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Reading Reviews From Member: velajune
  
41 Reviews Found

Review #1, by velajuneThe Next Great Adventure: Prologue: An Old Friend

22nd April 2016:
Hi Kaitlin,

(I'm sorry for getting this review submitted late. I hadn't forgotten your request!)

I was truly curious as to what this story would be about. I hadn't anticipated the next great adventure to begin with Harry's death. I think you delivered his passing well and even though it hurt, it was his time. I truly understood that from the way you'd written this first chapter.

Reading through it a few times, I really don't have any criticism for this first chapter. It flowed nicely. We get enough information about the life he led after the war through this bit. I'm really liking your style of writing and look forward to reading more of the stories between Harry and Dobby!

June

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Review #2, by velajuneThe Darkest Hour: The Darkest Hour

22nd April 2016:
Hi there Paula!

I hadn't forgotten about your request! As promised. :)

I went through a rollercoaster of emotions for this story. I might have giggled a little when Sirius thought of her a pretty Petunia. And definitely, my heart ached for their love and also from the slight suspense during the parchment scene. I also felt like tearing up for the love that will never be.

I applaud you for piling in so much emotion in a short one shot! It was amazing. My only cc is during the "made her heartbeat irregular". I think there should be a space between heart and beat. So that it reads as her heart's way of beating is made irregular instead of how it is currently.

I definitely think it's not in the way you've written the story, but just the thought of a Petunia/Sirius pairing that makes it a story that people wouldn't initially read. Promote it and I'm sure people will love it the same way I do!!!

The only rushness I get is the cut from Petunia's reply and then suddenly Sirius has sent a letter where he's in love. Other than that, everything flowed well.

Where them short stories at? I'd love to read more of Petunia and Sirius. Lol
June

Author's Response: I'm glad that my story could illicit so much emotion! I think you're right on the heart beat bit for sure, so I'll go back an edit that immediately. I think I felt that was a little rushed too so I'm glad that I'm not the only one. I think I'll add another letter in between to show them falling for one another. Thank you so very much for all of your extremely helpful input! I appreciate it so much!

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Review #3, by velajuneOne Last Victory: Doubt

14th April 2016:
Hi,

So, here again to read through two or three before getting to the actually story I'm supposed to be looking into.

Minerva's one of my favorite characters to read about. It's always interesting what kind of direction the writer will take. I liked this story. It felt very human to me.

Every bit of this story was heartbreaking, from the small details of having a cane, not recognizing the gates, or students simply looking at her.

I had to set aside the thought that I grew up loving this woman's strength and love towards her students because this was a different era. Those students have long gone. It truly broke my heart when she said she was the last left. Even Pomona and Flitwick are no longer there.

I think you did such a great job in building up for the last scene.

At first, I thought, the conversation between Nev and Hannah were unbelievable. I'd like to think it's all in Minerva's head as she was feeling alone. Everything seemed unfamiliar and because of that, it caused her to feel like people around her were unfamiliar too. Lol But I have a feeling that's not what it is.

It's funny though, I had just gotten done writing a scene with a Headmistress McGonagall, also (almost) 20 years after the war. Coincidence!

Anyway, great one-shot. Totally teared up.
June

Author's Response: Thank you June. I was feeling really really bad about having to write McGonagall this way. I always saw her as Hogwart's rock during the books. She genuinely cared about the school and all of their students, and it broke my heart to have to write her as a broken, lonely old Headmistress.

I think that it's a combination of what you said and what I thought. McGonagall knows that she's the last one and she feels utterly alone so she's bound to be paranoid that people want her gone. At the same time, people actually do want her to leave, but for her. Feeling out of touch, especially for someone as dedicated as McGonagall, is humiliating and incredibly sad to watch for her former students and colleagues.
She knows that. She just wants to be relevant when people feel that she has to move on, and she doesn't want to move on because she doesn't want to let down her colleagues and students.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was hard to write one of my favorite characters like this.

Happy writing,
Professor McGonagall


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Review #4, by velajuneRise of the Planet of the Snapes: Tapioca Dreams

13th April 2016:
Hey,

I just wanted to check out some of your stories to get a better feel of your writing. I'm not really sure why I continued to read this after all the warning signs, but I loved it. Not in a "this is the most beautiful thing ever written" but I found it laugh out loud hilarious.

Everything was just all over the place. Such a strange and funny thing to read!

(I have to say, one of my most favorite writers I found on FF. Undoubtedly, I've seen the worst writing in there, but also found a few treasures.)

June

Author's Response: Oh yeah. There's some absolute gold on FF. I absolutely ADORE Driftwood's work with Harry/Fleur (they're one of the inspirations behind my love for the ship) yet I find myself... dissapointed by the vast majority. And that's what I focused on: the madcap, almost frighteningly genius ways of a bad piece of writing taken absolutely seriously. I'm glad you liked it!

