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The World, Biscuits And Sirius Black According To Nellie O’Neill. by SexyDoorFrames
Chapter 26 : Puns, Truths, Crawling And Me
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 29


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Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter.

Authors Note: I know, it’s been a ridiculously huge time again. I do apologize with that. I lost a bit of my inspiration for this story and it’s only recently it came back and I was able to finally finish this chapter. I want to thank you all. Your words help me so much. I’ve had such a positive feedback for this story and it’s really wonderful.

In other news, I became a prefect at the forums! So, I hang out there way too much now. Not that I didn’t before. It’s just got worse. Haha.

Another thank you is to the wonderful and amazing;  Pixileanin. She is my wonderful Beta. We’re going through the story, chapter by chapter, fixing my mistakes to make Nellie better.

I’d love to hear what you think! If you need to ask me a question, feel free to do at the forums! Comments and opinions are always welcomed. Also theories to what’s the next step for Nellie is always fun to read

All the best! I hope you enjoy the chapter.






Amazing chapter image by trésor at TDA






“I’d like to have seen that. Lily hanging out of a taxi window.” - Remus Lupin




Chapter Twenty Six-
Puns, Truths, Crawling And Me

“So Sirius,” I began. “How are you?” I sat down on his bed. In his lovely smelling Sirius clothes. You know what? I think I might just forget to give them back. I know, I mean how devious am I? What will I do if he asks for them back? That is easy, of course. I will pretend I already gave them back , thus making Sirius think he’s gone mad.

Mwhaha.

I’m evil. I know.

I’m more evil than Izzie is when I’ve hidden all the grapes. We both love grapes. I like to hide them so I don’t have to share, and that’s when Izzie gets evil and angry. One time, a grape ended up in my right nostril, and I didn’t put it there…

Sirius looked at me oddly for a moment before shaking his head. “I’m good Nellie. Thanks.” He drummed his fingers on the bed.

“So you going to tell me the deal with Sarah, or what?” I blurted out. I wanted to ask him gently or maybe even make enough hints that he would just come out and tell me himself. That’s what they did in the movies; nobody had time to rearrange their thoughts. They spilled their innermost secrets five seconds after a tragedy.

Oh well.

At least I said it.

Sirius sighed. A huge sigh that could have knocked over a palm tree, if there was one. I swear I was knocked off balance for a second or two. “I don’t know how to tell you.” Sirius tugged at his hair in frustration. Not sexual. The normal frustration. “Or where to even begin.”

“As Izzie once told me,” I thought back to all the nuggets of wisdom that girl has told me. “It’s best to start from the beginning. At least, I think it was Izzie who told me.” I paused for a moment. “Maybe it was my dad when I was telling him about Owl.”

“Owl?” Sirius questioned me, using me as an escape for a little while longer.

“My Nan’s dog.” I replied. “He was lovely. Scrappy though and had a tendency to rip tights. I just thought he was trying to seduce me.” Sirius gave a long nod to show he was listening. “Nan called him Owl because she said he was a hoot. Whatever that means.”

“What happened to Owl?” Sirius asked. Either he was interested or just wanted to keep me talking.

“He went to the farm.” Sirius bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. I didn’t know why so I chose to ignore him. “I didn’t want to let him go, but Nan said they had fields for him to run around in. Which was good, because he was getting fat.”

“Oh Nellie.” Sirius stared at my intently for a moment before smiling at me. “You’re so…” He drifted off before giving me alight kiss on my forehead. I couldn‘t help but blush a little. I also couldn‘t help but think that Sirius is a loony. “I don’t even want to shatter your dreams, even for comedic purposes.”

“I have no idea what you’re going on about Sirius.” I told him truthfully.

“And that’s the way it should be.” Sirius told me in a mystical voice. The only thing missing was a cape, a wagon and a crystal ball. Sirius opened his mouth to tell me something but he untimely closed it. “Nell.” That was all he said, a simple shortened version of my name but it was enough to allure me into the world of Sirius. “Sarah is blackmailing me cause-”

“Don’t you mean white-mailing?” I asked with a little wink as I chucked my pun into the conversation. I don’t know why I stopped him from telling me. I wanted to know, I had to know. I was just frightened of the answer. Call me a chicken! I’ll only agree and tell you that you’ve won a prize. The prize being something that’s made out of paper, drizzled in a lot of glue and glitter. I’ll make it myself; no help. I promise.

