I woke up to the sound of a heart beating. I was confused at first until I looked up and saw whose heart it belonged to. And then I remembered what happened the night before.
I couldn't believe that I let myself get caught up like that. The last thing I needed was some kid turning my life upside down. Especially given recent events. I looked back up at him and felt my heart swell. He DID look cute when he was sleep.
For someone so young, he knew a lot about pleasing a woman. I've never felt that way before in my life, not even from James. I wonder how it would be when we actually do have sex.
I shook my head of the thought. No, we can't have sex. I'm not ready for that yet. I don't have time to fall for someone so soon, especially a kid. It will always boil down to that.
Him being seven years younger than me.
I felt his fingers brush through my hair and I looked up to see him awake. His blue eyes were darker than usual, sensual, like they were last night.
"How do you feel?" He asked.
"I feel fine, well rested," I answered yawning slightly. "You?"
"Never felt better."
I smiled slightly, thinking he always knew what to say. Almost like he has done this before....
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
Such a simple answer. No explanation or anything, but then again, I didn't really want to know whom he has been with in the past. I was only concerned with right now. I was falling hard for this kid. And I've only known him for about a week. Man, what a long and rough week this has been.
"What are you thinking about?" He asked sitting up and bringing me with him.
"How much I like you in such a short time," No use in lying.
He paused for a minute, not saying anything. I could feel his fingers gently rub my scalp and I was about to fall asleep when he responded.
"Is that a bad thing?"
"Yes, considering what I am going through and how old you are."
I could feel him clinch slightly, "How old I am? Why does that matter?"
"It doesn't, I mean, it does a little."
"It shouldn't, it's not like its statutory rape."
I giggled a little, "True, but...."
Ron stopped me from talking by kissing me. He moved his hands down my back and under my t-shirt, where he rubbed my soft spot. I shivered as he continued on his assault on my lower back. How he knew that I was sensitive there will always be a mystery to me.
"It's amazing how you react to my touch," He whispered against my lips, turning me on even more.
I brushed my fingers against his neck and he sucked in his breath sharply. He gripped harder on my shirt as I moved my lips to replace my fingers.
"Ditto," I whispered against his neck.
I played with his neck a little bit more until he pulled away. He rolled over to the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
Ron breathed deeply and turned to face me. His eyes weren't dark with lust anymore, but back to their original vivid blue.
"I really like you Kris, and I want to be with you, physically and mentally. But you're not ready for that right now and I understand that. You need time to heal and I am willing to wait for you. But until then I have to suppress my desires for you because I don't want to have sex with you."
Wow, that last comment hit me right in the face. 'Doesn't want to have sex with me?' That hurts a lot more than I wanted it to. I turned away from him and made my way over to the other side of the bed. I had to find my underwear, shorts, something!
"No, don't," I chocked out. For some reason my throat was getting smaller. "There is nothing to say. You don't want me, you never did. Last night was just.... I don't know what the hell that was."
Finally I found my sweatpants and I quickly pulled them on. Ron had gotten up with me and was following me around. I had to get out. He couldn't see me like this.
"I don't want to listen anymore!" I yelled as I picked up my bag. "You explained everything! And I was stupid for falling for you! I seem to have the worse luck with men!"
Ron grabbed me by my arms and pulled me against him. I struggled slightly but he was a lot stronger than I was. He started to walk backwards and we ended up on the couch, which was big enough for me to sit in-between his legs, since he wouldn't let me go.
"I don't want to have sex with you....."
"Yeah I know," I snarled, struggling a little, not winning still.
"I want to make love with you."
"What?" I said in shock, which was completely unexpected. "But you don't even love me."
Ron stared at me blankly and said nothing. Oh god.... he doesn't... he can't.
"I want my first time to be special, like any normal person," He said, ignoring my last comment.
"First time?" This keeps getting better and better.
"Yeah, I'm too sentimental to just give it up to anyone."
I relaxed against his arms and took all of it in. First he wants to make love with me, then doesn't clarify if he is in love with me, and now he is a virgin. Oh yeah this was going to be hard.
"I have to go," I said quietly and got up. He had loosened his grip and he didn't try to stop me. I couldn't stay there anymore, I had to leave.
"I'll come get my stuff later."
"What? Why?" Ron exclaimed jumping up.
"Because I can't stay with you anymore," I picked up my bag and made my way to the door.
