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A Dummy's Guide To Invading Hogwarts by Andie
Chapter 8 : Lost and Found
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 1

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Chapter 8: Lost and Found

Harry stared, look of pure horror plastered on his face, as Andie viciously chopped her newt leg into thousands of mother-of-god tiny pieces.

“Do you reckon she’s okay?” Ron asked him cautiously, careful not to let Andie hear him.

“I reckon she’s acting doubly screwed to compensate for Krysta not being here,” Harry explained. Ron nodded, seeing the logic. “Where is Krysta anyway?”


“She said that Andrea often gets a little bit hyper when she gets a crush,” Hermione added.

“Who’s she fancy?” Harry asked, frowning. He hadn’t even realized Andie was paying special attention to him, but now that he thought about it. . .

“Duh,” Hermione exclaimed, borrowing a word from Krysta’s dialogue. “Oliver Wood.”

“Oh. . .” Damn. Thought it was him. It was a little bit ego-crushing to be told that one of the school’s hottest/craziest/coolest/sluttiest girls had a crush on another guy. Especially since he’d been so used to getting the attention in previous years.

“Ms. Smith,” a greasy voice incited behind her, “would you be so kind as to inform me of the whereabouts of your. . .slightly more insane half?” Andie calmly placed down her terrifyingly sharp knife and turned to face Snape.

“I’m afraid I’m as in the dark as you are, Professor,” she admitted innocently. “But I suggest that you dually note that Mr. Malfoy is also absent from class.” Snape’s eyes flashed dangerously, but he didn’t respond; just sneered, turned on his heel and returned to his desk, as Andie picked out fifteen chunks of newt leg and plopped them into her horse broth/snake scale solution. “So what are we making, anyway?” she asked after a moment of silence. Hermione groaned exasperatedly.

“Honestly, Andrea. You really ought to pay more attention to the instructions. We’re brewing a baldness serum.” Andie frowned.

“Why would anybody want to make all their hair fall out?”

“Well, I – I have no clue,” she admitted.

Any further conversation was interrupted when the heavy wooden door to the dungeon was flung open by Krysta and Malfoy, who were both looking particularly disheveled, leaves clinging to their robes and strung in their hair. They were each somewhat winded. Snape looked up from his desk, staring at them silently, as if waiting for an explanation. This seemed to make Krysta nervous.

“We weren’t having sex,” she denied quickly, eyes flitting around the room anxiously. Andie promptly toppled off her stool, laughing hysterically and clutching her stomach frantically. Malfoy frowned at Krysta.

“Yes, we were.” Snape raised an eyebrow, looking from Krysta to Andrea to Malfoy and back again.

“It’s funny ‘cause it’s true,” Andrea gasped, still laughing uncontrollably.

“What is?” Harry asked.

“They were having sex!!!” she announced, punctually bursting into gales of laughter again. Krysta, meanwhile, was scolding Malfoy.

“If you ever want to get any again, you’ll shut your yap before I shut it for you,” she threatened, glaring fiercely at him. He winced.

“Okay,” he agreed, in a tiny voice.

“More to the point,” Snape said, drawing attention back to the matter at hand. “You will both receive a week’s worth of detention for being truant. Smith, kindly pick yourself up off of the floor and obtain a grip on yourself before I award you a detention also.” She sat up and batted her eyelashes at him.

“But Sevvy,” she cooed, “you said if I slept with you that you wouldn’t give me detention anymore. . .” Color immediately rushed to his cheeks and he seemed to embarrassed to do anything but shake with rage. “You know Krysta, you really are a bit of a nympho,” Andie teased calmly, taking her seat again.

“Oh, like if you were left alone with Oliver for two seconds you wouldn’t have jumped his bones so quickly you’d give a new meaning to the phrase ‘fast ride’. . .” Harry grinned at Krysta’s mumbling. “Fucking hypocrite. . .”

Once Krysta joined the class, things returned to normal. Well, as normal as could be expected. To get back at Andie for her completely not subtle innuendo, Snape hovered around her cauldron, scrutinizing her every move. If she put one drop too much rat’s urine in her potion, he’d take away ten points from Gryffindor. To compensate, however, when he wasn’t looking, just to prove she’d made it correctly, she slipped some into his coffee with a devious grin.

* * *

Not only was she late for Potions, but she missed Charms with Flitwick altogether. At lunch, Krysta inhaled her chicken so fast, it was doubtful she’d tasted it at all.

“I gotta go guys, I’ll ttyl,” she said hurriedly, rushing out of the Great Hall before anyone could acknowledge her departure.

“TTYL?” Harry questioned after a moment.

“Short for ‘talk to you later’. It’s just easier to say,” Hermione explained.

They finished eating and returned to the dormitory for their Transfiguration books with still no sign of Krysta. Not that they knew for sure, but they figured it was likely Malfoy was missing aswell.

“Oi, Andie,” Fred called as they were about to go to Transfiguration.

“You guys go, I’ll catch up with you after,” she said. They left through the portrait of the fat lady as Fred and George joined her in the common room. “You guys need something?”

“Yeah, uh. . .,”George started, “We heard you and Oliver had a thing. . .” When that was all he offered, she raised an eyebrow.

“And. . .?”

“And we were wondering if. . .,” Fred trailed off.

“What we mean to say is. . .,” George took over.

“What does Oliver have that we don’t?” Fred finished. Andie grinned devilishly. It was too perfect. She couldn’t resist. She held her hands out infront of her, about a foot away from each other.

“One of these,” she said. Suppressing a laugh at their expressions, she happily bounced out of the common room to class.

* * *

“Where is Miss Swales?” Professor McGonagall asked Harry, Ron, Hermione and Andrea patiently.

“Don’t have a clue,” they admitted.

“Would you four be so kind as to locate her? She’s missed far too many classes today, and none of the reasons have to do with illness.” Andie could have sworn McGonagall’s eyes contained a hint of amusement, but dismissed it as a side effect of her less than tranquil mood.

“If you were Krysta, where would you be?” Ron asked Andrea as they, Harry and Hermione strolled the fourth floor corridor.

“Well, I’d probably be. . .” She trailed off, stopping all movement. Harry, Ron and Hermione followed suit, frowning in confusion. For a second, she didn’t move. Then they heard a sudden loud crash. Andrea grinned and ran to a closed door on the other side of the hall. She jerked the door open, smirking in satisfaction as Ron, Harry and Hermione gazed over her shoulder in amazement.

Krysta stood up off the marble floor of the closet and took her time rebuttoning her blouse. Draco Malfoy flushed the colour of Ron’s hair as he stood nervously next to Krysta, in total contrast to her complete composure. Andrea laughed and extended her hand, giving Krysta a high-five. Harry, Ron and Hermione gaped, still in utter shock about their situation. Malfoy swallowed nervously and held something lacy toward Krysta, who shook her head.

“You keep ‘em. I got plenty more where that came from.” Ron leaned toward Harry.

“Are those Krysta’s knickers?” he whispered.

“Yeah, I reckon.”

A/N: Haha. Stupid Ron. LOL. I don’t have any reviews!!!!!! I’m so unhappy.……. please review for me? I’ll give you a goldfish….I’ll have sex with you…….please? Pity me……no one loves me or my story except Krysta and that’s only cuz she’s writing it too………please help me???? Ahhhh. *bursts into hysterical sobs and attempts to gnaw off her own ear * Awwwwwwww!!!!!!

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