|Review:||800 words of heaven says:|
Hello! Here with your exceptionally late review request!
In the first section alone, I think you've done really well in setting up your main character. She seems to be damaged and feels the need to hide her true feelings from the world, so already, she's an interesting character. However, the defensive girl falling for the understanding guy is a little cliche, so I'm looking forward to seeing how you make it work and give your own spin on things!
So I was a little confused about the setting of the flashback. Before the flashback, you said it was at the end of first year, but then you go on to describe winter, which happens at the end of first term, so when exactly is it? I'm going to go with the end of first term, simply because you set the scene for that time, as well the fact that it would make sense that James and Isobel still don't quite know each other by then, especially if Isobel is a little reticent. One other thing with the flashback was that Isobel's narration sounded a little too juvenile. I know that she's five years younger than she is in the main timeline, and that you were really trying to illustrate her youth, but she sounded far younger than eleven.
You describe your setting really well, helping to paint the scene for the reader. I think that's great, and a skill that you should really hone until you're even better, because it's something that's really important for readers, as it helps them to connect with the story.
This was a nice introduction to the story. I have an idea as to where the plot is going, and you've established your OC rather well. I'm looking forward to seeing how you'll treat a girl from a hardcore pureblood family sorted into Gryffindor, surrounded by "blood traitors"!
Author's Response: FIRST OFF, I'm extremely sorry for the late response, for a review that I requested. That being said, I'll begin with the flash back part. I wanted Isobel to sound a little stubborn at that age, but you are right, re reading that scene has made me see how she looks immature more than anything. Improvements are being made to change that impact.
With Dom's friendship to Isobel, I had an idea for justifying the hypocrisy on Isobel's behalf, but I do see your concern with the blatant need to ignore James and acknowledge Dom fully. Thats also dully noted. I've been working on making changes to that too. All in all, I really appreciate all the feedback. You have pointed out things that can help me improve more and more. Thank you for that. I hope you enjoyed my piece. :)