*laughs at your Rose being horrified at the idea of eavesdropping* It seems like mine does little else.
I'm not at all surprised Art is horrified by the thought of Dementors. They are pretty horrific.
Hmm, the fact that this Dementor has long-term effects that go beyond leaving people shaking for a while afterwards and actually cause them to need hospitalisation is a good indication of how it differs from the norm.
This sounds a bit awkward: "Daniel Killingston said, one of the Australians on the scene in Antarctica." Something like "one of the Australians on the scene, in Antarctica, Daniel Killingston, said..." or "Daniel Killingston, who was one of the Australians on the scene, said..." might sound better.
Aw, poor Lily. She seems rather more sensitive than her brothers. Of course she is younger too.
Albus always has a string of questions about everything.
I wonder what is going on with Harry. I guess he's just overworked because of the amount of coordination and all he has to do in order to sort out this crisis, but he does seem tireder even than in Deathly Hallows, when he was spending months on the run.
I think it makes sense that they'd solve things better when they are together. If somebody asks a question, it can sometimes start you thinking in a way you wouldn't otherwise. And of course, they all have different strengths. Rose may be a genius, but Albus has greater curiosity, I think and is more likely to bring up a particular issue that she may not have considered.
VERY nit-picky, but the term "vacation" is kind of an Americanism and it seems a little out of place for Albus to think of his summer holidays as "the summer vacation".
And you've written "James's grumpiness returned away." That sounds kind of odd. Should it have been something like "James's grumpiness disappeared"?
And he is SO mean to poor Lily.
Oh, I FORGOT about the mystery with David. Hmm, I wonder what is going on there. Yeah, hating writing letters really DOESN'T explain why he couldn't write and say, "yes, I'd like to come" or "no, I can't come." It's not like that requires a great deal of effort. There HAS to be more to it.
There should be a comma before Marc, in "have a seat, Marc."
David is clearly trying to distract them from the subject of his holidays. They are less likely to ask about why he didn't visit with somebody else around.
Again, VERY nit-picky, but I'd be inclined to have them say, "we HAD to get all of Lockhart's books" rather than "we have to", as they've already got them. "We have to" makes it sound like they haven't bought them yet.
Yikes, I should have realised Albus would now be able to see the Thestrals.
Author's Response: Well, I had a review response all typed out... and then the page refreshed. Sigh. So let me try again.
Our Rose's differ a lot, don't they? My Rose is the voice of logic, trying to keep Albus from doing things, and your characters are flipped.
If dementors were real, they would probably be my boggart. They are terrifying. That's like my one similarity with Harry.
To be honest, Harry being on the run wasn't too bad. They didn't really do much. It was like a really long extended camping trip. Sure, there was the threat of Voldemort hanging over his head, but other than that, there wasn't a whole lot going on. Meanwhile, now Harry is one of the most important officials of the British government. That's a lot of work, and a lot of stress.
Lily is really young- she becomes tougher later on, don't worry.
You have a good point about the whole "vacation" term. It's just so common in America that I often forget that the British don't use it.
And thank you for all the corrections. I will edit that!
James isn't super mean, and Lily didn't even hear James insulting her.
Yup, Albus can see thestrals. That's kind of scary, especially since Harry couldn't see them until the beginning of his fifth.
Thank you so much for the review!