Chapter 11 : Memories Not Forgotten
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After James had left the Heads Room, Lily plopped down on the large Gryffindor couch and looked at the ceiling, the thoughts and emotions rushing through her. She had no idea what had made her tell James all that, but she had felt some sort of connection with him.
It was very thoughtful of him to give her some space after reliving the horrors that have taunted her frequently. He was starting to grow on her. She actually felt like she liked him, a little more than a friend. She thought about it. He had tried to prove himself for six years of their lives that he liked her and only now was she starting to warm up to him.
What do I even know about James anyways? I don't know much about his family and I don't know what he likes and what he doesn't like. All I know are the basic facts about James Potter. Not the personal stuff. Hmmm.., she thought to herself.
She put her head up from the couch pillow and sneaked a peek at the door that said James. All she had to do was turn the brass door knob to enter the world of James Potter. She stood up and walked slowly over to his door. She took a deep breath and found her Gryffindor courage and turned the doorknob uneasily. She knew it was wrong and she knew that this wasn’t the best way to find stuff out about James.
She entered the room and saw a large bed with scarlet sheets and gold pillows. The whole room showed the Gryffindor colors. She smiled as she saw the Quidditch posters lining part of the walls. Then she walked over to the bedside table to see a Snitch wrapped in an old sock. She laughed.
At least he’s confining himself in his room when he shows off. Maybe he wasn’t showing off, maybe he was just testing his reflexes. After all, he does seem quite serious about Quidditch.
She wrapped the Snitch back into the sock and walked to the end of the bed. She saw a large trunk and dared herself to open. There were several different interesting contents in the trunk.
She pulled out a silvery cloak and held it up. She wrapped it around herself and looked down at her feet. She let out a scream as she saw her feet were missing.
He has an invisibility cloak! Those are really rare and valuable. That must be how he gets around school so easily without getting caught.
She put the cloak back into the trunk, folded neatly and pulled out a piece of parchment. Maybe it was something from Zonkos. She was curious as to what the parchment withheld so she pulled out her want and said, “Show me your secrets.”
The parchment did nothing. She tried again, feeling foolish as she did so. What if it was just a spare bit of parchment that James had left in his trunk?
“I, Lily Evans, Head Girl at Hogwarts, request you to reveal your secrets."
Immediately words started forming across the parchment.
Mr. Moony would like to say that Lily Evans is meddling in things that she shouldn’t be meddling in. The Marauders Map should stay with the Marauders. She must have been sneaking around to find such an item.
Mr. Wormtail agrees with Mr. Moony and thinks that Lily Evans is in denial. Obviously she is snooping through Mr. Prongs’ things.
Mr. Padfoot wonders why everyone cares what Lily Evans is doing. She couldn’t figure out how to work it anyways. Mr. Padfoot feels hungry and wishes that Lily would get him some food.
Mr. Prongs thinks Lily Evans is beautiful and should consider going out with him. He also wonders why Lily is going through his stuff if she thinks he is a bullying toe rag.
Lily laughed at the comments but seemed bewildered as to how the Marauders had made their own insult sheet. It was just very unlikely, but then again maybe she had underestimated the Marauders' ability.
She placed the map back into the trunk and pulled out a regular notebook.
Potter doesn’t take notes…
She opened the notebook to see her name written over and over again in the same writing that had appeared on the Marauders map for Mr. Prongs. The words Lily Evans and L.E and J.P were written everywhere. Hearts were doodled around the words. She flipped through the pages and saw each page consisted of something about Lily. She opened to one page to see something like a journal entry.
Today Lily wouldn’t even talk to me. It’s hard to live up to her expectations. No matter what I do, I’m not good enough for her. Padfoot keeps telling me that she’s not worth it, but deep down, I know she is. I just wish I could be the man she wants me to be. It’s so hard though. I don’t think I could ever be perfect enough for her standards. Never in my life have I felt so incapable.
She set the notebook down, feeling immense feelings of guilt, and regretting opening the notebook. She knew she should have turned away from the trunk after that, but curiosity won. She found a silver pensieve with swirling images in it. She was ready to put it down, knowing that a pensieve was far too personal for her, when she saw the swirling image of herself.
What would Potter save about me??, she wondered to herself.
She took another deep breathe and stuck her head closer to the contents. She felt her feet lift from the ground and land in the Great Hall. She saw herself, reading a book at the breakfast table, and the Marauders sitting across from her. She remembered the incident well. It had been third year.
“So Evans, it’s your lucky day. You can go to Hogsmeade with yours truly next weekend,” James said with a grin. Sirius chuckled at James’s approach and to Lily’s reaction. She had rolled her bright green eyes in James’ direction for the third time that week.
