Chapter 11 : Chapter Eleven: I Want To Be Near You.
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Chapter Eleven: I Want To Be Near You.
To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness. - Robert Muller
Darkness was rising around him just like it did the past three months. There wasn’t anything else. Harry still felt like a lost empty shell as if he wasn’t suppose to live, to breathe. Faintly he could hear in his mind the low whisper of the one who betrayed his parents so badly. At some points it seemed as if Wormtail did pay back in the most unlikely way Harry could have think of. By now Wormtail was soulless, just an empty shell. One thing he had kept away from his master was this Time Turner, this magical chain which was more powerful than any Time Turner could be. Harry had no idea what effect this could have at him or his future.
Frankly he did not care. A voice, a familiar voice told him over and over again he must not be seen how well did he know this? How should he manage that if he was about to turn back into a time where at least 50 people were fighting against each other? He must been seen otherwise he could not rescue her, could not save her life. He chuckled slightly that even now he couldn’t help his “saving people thing.” Nothing in this world could hold him back, nothing. It had been a long time before Harry realised the only solution. Slowly he looked at himself, a long black cloak was covering him and in one hand he held the hourglass which he needed to turn exactly three times. Each turn was one month.
It was the exact time and the same day just three months after Hermione had to die. Slightly his left arm was still burning, never in all his dreams had Harry thought to see this mark on his own arm. But it was needed he needed to appear like a real Death Eater. How well Harry remembered how Hermione used this kind of spell on coins just two years ago. Just two years ago. It was unbelievable what had happened in all this time. How much he had learned to love her and how much he missed her. But he would see her again, no matter what. His attention returned to the hourglass in his hand. It didn’t look any different than the Time Turner from his third year but still it felt forbidden.
Never before had he done it; he had never tried it. Deeply he breathed in as he slowly started to turn it three times. The surrounding did slid away from him at an amazing speed. Everything turned into a blurry mass till he found himself on a field near the graveyard. From this spot he could see how spells were flying through the air with green and red colours. At some points they were even purple coloured. Harry was back in time and hopefully not too late. He pushed his Death Eater Mask onto his face. Breathing wasn’t easy anymore but he quickly adjusted to it.
Unnoticed, he got closer and closer to his past-self without getting into a fight with an Auror or member of the Order. Just as he saw a glimpse of Hermione a few meters away someone crossed his way stopped him with spells sent into his direction. Quickly he avoided them before he looked up to face his rival. The determine face of Ron Weasley glared back at him before he had a chance to curse him Harry spoke his own spell to send him right back on the ground.
“Petrificus Totalus!” he cried, pointing his wand at Ron.
Ron’s arms snapped to his sides. His legs sprang together. His whole body rigid, he swayed where he stood and fell flat on his back, stiff as a board.
Just as Harry looked up from Ron’s terrified face he saw how Hermione was running straight to his past-self. He gasped because this wasn’t planned like that. Fast, fast like never before he ran after her. Not caring if someone saw his odd behaviour or not. In his mind he went over and over the exact wording of the spell he was going to use in just a few seconds. In a note, an old note Harry had found it. In clean handwriting Hermione had written it down, described what it did and how it could only work. Through all of his tries to make this spell work it had never worked, not once in all weeks. The reason was plainly simple his love had died, it couldn’t work. But here three months back in time it was bound to work, bound to protect Hermione. Harry prayed silently that it would. There wasn’t another possibility.
A shield charm wouldn’t do it because Voldemort had once before survived a reflected killing curse. It was a theory blindly built up on what Hermione had researched the past year. Even though Harry had a lot faith in Hermione he knew what it could cost if she had been wrong in the end. This travelling would have been for nothing, just to see her die once more. Harry banned these thought from his brain as he finally saw how Voldemort started to conjure his deadly curse. Numb, Harry grabbed his wand tightly. Meters away he saw how Hermione, very alive, pushed his past self out of the line of fire.
“Arcessere Caritatus!” Harry cried. A blinding golden fog shot out of his wand and enveloped Hermione nearly completely.
