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Chapter 2 : Concern.
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I pride myself on someone who is good at being in control. I like control. Control makes me comfortable in a world that doesn’t really make sense. See, magic really threw me off. I was old enough to know that magic wasn’t real when Sev approached me and so that the fact all of that magic stuff could actually be really was a bit too much for me to deal with. But that was okay, as long as I understood the rules and limitations of magic... I just liked control.
And I had it. Most people do have control of their own lives to an extent – they decide when they wake up, they decide what they eat and they decide what they do. I decided who I talked to, when I went to bed, how much work I did – and that worked for me, and then...
And then Mary died, and nothing made sense anymore.
And then, I didn’t make sense anymore, and I did stupid things that didn’t make sense, because I wasn’t quite sure what else I was supposed to do.
Which led me to here, April, where I was slowly ruining my reputation for being a mildly stuck up and uninvolved yet respectful Gryffindor female. To just being a stuck up slightly more involved Gryffindor female who was also completely messed up.
“Lily?” James asked softly. I dragged my head off the desk and looked at him through my bleary eyes. I was exhausted. I’d been eternally exhausted since... well, you know. I just hadn’t been sleeping properly – instead my mind had been conjuring up vivid and complicated dreams that kept my mind thinking even when I did sleep, which meant I was slowly becoming more and more tried. “Is... is it the horned slugs now?” he asked unsurely, looking at the liquid in the potion as if it was something bizarre and beyond comprehension.
“Hmmm...” I said trying to focus my burnt out brain on the potion in front of me. It was on these very rare occasions that I wished I hadn’t been to see Slughorn and demanded that he allowed me to move seats, away from Snape and to... where else? Mary’s old seat.
It had almost felt insensitive when I’d placed my bag down, where hers used to be, and the slightly pained expression from Sirius in front had made me feel distinctly uncomfortable. Yet, surely it was better to have me there, than a gaping space? And there was no way I could have stayed sat next to Snape without pushing him into a cauldron of poison, or drowning him in hate potion so that he knew how I felt about him.
Still, James was – slightly adorably – unconfident about potions. Somehow he’d managed to bluff his way through the year with Mary as a partner, who is – well, was – hardly a potions genius, but now I was hardly doing anything better.
“No,” I said quickly, I’d read the potion before, and no... “James, why is the potion electric blue?” I asked slowly.
“Well, I added the shredded fluxweed and then...”
“No, no, no,” I interjected. “You’re supposed to; well… you have to shred half of the fluxweed, but the rest should be finely chopped...”
“What’s the difference?” James asked, screwing up his forehead and running his fingers through his hair.
“Well it doesn’t matter now,” I said in frustration. “Because it’s supposed to be orange, and it’s electric blue – and that’s irrecoverable.”
“But what’s the difference between shredded and chopped?”
“Shredded is stripped, chopped is like, chunks. But, James, the point is you’ve ruined the whole damn potion! Why didn’t you ask me before screwing it up?”
“You were asleep!” James defended. “And I didn’t think there was a difference between shredded and chopped, okay!”
I sighed and took a deep breath. “Sorry,” I said, “I... I can see what you’re saying with the shredded/chopped thing, and I might be able to fix it.”
“You’re an angel,”
“Well, I wouldn’t go that far,” Remus interjected from the table on the left, I turned and gave him my best attempt at a smile which was a relatively poor effort.
Upon turning back I caught Snape’s gaze, he was sat for once with his back straight, and stirring his perfect orange potion with a slightly smug expression.
It was stupid for me to be effected by this small dig given it was the only way he could score points nowadays, but the idea that he could possibly think that I was only ever good at potions because of him sickened me... and I suddenly needed to sort this failure of a potion out.
“Can you get me some potions ingredient stuff?” I asked James. “Just basic stuff – a variety of things.” I told him beginning to bend over and read the instructions for a second time. What had Sev always said? Trust your instincts.
James returned a couple of minutes later with armfuls of potions ingredients that he probably couldn’t even name, and I began chopping, shredding and squashing various things that could potentially save this little disaster before the end of the double period.
James leant back on his chair and began to watch me, which made me feel ever so slightly uncomfortable – but I could deal with that. James knew well enough to shut up, especially when I was fully equipped with a knife, not to mention a wand and a cauldron full of boiling and, currently, indefinable liquid.
Slughorn was walking around again, and I heard him pause at Sirius’s and Sarah’s cauldron in front. “Not bad,” He said. “You’ve added a little too much shredded fluxweed it seems...” He said. “Ah, Lily, now...” Then he stopped, looked in the cauldron and passed without further comment.