“James Potter, you may have forgotten, but I haven’t. I remember telling you that the day I date a Slytherin, you would have a chance with me. And I do remember me telling you that I have no interest in Slytherins. Hmm.. that really does give you a chance!” she had said sarcastically. Lily took her book and walked out of the Great Hall, Katy and Halle trailing behind her. Lily knew she had gone back to the Common room with her friends, but seeing as this was Potter’s memory, she should follow him.
“Guys, do you think she meant it?” James asked his friends quietly.
“I think so, Jamesie,” Sirius said.
“Don’t call me that, Sirius,” James said.
“But your mum calls you that,” Sirius argued.
“And she calls you Puppy. You want me to call you that?” James asked.
“No, and lower your voice,” Sirius said, looking around to make sure no one had heard. Lily laughed.
“You guys don’t know what it’s like to be rejected day after day. Why doesn’t she give me a chance?” James asked.
“I don’t know James. But I think it’s time you moved on. Try dating other girls,” Remus advised.
“Yeah James, she is a Mudblood. You could do so much better,” Peter said randomly.
James, Sirius, and Remus rose, pointing their wands at Peter. Peter quivered in fear.
“No one calls Lily a Mudblood Peter. Not even you,” James said.
“Sorry guys, it slipped,” Peter apologized, hiding his face with his hands.
“Don’t let it slip again,” Sirius warned.
James sat back down and stared blankly at a piece of untouched toast on his plate. Remus noticed this.
“What’s on your mind?” Remus asked.
“Lily,” James said.
“Not again..” Sirius muttered.
“I wish I could prove to her that I am good enough for her. She’s just so perfect and I’m just not,” James said.
“Give yourself a break Prongs,” Sirius reasoned.
“I need to prove myself to her,” James said. The memory swirled into a new one. One that Lily recognized. She saw herself call James a bullying toe rag and say that he made her sick. She saw the hurt in James’ eyes that she hadn’t noticed before. The memory swirled once more.
The new memory was unfamiliar to her. She knew this one didn’t involve her.
The four Marauders were gathered in a room filled with books on Animagi and posters of transformations. She went to the middle of the room, where the four were gathered. She heard a clap.
Remus was clapping and smiling.
“Wow, you guys did it. After three years, you finally did it. I bet you’re the only fifth years who’ve ever even tried to do this,” Remus said.
“Well, it would’ve only taken a year and a half if Wormtail was any good at Transfiguration,” Sirius joked. He punched Peter’s arm playfully.
“It’s all for you Moony. I don’t even want to know how you survived five years of transformations by yourself,” James said.
Lily had no idea what they were going on about.
“Next full moon is gonna be a blast. Hogsmeade here we come,” Sirius said.
“Padfoot, you know we need to stay in the Shrieking Shack,” Peter said.
“Party Pooper,” he said sadly.
“Do you think Lily would like a stag?” James asked.
“Give it up, she hates you, man or animal,” Sirius said.
“We need to make a pact though. Not to tell anyone,” Remus said.
“I agree,” Wormtail said, placing his pudgy hand between the circle the boys had formed.
The three others placed their hands on the others. Remus smiled.
“You three are the best friends anyone could ever have,” Remus said. Lily smiled. Then she thought the light had tricked her. She saw two James Potters. Except, one was older. Lily walked towards the older one, guilt on her face. She knew James had caught her in his things.
“Come on," James said gently.
They were pulled from the memory and landed back into James’s room.
Lily looked at James with an embarrassed expression.
“Listen James, I’m sorry-” Lily started to say.
“Listen Lils, it’s ok. I don’t mind. I think it’s kind of odd, but I guess you were curious. There are some things in that pensieve I wish you hadn’t seen, particularly the last memory,” James said.
“It is true then? Is Remus a-” Lily started to ask.
“Yes, I am afraid to say he is,” James said. “But you can’t say anything to anyone.”
“I promise I won’t. But James, are you an-” she started to say again.
“Yes, as well as the other three,” he said.
“James, I am so sorry about everything I’ve done. I should have been nicer to you,” Lily said. James stared down at his feet as though feeling the pain that haunted him.
Lily stepped closer to him, her face close to him. James looked down at her and smiled. She leaned in, grabbed his collar, and kissed him.
“Whoa, Lily, what was that for?” James asked. He blushed.
“I think I like you James,” Lily said.
“Lily, I know you don’t want me to ask you but,” he started to say but it was Lily’s turn to interrupt him.
“I would love to go out with you, James Potter,” Lily said.
“You would?” he asked, his face surprised.
“Yes,” she said. “It’s time for patrol.”
He glanced down at his watch and grinned. He put his hand out for her to hold and she took it, smiling. Today had certainly been an odd day for both of them. Odd, but relieving.
A/N: Please review!!!!!
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