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Reading Reviews From Member: forever_dreaming
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by forever_dreamingLogarithmic: (2)

22nd August 2017:
Oh man, that first meeting. That is what dreams are made ofI loved loved loved how sassy Eloise was. I think that fits her personality perfectly. Also Cormac was adorably arrogant--he was characterized perfectly but where I disliked this characterization in the books, it actually sort of worked? I thought his whole thing about his "natural charm" was really funny and am looking forward to more interactions between Eloise and Cormac.

I was really surprised by Eloise as a main character here. I found it admirable and surprising that she still has her optimism about Hogwarts, even considering everything that has happened to her there and how much her classmates have mistreated her; in her perspective, I would've been like, "Yeah, no, I'll just stay home." I think you explained this well with Eloise placing her distrust and hatred on her classmates and not on Hogwarts itself, but it did strike me as odd at first.

I feel so bad for Susan. She seems like a cinnamon roll that I want to protect forever ❤️ I really like her and Eloise's friendship; they feel like sisters and that warms my heart. I like that Eloise has someone beside her to support her. I also like Hannah; I think that where Susan is soft, Hannah is hard, and that's the perfect balance. Hannah's assertiveness is fantastic; I can already see it rubbing off on Eloise a little. I can't wait to see what this little trio gets up to!

Also, I love that Eloise has a connection to Miranda Goshawk. That's epic. :D

Author's Response: Hi again!

AHH. I AM SO GLAD YOU LIKED THEIR FIRST MEETING. Eloise tends to default to jokes and sarcasm when nervous, and Cormac definitely makes her nervous. Crushes are all fun and games until someone catches feelings.

I'm so, so happy to hear you say that you like this Cormac where you didn't like him in the books so much! I try to stick to his canon portrayal, but obviously if he was like book!Cormac all the time, Eloise wouldn't give him the time of day. This fic will attempt to explain why he's the way he is, and I hope the explanation won't disappoint.

Eloise's optimism regarding Hogwarts is linked to a deep, longlasting love of academia and learning. School, in spite of the nasty comments of some students, is a safe haven for her (not in the least because it gets her off her mother's overprotective radar). Unfortunately, as we well know, it's not going to stay a safe place, but let's not tell her that just yet!

It's super interesting that you describe Susan as the soft and Hannah the hard one! The dynamic is the opposite in my head, as will become abundantly clear in the coming chapters, so maybe I should give this one a reread and touch up my characterisation for the sake of continuity.

Again, thank you for taking the time to leave a review!


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Review #2, by forever_dreamingLogarithmic: (1)

22nd August 2017:
Hi! This was a great first chapter and really made me sympathize with Eloise. I commend you on making such a likable character, even after only the first chapter; I'm fond of Eloise so much that I actually want to punch all the people who were being rude to her and making fun of her! Like, jackasses. *cracks knuckles*

I think part of the reason why I find her so likable is because I relate to her, wanting to become a butterfly. I think you captured the insecurities of a teenage girl perfectly, and the effects of that insecurity too; given everything she went through, it makes sense that she would be withdrawn, antisocial, and still horribly insecure.

I also liked the subtle introduction of her family and her brother and the role they played--I'm quite angry at them for not reassuring Eloise and making her feel loved. I liked how you developd the feeling of aloneness in often very subtle ways too; for example, even in Eloise's safe haven, books, she could not find someone who was like her. That's heartbreaking and very subtly done--nice!

Thanks for giving life to a very disregarded character; I'm excited to read more!

Author's Response: Hi!

If you're already rooting for her by chapter one, my job here is done, hooray! My own growing girl insecurities aren't that far under surface and Eloise's definitely stem from personal experience -- though nothing quite so bad as hers, thank goodness for that.

Your point about family is interesting, because I hadn't considered that the way they were portrayed might've made matters worse. It does 100% make sense: Vincent, though he loves his baby sister and would kill for her, takes his 'making fun of Eloise' elder siblings duty seriously, and their parents would not have helped Eloise's ego with their constant fretting. The way to hell is paved with good intentions, as they say!

This got way too long, oops. Thank you very much for leaving a review :)


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Review #3, by forever_dreamingThe Stray: The Stray

13th August 2017:
(cross-posted from HPFT)
I share everyone else's anguish over the fact that this is only a one-shot. Why? I need more adorableness! First off, I commend you again for coming up with such a cool idea. I've never actually stopped to consider where Sirius's nickname came from--I always figured it was something James or Remus might have called him--but this was such a cute and interesting take on that.

