I was checking on your story and didn't find my review. I'm confuse now did I dream about the review I posted? I would not be surprised if I had a dream about your story because it's obsessive for sure!
So I don't know I guess I'm going to review again because that would be a shame to not do it.
It's hard for me to express on your story, because you know I'm not even sure what makes me love it so much. I mean your plot is quite simple at the end of the day, your characters a bit stereotypical and your writing style quite good but not Victor Hugo'esque?
But gosh there is something amazing in it, your characters are a bit more than their stereotype, your plot is full of surprise and let us use our imagination to the point we are sure we know what's going to happen but actualy we guess wrong and the reading is smooth to the point it's hard to stop or take a break.
At the start of your story I was sure Lucas was really in love with Jenelle and so James broke with her so their group could stick, kind of, together. And I though Dom knew about it. But well I also though the quote had to mean their goal was to leave this place (actually until the end of the trip I though the plan was proof that I was right atleast on one thing and they were going to win points, well i was wrong, hehe.)
It's interesting how it ended up actually.
The dynamic of the group is creepy though, it's a bit like they are friends because of the situation not because they are made to be friends. You have James and Fred who knew each other as baby and with the same attitude (spoiled, famous, handsome and as we can tell in this story don't really give a fuck about anything) which obviously made them best friend. You have Lucas who could have been one of the golden boys if not for the Wotters and therefore become rank 2, so he's friend with them because he has to be part of the awesome guys. Jenelle is obviously very close to Fred and James both from personality and "physic". And lastly Dom who is here because she's the cousin of James and Fred? I feel like you have the trio with James Fred and Jenelle ,an other trio of friends with James Lucas and Jenelle and finally the last family trio with James Fred and Dom. The simple fact that they ditch the other Gryffondor and didn't split themselv a bit show how much they aren't stable enough to be separated.
I'm not really surprised how you use Dom though and I'm actually particularly pleased. It doesn't only apply to her but Wotters always seem a bit too perfect particularly Dom in next gen fic. Also changing the friendship for what I feel like will be the second part of the story is awesome and original(hi Ella). I share the idea of one of your reviewer, how Jen, James and Dom will deal with their situation if James and Jen have to become more than boyfriend/girlfriend. Being cordial with an ex friend you see sometimes is a thing but being cordial with a cousin by alliance is an other for sure. I'm also awaiting the change in relationship between Dom and James. Sure now he doesn't really give a fuck but hopefully if he matures a bit he will understand and become even angrier with Dom, his cousin. As in Games of Thrones sometime you have to make a sacrifice so the plot can continue and I feel like with Dom you succeed in doing that. I can wait to cringe even more with her trying to rebuild a relationship which maybe actualy never really existed.
Fred, ah Fred. In a normal story I would say what a break with him. He appease my heart because he's so funnyy. But NO gosh he's so oblivious (as James uhuh, they are real twins) he can actualy upset me, so carefree that he actualy has a point in a story where usually in Nezt gen tic, he's useless except for the jokes. I'm pretty sure from now on he will be even more important with Dom being his cousin and his closinees with James and Jen. Also mention to how you made him coming out. Not that it brings anything to him or the story but with 15 cousins I would have been surprised if none of them were homo after all. It was pretty smooth I think.
I love Lucas, for me he's like a class "How to be a sidekick when you could have been a golden boy 101". He's arrogant, handsome, smart but also quite deluded by never being in first position simply because he comes at the wrong time. He always seems so lost! The fact that he can be so oblivious to not see how much James and Jen were into each other just shows his character and I love it. When he's active I always think about the minions from Despicable me.
Then I have to speak about James, with James I can see myself when I was in high school. Not that I was insanely handsome or famous but as him I kind of had it easy and therefore was (I'm still a bit) extremely arrogant and definitely self cantered. He's simply so much into Jenelle and her only that he can't tell he's also hurting her at the same time. I got ditched by my one year relationship at the middle of high school without at the time really understand why. It's funny how sometimes you do the most idiotic thing without noticing it. I was such a bast*** with her friends because i didn't really care and was sweet with her. So when she ended things with me while still liking me I needed some years before I finally saw why. Well James is maybe worst than me haha, he's so much into her it's close to being creepy and I can't wait to see how you gonna make him mature (if you do though).
For Jenelle I don't have much to say because to be honest I feel like she's a lot like James simply way more sensible and with a terrible lack of self confidence. I love the character though but what I said about James can easily be apply to her so really I can't wait.
I'm seeing the end of review forcing its way onto me so I gonna be short. How James and Jen gonna bring the broken glass together, will Dom kill herself? What was the point of the quote? Haha i cant wait!!
Author's Response: WOW this is an incredibly long review that I cannot WAIT to start reading! I'm almost glad the other one got 'lost' hahaha. But that's so incredibly lovely of you and thank you so much for reviewing again (all jokes aside, I know this site glitches sometimes - but we still love it and all the hard work people put/have put in to making it run). ANYWAYS - on to the review.
First of all, I'd be bloody shocked if my writing was anywhere near as good as Victor Hugo's LOL. But thank you! I'm completely blown over by your kind words!
And lol, yeah, I really did lay it on thick with Luke fancying Jenelle haha so I don't blame you - you were meant to think he genuinely was in love with her. But your James is a way bigger person than mine ð.
But absolutely - the friendship here is SUCH a contentious one. It's not like most fanfics where the BFFs are clearly BFFs for Life and they get on perfectly and complement each other perfectly. In my experience, my best friendships are like that - but they're also complicated; sometimes I hate things they do, they hate things I do, they act like b***hes and so do I - it's wonderful and filled with love haha. Although with the ASBO five, they really are friends from circumstance and meshing. Dom didn't become close with them like she is now - in their 'squad' - until two years ago. Before then, she hung out with older students and some girls in her year, but wasn't especially close with anyone. So it is a bit like odd little groups being shoved together.
Also can't believe you compared the plot pacing in this story to Game of Thrones ð biggest compliment EVER! And I am LAUGHING at the comparison between Luke and minion!! So funny - so true. He's a bit daft and laid back and too chilled out to function properly hahaha.
Wow. That's seriously all you can hope for as a writer is for a reader to maybe relate or see themselves in someone so - wow. Also your situation is a bit eerily similar to Jen and James' ... minus the whole fake cheating allegations lol. But you have made SUCH an interesting point here I almost don't want to point it out!!! But I will because I'm erratic and can't help myself! James IS a bit creepy in his feelings for her! Like, RELAX kid. But why is he so blindly into her?? Why is he so crazy???
Hahhaha thank you so much for writing this review - what a pleasure to read! Sorry this response has been crap (it's midnight and I've taken a break from studying and my brain is numb) but I can't wait to read your thoughts on the next chapter!!!
Lots of love, P xxx