Happy writing!
ProfessorMinnie


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Review #5, by velajuneHero: One Day at a Time

12th April 2016:
Dear Bianca,

*flails hands* So many details, so many questions, and even with answers I'm left wanting more. I'm hooked! I think I was hooked from the beginning.

Hero counting before going through Platform 9 3/4 was intriguing. I didn't know why she was doing that and was curious to find out why. What was it that was making her feel antsy? Does the number 20 mean anything? I like how easy it was to become familiar with her.

I feel bad for her, for being in a family like that. Finn seems to be a loving-enough brother, but the last bit with "We had more important, super-secret things to do" made me worry. Still, I look forward to more Hero and Tom interaction. I'm almost sad to think about what will happen with her current friendships.

Awesome first chapter!
June

Author's Response: Hi June! So nice to see you here, and yay I'm glad I hooked you! Muahaha. Yes, a lot of questions posed in this chapter, sorry to do that to you (but not really). Thank you for your review! ♥

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Review #6, by velajuneJourney Into The Unknown: Journey Into The Unknown

12th April 2016:
Hi Leigh,

I wasn't sure what kind of review you were looking for with this exchange, but I just went with how I normally would if it was a request. Hope that's okay and it helps you in some way. :)

I liked the idea of a Metamorphmagus. That's a pretty cool topic in it of itself. I also love her name. So, those were the two things that led me to read this over your more popular, The Silver Lining (that I'm also curious about).

I did find a few things that bothered me while reading. Sometimes it's a the awkward sentences like "They both did a double take" or found some details, again, awkwardly introduced like, "She looked at her husband, who was a Pureblood wizard whereas she was a Muggle." And each time something like that appeared, it interrupted the flow of the read. For the first, I recommend going back to certain lines that make you stumble as you read. For the second, maybe rearranging word placement would do the trick.

There are also times where you mixed up your "Her". For example, you mention "Her mother" and then move on in that same paragraph to say, "She looked at her husband". The first "her" referred to the baby whereas the second referred to the mom, but being that they are in the same sentence, and no differentiation was made by using a name, it seemed like both times was reffering to the Ariana which isn't the case. Otherwise, we would read that paragraph like this, "Ariana's mother just shook her head. "I'm sure it's nothing." Ariana looked at her husband." I hope this makes sense. If you go back to your first, you were able to separate the first two sentences with the last half by say, "Ari looked up". This clarified that we were no longer reading it in Rachel's perspective.

Moving on... I noticed a few typos that I usually gloss over.

I did at times wish you elaborated more on certain parts, like Rachel and Michael's relationship because you pointed out their difference in blood, or Rachel's growing, but still limited knowledge of his world. I think, not only would we have been amazed by Ariana's circumstance, we would also really fallen for the parent's relationship. Also, it would have let us understand this part more, "Rachel shook her head. “I can accept that she is a witch, but not this. This is just…too much!” Rachel sat down on a nearby sofa. She was shaking, unable to accept this about her daughter." Her break down was a bit of a quick development for me without a steady ground to hold it, and even more so when she stepped out.

I definitely can sympathize with the situation, but I would've loved more details! This is such a great idea. Ariana, this intelligent Metamorphmagus born from a Pureblood wizard and a muggle mom, is an interesting child.

I was surprised to remember that this was only a one-shot. Again, great idea, and I like the characters you've come up with. They may have all been OCs, but you've given each such distinct personalities that I think really fit the situation and the world you've created.

If you ever decide to edit, I hope this helps and I loved reading your story. :)
June

Author's Response: Thanks for your review. I didn't even notice half the stuff you mentioned until reading this review. I might edit it at some point in the near future since I am back and into my writing. I just hope my other stories are good too. It was my first one shot so I felt like I had to rush it a bit. I'm sorry if that caused any problems with your reading experience. Feel free to read my other stuff and review it if you want.

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Review #7, by velajuneNine Years: November 1st, 1991

12th April 2016:
Hi Emma,

Here for the Review Tag and also because I've been meaning to get back to reading Nine Years.

Again, I just love Lee. Everything about his character and your descriptions works so well for me. Hmm, I've never seen Lee as anyone other than Luke Youngblood. Your take on his physique is refreshing to me and a real great add to the character, I think. It adds conflict in the story that has nothing to do with the war, but more on how Lee sees himself and conducts himself growing up. I really liked that.

