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Review:Frankie05 says:
Hey Jayna,

I am sorry it's taken so long but I am finally getting around to reviewing your stories for the Dobby Challenge!

This story is very cute, and I'm glad you entered it into the short and sweet challenge. It is seriously so precious. I like how you started out with James and Lily on Harry's first birthday. And then swapped it over to Harry for James' first birthday!

I thought the third section (coming back to James) was a bit confusing because I thought it was going to be about James Sirius. But I quickly realized that it was back to James (I).

The story got me. James performing some serious magic to let Harry know that he loved him and for him to understand just how much his dad loved him.

A few pieces of criticism:

In the second section - talking about baby James and his cake- "his face still tinged just a little bit blue from the frosting he smeared across his face." I don't think the second his face needs to be there. It seems really redundant. Maybe just "it" or take out the "across his face."

And then in the letter from James when he says "you managed to find yourself a girl (or boy, if you swing that way)" I'm not sure. Maybe just (of boy). The if you swing that way seems a bit insensitive and forced. It doesn't really fit with the idea and the sentiment you are trying to convey (which you did an excellent job of!)

I really enjoyed this story. It was so sweet and kind. Good luck in the challenge!

Author's Response: Hi! No worries! Life happens. I'm glad that you liked it and that it struck you as sweet because I was afraid it was just a tad too angsty. I'm also so relieved that the switching back and forth wasn't too confusing and that you figured out what was going on. Thank you for the wonderful suggestions! In fact, as soon as I read this review I went and changed them. Frankly, I'm a real newbie to the spectrum of LGBTQA, it's not very prominent in my community, and I'm trying to experiment with accepting it on here, little by little. I wouldn't want it to come off as insensitive, so thank you for pointing it out. I changed it to (or boy). :) Overall, I'm so glad that you liked it and, once again, thank you for the wonderful challenge!


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