Only seconds later the bright green light hit the fog and went straight to Hermione who felt lifeless to the ground. And now blinding golden light bounced from away from her and hit a surprised Voldemort. But unlike Hermione he did not fall down. All he did was stand there as if trying to regain strength. In disbelief, Harry watched what happened. Both he and his past self were gaping at Hermione. Faintly he heard his own desperate cries.
“No, no this isn’t right, Hermione.” It was surreal to see this all over again, to see how he left her motionless body on the ground just to struggle to his feet and Voldemort for the last time.
This person who had taken away everything that he had once loved so dearly. But Voldemort was no longer standing. He was now on his knees, panting, shaking.
Under his Death Eater mask, Harry knew this was his chance to get to Hermione even if it meant to seeing her for the last time. He had never gotten the chance to say good bye to her. Without realising it he ran towards her faster and faster until he was kneeling at her side while his past self cursed Voldemort with so much force that darkness was illuminated in lightness. He grabbed the mask from his face and stared at it before he got an idea. With a last glance at her pale face he took the mask in one hand and pointed his wand at it.
“Portus!” He whispered for a moment the mask trembled, glowing with an odd blue light; then it quivered to rest, as solidly black as ever.
Then he took Hermione’s hand and laid the mask in. A familiar jerk behind his navel and his knees left the ground just to bump painfully into an old wooden floor.
Hermione lay in front of him, pale and cold to the touch. Harry couldn’t believe it. He was now three months back in time just to see her dead, lying on the floor in the Shrieking Shack. How well he knew he could not leave this place. Not without his Invisibility Cloak and his old map of Hogwarts. Three months he must hide here but how could he get through it if Hermione was just lying there. Absently he stroked her hand which still held the Death Eater mask. With his other hand he took the mask and threw it, frustrated, into a far corner. It hadn’t worked, it just hadn’t worked.
“This wasn’t suppose to happen, Hermione. It can’t be that I just travelled back so my past self could give a weak Voldemort the last bit. Please say it isn’t so? That I have all done it already and nothing changed,” he whispered harshly as he leaned closer to her.
Hermione felt so cold, so lifeless. Finally he knew why they had never found her body not because an insane Death Eater had took her away like Ron had tried to tell Harry but it had been himself. Now he didn’t know what he should do, what should happen from now on? Harry didn’t care what it might do to him to be imprisoned for three months with someone who was so cold, someone whom he had lost three months ago. Just to sit there and watch how the last signs that she was not sleeping vanished. Carefully he lay at her still holding her hand as if he could bring her back.
“Such small hands,” he whispered as he laid his head on her shoulder, wishing he would just sleep and never wake up again.
Harry fell asleep quickly. In fact it was the first time in weeks he slept that easily. Hours later, he woke up again and scanned the room they were in for the first time. It was dusty and really unclean here and there. How well Harry remembered the first time he had been here. Through one of dirty windows shone a faint light. It was day again one day of many he merely thought as he finally let go of her by now warm hand. Harry knew that her body felt just so alive because his own warmness had settled on her. Deeply he breathed in and could smell her unique essence. Dreamily he laid his right arm around her waist and buried his head into her neck. His shoulders shook slightly as he finally let go of his pain and grief. Tears wet her neck.
“Why did you do this? Why?” He mumbled as grip became tighter.
Darkness was heavy on her eyelids, but it was a warm comfortable darkness that surrounded her. She couldn’t move, not yet. She couldn’t remember why she was here and what had happened. All she knew was that she wanted to stay here. The next moment she tried to open her eyes and a fine line of light illuminated the cosy darkness. It did hurt at first but soon she got used to it. Carefully she tried to feel her body. The first thing she recognised was that she lay on a wooden floor. She could feel it under her fingertips. Her neck felt damp. When she finally realized that this warmness came from another person who was embracing her, her tired eyes flew open. Slowly Hermione moved her sore head to see black hair. She could hear loud sobs from Harry.