I've already voiced my love for your inclusion of him in Fred and George's antics, but I was truly captured by this line in regards to the Marauder's Map, "Obviously it’s yours too. Use it whenever you want." It always bothered me that the twins just gave it up to Harry so easily and Lee really wasn't there. I still really think that he was present in their lives, like more of a triplet than three friends.

I found it funny that the Marauders immediately start talking when Snape's name is mentioned. Which reminds me, Snape's truly a mean sallow man. I keep forgetting that and I just loved how subtly not subtle his preference was for his house. He's so evil in so many little ways. *shakes head* It's a hoot reading the exchanges between the Marauders and the resident pranksters.

I'm truly in love with the friendship you've created in Nine Years and look forward to the next chapter!
June

Author's Response: June! I'm so glad you liked Lee. I'd never thought much about him until seeing the plus size challenge but now I'm stuck with my version.

And I think Fred and George will obviously always have a more special connection than they have with Lee (or at least a different kind of connection), but I agree that he's very present in their lives.

I wanted to give a bit of a reminder of Snape's more negative comments. He bullies students he sees as week, like Neville, and I think Lee would fit into that category.

Thanks for a lovely review! E x


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Review #8, by velajuneThe Gifts: Neville: The Three Broomsticks

12th April 2016:
Hi Caity,

I'm here for the request review! Obviously, I love Neville and almost equally, I love anything that touches on his relationship with Hannah.

Before I tackle with a long review, I first want to gush about how I think this is a sweet one-shot about a love we never really got to see in the books. I liked your Neville, he had just the right amount of nervousness for me. And I loved the idea that he and Hannah were always meant to be. Oh, fated love.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I love the full review you gave me through PM!

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Review #9, by velajuneThe Ultimate Betrayal: The Ultimate Encounter

12th April 2016:
Hi there Deana,

I want to quickly say, I am in awe of this gripping chapter. Even though I was excited to read this as it was about Percy, I didn't think I'd be captivated so easily.

As the story progressed the more my thoughts, on what the ultimate betrayal would be, were confirmed. I honestly loved this and was bummed that it only had one chapter up.

I think your Percy felt canon to me, especially as you gave reasons to his actions. Percy has always been a stickler for the rules and I can definitely see him easily persuaded if the right words or appeal were said to him. Often, those who believe undyingly on the rules set for them are the most naive. (And this said by a person who used to also follow the rules to a T.) Percy is a thinker, very true, but you also showed how vulnerable he was.

Looking at our societies today, especially that of the American, imo, I think this kind of situation is most definitely plausible. It's scary to think that it is, but it's very true. Given the right circumstance, the right speech, the right inflections, and the right environment, people like Percy can be turned against the truer good.

I loved the subtly of the dark element in this first chapter. It's very true that there's a bit of darkness in everyone, because how do we understand light if we don't know the dark? And you do such a great job with Percy's character change.

If this had happened in the series, I wouldn't be surprised. For a long time, I had been mad at Percy. A part of me had always blamed him for Fred's death. I just thought, if he'd trusted his family more than the rules, more than the corrupt ministry, things would've been different, small it may be. He put his trust on what seemed like concrete words, ideas, and selfish people in the beginning. What was keeping him from not doing so in the end?

Great beginning! I'm curious now about for your Love, Not War novel. I'll be checking that out as well. :)
June

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Review #10, by velajuneTreasure Hunts: Treasure Hunts

12th April 2016:
Hi!

When I saw Dennis' name, I jumped the gun and just went for the story without further thought. I'm glad that I did.

I have this story I'm writing where she turned out like your Dennis. And it really hit home for me, this story. I'd always wanted to read a story of what happened to Dennis after the war. More than the trio's epilogue, I wanted to know Dennis'. Colin was one of my favorites and I balled when he died. I could never imagine Dennis' story without Colin because it was like looking at George. It just breaks my heart.

So, I'm thankful there was this story, a story that tells of the grief Dennis went through and that your Lyra's kindness saved him.

It actually inspires me to think about his story.
Great stories inspire, I think. :)
June

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for coming by to review! I really, really appreciate it.

I'm really glad you enjoyed the story. I definitely wanted to address Dennis' grief after the war, and also explore some interesting wizarding/Muggle overlaps. Dennis probably spoke to me more, in this story, than Lyra herself. But then again, I was happy with how their interactions turned out as well.

You flatter me with your talk about inspiration. But that's the beauty of hpff, I think-- when you read someone else's take on a character, you can often find your own ideas going in a thousand directions as you begin to try and take your own spin on that character or situation. It's so nice to hear that you got a little of that from this story!


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Review #11, by velajuneAstoundingly Ordinary: Free

11th April 2016:
Hi!

Oh man, I honestly tried this out because it's the first story I've seen about him. I didn't know what to expect coming into it.