I looked up, my face flushing, and Snape caught my eye again. He smiled. I felt myself visibly stiffen. I couldn’t stand him – even being in the same room as him made it hard to resist throwing the knife in the direction of his head, or sending a spell that would knock his stupid orange potion all over his greasy hair.
“I could hex him, if you want.” James said softly.
I ignored him and began chopping up the frogs legs with more vigour before throwing them into the cauldron and stirring so frantically that some of the potion sloshed over the edges. James moved back quickly, good – he’d been getting too close anyway. Pushing his luck.
“It’s red,” James said, “How did you do that?”
“It’s the blood from the frogs legs,” I muttered, stirring it a little more so that the red colour disappeared slightly and it faded back to a purple colour. It said add wormwood, but I could cancel that out by adding...
“So Sirius, are you going to the party tonight?” A voice asked in front of me. Sarah Bones. My whole body seemed to freeze. How could she? How could she attempt to flirt with him? When Mary had only been gone for two months!
I glanced up, and saw that Snape was still watching me.
The potion was now turning crimson, the colour it should have been at the second stage, which meant... Fairy wings. Crushed. Right.
“Probably,” Sirius answered. There was nothing flirtatious in his tone at all, but it still made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up in anger. “Given my best mate has organised the whole thing.” The celebration was in aid of Quidditch, which I really could not fathom. We hadn’t even played a game, but Hufflepuff, against all odds – had beaten Slytherin. Which was good for us, and thus James had decided that we needed to throw a party.
There hadn’t been a party after the Gryffindor/Hufflepuff match, all things considered.
Still, James reasoned a party would do all of us good.
I doubted it.
“Will I see you there?” Sarah asked him. My stomach clenched.
Focus, Lily, Potions. I glanced back at my potion which was getting darker by the minute... I added the next ingredient on the instructions from the book... and it turned orange, but a pale lofty kind of orange that was not quite worth of an O.
“Well,” Sirius said impatiently. “If you’re going, and I’m going, the chances are I will probably see you there at some point during the evening.”
Go Sirius, I thought, whilst trying to refine the potion by adding an extra clockwise stir.
I looked up, and saw that Snape was looking a little less smug, but his potion was exactly the right shade of orange, and had those little swirls rising up from it in perfect spirals....
Add essence of...
“Well, where will I find you?” Sarah asked, and with an upwards glance I saw that she was leaning very close to them. My hands were shaking. Sirius wasn’t moving away. Why wasn’t he moving away? It had been two months... two freaking months! Why wasn’t he moving away!
“I’m normally by the drinks table.” Sirius replied, and I suddenly wanted to throw the knife in my hand at his stupid face. He should have told her to piss off. He was in mourning for god’s sake – we all were! There was no room for her to come... barging in with her silly flirting.
I stole a glance at James, and he didn’t seem remotely enraged, and was merely regarding the scene with mild interest. Remus too was carefully watching the back of their heads and...and Severus was still looking in my direction, sneering.
It had been simmering for much too long now, much too long, and... and... I needed to fix it. It was even paler now, practically white, and the supposed scentless fumes had a vague cranberry smell to them which made no sense.
My eyes widened, and I quickly threw in a few more ingredients. It darkened. See, I thought – I’m still in control. I can still do it. Does it matter that I haven’t paid attention to it for months? No. It can all be regained, sorted, and I could – and would – fix it. And it would be better than Severus Bloody Snape’s. Follow your instincts. I’d follow my instincts all right.
“Are you excited, about the party I mean?” Sarah asked.
I’m in control. I added a sprinkle of bat wings into the mixture, glancing down at the instructions.
“Hey Lily, you’ve sorted it.” James declared, just as Sirius said,
“Not really,” in response to Sarah. I stirred the potion again, suddenly realising with a flash of inspiration that what I really wanted to do was add some puffer-fish eyes, which were well know for producing exactly the desired type of corkscrew spiral...
“Lily,” James said warily as I grabbed the jar of the desk and began having the eyes. “Don’t you think you should stop now – it’s the perfect colour and everything?”
I ignored him, quartering the eyes for extra measure – the finer the better, as was nearly always the case.
“Lily,” James said again, “You’re looking slightly manic...”
I ignored him. I was in control. I was going to produce a better potion than Severus Snape.
I was in control. I was going to add the puffer-fish eyes.
I threw them into the caldron. The mixture seemed to flash a startling shade of white. And then the whole thing exploded.
