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Review:TreacleTart says:
Hey Alec,

So I've read through your story and wanted to leave you one final review that summed up all of my thoughts and also showed you how I'm judging things for the Anywhere But There Challenge.

Plot - Wow. There's sooo much to cover when talking about the plot here. This really is an epic vacation and provided that everyone survives it, one that they'll probably talk about for years and years to come. I really enjoyed all of the action and the way that you made this chapter in particular parallel the Battle of Hogwarts. Having a rogue bad guy like Lestrange go after the entire Potter/Weasley/etc. clan sure is interesting. I will say that at points I found the plot to be a bit overwhelming or confusing. I felt like you had a lot of really cool ideas, but perhaps that too many of them had been packed into each chapter.

Characterization - At first, I was honestly a little put off by the characterizations, particularly with some of the girls. They were melodramatic, violent, and spoiled, but as the story progressed, everyone started to develop and they all sort of grew on me. I felt that once I got used to their personalities I began to see them as realistic for teenagers. Particularly Hugo and his sulky resignation at having to hang out with his family on vacation.

Cultural Info - I enjoyed getting to know a bit about Holland, particularly Amsterdam. My partner's father is actually from Holland, so it was fun being able to fact check things a bit. I thought your best bits were when you were describing the way the city looked. The little details you included like the way the channels ran parallel to the streets really helped give me a clear picture of the city. I did wish that at times you dug a little deeper than the stereotypes of legal weed and females working the street. I noticed that was a pretty prevalent theme, but I suppose since the characters are teenagers and their tourists, it would be likely that they would notice it.

Typos/Spelling/Grammar - When I know someone is writing in a second language, I always try to give them a bit of a break on grammar/spelling issues. Something like writing "alot" instead of "a lot" is an easy mistake to make. That being said, this story really needs a good edit. I know you've struggled finding a consistent beta, but I hope you do because there is quite a bit of polishing and fixing that could be done.

Overall, I think you have a really fascinating story that mixes in a nice touch of humour and action. You've made the characters quite unique and brought a ton of people in from cannon, even a few who were dead. That was definitely unique.

Good job!


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