The descriptions! So vivid. It's a totally different Igor from what I had in mind, yet the same. It's a mystery to me as to why I feel that way about it aside from the fact that you wrote it so well!

I never really thought about his ending- his happy ending. And after this, I'm kind of wishing he hadn't died. What would his life have been like if hadn't been a wizard...? Those types of questions are popping in my head now. I've never considered him as anything, but a DE (and a coward) until now.

I can only describe what he must have felt as "beauty in the mundane".
June

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Review #12, by velajuneFour Walls: Spring

11th April 2016:
Hello!

I'm just going to dive right in. This is "delicious". Lol, I loved so many of the lines in this story and I'm such a sucker for a redeeming Draco! (Not sure if there's a term for that.)

I also loved your OC. She's pushy, but she knows where to stop. She knows herself well and conducts herself in a way that I really liked.

My most favorite line is "she continued to entertain his tequila flavoured, moonshine decisions" because it rolls off the tongue easily and it's unique in its description. And it continues the theme of drinking.

I can't wait to read more!
June

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Review #13, by velajuneHat's Dilemma: Hat's Dilemma

11th April 2016:
Hi Ysh,

I'm here for the request you made. It's a few hours later than I expected, but here it is now.

It was one of the stories I was looking forward to reading from the list of entries for the challenge.

I loved every bit of this one-shot. You've clearly defined each character and they felt canon to me. You did a great job with researching all of their information. I don't have much to say other than I loved how you wrote them. I liked reading about Minerva's parents through her perspective. I liked that the Hat saw something in Peter that he unfortunately never saw in himself. His part truly broke my heart. I liked that your Hermione is very much like the stubborn and know-it-all, almost to the point of annoying, Hermione that was in the books. Lol, And I also loved the clash of two, even more, stubborn minds, the Hat and Neville.

Neville is my all time favorite character, and I looked forward most to how you'd write his bit. I can't say I'm disappointed. I laughed as they continued to be in conflict with one another. Even as Neville fought the Hat, he still couldn't see the potential he had.

I loved your Sorting Hat by the way. He was every bit of a sass, as I'd always seen him. Again, great job on the canonicity.

I'm curious, did you come up with the verses of the Hat's song yourself for all the other eras aside from Hogwarts Era? Because I need some of that creativity there. Lol.

I'm super glad you dropped by to request. I loved this!
June

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Review #14, by velajuneDone: Really done

11th April 2016:
Hello!

Oh, what a fun read. It was funny all throughout and a much-needed break from the scary stories I've been reading tonight.

The use of repetition was well used. I'm thoroughly amused, with Teddy and Victoire's relationship. I loved that it was about one of my favorite pairings in the HP-verse. And you weren't kidding about the fluff!

Their children in this story are also interesting. I'm curious and will probably check out your other stories that may feature them. In particular, I was most interested in Remus, not for his namesake, but for the line, "Remus said in that drawn-out not-quite-a-whine he had perfected since turning twelve, pulling a long-suffering face."

Overall, I enjoyed your writing!
June

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Review #15, by velajuneRise of the Phoenix Volume I: The Gathering Storm

11th April 2016:
Hi Nick,

Here for the review swap! (Even though I would've been happy with just reviewing too without the swap.)

Theo? I thought it was Theodore Nott and was excited for a moment because he's one of my favorite characters to read about. I'm really bad at checking the AP and looking at the Era before reading. Once a summary gets to me, I just head straight for it. And even though you mentioned a specific year, I was still confused for a good while. Anyway, I'll get to the actual review.

I loved how descriptive the entire chapter was. For me, it created a clear picture and emotion, but every now and then, it became a bit difficult to read. There was a point during the first third of your chapter where I just felt a bit overwhelmed with all the information. Even though you write well and I loved the attention to the details, I would've loved to see a bit more dialogue to break it apart.

If this were a physical book, though, I think it would've flowed just fine because the pages break all the descriptions you had. So, I think, it really isn't your writing that's the problem. It's just the way it reads on a screen.

It used to be difficult for me to read OCs, but as long as I'm brought into their world, I'm always happy at the end. I did read this a few times, which is why it's taken a while to drop off this review. Twice was for confirmation. I needed to be sure how I felt about Aurora because I didn't quite connect with her the first time which I thought was strange. There's a lot about her that I knew stood out for me on a personal level. Still, unfortunately for me, Auror didn't feel all too lovable. I think, though, her annoyance towards Theo came across well. As the story progressed, I too felt annoyed. It first escalated for me when they were on the train.

The third time I read it, I actually stopped my first read because I got a little scared during the train scene. It was around midnight for me... things become creepy at that time of night especially with well written scenes.