I also have to commend you for writing dog!Sirius quite well. I know it must be a little difficult to keep in character when writing for a non-human, but Sirius was still pretty much spot-on throughout the whole fic. I also liked how what was showcased was his compassion and loyalty--the reasons why a dog animagus is perfect for Sirius.

The ending broke my heart. How do you always make my cry with your fluff??? Fluff is not supposed to make people cry hahaha. This is definitely one of my favorite fics of yours :) Well done!

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Review #4, by forever_dreamingThe First Quidditch Match: The First Quidditch Game

13th August 2017:
(Cross-posted from HPFT)
Hi! This fic was actually on my TBR labeled as "the fluffy fic that'll probably make you cry and grin and a loser"... and my expectations were completely met and even surpassed. This was so freaking adorable. I completely absolutely 100% agree with you that Harry would treat his kid like this and not like the neglectful jerk he was in CC--especially because of how he was treated by the Dursleys.

So many things to love about this fic. Harry's resignation over Albus's traitorous love for the Cannons. Fierce Rose--I think this portrayal of her as protective and love is much more true to her nature than what was portrayed in CC. Albus's tiny fists (I LOVE BABIES ❤️). Harry being proud of Albus's natural seeking ability. The front row seats. Gosh, everything about it was so sweet and loving.

The entire time I was imagining James doing something similar for Harry and crying a little (okay a lot). I loved that you focused on Harry's love for his son and his desire to make his son feel loved and never neglected--absolutely in character.

The only thing I didn't like about this was that it was so short! I wanted more fluffy sweetness haha!

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Review #5, by forever_dreamingThe Bride: the bride

13th August 2017:
Hi! I will say honestly that I'm not really a Draco/Astoria shipper but this fic migjht have converted me a little hahaha. I loved the humor--especially Astoria's dad. I guess we'll know where to look it Draco ever disappears mysteriously? :D

Both Draco and Astoria's personalities shined. I can tell that Astoria is confident, sassy, and clever, all fantastic qualities in a main character. I can also tell that she's decisive and a little spoiled, which is very realistic for a character of her upbringing. I think you considered her background and Draco's personality and built a character that is really perfect for him. Draco was freaking adorable in this fic; I loved his flustering awkwardness and his obvious love for Astoria. I also think that you captured his insecurities after the war very well; it makes sense that Draco would feel guilty and undeserving after all that he did during the war, and I liked that this played a factor in this fic.

My favorite line: "...You know my girls are my world and you were just some boy trying to snake his way into my daughter's...garments. He cringed at the thought and Draco did as well. Of all the ways for him to put it.

Very funny and sweet!

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Review #6, by forever_dreamingActions Speak Louder than Words: Broken: Rose POV

12th July 2017:
Hi! I really liked this chapter; it's a strong start to what's looking to be a really great story. I liked the interactions between the characters (James seems perfectly characterized, which is hard to do considering the very brief mention of him near the end of the chapter). There was a great balance of comic relief and seriousness; you very artfully alluded to what I'm expecting to be a trauma that Rose experienced fairly recently. You made sure to give clues about the what, where, and who of the trauma while still leaving enough mystery that I want to keep reading to find out more.

I think the strongest highlight of this chapter was Rose's characterization. From the start, I disposed all preconcieved notions with her; from the way that she spoke and thought, I could practically hear her in my head. Her depression/anxiety wasn't dramatized at all, really; it was described so realistically. I especially loved the line "I have been numb for two years." What a haunting line!

I can't really recommend much to improve in this chapter, it was overall a very inviting start to what's looking to be a very good story. Characterization-wise, it's excellent in this start. I think you could've improved your description of Selenia's nature, as it felt maybe out of place in the rest of the chapter and felt more like telling and less like showing, but that's a little nit-picky.

Overall, great first chapter!
Actual rating: 8.5, but I rounded down.

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thank you so much for this lovely review! I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief over my characterization. My main goal for this chapter was to set the scene, reel the reader into the story, and make them want to move on to chapter two. And just like you, I don't think a story can go too far without having deeply moving characters that are intriguing and slowly develop throughout the story. My plan is for both Rose and Scorpius to grow, independently and with each other. (I'd love to hear your thoughts on if/how I manage this!)

I agree with you about Selenia's character in this short intro. She might need another sentence or two to establish just where she fits in Rose's life.

Thanks again - this review was so kind!

