and as you were wondering about whether to include more about Remus and James' perspectives - I think it's a great thing to include, though not necessarily in this chapter. Maybe in the next one. As you go on, it may be a bit difficult to fit six POVs in each chapter (it means either really long chapters, or really short scenes), so focusing on different people in each chapter (as it seems you're doing at this point) makes a lot of sense. Essentially keep on with what you're doing! :)

Great work! This is an enjoyable story so far.

Author's Response: That's a Selwyn in Gryffindor alright... a la Sirius, anyone?

Lily always struck me as a cheerful girl from a happy home, especially the way she behaves with Petunia and JKR mentioning that her parents were looking around happily at Platform 9 and 3/4. Mary is muggleborn as well, but she has issues, that of course comes up later.

Thank you for liking the characterizations. Sirius is my favorite character yet. He is so complex in the sense he has a lot going on in the family front. He has obviously imbibed some of the Noble and Ancient blood of Black, but he has that obvious rebellious and fun loving streak in him. He's such an enigma, it's so lovely to write him.

When I went back and read it, it did seem odd, I will change that!

Ohh yes I really welcome any input on Britishisms. Thank you for pointing it out :)

I didn't mean amused, but I meant confused, I guess bemused seems a little too strong for this context.

Ohh, that's actually a very useful feedback. I will remove the A/N. I want to show those things in the chapters as well.

I've written 15 chapters till now, and I'm still struggling with the PoV changes. I want to include everyone as I have planned extensively for each character, but I hope I have balanced them out!

Thank you for your review :D I will surely be back to rerequest!


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Review #14, by carry on with your knitting 

12th November 2015:
Hey!

I'm here for our review swap! Sorry for being so late. I noticed that you wanted me to review the third chapter but then I realised that I haven't reviewed the second yet, so I thought I'd do both for you! :)

This was another really enjoyable chapter, I love how you introduced each of the other characters so naturally and focused on Lily making friends as well as the Marauders. I don't think I've really ever read anything like that, so it was nice to see :)

On the subject of the other girls, they seem really interesting, especially Adhara, I'm really curious about her, if she knows Sirius, I'm guessing she's a pure blood, and she seems to be jealous of Lily talking to him, so I'm gunna put two and two together and say that she has a thing for him? ;)

I thought the boys characters were spot on! Peter wanting to impress and then Remus staying back because he's scared to let people in/worried he would hurt them. Young Remus breaks my heart :( I really thought it was a great take on Sirius to have him a little maturer than James like you said in the A/N at the end, it really makes sense that he would be like that, so it was breath of fresh air to read! :)

I really want to read more about the other girls as well, I'm curious to see how you develop them, as we are kind of aware about the marauders and Lily for JKR, but characters like Marlene, Mary and Drocas are really fun to explore because they could literally be anyone! :)

I'm loving the story so far, and hopefully I will get to your third chapter later today! :)

Much love!

Katie :)

Author's Response: Hello Katie!
Thank you so much for the swap. I'm so glad you liked this chapter! I did want to show Lily being friendly with the Marauders, at least on speaking terms as opposed to fics having her yelling her head off at them!

Adhara has a lot of baggage. She might end up with Sirius :D but there's a lot to her, as you will see later on :)

I'm glad you liked my Sirius. A lot of people disagree with my on that. I picture Sirius mature in the perceptive sense. He was reckless and immature in a lot of ways, but he had a more cynacal and probably real outlook on life than James because of what he had to go through at home.

Remus is turning out to be my personal favorite here :D

Ah, the girls are the bane of my writing. I am so stuck developing them because I feel their personalities keep running into each other. I have tried to seperate them, lets hope for the best.

Love
Ysh!


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Review #15, by Dirigible_Plums 

6th November 2015:
Hey,

I've come to drop off your second review via the laptop. (Update on the phone situation: it's back to acting up! I swear it's evil and it has something against me.) It was nice to see the Marauders and Lily again, but at a much younger age this time. You can clearly see the age differences here and it makes me wonder about how you're going to map the changes between eleven and fifteen.

The friendship between Marlene and Lily already seems cute. Within moments of speaking to each other, Marlene has already suggested that they meet up over summer is just so cute. Reflecting back on the one shot, I can tell they're going to be good friends.

In fact, within one lone paragraph, you've managed to construct a model of the base of the personalities of the main characters. 'James Potter had snuck to the side, poking at the cat in the portrait with his wand.' He's young here and still immature and we can really see the fun-loving, mischievous boy he was. 'Sirius looked affronted for a few seconds and then went into silent peals of laughter'. I have a feeling Sirius almost always looks affronted when people don't agree with him :P 'The mousy-haired boy let out a poorly-disguised snort. ' I'm assuming that this is Peter and that he's already taken by Sirius and James. I feel like that simple line still manages to convey the unadulterated admiration he will have for the pair.