I liked the chapter, I loved reading about the some of the different adventures she's been in, the mystery of her brother's death, the connection to canon events and so many more of your wonderful details piqued my attention. Again, you convey emotions very well despite everything I say against Aurora. I'm interested in finding out more. I don't think it makes sense that I didn't connect with Aurora, but still wish to read on, yet that's how it is for me at the moment. (Maybe the more I keep thinking of this story, the more I'll connect with her... Like getting to know a person.)

I look forward to Aurora's growth and how it'll transpire.
June

P.S. After seeing your review, I sort of wish that my review was a little bit more informative like yours had been.

Author's Response: Hey June,

Cheers for all the constructive feedback, especially concerning Aurora. I like that you read through it a few times and offered a thoughtful analysis from a reader's perspective,

Look forward to swapping again at some point. I will post another review of a Halls of Hogwarts soon.

Nick


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Review #16, by velajuneMeddling with Marauders: The Last Time-Turner

10th April 2016:
Hi Dee,

This prologue was pretty exciting. I find that some fight scenes I've read can get a bit confusing, but I was actually able to follow the bit that you had here! I'm going to credit that to your writing skills. Lol

I can't wait to read the next chapter. Hmm disregarding some canon bits, that's good with me! :D

June

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Review #17, by velajuneThe Brightest Blue: The Brightest Blue

10th April 2016:
Hello,

I'm going to start off by quoting my favorite line, "It had always just been sounds, but maybe wands had some sort of quiet music about them," because as small of a detail that was, it made me feel a lot of different emotions. It's a beautiful line with so much weight to it, yet it lightens the soul. I knew that when Alice was going through wand after wand that there would be something special happening. I didn't think that I'd be moved as much as I was.

I've had this story on my "To Read" list for a while since returning to HPFF and I'm glad that your summary caught my eye. I'm glad that people were recommending it because it's a beautiful piece.

In this story, there's just so many beautiful lines like "I didn't want the whole world knowing about my colors." And the lines for after every memory/ scene, they're wonderful.

You writing is magical!

I'm not sure what else to say. I loved this story and I loved your writing. I forgot the whole way through that your Alice was the Alice Longbottom, the Alice we didn't have the time to really get to know in the series. And so my heart was broken all over again, especially with this line, "He was the picture of innocence. He was Frank and he was me. He was us. He was Neville" and every time you said "empty".

If it wasn't already obvious, I love this story!
June

Author's Response: Hi, June!

I'm glad you liked that line. I love exploring how magic relates to the arts and wanted to put a bit of music in this as well as colors. Music and art are so interconnected and almost magical themselves, so I wanted to tie in wands and magic to that.

It was really interesting to explore Alice as a character because we know pretty much nothing about her in canon. I came up with the synesthesia idea before I decided what character to use and Alice seemed to fit so well.

Aw, thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed the story. :)


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Review #18, by velajuneDear Harry: Introduction

10th April 2016:
Hi!

I don't think I knew what I was really getting into, but that summary was seriously intriguing. Also, I've never read any of the non-cisgender stories on HPFF. So, I just had to read this. Another reason why is because I've been in that situation, of being the one everyone whispered their secrets to.

To my delightful surprise, the story started off with Oliver Wood because I rarely check which characters are involved in the story if the summary has hooked me. (He was my favorite for a long time.) I was curious as to why the story started the way that it did, with Holly talking about the relationships she... he... they have with them, but I liked reading the interactions of the characters we've come to love in someone else's eyes.

I laughed when the bet was mentioned. Something about bets just makes you shake your head and laugh out loud. And then again at, "unfortunate last name jokes" because I try not to think about Oliver's last name. You've even added to that, which I find even more hilarious. Great Idea!

I can really hear Holly's voice in this first chapter, but at the same time, I found it a little difficult to read. Hmm, this is something that could just be me, but I found the sentences hard sounding. It's complicated to explain for me, but I shall try. The sentences often don't roll off the tongue nicely which is a bit unfortunate since H has such a strong character to them. Obviously, this can be disregarded if that was the intention.

Aside from that, I found this story charming and can't wait to read more of it. A few things that I loved, and didn't really fit the above stuff that I loved are 1. H's muggle-born mom, 2. the introduction of mobile phones, and lastly, your Harry, who seems to be in touch with everyone while they're all in the dark about his secrets.

June

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Review #19, by velajuneChasing Fireflies: Promises

9th April 2016:
Hi Alexis,

I'm embarrassed to say, here's the review you requested months ago. *hides* I'm sorry it's taken so long. :) But I'm glad to be reading your story again as I have missed it!

Your writing is just impeccable and it takes only seconds for me to remember what I'd read before. Immediately, I'm brought to Sarah's world. Her emotions are familiar again. And... I remember how broken she was when I last left her.

