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Review:forever_dreaming says:
Hello! Here with the first of your requested reviews :)

This was such a delightful read—I was giggling and smiling the entire time! I have to commend you on creating such a believable conversation; it actually read sort of like a play, which makes me wonder if you have experience with theater or screen writing. The girl’s personality was so vibrant ; she really popped off the page. I loved how you started introducing us to her quirks. My favorite part of this chapter was her multiple names for the heirs (“the little blights”) hahaha. She’s clearly very awkward and that makes her all the more endearing..

Also my shipper heart felt like exploding at this line: “She laughed and James felt like he had just been hit by a bludger.” On an unrelated, related sidenote, I love how you’re building James’ character—that description really does show that he doesn’t think about anything but Quidditch.

The only part of this that feels a little unrealistic is that the girl didn’t realize earlier that she’d call the wrong number simply by the fact that James’s voice doesn’t sound like Vic’s. I suppose you could pass it off as their voices being similar enough that she didn’t notice, but that wouldn’t make sense since obviously she and Vic are very close. You could also say that she was so caught up in telling her story that she was hardly listening to James’s voice (which makes sense, since the conversation did seem one-sided until the end). Perhaps you’ll elaborate more on that in the next chapter? :)

I also noticed a few minor grammatical and punctuational errors, so maybe a quick read through or a beta reader would be good. But the errors were minor and definitely didn’t impede my enjoyment of this piece!

Great first start, can’t wait to read more :)

Author's Response: Hello!! Thank you so much, darling!
I'm so happy the conversation sounds believable, it was actually what made me take so long in writing this story even though it is really short!
I don't have any experience with theatre and it honestly makes me giddy that it would look like i do!
My shipper heart is so involved in this two dorks that I spend hours just imagining scenarios for them, really, I'm done for.
Yes, Vic and James have very similar voices and also, there wasn't a place to put it in the story - or at least I couldn't manage - but I have this head canon that wizards have special phones developed by the ministry/private company that work with magic, so the numbers all start with the same prefix +413 (MAG) which is why it's credible that Elizabeth would call ANOTHER wizard.
Also, Elizabeth is really scatter-brained :))
the grammatical errors are my nightmare! As soon as I find a generous beta I will resolve it! ugh I hate it, I swear I'm really good in my language ahaha
anyway, this was THE loveliest review and I'm so happy you've enjoyed reading it!
Thank you so much,
Elena xx


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