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Chapter 37 : I'll Confess, Tonight You're All That's On My Mind
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I'll confess tonight you’re all that’s on my mind
I know these roof top nights could last forever
We watched the seasons change we saw the distance pull us away,
From all we shared together
-Parade the Day
Holy fuck. What the fuck? Dude, what the fuck!?
What did I just do?
Being the brave soul that I was, I chanced a look at Sirius. He looked at me like he was seriously contemplating what to say or do.
I shouldn’t have said it, I shouldn’t have said it. I was completely panicking on the inside, and calm and collected on the outside. I don’t even know if I like him for sure! What the hell is wrong with you, Anna?!
Calm down, I tried to reassure myself. You don’t even know if Sirius knows that you were talking about him. For all he knows, you were just speaking in general terms.
I tried not to squeak. Calm!
And then, before I knew what was happening, Sirius was falling backwards into the mud, because I had pushed him, because I had pretty much jumped on top of him. He recoiled a bit when we hit the ground, but didn’t stop kissing me. For that, I was glad.
But of course, after a few minutes, it had lost its original spark. I pulled away from Sirius’ mouth, however, did not roll off of him, nor did I disentangle my legs from his.
"Okay, I’ve got a few things to say." Wow, did I sound breathless.
Holy crap, I realized with a jolt. Where the fuck did the voice go?
"Go ahead," Sirius prompted. He sounded even more breathless than I was it; it kind of made me want to snog him again.
"Okay. Sirius, I think I like you. You’re a dumbarse, and you’re also just plain dumb, but I think I like you, and I definitely want to do this again some time.
"Oh, and give me a minute before you say something, I want to make sure that nothing’s changed."
Shut up, you stupid voice. I just told my best mate that I like him, I can be as tactless as I want to.
"Okay, you can talk now."
"You sure?" he said. I felt his muddy hand reach up and run over my hair.
"Okay. Now you’re really sure? Because I know how you are. . ."
"Sirius," I threatened. "I swear on Godric Gryffindor’s grave that if you do not say something within the next seventeen seconds, then . . . then . . . then something bad will happen!"
"Ooo, I feel threatened."
"Okay, okay. Anastasia, I really, really, really like you. I’ve liked you since the summer, and . . . yeah, that’s pretty much it."
I didn’t say anything, just stood, (probably awkwardly,) thinking.
"Er, Anasta-" Sirius began to talk, but I cut him off.
"Shh!" I put my pointer finger up to my lips and scrunched my eyebrows. Then, taking a deep breath, I sat back down in a shallow puddle of mud and looked serenely at the green hills.
"Anastasia?" Sirius said, sitting up so that he was at my level. "May I ask what it is that you’re doing?"
"Trying to see if my really bad emotional skills kick in and all of a sudden I don’t like you because you like me."
"And are they?"
I thought about it for a moment more. "No, actually. Sweet."
We sat in silence for a little while. "Now what?" Sirius finally said.
Crap, I moaned. Awkward.
I decided to go with the truth. "Dude, this just got really awkward. That’s why I shouldn’t have said anything."
"Hey, hey," Sirius interrupted, before I could go any further, or drown myself in mud. "Nothing will change. Just, occasionally, we’ll have a snog or two. Like once a week, or whatever. Or once a day, or whenever you feel like it."
I smiled on the inside and the outside. "You have no idea how good that sounds. Right, so . . . Now what?"
Sirius shrugged. "I don’t know, actually, but something tells me we would have had this same dilemma with or without that moment."
"Why don’t we finish that mud-sliding?" I suggested.
"That was freaking awesome," I whispered excitedly, as we crept back into the castle.
"Shut up, Anastasia. We’re sneaking into the castle ridiculously late, tracking mud all over Filch’s floor, and we both already have more detentions than we can count."
"Fine." I pouted and gave a great push to Sirius’ back; he went flying through the tapestry and into the passageway.
I kept purposefully bumping into his back and annoying him as we made our way up the slant.
"Will, you stop it, you annoying little twerp?" he nearly yelled, and he wheeled around to face me. For a split second, I thought that all my annoying tendencies had finally gotten to him; but then he laughed and picked me up.
"There," he said, "Problem solved."
We soon emerged onto the Seventh floor. After a quick once over, we sprinted across the corridor and through the fat lady ("Pomegranate!") and collapsed on the common room floor.
"We’re pretty awesome," I admitted, rolling over, and spreading more mud across the floor; I felt slightly bad for the house elves, but not exactly enough to clean up the mess myself.