There're quite a few descriptions in this chapter that I loved, but what stuck to me was the 'earth-bound stars'. Though I've never seen a firefly, I've always thought of them as thus. The running motif in this story feels so surreal. And instead of a beautiful writing, it's more sublime.

Short funny story- when I was reading this I had this playlist I made for a story I was writing playing in the background. Sometime after Sarah gets turned and right before Lupin leaves for Hogwarts, a particular song played- it's about an old love and how that love changed the girl, her world, and how she sees things. It just fit so perfectly and made that series of scenes that much more pleasing to read. Lol, I just thought it was strange and coincidental.

... And that wasn't the only time my playlist fit the story. There was a song that said, "love is hard for a man like you". ... It was just so weird. As they parted, I could feel my own heart break because the songs added this background music to your words. It was like I was watching a film. :'(

Anyway back to the story! I can definitely see a more forgiving American Magical community when it comes to Lycanthropy where they rule themselves. I just feel like that's so probable. You're so knowledgable. :) Again, I just love the details that you add to the story and I get so curious as to how much more you're going to add to the world of HP. It's really quite exciting.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
June

Author's Response: Heya June!

Don't hide! I'm embarrassed it's taken me this long to respond. But a New Year calls for a Review Response Resolution! So here we go!

I'm thrilled you found it easy to slip back into Sarah's story. Now I grew up with fireflies back in the 70's. I remember as a child trying to catch them without crushing them, holding them cupped in my hands as they blinked on and off. Then they started the whole spraying for mosquitos thing, which unfortunately killed the fireflies. I hadn't seen fireflies again until I moved to West Virginia back around 2006. Sitting on my porch with a glass of wine in hand one evening, I was struck by how magical they looked as they danced on the summer breeze across the lawn. They looked like little stars, and I couldn't help but recall how I used to chase them. From there, the idea that Sarah and Remus might have chased fireflies, too, was born.

I'd love to hear what songs you were listening to when reading! Music helps energize my muse. For this story, two songs were important - Me and Charlie Talking by Miranda Lambert (it also mentions fireflies), and Brass Bed by Josh Gracin (particularly the last chapter once they reach the cabin).

Anyways, thanks for the lovely review!

*hugs*

~Alexis


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Review #20, by velajuneThe Nine and a Half Lives of the Boomerang Girl: Nostalgia

9th April 2016:
Back again!
Three in a row. Didn't think it'd be so quick. When you voiced your concern, I really thought there'd be a big problem with the story, but I'm breezing through the third chapter quite easily. I only stopped reading to write this because I didn't want to forget... Cuddly Cannons. Hahaha, that's going to stick with me forever. Lol

Like I said in the previous review, I really like Lachlan's character and the good, almost positive, influence he is for Thalia. He's nosy but knows when to step back to let her breathe a little. My only problem is, he feels like he's always hitting on her, but hmm Thalia needs some distraction from herself, really. lol And I can always ship that...

Fred Weasley II working in a pet shop... maybe Charlie's been influencing the boy the past 6 years. Definitely, not what I expected, but I like it. He's quirky and funny like his namesake, but he's his own character. I truly like it.

I'm curious as to how much of the details in your story you have already thought of. I can't wait for the next chapter!

Honestly, I don't see the problem. Your writing is amazing and the flow of the story is smooth. The conversations roll off my tongue easily and I'm brought into the world you've created with ease.

It may just be an under-appreciated story. :)
A bit of promoting here and there from you, and past readers like myself, I'm sure it'll pick up some traffic it isn't already. Also, I'd love to see a story banner just to see which actors you had in mind. xD

June

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Review #21, by velajuneThe Nine and a Half Lives of the Boomerang Girl: Beginning Again

9th April 2016:
Hey bigpotterfan,

So, I've now finished the second chapter. :)

The opening was really good. I can already see the difference between 16-year-old and 22-year-old Thalia. You delivered maturity through her words fairly well and was still able to keep intact the voice that I already recognized as hers from the first chapter.

I got goosebumps reading this line: "However, it’s one thing knowing and another actually doing." I know that in the earlier chapter you mentioned that the story was fashioned, somewhat, after your own experiences. And this line, though common, was just hair-raising and spine-chilling. The fact that it's so common makes Thalia's strange life seem more familiar to someone who's probably never been in that situation or anywhere close. In this chapter, there's a lot of these little details that build the hardship and make her relatable. Great job!

I definitely think, you wrote the second chapter a lot better. Each line rolls off the tongue quite easier than the first. And the conversations feel more natural than they were between 16-year-old Thalia and Rose. I liked that we got to know Landry more as he was one of the characters I was looking forward to seeing more in her life. I just love Landry's ridiculously funny character.