Sirius groaned. “That’s awful. Utterly cringe worthy.”

I don’t think I can do anymore damage, so I asked him, with the most serious expression I could muster. “Why so Sirius?” I broke out into laughter there and then as Sirius cringed. He didn’t laugh as he just stared at me like I was an alien with knee high boots.

Hey, at least I make myself laugh. That’s got to count for something? No? Oh chipmunks eating peanuts!

“So, Nellie. I’m going to tell you the deal and you’re not going to say anything until I‘ve finished.” Sirius told me as I bit my fingernails off with anticipation. Yes, I know, it’s a terrible habit, but I do it without thinking and nail varnish tastes delicious in an odd way. “The thing is Sarah knows that…” That’s when I started to do a drum roll, tapping my fingers on the bed. Sirius grabbed my hands to make stop. He stared at our connection and wouldn’t let go. I didn’t try to fight as Sirius laced his fingers within mine. “Stop it.“ He told me as I frowned. Technically, I wasn’t breaking his rule; I had said nothing. “Nell.” He said softly as I looked at him. I was being childish, I knew that and quite annoying too but I couldn’t help it.

Sirius eyes held mine and forced me to look into them. It was now or never. Dun Dun Dun! Well, actually, I could always get him to tell me some other time, you know, maybe when I have better hair or-

“She knows that Remus is a werewolf.”

I stared at him for a moment. I had no idea what to say. I took a while for me to form a simple sentence and even then, it wasn’t a brilliant one. “I’m confused. Why does it matter if everyone finds out?” I asked, naively.

“You don’t remember when we were taught about werewolves in class do you?” Sirius shook his head at me.

I thought about it for a moment as Sirius waited for me to speak. All I knew was werewolves were hairy, have no consciousness while in wolf form and change at the full moon. “I only remember tidbits.” I replied honestly as I placed my thumb on my chin and rubbed it. I liked to think that this made me look more intelligent.

“You, Nellie are not normal.” Sirius stated, “Any normal person who finds out a friend is a werewolf is a little scared, at least but with you there was nothing. You didn’t even flinch. Nothing changed.” I nodded, pretending I understood when I didn’t. “If people found out about Remus, it would ruin his life.” Sirius told me darkly.

“Huh?” I looked at him confused.

“You see Nellie.” Sirius was taking his time with his words as he would with a child. I just ignored it; there were more important issues at the moment than Sirius insulting my almost not there intelligence. “Remus’ future is a lot bleaker than ours. We can walk into the Ministry and get a job. Remus can’t because of his condition. Hogwarts is his last safe place, his last chance to be normal because when we leave here, Remus will have a lot of doors shut in his face.”

I was in shock; surely the world couldn’t be this cruel? Remus was a werewolf. So what? It didn’t change the fact that he was a brilliant wizard and an amazing person. People should look past that. No, in fact, they needed to look past it. He was only a werewolf once an month; even then it was for a couple of hours.

Sirius continued. “If people find out, things will change for him. People will look at him like he is a monster…which seems a bit stupid to you and me, but that’s people.” Sirius paused. “I can’t take that away from him.” I understood but it left a bitter taste in my mouth. Life is a fish finger. “I just can’t.” He couldn’t take Remus’ final months of being normal. In the same situation, I would have done the same. I understood completly.

“I’m sorry.” The words came crashing out my mouth and I guessed I took Sirius by surprise; his body straightened and he studied me with his eyes. I didn’t like the fact that he didn’t reply so I carried on talking. Maybe he didn’t understand what I was sorry for. “You know, for all this mess.”

“Don’t be.” Sirius told me. “It’s your fault as much as mine and it’s all done now.” Sirius gave me one of his devilish smiles.“ It’s just I don’t know how I’m going to get out of this mess.” Sirius drifted then. He seemed like he was slowly slipping away from me in moments like this. I could reach but never grasp.

