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Rabbit Food-As told by Dudley Dursley by Ollie Vander

 
Rating: 15+Story Reviews: 204
 
Chapters: 8
Words: 10606
Characters: Harry, Mrs. Figg, Muriel, OtherCanon
Genre(s): General, Humor
Era: Other
Pairings: Other Pairing
Status: Work In Progress
First Published: 2008.01.05
Last Published Chapter: 2008.11.26
Last Updated: 2008.11.26
Favorite Story Of: 53 users
 
Advisory: Strong Language, Mild Violence, Contains Spoilers

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WOO-HOO, 190+ REVIEWS!!! Thanks everyone! Banner currently down.




Everyone I knew said I hated my cousin. My teachers said it. My friends said it. My family, neighbors, and even just random people said it.

And I beleived them.  

I regret that.

(Thanks to RainingGrace @ TDA for the awesome banner! Prolouge-Ch 3 edited, now better than ever! Ch. 8 up!)


Favorite |Reading List |Currently Reading

Ch. # Chapter Title Word Count Reviews Read
1 Prolouge

Everyone I knew said I hated my cousin. My teachers said it. My friends said it. My family, neighbors, and even just random people said it.

And I beleived them.

567 38
2 The Vanished Glass

I minded my own business on my eleventh birthday, he just happened to be able to talk to snakes.

628 33
3 Pig Tale (pun intended)

Revised
So let me tell you; going to the hospital to get a pig’s tail removed from your ass isn’t pleasant. So I’ll just sip over the bad details, shall I? Plus, sitting for hours in that hospital before they were ready for me really brought a lot of complex things to my attention, which took my mind of the surgery.
 
First, my loser of a cousin was a wizard.
Second, my loser of a cousin could do magic.
Third, my loser of a cousin got all the luck.

782 39
4 The Best And Worst Birthday

Could the school year have changed him from the easy-going toothpick to a dangerous wizard like mum had said?

1578 22
5 Dennis and Diaries

September 1st, 1972
Dear Diary,
Lily started Hogwarts today, and I am very sad. I want to go too, and so badly. Instead, I have to go to the local public school. I hope they are nicer than the kids in last year's school... 


The first line alone made me drop the book like a hot potato. My prim and proper mother had had the same fantasies as I did? No wonder! I picked the book up and kept reading.

1609 18
6 When the Aunts Come Marching In

So I watched the boy who had blown up my least favorite aunt walk out of my life, for a year, at least.

1451 24
7 Rugby

He lead our team to a victory, winning by over 20 points, and damaging many of the other team members. With one look at each other, Malcolm, Piers, and I had the same thought.

 

New gang member.

1387 17
8 Rabbit Food

The candy the redhead had dropped was just sitting there in the sitting room…it was so very tempting…how was I supposed to know that it was the product of some cruel joke?
 
I stuffed it into my mouth. The next thing I knew, my tongue was slippering and slithering out of my mouth and onto the floor. It was purple. Wouldn’t you think that a tongue would be red? Well, it’s not. It’s purple. There. You learn something new everyday.

2604 13




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