As I read the story, I kept remembering your summary and realizing, 'Oh! This is where that line fits' or 'Aww Landry, that's not why' and having these reactions is a sign that your writing is connecting with every detail forementioned. So again, great job!

big issue.There's also moments like: "He looks at his watch and sighs, ‘five more minutes and we’re off.’ ‘Pretty good guess, there,’ Winnie smiles at her husband" where I think not enough was said, but it's not a big issue.

Lachlan is a pleasure to meet. He's so strange and funny. I laughed at Thalia's first impression (when she hears his name) and was easily convinced with his easy-going attitude towards Thalia. Like Thalia, I enjoyed their exchange of words also.

What I liked about Lachlan is that there's a sense of similarity between him and Thalia, but still quite the stark difference. It's looking at two kids with different sucky childhood and seeing them older, and wanting to be free from that past.

And so leads me to say, my favorite part of this story, this chapter, is always when Thalia is talking, but not really saying anything. Her pain feels quite familiar to me, and her restraint so similar to my own. There's a kind of sad beauty to those excerpts. I truly appreciate them and I think, they really show not only Thalia's changes but also a bit of you, the author.

Overall, I think this chapter was by far superior to the first and it's just so well written. I can't wait to read the next!
June

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Review #22, by velajuneThe Nine and a Half Lives of the Boomerang Girl: Six Years Earlier

8th April 2016:
Hey bigpotterfan,

First of all, I apologize for the incredibly late response to your request. I won't make excuses and just get to what you wished for me to do. :) I hope that this helps you in some way.

I've actually read your story once before and am re-reading it again now that I'm catching up with my requests. And I think, my rereading it will help with how I see the story and the possible reasons to your drop of readership.

There're quite a few grammatical errors. I think your story would benefit in having a beta-reader, someone who can just sweep through your story and clean up the bits that you've probably become immune to. Often, that occurs when we reread our own writing many times.

For this chapter, I found Thalia's narration to be charming at times and other times, it would fall flat, but I can't say for sure yet as I would like to reread the other chapters- which I am actually doing now. If this comes up again, I'll be sure to go further into detail about it. Though I did think, you could've gotten more out of the confession and also the abusive nature of the stepmother (of course, making sure to follow the rules of the archive). I love how borderline psychotic Romilda has become in your story because she's always felt a bit unhinged to me. Lol

The story escalated real quickly and I would've loved a longer well-written build up just to get us attached to Thalia, to the idea of her broken heart, and possibly telling us the story of her relationship with her stepmother earlier on.

There were also places during the Unbreakable Vow scene that I didn't understand... Like when Romilda wasn't completing her sentences. I thought that was a little strange or I'm just not understanding that part.

Aside from your request, I'm quite intrigued with the story and how Thalia will grow. Your Rose is a pretty interesting interpretation and James, oh James, is much like his grandfather. I'm almost remiss about his character just because I dislike it. Lol, But maybe that's me siding with Thalia's broken heart.

I'd just like to add also, I had to double take with your Next-Gen Fred. Almost broke my heart to see his name as a Next-Gen rather than the Fred we've all come to know, but I do like your Fred so far.

See you in the next chapter!
June

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Review #23, by velajuneWho Set the Jobberknolls Free?: The thing with feathers.

6th April 2016:
Dear Teh,

It's taken me 2 months, I hope that's okay.
I always enjoy a Sirius and Lily conversation, exchange, whatever. Just anything Sirius and Lily that's quirky, and lovable. Though it starts out like that, it doesn't last long. :'(

When I read letter format stories, especially that of the Marauder's, I get a bit anxious and I got pretty anxious reading the start of your story. (I slow down after the mention of a death, Elliot's. I think the weight of the war, the suffering, and loss got to me.) My hand wanted to scroll down quickly, but my mind kept telling me to read carefully, fear that I might miss some crucial information trying to skim. And it made me think about their set future, or lack thereof. It makes me teary now as I recall the continuous exchange of letters between Sirius and Lily.

The breaking of the heart doesn't end there. It just continues on... Continuing on with what I said about the war, I think you captured the essence of the violence, and the sense of all the combining feelings of loss of someone, of hope, and again, the weight of it all. It was heartbreaking reading it.

Whenever I saw Lily continuously sending letters and Sirius not, it tugs my heart. Is this it? Despite the dates, I still ask, is this it? Do we lose them here. I had to stop a few times just to catch my breath.

Your writing, it's beautiful, it's restrained- you say just the rights words without going overboard. It takes me to a sad place.