♥ Beth


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Review #7, by forever_dreamingSlaying Demons: Slaying Demons

11th July 2017:
First off, let me just say that this was a very very cute fic--I love Wolfstar (that's pretty much the one area of LGBT+ fics that I have lots of experience in) so I was excited to see this fic! Remus and Sirius were adorable in this, I was practically squealing the entire time.

I think the one large improvement you could make to this story would be more showing and less telling. I could tell that the story was intended to describe an important milestone in Remus and Sirius's relationship, and what had led up to it. The first part was done great; their interaction in that last scene with the motorbike was beautiful. But the latter part, showing what led up to it, lacked a little.

There's lots of ways to show more and tell less. You could start by developing the setting in the beginning; you started off with Remus reflecting, and didn't really describe where he was or what he was doing (other than the fact that he was thinking). Setting is a really important tool of a writer that is often disregarded--you could use the setting of the dormitory to build the atmosphere and give more clues to their relationship. For instance, maybe you could talk about Sirius's clothes on Remus's bed, or talk about the sun filtering through the windows, creating a warmth in the room, that's inviting and loving, like this fic! Another example: when Remus and Sirius are walking, and Sirius is nervous, perhaps you could describe whether Remus picks up on any cues that indicate that Sirius is nervous. Sirius isn't really one to show his nervousness much, I'm sure--this would be a great way to show the depth of their relationship.

Then, in other areas, when you make statements about other milestones in their relationship, perhaps include flashbacks to these moments. For instance, you mentioned that Sirius knew that he loved Remus when Remus's pain hurt him more than his own. Give an example of this.

A second, less major improvement, would be the sort of awkward flow at times. For instance, I thought that it was a little awkward at first that you talked about how Remus's friends always made him smile, but then focused solely on Sirirus. To me, that draws an immediate correlative relationship: Sirius = friend, when in fact, in this fic, Remus and Sirius are already dating. So perhaps it would be better to provide a few examples of how his other friends make him smile, and then differentiate that with how Sirius makes him smile. Another situation: when Remus was wondering about what they'd planned for his birthday,you stated "He wasn't great with surprises but James had the annoying habit...". Those two phrases don't really seem related at all; maybe you meant that Remus wasn't great with maintaining patience when it came to surprises? There's a few places in the fic that are like this (the other one that comes to mind is when Sirius is telling James how he feels about Remus and feels the need to add more--maybe you could fluff that up a little: why does Sirius need to say more? What's that urge compelling him). I can point out other places in a more detailed beta, if you'd like :)

There were a few minor word-choice issues but overall, your fluency was excellent. I might try to use more descriptive language--there was a lot of smiling and grinning, and perhaps it would be better to vary their facial expressions. When I imagined the boys in my head, they seemed maybe a little flat, not with their usual wit and sarcasm and tomfoolery. I did like the pillow-throwing though ^-^

The other thing that I was a little confused about was the title. I understand the reference but I feel maybe it wasn't alluded to enough. I think this is something that would be more impactful if you added more details about the milestones that led to this moment in Remus and Sirius's relationship.

Overall, I really liked this fic. I loved the romanticness of it--the line "I can't promise you forever but I promise every day I have" ad the romantic realism of their understanding that they may not have forever, so they'll be sure to savor every day, was really great. I think one important aspect of Wolfstar and what makes it work is that Sirius pulls Remus out of his comfort zone, and this fic really showed how Remus and Sirius have impacted one another, Remus becoming more adventurous, Sirius becoming more open, not bottling things up as much.

I hope that this review was clear and helped you--let me know if you have any clarification questions or further questions, and I would be happy to help! :)

Rating's more of a 6.5, but I always round down.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review this in so much detail. I'm very impressed that you've really compiled details/suggestions for me. it's very thoughtful of you.

I agree with some of points you've made here, I'm still quite new to writing (under 6 months) so I have areas that I'm aware that I need to improve on. I think you've picked up on those issues here which is something I'm trying to work on to improve as a writer. So it's a work in progress as I'm always learning.

I wrote this piece as a gift for my friend on her birthday as wolfstar is her favourite ship. So the main purpose was to make her smile so I think it achieved its job! I don't really write the marauders era much and I hadn't done this pairing before this. I enjoyed the challenge but I'm sorry if some aspects didn't work for you but it was something new.

this piece is just fluff really so I'm glad you thought it was cute because that was the main aim. thank you for your kind words. I think the end rating was perhaps a bit disappointing but I guess that gives me plenty room for improvement eh? ;)



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