“At least she’s nice to look at.” And far more clever than me. In fact, I could list all the things that Sarah had that I didn’t.

“Nellie. You are just as pretty as Sarah,” he told me, but I didn’t believe him. So sue me! You can’t! Because that wouldn’t even get to court! Now if I stole your strappy sandals, that would be an entirely different matter. “I wish you didn’t have such low self esteem.” He whispered gently to me. It wasn’t a criticism, at least I didn’t take it that way. He was pointing out the truth and I was in the mood for truth. In fact, another lie would have driven me to shave off all my hair and shake salt and pepper at people so I could shove them into an oven later. Then I would cackle as I satin my house patting my cat. I don’t own a cat at the moment, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be too hard to get one. Lot’s of cats lurk the streets these days. I could borrow one. Even though the last time I walked up to a stray cat, it scratched my face.

It was then I realized that Sirius was quietly watching me, waiting patiently for an answer. “I apologize but it’s very common with my people. You know; the losers.” I told him as he frowned. “But I’m okay Sirius. I don’t think the whole world hates me; for starters not everyone knows me. I just feel bad about myself now and again.” I shrugged, like it was nothing. “And it’s not something that can be fixed over night.” I paused for a moment before grinning. “Wait until I turn forty. I shall turn into a goddess and have lots of meaningless relationships with people in their twenties.” Sirius laughed at me. “The magazines said so. Forty comes, and suddenly…” I paused for effect. “Bam!” I shouted. “I’ll be eating a pizza with a knife and fork. Or something.” I thought about it for a moment. “Or maybe everything would have gone south by then.” Sirius snorted at me before collapsing in to fits of laughter as I carried on talking to myself. “That’s the trouble with the future, we just don’t know…” I waved my hands around Sirius face, who was still laughing.

I stared at him while he laughed at me. I shouldn’t want him like I do. It was times like this I was glad he couldn’t read my mind. Maybe Sirius could read minds, he just hasn’t bothered to tell me yet. I eyed him up. He was currently rubbing tears out of his eyes before he started to laugh again and he was snorting too.

I’ll eat my toe if that boy has physic powers.

I could probably do that, you know. I’m bendy. I can put my foot in my mouth, quite literally. It’s a skill I have retained since childhood; we have many family photos of me with my foot in my mouth. The only problem with eating my toe is that I have normal teeth. I’m no vampire and I can’t break through a gobstopper, let alone bone.

“Yes. We can’t see into the future Nellie. You never know, you could be married and have five crazy children.” I frowned at him. Why would my children be crazy? “Then again you could become a hermit, eat cubes of cheese and your house would be practically a zoo with all the animals you’d probably get.” I hit him on the arm to get him to shut up but he just carried on. “You’d be like, look a slug! And you would take it home.”

“I would not…” I drifted off because my mind wondered on to the idea of adopting a slug. I would call it Nellie Junior; it would be my child and I would overindulge it in love and lettuce. I would protect NJ from birds and people’s feet. I would buy it a doll’s house or maybe grow a bush in my house for it to live in. “…I’d call it NJ.” I told him after ten seconds of thought.

“NJ?” Sirius nodded, before smirking at me because I just proved him right. “Of course.” He paused for a moment. “You going to tell me what that stands for?”

“Nellie Junior. I prefer it to Nellie the second.”

“Yes.” Sirius agreed. “I suppose NJ does have a good ring to it.”

“NJ isn’t a ring; NJ is a slug.”

“No. It’s a saying…” Sirius stopped himself. “I forgot. You and sayings don’t mix.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I crinkled my nose to show that I was confused. I sort of remind myself of a mouse when I go this face. All I need is whiskers. I think that’s why I do it. It sure as hell isn’t he pain I get after holding the fact for a full ten minutes. Don’t do it; it isn’t pleasant, neither is it worth it. Izzie told me I’m going to get serious wrinkles when I’m older. I just told her I will use charms to get rid of them and Izzie said I shouldn’t, because I’d only make everything worse. She is so rude at times! Or honest. I prefer to go with rude though.