I'll have to read the next chapter some other time, but I'm curious as to what truly happened between Remus and Sirius (my mind has already touched the idea of them being in a relationship), and how you'll end the story.

June

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Review #24, by velajuneFirewhiskey and Dragonbreath Shots: Firewhiskey and Dragonbreath Shots

6th April 2016:
Dear Ysh,

2 months late!!! I'm so sorry and you requested another, that I swear I will get to next week! I'll just get right into it. :)

A James and Lily shipping. I don't particularly like nor dislike this pairing and it's only recently that they've been on my radar, so it's always interesting to me how people portray them. Also, I enjoy Marauder stories. They're just so quirky.

Whenever there is James... there is Sirius. Lol I pretty much cracked up right at the beginning. Lily and Sirius are always butting heads in my mind, but I also see them as very similar people. And I get that sense in your writing also, which I liked very much.

I have never ever, ever, seen someone compare Vernon to a walrus. So, the laughing continues.

The story flowed very well for me right off the bat, as you can tell. The banter between Sirius and Lily felt very natural to me and for the entirety of your story, I felt that your choice of words were spot on. That made it easy for me to read.

A drunk Lily though... It reminds of the scene with Hermione downing her Butterbeer, except here, it's actual alcohol. Tsk Tsk, Lily.

Anyway, the use of squib threw me off. I look at the word and I see it much like I see Mudblood. It's degrading and James taunting a guy, who had a right to be angry, ugh. Oh James. Why? Lol

When I read your James and Lily, it has this uncanny way of being a bit like Dramione. There's tension and there's also a kindred spirit/ friendship between them. I love Dramione, and that's why I say this. Please don't take it the wrong way if you may not like Dramione (I know you love the Marauders Era), but it just has that similarity to it that I loved.

This quote comes from a Dramione fic that I love dearly. "It's strange how people can long for something that never happened. How people can physically ache for an almost. A nothing that could have been something." It's a quote that I think embodies a lot of what this story conveyed to me. Except in this story, Lily and James cross that line. Lily's desperate wish to pretend like everything's normal really broke my heart, but I understand her fear and her hesitation to be with James. I see James as a jerk growing up and not completely changing. I'm not even mad at her for turning away.

Throughout this story you did three things to me. 1. Made me ship Lily and James. 2. Break my heart as Lily broke James'. Lastly, you got me to agree with Lily and I think, this was such a beautifully written story.

I hope this was your intention, if not, I still think it was all very well done.

Until next time,
June

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Review #25, by velajuneChoices.: Choices are the hardest things to make.

6th April 2016:
Hello Caity!

I read this a while back and actually had a different review entirely. I decided to re-do it upon returning. I hope this helps you out... better late than never, I suppose? I do apologize though. I didn't mean to flake on this for as long as I did.

On with the review!

Yay, Dramione! My favorite.

I definitely think that your Draco Malfoy isn't quite in character. It's a totally different Draco and that's fine. I started reading it and had to set my mind to think that, okay, this isn't your typical snotty Draco. He's already matured and has a lot of things to think about regarding the possible futures he may lead.

I liked how he entertained both sides of the spectrum. It seemed very realistic to me and so, to answer your request- does it flow? I think it flows pretty well, much like real thoughts. It's also good to mention that Lucius' character also showed through Draco's thinking process. It's scary to think that Draco, had he been truly given a choice about the Dark Mark, was actually threatened by his father also.

Draco to me, despite my love for Dramione, is a coward. So, by the end of your story, I really loved that he chose the light.

Some parts did feel a bit awkward for me like the second paragraph. Something about the paragraph threw me off a little. I couldn't say which part of it specifically because it's sort of sprinkled around. "Surprisingly comforted" doesn't roll off the tongue smoothly. "I liked a Muggleborn. I hate the term Mudblood." BUT here's the thing. I don't think you should change it. Reiterating a previous comment from me, it flows much like real thoughts. And I loved that about this.

But there's small stuff like using "I am" instead of the contracted "I'm". Again, this is more to do with easily read/spoken which contributes to the flow of the whole story. And also being natural. For example, though I love this abstract way of mentioning a proposal, "There is something metal and precious burning a hole in my pocket," is a bit unnatural. And throughout your story, we read Draco's candid thoughts. That line felt very scripted and didn't feel like it was a part of his thoughts. Rather, it sounded like a writer. I hope I explained that well.

I saw this in another review, but I too would've liked it better if everything was kept as a cliffhanger. Your ending works well, but given that the story was about choices, it would've been a good heartclench- Idk how to explain it- feeling if we didn't know exactly what your Draco chose.

Overall, I enjoyed reading your story and applaud you for the limited use of words! As you can see from my review, I have difficulty limiting my use of words. Lol

Hope this helps!
June

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