“Hello Sirius,” I said throwing myself down on the sofa next to him and turning to him with a vague smile. My head was buzzing presently and the hum of the party in the background felt like a good distraction from my thoughts. Despite being a Gryffindor party, there were Hufflepuffs to spare and a fair number of Ravenclaws which meant that the common room was packed.
“Evans,” He returned with a good-natured look that was quite unusual for him, these days. “You’re slurring.”
“It’s your name, it’s difficult,” I returned, tightening my grip around my bottle. The expression on his face, which for once didn’t seem contain great physical pain, looked alien and weird after these months of fixed on stares, and dead-looking eyes, but it was always the same at parties.
“Well, then,” Sirius replied, rearranging himself so that he was facing me with his legs crossed. “Are you enjoying the party?” He raised his eyebrows at me slightly.
“Yes, it’s just a shame the Susan Bones couldn’t make it... after James accidently tipped my cauldron of burning shite over her,”
“Yes,” Sirius agreed. “Such a darn shame.”
“Still, life goes on,” I said sweetly. “And as Slughorn said, his quick thinking did mean that nobody else was damaged in anyway – and she’ll be fine by tomorrow.”
“Hero of the day,” Sirius agreed, taking another swig from his own bottle. Last time I’d looked his eyes had been slightly unfocused, and he’d been on his second bottle. Now, I was a little too tipsy myself to tell what level of intoxication Sirius had reached, but he was drinking something else, and he was safely sat on the sofa.
I expected James might have subtlety placed him there and cast a permanent sticking charm on his arse.
My head lolled to one side of its own accord a little bit, and it took a great effort to stay in the conventional upright position. Instead my body seemed to want to be as close to the floor as possible. I rested my head on the sofa and gripped hold of it tightly.
Sirius took all this in expressionlessly, but politely looked away as I wrenched my skirt down a little. It had risen up. Again. “So, Lily, how are you?” Sirius asked. I lifted the bottle to my lips again, drank a little, then smiled at him in what I’d intended to be a winning and carefree expression.
“I’m good thanks, how are you?”
“If you’re good,” Sirius said, “Then I’m good.”
“But how are you really?” I asked, nodding meaningfully towards the bags beneath his eyes, resulting in me unbalancing myself. I grabbed Sirius’s arm for support and forced myself to sit up straight again whilst Sirius asked “Well, how are you really?”
I glanced around. Someone, who looked far too young to be drinking, was swaying along with their arms wrapped around the neck of someone who was definitely much too old for her – one of the Ravenclaw Seventh years... “I’m fine,” I replied, returning my gaze to Sirius impassively.
He raised another eyebrow at me, I kept my face straight. He was quite for a few seconds.
“Oh sod this,” Sirius said. “Let’s get out of here – no one will miss us, James is busy,” And then he staggered up into a standing position and presented me with his hand. “Coming Miss Evans?” I glanced around and saw James serving drinks. A Hufflepuff girl with an undignified low-top was talking to him, bending over slightly as she asked about the various different bottles.
“Most definitely.” I agreed, grabbing hold of his hand and hauling myself upwards. I was less smooth than I’d expected – the alcohol must have gone to my head whilst I was sat down – but I managed not to spill any of my drink which, after all, was the most important thing. “Why?” I questioned as an afterthought.
“I think its best we keep intoxicated Lily away from all the little shits who’d be so happy to take advantage considering what happened last time.” Sirius commented as he opened the portrait for me.
“Diggory.” Sirius prompted.
“Oh yeah,” I said, then giggled. How could I forget? I tried vividly not to think about that excellent display of a complete lack of dignity, and yet vague images of it regularly returned to haunt me. “You’ve made sure James doesn’t know, haven’t you?”
“Yes,” Sirius conceded. “Although I doubt he’d believe it anyway. Hell, I wouldn’t have done.”
“That’s a good thing isn’t it?” I asked, concentrating on not falling over my feet. Sirius, in front of me, stumbled. He took a swig of his drink
“I’d imagine so, yes.” He replied. “Shit,” He muttered. “This wasn’t such a good idea – I haven’t got the cloak or the map or anything, if we get caught...” Everything seemed to be happening in snap shot images, and I wasn’t completely aware of the time passing properly – but that was fine, it was nice actually. And I was buzzing pleasantly. And my chest felt warm, and I no longer felt like I had a weight resting on my shoulders.