"Wait," He said grabbing my arm and turning me to face him. "I'm not taking back anything I said because I meant it. I know you have strong feelings for me as I do you and you shouldn't run away."
"Run away?" I said angrily jerking my arm back. "There is nothing to run away from. I don't feel anything for you!"
"What about last night...."
"Last night was just something I needed to stop thinking about James. I was using you."
The room went still and silent after I said that. Ron's eyes went from warm to cold quick, fast, and in a hurry. I couldn't believe I said that. It was far from the truth. I actually don't even think about James when I am with Ron. And I wasn't using him, I could never do that.
But I had to hurt him. Badly. I knew that he was falling in love with me and falling hard. And that could not happen. Especially since I was falling in love with him. I had to make him not like me, maybe even hate me.
"Why are you lying?" He asked softly.
I tore my eyes from his. I hated that he could read me so easily.
"I'm not; I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be around you. You're just a little boy."
I knew that comment hit home. I could here him suck in his breath but I couldn't bring my face up to look at him. I knew that if I did, I would admit that I was lying and asked him to hold me, forgive me.
"You can come back for your stuff whenever you're ready."
I looked up and saw him walking away to his room. He shut the door and I felt the tears coming down my cheeks. Why do I feel like I've just made a horrible mistake?
Finding an apartment wasn't too hard, especially since I didn't have any financial problems. I decided to stay in the city, considering that was where I was raised and also there was no point in getting a permanent place. My job could call up anytime and ask me to leave for a business trip. Usually I do my work at home but sometimes they like to be random and fly me everywhere.
The apartment was about fifteen minutes away from where Ron was. That wasn't done on purpose but maybe subconsciously. I didn't want to be too far away but not too close either. Why? I never had thought up an answer.
As I walked into my new apartment, I looked at how empty and lonely it was. I wasn't too much into furniture but it needed at least a bed and a couch. All of my clothes and toiletries were still at Ron's place and I wouldn't be surprised if he threw them away or burned them.
I was cruel, and I'm never cruel. Unless someone provokes me and he didn't. He was right, I was running away. I didn't want to get hurt again. Especially not too soon. But it didn't matter. I was hurt regardless.
I started to contemplate on how I would face him again to get my stuff back when my phone rang. I looked at the caller I.D. and saw that it was Hermione.
"Hey Kris, how are you?"
"Just looking around my empty, new apartment."
"So soon? What happened with you and Ron?"
"Why do you ask?" Did he tell her everything??
"Because he seemed pretty upset when I talked to him. And he said to tell you he would be leaving the door open. Whatever that means."
So he made sure he wouldn't be there when I came to get my stuff. That's understandable. I was a bitch to him.
"Yeah, I need to get my stuff from there. I didn't want to impose for too long."
"I'm sure he wouldn't mind. He seemed sad that you were leaving. He really likes you. I've never seen him so into a girl before."
"So is he there now?" I had to change the subject before it got too deep.
"No, he said he needed some air so he went out walking."
"Okay, I'll be there in half an hour to get my things."
"I'll see you soon," Hermione said and said goodbye.
I responded back and hung up the phone. I rushed to my car, hoping that he won't come back while I was there.
"Will I still see you?" Hermione asked helping me put the last of my things in my car.
"Of course, I'm only fifteen minutes away. We can hang out tomorrow."
"Great, it's nice to spend time with a girl once in a while."
I laughed softly and closed my trunk. The trip to Ron's room was an emotional one. Especially when I had to get my things out of the bathroom. I had arranged my stuff on one side of the sink and he had his on the other. They were perfectly in sync with each other as if we should be living together. If Hermione noticed I was upset, she didn't say anything.
"You should talk to him."
I looked over at Hermione and saw that she was serious. And that she knew what was going on.
"There is nothing to talk about."
"Look, I don't know what happened between you two but I know you're both hurt. And that you both need each other the most."
"Why would he need me?"
"Because he already lost someone who was close to him. He doesn't want to lose you too."
I frowned slightly at her comment. He lost someone? Like a previous girlfriend?
"Lost? As in..."
"Yes, she was killed not too long ago. And he had closed himself to everyone except for you. You somehow brought him out of his shell."
"I'm not close to him though," I argued.
"You're closer than anyone besides the other girl was. He really cares about you."
"So what? I'm not like the other girl. I don't want to be compared to her."