“That you don’t get them.” Sirius said in a ‘duh’ tone.

“Yes. I am the water to their oil.” I proclaimed like I had just come out with the best thing in the world. Sirius, oddly seemed unmoved by my wisdom.

“Right.”

“Left.”

“…what?”

“…I just thought we were talking about directions.”

Sirius was about to say something else, but the door burst open. What entered was a drunken Lily Evans.

“So this is where you’ve been hiding.” Lily giggled as she dropped the bottles of alcohol onto Peter’s bed; his was the closest to the door. James followed in behind her, followed by Remus, Peter and Izzie. “I’ve been trying to find you for about five seconds.” She held up five fingers to make her point.

“Yes.” Izzie remarked. “Asked where you was, found out, the end.” She took out a swig from the bottle of alcohol she was tightly holding onto as she danced around the room. Yes, Izzie is dancing. Yes, the apocalypse is due. Either that or someone got a bit too much alcohol in their system. Definitely the first one.

Then Izzie fell over. So what does a good best friend do? I point and laugh of course. “Izzie fell over!”

“Bloody floor!” Izzie muttered as she tried to get up, but failed. She just sat there before Lily went to pull her up, only to fall down and join Izzie on the floor. It seemed quite unusual to me that it was them on the floor instead of me. So, I went and dived on the floor to join them. Ah, now this was the sweet scent of normality.

“Friggen ‘ell, Nellie. You need to stop eating or go on a diet.” Izzie laughed at me.

“Oh shush Izzie!” Lily chuckled. “Never go on diets, that’s my motto.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because they have the word die in them.”

“And that is truth.” I said in a voice that I could only hope resembled the mystical tone I was going for. “And anyway, it’s all muscle I carry, not fat.”

“From sitting on a broom for ages before chasing the snitch?” Izzie lamented. I think she was trying to imply I don’t actually do much.

“I occasionally dive.” I counter argued. I did dive. Too much probably.

“Oh that was funny. You and Reg-” I hit her on the head to stop her finishing that sentence. She just glared at me darkly. I glanced at Sirius before staring back at her. Hopefully, she would understand that Regulus was a sore spot. For me and for Sirius. Plus, things had been so good tonight, I didn’t want anything to ruin this memory for me and mentioning Regulus would mess everything up again. Regulus, Lucas and Sarah, those topics were out of bounds for the night, simply because they were the people I was escaping from. “Anyway, you went down like a donkey.” She finally finished.“ You see your hair first then you see that you’re leaping through mid air but the eyes get drawn back to the blonde bush on your head.” Izzie joked. “Suddenly, you start making bets in your head. Is this the fall that is going to finally going to flatten that hair?” She was in hysterics. She had made herself go into hysterics. She is such a saddo at times.

“Are you going to join us over here?” Sirius asked. “Or are you going to stay on the floor forever?” We all turned to see that the four boys were sitting on the bed.

“We might join you, if we could stand up.” Izzie took a swig of her drink. She dribbled a little bit down her chin. I laughed as she quickly wiped it away. “Tell anyone and I’ll kill you myself.” She told me, but she wasn’t threatening enough so I made a note to tell Moaning Myrtle tomorrow. Just for fun.

“And we can’t. So we’re going to stay here.” Lily spread out her arms, thus hitting both me and Izzie. “It might be a bit cold and hard, but other than that, it is perfection.”

“You forgot smells a bit like feet too.” I added helpfully.

“Oh yes!” Lily cheered. “It also smells like feet! But other than that, perfection!”

“It’s not really perfection, is it?” Izzie observed after a moment of silence.

“As floors go…it is.” Lily remained optimistic. “A jam sandwich would make it better though.”

“Okay. You’re getting too attached now.” James laughed. “I think we’re going to have to remove you before you decide to live here.”

“You’ll have to kill me first.” Izzie bluntly replied with a straight face.

“That could be arranged…” James pretended to be quite miffed at her. “Isabel.”

