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Review:nott theodore says:
Although I can't remember this song of the top of my head, I like the way you have used it to inspire a story that is really compelling.

Your descriptions in this one-shot were very impressive, and I was gripped from the beginning. Another thing that put a smile on my face was the very clever connection between the wands which reflected the story between Harry and Voldemort. The characterisation was great in this story as well; I got a clear sense of the disgust the first narrator felt for muggle-borns and his reverence for the Dark Lord.

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as I was reading the part when the first narrator finally found the woman he had been hunting. I thought that the cleverest part was the way you brought the story full circle and whilst the man is hunting the woman, he's actually chasing his own death. I get the idea that she's a vampire, especially with the way she has the strength to break his bones with just a finger, and then goes on to feed on him. It was very chilling!

I think that there are a few changes you could make to this story to make it even better. Since the generation is 'other' it's not very clear what time this takes place in, and I think it would really help the reader if you put a few more clues in about what time this is in, just to make the story clearer. There were a few typos I noticed as well:
"I unhook the wand from under the hood" -- unhooked, since the rest of your story is written in past tense
"A hallow, merciless laughter" -- hollow

I also think that when the first narrator touches the arm that the Dark Mark is on, it doesn't quite fit with canon, because touching the Dark Mark summoned Voldemort.

Overall, this was a very enjoyable read and I think you have a lot of potential as a writer. I'll be on the lookout for more of your stories!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your input. It's EXTREMELY appreciated. I have a very bad habit of not proof reading. Ever. I noticed the typos too. But I had already published the chapter by then, so I had to wait till it was validated.
I wrote this story while listening to the song, which means I actually wrote it in the span of those five minutes as the song was playing. So it was all nerves and adrenaline for me. LOL. I noticed my mistakes later. I"ll make the corrections you pointed out and hopefully work on the time era too to improve it.
THANK YOU. AGAIN.
Kate. :)


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