|Review:||800 words of heaven says:|
Hello! You asked for a review, like ages ago, and here I am now, very, very late! Forgive me! From your chapter summary, it seems like you've updated since requesting, so you probably don't want to ask the stuff you wanted to ask before, so I'll just give a general sort of review instead!
Okay, first off. Your summary. Love. It. Had me hooked instantly. I really want to know what on earth is going on!
I really like your opening paragraph. The way you've described your setting has really given it some grounding in reality, yet it still has elements to it which make you doubt whether everything is as it seems.
Ooh! It's a story about wands (I hope)! I'm a bit of a sucker for wandlore, so now you've got me really excited!
Another thing I really like so far is the way you've used the single word sentences and repeated them. They're already really powerful because of the rhythm that's been created with one word sentences, but the repetition strengthens that, I think.
Oh, my goodness! That little flashback was very jarring! I loved it! The way you wrote it was just so frank, and I think it added to its goriness and overall shock value.
Your main character seems very unbalanced. Instead of telling this to us, you show us, in the way his mind jumps around from his thoughts to the sound of the clock, like his brain isn't able to filter out superfluous things, and they intrude at the most inopportune times. It adds to the mystery.
The entire scene with the girl in the dungeon was written with the same frankness that the flashback scene had, and just like before, it was very chilling. Despite that, it's still descriptive, and I have no trouble imagining all of this in my head, and I think because of the tone, it's still very emotive. It's almost as if everything's stripped back, so the reader can just enjoy the scene and feel what these characters are feeling.
Oh, my goodness! Plot twist! I loved it! I thought she'd just become all Hannibal Lector or something, but the vampire thing is a lot better! I think you could tell by the tone for the last part (where she's a vampire) that things weren't so grounded in reality as they were before, like right at the beginning in that opening paragraph. I loved that juxtaposition, and I really thought it brought the story around in a really complete way.
So I didn't answer any of your areas of concern, because I think you fixed them just fine! If you have any other questions, though, don't hesitate to PM or whatever! I can get a bit rambly when I'm on a roll!
Author's Response: Heyy. I'm glad you enjoyed reading my story and thought it was captivating enough. The descriptions, the characterisation, the suspense and the twist at the end. :D. The flashback scene is, in fact a new addition. I threw it in because I thought it helped describe the male character better, if there was a chuck of his past thrown in there.
Haha, I personally thought the vampire bit to be a bit lame, but if you put it that way, I think I like what I did there. And the others have seemed to like it too, so that's that. :D
And, its cool, I always appreciate criticism, may it be brutal or constructive, its helps me write better and inspiration and what not. :D
So, THANK YOU. :D