“I’m taking you with me.” Izzie sat up, before lying back down. “I so wasn’t ready for that. Who knew that James had two heads?”

“Just about everyone, Izzie. You’re so behind on the times.” Lily snickered at Izzie who tried to hit her, but missed because Lily rolled away from her. “Help me! Izzie is trying to kill me!”

“If I wanted you dead, you’d be dead.” Izzie swore.

“I’ll rescue you Lily!” James cried out. “I’ll be your shining man…or something like that.” He helped Lily up with almost no effort. “Now you Nellie.” For a moment, I felt like I was floating before being firmly placed on my feet. “I’m leaving you Izzie on the floor.” James laughed.

“I’m a strong, independent woman.” Izzie mused to herself. “I can make it over to that bed.” And she did, she crawled, instead of walked mind you, before heaving herself onto the bed with help from Peter and Sirius. “See! I done it.” She was quite proud.

James said nothing as he dragged us over the bed to join our other friends. We jumped on it and tried to find a little bit of room. It was cramped, my body was tangled with other people’s limbs but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“You’ve been sick.” Izzie told me. She was acting all high and mighty again but in reality, this was the girl who had just crawled across the floor. “Here.” She shoved the bottle in my face. “Take a swig of this.” She sniffed the air. “In fact, take a gulp.”

“I showered.” I told her almost like it was an accomplishment. Look at me, everyone! I have personal hygiene! Sometimes I shower, other times I bathe. Depends on whether I can be bothered to stand in the shower. Most of the time, I am lazy and just want to sit down.

“I thought so; being that your hair is wet and getting larger by the second.”

“Is that why you’ve changed your outfit and your clothes are on the floor?“ Lily asked cheekily as she pointed to the clothes on the floor. I had just dumped them there after I showered.

Izzie smiled at Lily. “Good one.” She laughed. “I was going to comment on that later.” Lily just winked at her.

“Leave them alone.” James smirked to himself, as he pushed Lily playfully, who just glared at him before laughing.

“So where have you been?” Peter asked me. “I last saw you hiding underneath that table and you were there for quite a while.”

“I saw you two sneaking out the party.” Remus added, all innocently.

“We went outside!” I quickly told Remus. “Then we fell in love…” I paused for effect as my friends stared at me. “With a tree.”

“I said I liked it. I didn’t say I loved it.” Sirius corrected me.

“You liked it enough to give it an invitation to live with you.”

Sirius scowled. “At least I didn’t break out in to a sing song about my hair.” He waited for a moment before adding. “Poppet.” I scowled at him jokingly. “And then Nellie threw up on me. Right on me. As in covered, as in-”

“Less of the details Padfoot.” James told him as he placed his hand around Sirius mouth. “You’re making me feel quite queasy.” Sirius rolled his eyes at James, who just grinned as a response.

“You can’t take drink either?” Izzie asked James. “One swig and you’re taking of your top off while professing your love for a mop.” She pointed at me.

“Okay. I remember trying to marry the mop, before you chucked him out the window and broke him.” I thought back at the memory of drunken me dancing with a mop, I had called him Melvin. Melvin the Mop. “I was heartbroken. My parents considered sending me to therapy because I couldn’t eat my dinner the next day.”

“That’s called a hangover. You’ll find you will probably have one of those tomorrow as well.”

“It was not a hangover, it was the result of a broken heart.” I told her. “Anyway, you don’t get hangovers at this age. It‘s like impossible!”

“Let’s just see if you’re saying the same thing tomorrow.” Izzie whistled in an all knowing, all annoying tone. She was acting like she knew everything. Then again, ninety percent of the time she does, and that was the most annoying thing of all. Along with the fact that she knew she was often correct.

“I can take my drink.” James took the moment of silence to finally answer Izzie’s question. “I mean, I have yet to fall over. I’ve been sick, but not for a while.”

“I hate being sick.” Peter said and we all agreed. It was one of the worst things, along with bashing your funny bone. Which, I still maintain is what dying must feel like.

“Izzie is just as bad as me.” I announced. “She always looses her shoes.” I glanced at her feet and just like I knew they would be, they were shoeless. She just takes them off cause they hurt and we never see the shoes again.

