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Chapter 43 : If I Ever Start To Think Straight ( . . . Yeah Right)
| ||Rating: Mature||Chapter Reviews: 29|
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And I'll always be just so inviting.
If I ever start to think straight,
This heart will start a riot in me
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Let go!
Sirius and I were walking down the hallway towards my potions class; the Marauders were a few metres ahead of us, giving us our ‘privacy.’
What the fuck!? How many people do you know that need privacy to walk down a fucking corridor!?
Okay, Anna, calm down. This is all your doing - remember that. See what happens when you do selfless things? Best just to avoid it all . . .
"I’ll see you after class, love." Siris bent down (and I still marvelled that a person could bend down quite that much) and kissed me. I stood, letting him.
I gave a small little wave as he dashed off to catch up with the Marauders.
And with a groan, I turned towards the Potions door. It was ratty, old - probably hadn’t been replaced in a hundred years. Of course, with magic, I suppose you don’t have to. And then, I just had one of those surges of frustration; you know, when you’re perfectly fine one minute, and the next, you just have to kick something?
Well, the door was my something. I jabbed my foot in the middle of the door and it burst open. It thankfully didn’t break, but the crashing noise it made as it slammed into the dungeon wall brought the whole classes’ attention to me.
"Miss Xanthis, will you please refrain from beating up my classroom?" I wasn’t exactly what someone would call Ol’ Sluggy’s favorite student. But, my mother was fairly high up in the Ministry, so I still got to be part of the illustrious ‘Slug Club,’ which was certainly not illustrious.
"Sorry." I dragged my feet across the stone floor and collapsed onto the seat next to Darren.
"Oh, the perils of those in real relationships - wasn’t it so much more fun when you were with me, and we just fooled around?" Darren smirked at me, and we both set off to our favourite activity; ignoring the teacher.
"Do I look like I’m in the mood?"
I rested my chin on my hand, my eyes sliding out of focus as I pretended to look at the board, and tried to ignore Darren.
"Can’t even last three days?"
Ignore him. Ignore him. Ignore him.
"Too much for Anna to handle?"
Must. Not. Hit.
"Sirius not kinky enough for you?"
And Darren had crossed the line. Ignoring the rest of the class, I whipped out my wand, thought, Levicorpus! And looked on in amusement as Darren was suspended by his ankle and let out a scream.
I jumped up snarled at him. "You think you’re so special? Just go find Sirius and ask him why he’s better than you - I think you’ll be entertained by the answer."
"Miss Xanthis! Take that spell off Mr. Wood immediately, or I will be forced to send you to the Headmaster!"
I considered not letting Darren down, and then escorting myself out of the classroom under the pretense of seeing Dumbledore, but in the end I was too lazy to traipse around the school, and let Darren crash to the floor.
"Miss Xathis, this is the second time today I’ve had to address you. Please refrain from further disrupting my class today," Slughorn lectured.
I heaved a sigh and sat quietly through the rest of the lecture. When the bell sounded throughout the school and I left the dungeons, Darren trailed after me.
"Anna? Listen - I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to get at you like that. I guess I didn’t realize that you were actually having issues with the whole thing."
I turned to Darren and let my head fall onto his chest. "Why is my brain so messed up?"
"Uhhh." Darren had no legitimate response.
"Why does nothing I do work out?" I whined.
Darren was tentative, as if he was worried about treading dangerous waters again. " . . . Maybe because you don’t want it to work out?"
"What are you talking about? Of course -"
"Don’t try to fool us, Anna. The only one who can’t see past your little declaration of love is Sirius; everyone else knows that it’s not what you want."
I looked at the ground, feeling guilty. "I don’t know what you’re -"
"Anna, you asked for my help, don’t turn it down." I stayed silent. "Maybe if you stopped trying to be miserable, then you wouldn’t be miserable."
His idea made sense in theory, but I knew that it wouldn’t work applied to me. I was just not comfortable with this relationship stuff; I couldn’t sacrifice my entire self for a relationship. Selfish? Maybe - but it was what it was.
Who was Darren to be giving me relationship advice anyway? He was probably as bad as I was.
I sighed and lifted my head from his chest. "Whatever." I started walking towards the Great Hall, where I would meet up with the Marauders. Today, I would probably not let Sirius hold my hand during lunch because of the whole state that the relationship had put me in.
But when I got to the Entrance Hall, my feet didn’t carry me towards the Great Hall. Instead, I found myself making my way outside. "Tell them I went . . . Somewhere!" I called to Darren as I picked up the pace of my walk.
I wasn’t aware of where I wanted to go, just aimless walking. However, I should have expected that I would end up exactly where I did the last time I had a problem. I couldn’t believe it was nearly four months earlier when I had burst from the hall because I realized I might like Sirius.
I collapsed against a big oak tree in the magical little area.
What the hell happened? I liked him! I love him! . . . As a friend, at least. I liked Darren, too. And Stephen! And Aaron! What the hell is wrong with me?
What got programmed wrong when I was born?
A lot of things, apparently.
Luckily the air outside wasn’t as chilled as is was months previous; that was a good thing. Something told me I wouldn’t feel sorted out for a while.
Alright, you stupid shit-head voice, where are you? You were all ‘Oh, I’m here to help cause I’m so fucking smart.’ Well, where are you now, huh?!
At that moment, I wanted to strangle the voice, and almost did. I refrained, however, because to do that, I would have had to strangle myself as well. Which would have been bad.
Well what’s wrong with me, then, hmm? This is your chance - show off your smarts.
I waited for what was, perhaps, the more sensible part of my psyche to help.
Don’t keep leading Sirius on - he deserves better than you.
Wow, that’s not hostile at all.
I know that! Don’t push me!
On the outside, I had my hands massaging my temples; it looked like, perhaps, I had a headache - on the inside, it was a bloody Civil War.
A/N: To my lovely readers - I feel like one announcement I made last time came out the wrong way. I told you all that I had changed the status of the relationship between Sirius and Anna in the beginning of the story, and after numerous concerned readers expressed their discontent, I feel like I should explain it a little more, because it’s not exactly what it seems.
When I first started writing this (nearly a year ago, now) the story was maybe going to get to twenty or thirty chapters, and the chapters all resembled the first few, where they just ran around and had fun.
But then the characters started to develop, and the story began to write itself - I like to skip around when I write, so I've had the first few chapters of Anna's 7th year for a while - the other day, I had to scrap every single chapter because it no longer fit with the story.
The change I made in the first chapter isn't exactly reflective of the stories end - only that it has become more ambiguous to me. Where I used to know exactly how it would end, I now only have a basic idea.
I hope this has eased some of your minds about the whole thing, and I’m sorry that I got the wrong message across - that would totally have defeated the purpose of the edit.
A/N2: And there’s a little insight into Anna’s mess of a brain. Because I’ve had a burst of writing, the next chapter is coming along nicely. I’ll probably update even one more time before I go back to classes! :D (So look for the next chapter next Saturday or Sunday.)
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