I'm still in shock that Nic's mom didn't tell her! To quote Nic: what was their main goal with not telling her this?! They did seem to work things out a little, so that was nice, but STILL! To a 17-year-old that is so huge.
The little details about 4th-years and up being excited about Nic's mom was hilarious. "Which, by the way, EW!" I laughed out loud. And okay, Elijah Mii-who-didn't-even-have-the-decency-to-introduce-yourself, no one asked your opinion anyway. I love how perfectly you portray the people from different houses. Almost anytime someone speaks, you can tell immediately which house they're in and why.
Nic's commentary is so perfect. It's so realistic and human and teenager, and I love that the story is written in her point of view with her thoughts. I feel like I'm seeing things through her eyes with her opinions. The girl-talk was written perfectly. Al is such a skeeze, though! Why, why, why is he so creepy! I love it, obviously, but ew! haha!
So now I'm VERY curious to know who all was in the forest, and why. Was it students, or teachers? I love that Nic thinks as a Horned Serpent or Thunderbird. I feel like even though she's at Hogwarts, she'll always sort of identify as that? I would have done the same, though, going to check out who it was. I love how Nic interacted with the Bloody Baron, but I noticed the Bloody Baron didn't actually tell Nic his name. Curious to see what happens with that! When James took Nic to the kitchens I was near-on swooning. The connection between them is perfect. James seems so comfortable in Nic's company, and Nic is already picking up on his little quirks. The competition between Al and James seems like a bit more than sibling rivalry. I wonder if that's why Al was so quick to, er, proposition Nic.
Anyway, I have so many thoughts but I feel like I always tend to write longer reviews on this story and I don't want to "wear out my welcome". Ha. But Quidditch: I think it's good to include it, even if it's a mere mention "we won in ten minutes, after so-and-so caught the Snitch in near-record time", but I feel like it'd be so hard to write and do it justice. There's always the cliche high-intensity, super long Quidditch match, where it's stormy and thundering, and someone (usually the main character or love interest) gets injured and ends up knocked out in the Hospital Wing for a week. And sometimes it works, sometimes I roll my eyes, but it's always entertaining. But I do feel like it'd be difficult to make it unique. If Nic does end up on the Quidditch team, it'll already be unique because her own mother works in the Hospital Wing.
I always love social interactions (and I'm suuuper looking forward to reading about the party at the lake) as it gives me more chances to get to know the characters and everything. You're doing an excellent job on that already.
Aaand my daughter is pulling at me to get her a snack, so this is where my long-winded review ends! I'm so looking forward to the next chapter, though!
Author's Response: oh my gosh no, i LOVE long reviews haha! no matter the length, they will always be welcomed with open arms! i really do love everything reviewers say whether it's constructive or not, thank you so much for your feedback!
i really did try to make it as human/real as possible so thank you! i had thought about making it third person perspective but when i started writing, i just went for it without thinking later it's in first person haha. this way we can see more of nic's adolescence peek through. even if she has mature thoughts, she's definitely still a teenager like you said haha.
the james/al competition will totally be throughout the story, as i think it helps with both nicolette and james in their growth. as well as james/nicolette's relationship, they learn about each other to help learn about themselves.
i'm trying to be unique with all of my story of course, but who knows with quidditch right? i don't know if i can write a quidditch match is all, i'm doubting myself but i know it could be a good challange. im not huge into watching or playing sports competitively, so that could make it more difficult. but i'm up for it! even if i didn't write about it much like you said, i'd definitely put in some small detail about it.
anyway, thank you so much for everything! love your input on my story as things unfold. you're awesome!!!