“I’m a Prefect.” I added, laughing at the very idea of it. I hadn’t patrolled for months, and they’d stopped telling me about the meetings because I’d missed so many. Me? Prefect. That was a complete joke. I was surprised they hadn’t taken the badge of my yet....
“You’re also a little bit pissed.” Sirius pointed out, turning round and raising an eyebrow at me. I stopped. My head spun. He was right; I was a little bit pissed. I don’t know why that was so surprising. I had been drinking, after all.
“You are too,” I accused and Sirius laughed, the noise echoing around the corridor loudly.
“Shush!” I exclaimed, putting a finger to my lips. Sirius mimed zipping his mouth shut, which, for some reason was very funny and then I was trying my very hardest to laugh quietly. Sirius grinned, and the expression looked so demonic and wrong that I paused and looked at him. The expression faded slowly, before disappearing completely.
“We should go back,” I said.
“Bullocks on that.” Sirius replied, leading me through another corridor and to a flight of stairs. “I’m not going back there.”
“I don’t think I can manage the stairs,” I hissed. Sirius laughed at that and continued walking up without me. Damn. I grabbed hold of the banister and pulled myself up the stairs. “Where are we going?” I moaned, with no choice but to follow him now. It’s not like I could remember the way back.
And then I stepped into the room. The owlery.
“The owlery isn’t exactly quiet Sirius,” I said, a little scared to let go of the banister encase I fell in some owl crap or something.
“It is at night,” He replied, and he was at the window looking out over the stars. I walked over, having issues with my feet cooperating, and joined him at the window.
“The stars,” I commented, looking upwards at the great expanse of sky that stretched above us. “This could almost be romantic,” I laughed. Sirius stiffened. I mentally hit myself for being such a complete drunken fool and for everything coming out all wrong and strange... “Oh, relax Sirius – I could never think of you like that.”
“What do you think of me as, then?” He asked, looking out at the sky rather than turning to look at intoxicated little me.
“Well,” I said, looking upwards for inspiration. “You’re like a brother, only one that I don’t like very much. I mean... I care about you, and yet most of the time I don’t particularly like you.”
“That’s exactly it,” Sirius agreed with a slight smile. “You’re an annoying bitch, you know Evans?”
“And you’re an arrogant bastard.” I returned, leaning on my elbows and looking out over the sky. “But you are okay, aren’t you?”
“Peachy.” He replied, and then his expression was all morose as he stared out over the forest. “What about James?” He asked. “How do you think of James?”
I considered this for a moment and took another swig from my bottle.
“I have no opinion.” I decided. “I’m just... indifferent.”
“Sure?” Sirius asked, turning away from the window.
“Not a bloody clue,” I admitted. Closing my eyes and swaying slightly to the left. I opened my eyes again. “Did you ever look at the stars with Mary?” I asked, before instantly regretting it. Maybe that was the downside of being drunk, my brain didn’t seem to have the same control over my lips as it normally did... Mary was the taboo word that no one mentioned. She existed in her absence, but she was not to be mentioned.
Sirius nodded but didn’t say anything.
“Did you, I mean...” I stopped. I had another drink.
“What?” Sirius asked, drinking a little out of his bottle and looking at me again.
“Do you think of her a lot?” He was silent. “I keep... I keep thinking of like, well, what she’d say. Like, if she were here – and if she’d been at the party, and...” He still didn’t say anything. “And then sometimes I can’t imagine what she would say, and... and that really scares me.”
Then I went for another drink, having to tilt the bottle all the way back and accidently spilling some of the stuff on my top. I attempted to wipe it off and only succeeded in unintentionally rearranging my top. I blinked. “I’ve finished my drink.”
Sirius silently handed me his own bottle, turned around and slid down the wall so that he was sitting. I did the same, taking a swig of his drink – which was much stronger than my own –before handing it back to him. We sat in silence for a long few minutes in which I tried to focus my thoughts, but found that there weren’t actually many thoughts. Instead my head was a glorious stage of not working at all, and I smiled and let myself be content.
“You can talk to me about it, you know.” Sirius said, breaking the silence and my strange state of... peace. “I don’t mind.”
I nodded, and rested my head on his shoulder – unable to hold it upright any longer.
“I still think...” I said, grabbing hold of Sirius’s arm so I didn’t fall over, and finding that it didn’t work exactly as I had planned it to. “That James would look better with a moustache than you do.”
“Ah,” He said wisely, gesturing around with his finger. “But sh...Surely that’s cause you think James is better looking, in general.”