"I must agree," Sirius said. We lay in silence for a moment, all awkwardness forgotten. "I wonder if we could resurrect Bob again. For the second time."
We were both able to hold in our laughter for a good ten seconds, but as soon as we made eye contact, we could no longer hold in it. It felt as if things were back to how they used to be, if only for a few moments.
"Let’s do it," I said. I was suddenly racing with energy, as if someone had lit a fire in me.
"What do you say we wait until we go back to your house, for old times’ sake. We can even invite Jason."
I smiled, thinking of my older brother; a kid at heart, just like us. He would definitely want to be in on the festivities.
"You’re right," I agreed. "Besides, what would we do without James to lock me out of the house, and Remus to diagnose us with mental conditions?"
"We wouldn’t be anywhere," Sirius said earnestly. "I’m not a Marauder for no reason, and our dorm isn’t called the ‘Marauders and Anastasia dorm’ for nothing."
I smiled and rolled over again, my sopping, muddy clothes making a ‘squish’ as I did so.
"Dude, I’ve got to shower," I said, slowly getting up.
You should invite him to join you.
"No! I shouldn’t!"
Sirius gave me an odd look (brief, though, considering how often I did odd things.) I realized I once again talked to myself outloud.
"Whoops, damn voices telling me things," I confessed.
Sirius laughed and threw a muddy arm over my muddy shower. "What are they saying this time?"
"Well, one of them is telling me that I should invite you to shower with me, and I was disagreeing with it." I hadn’t exactly realized what I said; however, I doubt it would have changed which words came out of my mouth if I had. "I’m going to listen to the one that talked out loud, just so you know."
Sirius was smirking at me. It was the look that someone gives another person when trying to ask ‘what the hell am I going to do with you?’
Still not exactly comprehending that my mind was not exactly the safe haven that most people had, I skipped off towards the shower, desperately needing to get the mud out of my hair before it dried. Otherwise, my waist-length locks might have ended up quite cropped.
"Holy shit! Anna, wake the hell up!" I mumbled incoherently and weakly swiped at whoever was interrupting my beauty sleep.
"Anna! How the hell could you not wake us up to tell us that you and Sirius bloody snogged!"
Obviously it was James speaking, the dumbarse.
"I want to go to sleep," I mumbled, pulling the warm blanket back over my head to keep out the cold and sunlight.
"This is more important that sleep!" he insisted, yanking the blanket back. I squealed at an impressing high pitch and the blanket was back in three seconds flat.
"Warm," I mumbled, smiling.
"Anna," he groaned.
Sighing and keeping the blanket wrapped tightly around me, I begrudgingly pushed myself to a sitting position. "What do you want, bane of my existence?"
"You and Sirius snogged! Snog! Lips, tongue, hands. Bloody snog!"
"And you went to sleep without waking us up to tell about it!"
"And do did Sirius!"
"Er . . . did he? I don’t know, I must’ve been asleep by then."
James sat there, the look on his face making him look more daft than usual.
Silence in response.
"You idiot!" James then proceeded to pummel me with pillows. I didn’t see the big deal, really. Sirius and I had an eventful night, I wanted to sleep, and dear James got to hear about it anyway.
"Hey, what did she do to you?" I was pleasantly surprised when I smile appeared on my face at only the sound of his voice.
"Ooo, it’s the boyfriend," James cooed.
"Not the boyfriend," Sirius quickly corrected. His voice sounded oddly strained as he said. "We’re just . . . casually dating, I think is the phrase for it?"
I smiled and nodded. I leaned over and whispered in James ear, "I think I like him."
I supposed that my comment could have been mildly funny, but James obviously thought it was excruciatingly so.
Sirius looked on in amusement. "What did you tell him?"
I smiled playfully and shrugged. "He can tell you."
So, still chuckling, James hopped off the bed and whispered something in Sirius’ ear. Sirius’ face immediately frowned. "You hate me and never want anything to do with me ever again? And I’m a horrible kisser?"
"James!" I protested.
"Okay, okay. Kidding. She really said, ‘I think I like him.’"
"Let me tell you a secret," Sirius said, then crossed the room. Pulling lightly at my (messy morning) hair, he told me, "I think I like you, too."
"Well it’s settled then! I’ve come up with a name; you two are officially the ‘Mutual Casual Daters.’"
A/N: So, I hope you're all happy. The big IT has happened. Yet, there's still so many more chapters until their story is completely told. So . . . What happens next????
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