She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. Painfully, she cleared her throat.
“Harry, w-what happened?” she whispered as she finally touched his head.
But he didn’t react. All she heard again and again was his desperate whisper. “It was my fate. Why did you do this?” His voice sounded broken and rough, so very different than she remembered it.
“Harry!” she croaked louder this time.
For a little moment he turned his head and looked into her eyes but it was as if he didn’t see her, as if she weren’t there. He merely touched her cheek.
“Why did you leave me?” Harry whispered.
In his eyes she saw an unknown sadness, as if the world had stopped spinning, never before he had seen him that pale. His chin was more prominent than she could remember. In her memories under his eyes were black shadows.
His eyes were red from crying. Hermione gulped at this sight in front of her. She pressed his hand against her cheek
“I didn’t leave you. I’m here, I’m here…” she said again and again as she drew him closer to her till he embraced her once more.
His arms went tightly around her and held her as if she were about to vanish. Even breathing hurt so much force was in this embrace.
“Do you care to tell me what happened?” Hermione asked after a while.
“You died. That’s what happened,” he just choked as she looked at him with a stern face.
“What are you talking about?”
“Yo-You pushed me away as Voldemort cast the Killing Curse at me and it hit you right…there.” He placed his left hand on her chest.
Suddenly Hermione turned his hand around and a horrified look appeared on it. The next moment she had found the chain around his head with the Time Turner on it.
“What did you do, Harry?” she asked dangerously. “You didn’t-You didn’t change time? What have you done? Do you realise what this can mean?” Steadily her voice grew louder as the realisation hit her.
Deep into his skin was burned the Dark Mark. “It was too much, Hermione. I couldn’t do it. Don’t you understand I just couldn’t live if everyone was cheering but I hadn’t you by my side. These were the most terrible months in my life.”
“Wait! Months? How far back did you travel? How much Harry?” Fearfully she looked into his eyes.
“At first I didn’t realise how much time went by, but I decided, or will decide, to travel back in time in three months. After I visited your grave I knew I had to do it,” he whispered back.
“Are you even aware of what you did? This could get you into real trouble if only one of them had seen you? What about Voldemort. You said all were cheering, does that mean he was dead?”
Harry just nodded briefly.
“Oh Harry, what you did was so foolish. I’m not worth so much to risk bringing Voldemort back to life,” she whispered finally and pulled him, despite her anger, back into her arms.
“I don’t care. You mean more than a prophecy, a lot more. All I ever wanted was you back. Even if you are mad at me even if you don’t want me near you anymore. I just wanted you back, do you understand this? Please tell me you understand!” His voice sounded so much like by a little boy pleading that the world wasn’t bad.
“Of course, I understand. Of course I do…” Silent tears escaped her eyes as she realised through what he went through and how much he must love her.
“What are we doing now?” Hermione asked absently and broke the silent.
“I know what I’m going to know.” Harry said with the first wicked smile he had smiled in months as he leaned his head on his hand.
“Really?” she asked skeptically but nevertheless didn’t fail to grin slightly as she felt his other hand wandering over her stomach.
“Yeah, really! I’m going to love you. I won’t let you go again. Not ever,” he ended in a low voice as he closed the distance between them.
I've never written a love song
That didn't end in tears
Maybe you'll rewrite my love song
If you can replace my fears
I need your patience and guidance
And all your lovin' and more
When thunder rolls through my life
Will you be able to weather the storm?
There's so much I would give ya, baby
If I'd only let myself
There's this well of emotions
I feel I must protect
But what's the point of this armor
If it keeps the love away, too?
I'd rather bleed with cuts of love
Than live without any scars
Baby, can I trust this?
Or do all things end?
I need to hear that you'd die for me
Again and again and again
So tell me when you look in my eyes
Can you share all the pain and happy times
'Cause I will love you for the rest of my life
This is my very first love song
That didn't end in tears
I think you re-wrote my love song
For the rest of my years
I will love you for the rest of my life