“Hmm.” She was staring at her feet. “I had them on a while ago. I might have put them down somewhere. I hope it’s not in a bin like last time.” Izzie got so angry with carrying her shoes around that she put them in bin and said she didn’t want them anymore. Which was one big fat lie. The morning after, she got me climbing into that bin to fish them and it was disgusting. I had to wash my hair five times just to make it normal again because I kept on finding things it in; bits of melted chocolate, that sort of thing. It was all useless anyway. Izzie then decided that they were now contaminated with bin germs and chucked them back in the bin.

“I once got so drunk that I was hanging out a taxi window yelling that I was flying.” Lily admitted, as she grinned sheepishly at us. “It was when I met my sister’s boyfriend for the first time…awful man.”

Remus laughed. “I’d like to have seen that. Lily hanging out of a taxi window.”

Izzie sniggered. “Oh my, head girl. You are saucy!”

Lily chuckled. “Watch it or I’ll use my power.” Lily looked at me. “Anyway, weren’t you embarrassing Izzie? Please carry on Nellie.”

I just grinned at her. “And if someone is taking a picture, she has to jump into it. The amount of times I have to drag her out of a couples pictures. I mean, if you ask her to take a photo of you and your friend. She’ll take a picture of herself.” Izzie said nothing; she knew I was right. She’s always doing it. “She doesn’t stop talking to people. One minute, I’ll be dancing, next she’s gone. I spend the next ten minutes finding her only to see she’s talking someone to death.”

“Peter does that.” Remus added. “All the time. Close your eyes for a second and he’s gone. Only to find him talking to someone about tacos.”

“I like tacos.” Peter shrugged as he poured himself a shot before downing it.

“I don’t.” I told him. “It’s one of the only things I don’t like. Izzie made them for tea the once. I was sick the next day and I haven’t been able to even look at a taco since.”

Izzie shrugged. “You was the one who wouldn’t make dinner, thus left the responsibility to me.”

“I meant order a takeaway.” I grumbled, like an old person.

“Typical.” Lily laughed.

“You should have been more specific when you said to go and get dinner.”

“Go and get dinner. Not make it.”

Izzie took a swig from her bottle. It’s a shame really. I had proved to my best friend that I was right for once and she has turned to drink. It‘s a good thing that I‘m not right more often because Izzie would turn into a raging alcoholic. I was going to voice these thoughts when Izzie started speaking again. “Nellie.” Izzie gave me her best, ‘I’m going to kill you if you carrying on talking’ look. I shuddered involuntarily. “You live in the middle of bloody nowhere!”

“Language, Izzie.” I tutted. “Get your mouth out of the gutter before I wash it out with soap.”

Izzie snorted. “I’d like to see you try. Are you asking to be put in another headlock Nellie?”

“Now girls. I’d rather not see you fight.” Sirius laughed. “But if you must, my money is on Izzie.”

I gaped at him. “Izzie? You traitor! I’ll have you know, I’m very scrappy!” I folded my arms across my chest and made a huge ‘humph’ sound.

“Yes, but I’m very strong with a will power of iron. I am also an angry person.” Izzie stared at me. “Still fancy your chances?”

“I don’t know who to put my money on. I was witness to that headlock…” Lily pondered.

“I’m going with Izzie.” James stated.

“Sorry, Nellie, but I reckon Izzie would win.” Remus apologized to me. “I think it would be close though.” He added.

I couldn’t believer this! How could they?

“Peter. Are you joining them?” I glanced at my so called friends. Psh, traitors more like!

“Nah, Nellie.” Peter smiled. “My money is on you.”

I would have danced, if it wouldn’t kill me in the process. Either I’d step on someone, hurt them or go toppling off the bed and I didn’t fancy doing any of that. Not today anyway.

“At least I have one friend that supports me.” I stuck out my tongue at them. I was about to slip into speech mode which I hoped would convince them to place all their galleons on me when a boy thrust the door open and rushed inside the room.