But Remus doesn't appear until later! When he does appear, however, he's still as nice and as thoughtful as ever by offering to take the top bunk to spare Peter the embarrassment of struggling to take it, even though he's probably going to be tired to climb it half of the time when the full moon approaches. Oh, I love Remus.

This time around, I'd say my main cc is the length of the chapter. Of course, it doesn't always matter how long your chapters are - if they're good and they do what you intend them to, then it's fine. However, since you're planning to write years of their lives, I'd suggest you cover a longer period of time within one chapter. You don't want to be writing 300 odd chapters for one story now, would you? :P

And now the little errors. You know the drill about the format of the corrections. :)

“I’m sorry[,] Sev,” Lily was saying in a distressed voice, “[b]ut I honestly don’t see the difference. We’ll still have classes together[,] right?”

“Hey[,] come on[.]” Sirius nudged her with his elbow[.] “I’m Sirius Black. You’re Evans, right?” [H]e grinned at her.

The three of them turned to face a girl with [a] heart-shaped face and short black hair.

A small mousy-haired boy[,] with a high squeaky laugh[,] seemed to be the most amused by James’ fooling around.

Good luck with this monster of a fic! I hope these reviews help. :)

Plums xo

Author's Response: Hey,

Ooh, hope your phone is working fine now?

I'm hoping to make the transition a little smooth, without skipping years like most marauder era fics tend to do (because let's face it, we all want to get to the romance!). I'm so nervous myself, I've got all these huge plans laid out in my head and on paper and I don't know how far I'll be able to execute it! I guess the first few chapters where we establish their personalities are the most crucial.

Oh I'm so glad you liked that paragraph. Yes that was Peter, already taken in with James. It was so much fun to write, it kind of playe dinside my head like a movie. In fact it was supposed to be an entirely different scene, but James decided to hijack it. He seems to be hijacking a lot of my scenes.. hmm..

Yes, I didn't realize it was so short, and after you said it I've taken to writing longer chapters and covering more incidents with that. Because you're right, I don't think I'll finish this fic if it doesn't move along faster.

Your reviews are so welcome, such a pleasure to click in and read. You're honest, critical and commending. It's a wonderful mix! Waiting to see you at the next chapter.

Loads of Love
Ysh


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Review #16, by Gabriella Hunter 

5th November 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review and it's nice to be back! I remember reading the first chapter of this a while ago and weirdly enough, remembered mostly everything! :D

I recall from the first chapter that you introduced all of the kids receiving their letters and you set up some great distinguishing characteristics. I like that you've continued that here too, Lily and the others have some great moments that make them stand a part from one another. I felt badly for Snape of course but it was interesting to see Lily getting over her anger with James and Sirius so fast. I think that you've strayed from what most people do here and I'm thankful for it. I've read so many of these stories that they all blend in together but I really like this version better.

Lily isn't so hot headed and rude here and I really do appreciate that she seems like a normal little girl. She's nervous being put into a world she knows nothing about and you've already set up some great moments for her to grow with her friends. Selwyn of course is going to be a bit of a problem I think, I can already imagine what her issues are but you don't go into that just now. You've kept this nice and simple for now and I really liked seeing James and Sirius meeting Peter and Remus for the first time.

It says a lot about the people you'll grow to love when you can't even place why. I liked that there was no exaggerated conversation between the boys too, it all flowed very naturally and I'm really eager to learn more about them all. Sirius has more to worry about though because he has his parent's opinion hovering over his head but I like that you hinted at what's to come in such a smooth way. He wasn't necessarily afraid but he did have a childish fear of disappointing them that was quickly pushed aside as he celebrated his new life. I think that says a lot about him as a character so I'm interested to know how you'll write his parent's reaction later.

SO, I liked this and please let me know when the next chapter is up!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello again Gabbie!

Sorry for such a late response to your review, but I wanted to do justice to it.

Ohh it is so nice to hear that you remembered most of my first chapter :)

I always figured that as 11 year olds these things wouldn't last long with them, especially with people as fun and jolly as James and Sirius. We all feel sorry for Snape, but in all fairness, he was an obsessive, manipulative person from the start.

Most people make Lily out to be a cross between Ginny and Hermione, but I feel she is neither. I'm glad that you like this version of her. I didn't want to make it heavy because, 11 year olds aren't heavy at all!

I'm so glad you liked my depiction of Sirius. I didn't think he would not care at all about his parents, it's just not possible. He probably grows to hate them, but I doubt he would hate them at this stage.

Thank you so much for your feedback, I loved hearing it.

Love
Ysh


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