“No,” I countered, pausing to try and think of a counter argument but finding that my head was still spinning and a little more than it had done before. “What I think, is that... well, I think James is very good looking, yes, but I wouldn’t, I mean – I don’t know if I’d say he was better looking than you in general, I might do.” I reasoned. “I very well might do,”
“So that’s a yes.” Sirius said triumphantly.
“No,” I countered. “I just think that, he’d suit a moustache more than you. Not that I think that either of you could grow a moustache without looking absurd, and in actual fact, I think I probably doubt your ability to grow a moustache in any case – so it’s all mostly irrelevant, if you know what I mean.”
“You know, Evans,” Sirius said. “I honestly haven’t got a bloody clue what you’re rambling on about.”
I giggled in a horrifically girly manner that I seemingly couldn’t control. “Me neither,” I decided as we reached the fat lady.
“What about... a beard?” Sirius asked, and I was still giggling when the portrait door flew open – without either of us uttering the password, not that I could really remember what it was anyway, and we were face to face with James.
For a second I stopped to think about how this would look from his point of view... I’d grabbed Sirius’s arm to hold me up and hadn’t let go, my hair was a mess after the unfortunate incident of the bird coming back from hunting early and decided to use my head as a nesting spot, and my skirt had once again risen up. We were both slightly flushed from our state of not-so-mild intoxication and I’d been mid giggle when he opened the door.
“Your lady, good Sir,” Sirius bowed – obviously sensing the awkward moment of tension as readily as I did.
I curtsied, overbalanced, grabbed onto Sirius again and began laughing again.
“Where have you been?” James asked, as we both stepped through the portrait hall and into the trashed common room which was now empty. That was hardly surprising though, it had begun to get light when we’d finally decided to call it a night.
“Owls,” I answered, biting my lip. There was another awkward pause.
“I’m going to bed then,” Sirius said.
“Yes,” I said. “That’s a good idea,” and then I leaned forward, kissed James on each cheek and smiled a slightly drunken smile “Night Jamsie.” I said sweetly. He looked slightly alarmed. “Sirius,” I said with a salute, and then I made my way towards the stairs.
They were watching me, so I did my best to walk with dignity and poise, at least until the banister stopped and I fell, sliding down a few steps in an undignified manner that sent my head spinning.
“Shit.” I muttered, grabbing both banister rails to haul myself up again, whilst laughing like a lunatic.
“Night Evans,” Sirius smirked. James was just staring.
I removed one hand off the banister to lift up my middle finger in his direction, and then I pulled myself around and managed the rest of the stairs without further embarrassment. At least, I thought I had until I arrived in the dormitory and realised that during the fall, my skirt had risen to a level that was slightly above my underwear.
Fabulous, I thought, and then threw myself into my bed and went to sleep without bothering to get changed.
I sat down on the bench heavily. Sirius placed a fried breakfast in front of me. I gave him a look that clearly expressed my amusement of what I hoped to god was a joke, before reaching for the toast and pouring myself a mug of coffee.
“How are you feeling, Evans?” Sirius asked with a smirk. I was glad at least that he was still happy, but decided it was best if I did not speak. I didn’t feel too awful, all things considered. It just felt like there was a knife embedded in the left part of my brain. And the idea of food made me mildly nauseous, but it was nothing compared to the last party – when the so called ‘Diggory incident’ happened.
My nausea just doubled.
“Lily woke up with her shoes still on this morning,” Rachel announced conversationally. We’d all sat together since... since Mary. I still didn’t say anything, and instead concentrated on chewing my mouthful of toast slow enough that there were no repercussions.
“Covered in some kind of dirt, no less,” Charlotte added.
“Not dirt,” Sirius corrected. “Owl shit.”
“And she was still wearing last night’s clothes,”
“What time did you come in?”
“I was still up at three.” Alice said quietly.
No wonder I felt so tired. My hangover appeared to be getting worse, if that was possible, so that now the idea of eating anymore toast was actually repulsive. Still, it gave me an excuse not talk. So I stayed facing downwards and eating toast.
“Now, be fair – it was only quarter to four,”
“Nice,” Charlotte laughed.
“How much did you drink?” Rachel asked.
“And where were you all night?”
“Lily?” James asked.
“Yes,” I answered inadvertently, looking straight up at him. It was an entirely unintentional move, and everyone seemed to take in a breath and be staring at me. My face burned. James himself seemed taken aback by the whole thing.
“Can I... Can I talk to you for a minute?” His hazel eyes were full of an adorable mix of conviction and determination that made me think I was not going to enjoy this conversation, but I’d already inadvertently nodded, and then I was standing up and following him out of the hall.