“I got a warning. Professor McGonagall is on her way and she is out for blood.” His words were jumbled and he could barely breath. He’d probably just run up all the stairs. I’d ask if he had a death wish but there were more pressing matters.

“Why?” I asked. “Has there been an accident? Does she need some? I’ll happily donate some of mine.” I vowed as the boy just stared at me. “Providing we’re the same blood group of course.”

“Nellie.” Sirius whispered in my ear. “He doesn’t mean that McGonagall wants blood really. He just means that she is very angry at the moment.”

“Oh.”

James took the moment of silence to take charge of the situation. “What’s happening downstairs?”

“A few spells here and there. We all had a go. It took twenty of us to make a couple of decent cleaning spells.” James laughed. “She seems to know it’s you.” He glanced at Lily, Izzie and me.

“How far is she?”

“A couple minutes at best.” He apologized though he had no need to.

“Quick, girls. Make a run for it and hope she doesn’t see you.”

We scrambled quickly off the bed, trying to the best of our ability not to fall over.

“Well, boys, this is goodbye and-“ I began but Lily just grabbed me and legged it towards the door.

“No time, Nellie. They understand.” She whispered. She grabbed Izzie’s hand, making us form a link. Izzie, Lily and me. We descended down the stairs as quickly as we could.

We were just coming out from the boys staircase and onto our own where we were met with a fierce looking McGonagall.

“And may I ask why are you out of bed at this time?” Her lips were so thin, that if I didn’t know they existed, I would think she didn’t have lips.

Lily just stood there dumbfounded. Izzie had thankfully left her bottle back in the boys dorm but wasn’t saying a word so it seemed like it was up to me to save the our world this time.

“You see, Professor. I’m such a silly sausage, I fell asleep in the common again. Just ask Ollie, he found me last time.” Not that he could solidify my story in anyway. He probably doesn’t even remember.“ Izzie and Lily came to find me because they got worried.”

“And will Miss Devereux clarify why she is dressed as a vampire?”

“It’s the rage of fashion.” Izzie lied. “Plus, I’m thinking of taking vampirism as a hobby. I’d thought I’d try out the outfit before I made the big splurge to get a coffin.”

“And your outfit Miss Evans?” Lily was dressed in her party frock. She had got changed once the initial surprise was yelled out. She couldn’t well party in her robes.

“It was my birthday last night.” Lily replied. “I like wearing my best clothes for it. I got so tired that I just fell asleep in my clothes, until I woke up to find Nellie missing.”

“Very well.” Professor McGonagall was taking our messed up excuses. “I shall be taking five points off each of you for being out of bed so late.” She narrowed her eyes. “I do not want this to happen again. Goodnight.”

We darted up the stairs, hoping our drunken swagger didn’t give the story way. We stayed in silence until we were safely inside our dormitory.

“I found out why Sirius is daring Sarah!” I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I needed to tell my best friends.

“Really?” Lily looked surprised. “Tell us! James wouldn’t say anything to me! Just things that were going on that he couldn’t tell me.”

“Well, come on.” Izzie said, a little bit excited. “And this better not be a let down!”

“Sarah knows about Remus being a werewolf! She’s blackmailing him over it.” Lily and Izzie just stared at me. “And Sirius is going along with it because he said that Remus deserves his final moments of living as a normal person.” Izzie and Lily understood; they didn’t need clarifying like I did.

“Well,” said Izzie. “This changes everything.” Izzie looked at me and smiled, “Absolutely everything.”


…To Be Continued












Next time on  The World, Biscuits And  According To Nellie O’Neill.

“Well,” Sirius chuckled. “She thinks I’m a cross dresser.”

“What?” I asked as I imagined Sirius in a bright pink dress and red lipstick. I shuddered at the thought. Pink wasn’t his colour. Maybe If I imagined him with a purple dress…yes much better.

“Well, she saw your clothes on the floor.” Sirius told me. “So I lied and said I’m a cross dresser who quite likes dressing up as fairy’s for the evening.”

“What did she say?”

“She said she was glad I found a hobby over than pranks.”

“Really?”

“No.”


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