What had I said to James in that last conversation? Whist Mary was unconscious? I’d said that our date was off.... because, what was it?
“Lily,” He said seriously, turning around and looking at me intently. “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” I returned. He’d said that Mary would want us to be happy... And I’d said... what had I said?
“Because, this... I mean, it’s not like you,”
I’d said that I wasn’t going to happy, irregardless of what he said or did. Harsh. But it had been true at the time...
“I mean, the rumours,” James said.
“What?” I asked, suddenly distracted. “Rumours?”
“You disappeared from a party, whilst drunk, for at least five hours with Sirius sodding Black.” James hissed angrily. “You walked out hand in hand, and didn’t return for the rest of the night – of course there are rumours.”
“James,” I said, feeling my head ache harshly. “If that’s what this is about -”
“Of course it’s not,” James said. “I’m not thick. Sirius can’t stand you and, well – It would never happen, I know. But it’s not about that, it’s about you.”
“Me?” I questioned, folding my arms. I no longer regretted what I’d said to him before – about him not making me happy. In any case, I’d qualified it after that. What had I said..? It was some great poetic line that had taken me all night to think of, but it had been better than thinking of Mary – unconscious in the hospital wing, or reliving the moment when she fell... instead I’d spent nights in a row thinking of the perfect line for when James called me up on it...
“Yes, Lily. You’re blowing up cauldrons, falling asleep in lessons, getting so dunk you can’t control what you’re doing...”
I’d said... when I’m with you, nothing makes sense. And I like the sense.
That had been it. Night’s worth of thinking of the perfect line, and it was frustratingly not what I’d meant to say at all, and yet –at the same time – it summed it up.
I liked control, I trusted my judgement and James... he turned everything I believed in on its head.
“I’m fine James!” I snapped my head spinning. Because nothing was the same anymore, everything had inverted. I wasn’t in control. My judgement was worth nothing now, after being proved wrong so many times, and now, anything that made no sense was preferable to my vague attempts at making sense out of nothing.
My eyes were suddenly welling up.
“Lily,” He implored. “I... I care about you Lily,” James said.
James cared about me, and was staring me with his adorable hazel eyes, and my head was spinning and I didn’t know what I was doing. I bit my lip.
“I don’t like seeing you like this,” He said. James cared.
“James,” I sighed.
“No, Lily, I mean it, I know you’re, I mean... after everything with M -” he began. I needed him to shut up. I didn’t want to hear her name. I just wanted to make things different – a little less sense maybe, and before I had time to really think about what I was doing, I’d grabbed the front of his robes and then I was kissing him.
I reached one hand up to his neck. He kissed me back for a split seconds and I was reminded of just how many times I’d kissed James Potter and how it always managed to make me feel full up with something indefinable.
Then he pulled away. I dropped my hand. He started at me his eyes wide.
“What’s wrong with you?”
I couldn’t speak, couldn’t move.
It had finally happened. James Potter was fed up of me and by the look on his face – he hated me.
I stared at him for a long moment before my instincts kicked in. Then I turned, fully prepared to sprint down the corridor and get the hell out of here. He grabbed hold of my wrist.
“Lily,” He said.
I pulled my wrist out of his arm, and had an urge to get the hell out of here that was so strong nothing in the world could have stopped me.
“Shit!” I exclaimed, walking straight into a tiny first year with alarm. “Get out my way!” I exclaimed, James’s hand was on my shoulder and my head was spinning.
“A...are you Lily Evans?” The first year asked, stammering.
“Yes,” I said dropping my voice when I saw how startled the poor kid was. “Yes, sorry – I am.” James was behind me.
“You need to go to the headmaster’s office.” He stammered.
“Okay, fine,” I said, feeling my resolve tremble slightly. “The headmaster’s office, that’s great.” I concluded. My heart was thudding. I took a deep breath, and turned around to face James with a grimace. “Where is it?”
Dumbledore sat across from me, his normally twinkling blue eyes looking flat. The gravity of what he appeared to have to say was beginning to sink in. He leant over the desk and looked at me seriously, his look piercing right through me and seeing everything – how lost I was feeling, how desperate, how bloody confused.
“Miss Evans,” he began, “I am very sorry to have to tell you this...”
And just like that, the world inverted – again.
A/N - This is a bit drama-y, but that's only because it's going back and filling you all in. Soon you will know all and it will be less drama-y, anyway, please review. :)
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